I am in the hospital. I am with my baby girl who is just few days old, I think she is just 11 days old. I am carrying her with my both arms while I am sitting outside of the pediatrician's clinic. My mom is sitting beside me while my husband is still outside, parking our car. 

When my husband came in, he saw an old friend. It was a woman his age, carrying a baby as well, together with her husband.

'Hi Sydi! How are you?', said the lady

'Hello! Long time no see. What are you doing here? I am here with my wife and my baby.', my husband said, directing his hand to our direction.

I gave the woman a nod and smiled with a tired look on my face. 'Wow, you already have a baby. Why are you here? Are you here for a check-up?', I heard her say.

'Yes. My wife and my baby have a fever so we immediately came here.', my husband answered.

'She actually looks yellowish. Do you go outside in the morning to get some sunshine?', she asked.

'Yes, we do that every morning. But does our baby really look yellowish?', he asked in concern. 'Kind of.', she said.

'We will know when we check with the doctor', he assured.

The nurse called a name and my husband's friend came in.

My head hurts so much but I ignored it while still holding my baby tightly. It is the first time I saw my baby sleep so deep and long ever since we were discharged from the hospital after I gave birth to her. For quite some time, she has been crying every time so I always dance and sing while carrying her, thinking that she will stop crying if I do so. Unfortunately, she does not stop. I just had back pain in return. That is the time my mom would get her from me like a savior because I was very exhausted already. I had a CS section so my body pain got even worse. I also tried to feed her but it was really difficult. My dad would tell me, 'She's hungry, that's why she's fussy. Go buy some formula milk. If I were you, I would have bought tons of milk already so she would stop crying.' I would tell him that I have milk so I always told him to stop telling me to buy milk. I often get angry to him because of that. But now that my baby has a fever, I started to doubt my decisions. Maybe she does not get enough milk from me, I thought. Maybe my milk is not nutritious. And maybe she got her fever from me because I was the first one to get fever that day. I started to blame myself that maybe she is suffering because of me. I am so frustrated because I cannot do anything for her to be okay. I stared at her little beautiful face for few minute