Saturday 22:12

"I'm leaving now, I'll see you guys tomorrow."
Was the last sentence Momo spoke before closing the door behind her and leaving the dormitory. Even seconds after the door had closed Sana could still hear the echo from Momos voice linger between the walls of the apartment. Like a whisper.
It was late spring and the cherry trees where in bloom, leaving after a sweet smell of the cherry blossom and swirling flower petals in the air. She stood frozen in the hall, sighing softly to herself as she heard an engine start outside on the street and drive off. She crouched down to fix the misplaced shoes that where messily tossed onto the doormat, because she had nothing better to do now that Momo had left her stranded.
She corrected the member's shoes and mumbled to herself in disbelief that she actually found herself there again.
The two girls had namely made plans to watch a movie together today due to the release of a new movie on Netflix, but of course Heechul would get the night and the next day off so she declined within the blink of an eye. The brunette groaned to herself for actually believing that she would for once choose her before him.
Momo had told Sana a hundred times how sorry she was as she packed her bag hastily and that they could watch the movie another time. Sana had only nodded with a smile and told her to not worry about it, that it was fine and that she understood.
Of course Momo would want to spend time with the one that she loves, Sana was very familiar with that feeling herself - she though, didn't share the same luck as of having that someone liking you back, at least not the way she wanted her to...

 

———

 

Sunday 1:09

Sana was laying down in her bed and scrolled through instagram. Yes. She was stalking. No shame in that. Everyone did it, she assured herself as she scrolled through the pages of Instagram.
About an hour ago Heechul posted a short clip of Momo sitting under a blanket with her hand in a bowl of popcorn in front of a laptop streaming a movie, smiling with all of her face making her eyes form two half moons. Sana couldn't help but smile just as heartily herself at the girl's happiness and had unconsciously put a finger on the screen to capture the moment. It was almost as if she was there with her... but she wasn't.
Sana's stomach turned as she realized someone else was making her smile, she clenched her jaw, god how she wished that she was the one causing her to smile like that...
She felt the familiar clench around her heart and her breath became short as her lower lip began to tremble. She replaced her finger and the clip continued with Heechul switching to the front camera, showing that he and Momo wore matching pajamases, Momo in a pink one and Heechul in a red, patterned with little ducks on the silky fabric.
Silly... Sana thought to herself, but deep down she knew that everything in her body ached to be in that red silly duck pajamas.
The couple made thumbs up and then Sana was back at the front page of Heechul's Instagram again.
She sighed at the newly posted pictures in his feed, all of him and Momo. She couldn't take it anymore and locked her screen and just dropped the phone onto her chest while holding a hand over her eyes as she let a few tears fall down her pale cheeks.
The positive thing about their new dormitory was that every member got their own room. They weren't big, but with enough room to have your own space.
She turned to her side and pulled her knees onto her chest to stop the hurtful pressure that she felt within as she started shaking furiously due to the tears falling freely. She tried to muffle her high pitched sobs in her pillows but it was hard when the heart in her chest sent jolts of pain whenever she thought of the girl that she loved.
This was never her intention with falling in love with the other member, her other half. Hell, she didn't even realize that she loved her before it was too late... and that haunted her everyday.
She always mentally scolded herself for still holding onto the slightly older girl even when she knew that they were never going to be, for Momo was happy with someone else.

She couldn't help it. She was hopelessly in love.

———

 

Sunday 2:31

Sana's eyes where red and she shivered as she rolled from one side to the other under the thin covers in her cold air conditioned room. She sighed as she sat up bluntly and stared into the darkness for a minute, collecting herself mentally before taking a deep breath and forced her legs off of the bed and walked quietly out of her room and into the hallway. Her mind was absent as she let her body move on its own. She quickly made her way into the room right beside hers, Momo's room.
Immediately as she entered the welcoming room she felt the blonde girl's sweet scent still linger in the air and right away she felt calmness wash over her. As if Momo just hugged her. She closed her eyes and threw her arms around herself firmly. As if the girl would magically appear in her arms when she opened her eyes again. But that didn't happen, obviously. She sighed and let her arms fall loosely back to her sides as she looked around the room as if she recalled a memory. She chuckled to herself when her eyes landed on Momo's desk where a keychain of a puppy where resting over the spread of papers, the keychain Sana won her once at the arcade. The day something stirred inside of her.
She smiled at the memory that was ever so freshly imprinted in her brain...

 

-Flashback-
-Three months ago-

"Sana you're - crazy!" Momo exclaimed at the girl that just beat the record of the basketball game in the middle of the arcade. The girls started to jump as the points blinked with a red neon color in front of them, interpreting that a new record was set. Momo shook her friend by her shoulders excitedly and Sana giggled as a long strip of tickets was printed out of the machine. Momo's eyes widen when the strip started to spread and curl onto the floor, the piece of paper seemed to be never ending and it just built the girl's excitement.
Sana gasped and crouched down to collect her price - a thousand tickets. The two girls looked at each other in disbelief, did that just happen?
The green tickets firmly pressed against Sana's chest was proof that it was more than real.
After posting a selfie with the price and their shocked faces to the members they didn't waste any more time as they locked hands and ran to the closest dance machine.

The day was filled with laughter and joy as the tickets decreased one by one and soon enough Sana and Momo had played every game in their local arcade. They even noticed that they could exchange tickets for food so Sana had bought her and Momo a hotdog and drinks in the small food booth.
Sana had won three plushies in different shapes and sizes and Momo four. They had even won a pair of couple plushies at the doraemon claw machine. Sana had managed to pick up a blue one so Momo had went for the same but with a yellow color.
They sent photos of their prices to their members who still hadn't recovered from Sana's big profit.

Nadong:
Omg, Samo couple plushies

Leader:
Have fun girls

Jeong:
Don't accidentally kiss again

Maknae:
Unnie you're so lucky
 

The sun began to set outside the arcade and the two girls bought slushies for the last pair of tickets before beginning to make their way out of the gaming area giggling and talking about the highlighting moments from the day. Like when Momo had tripped over a little kid when she had been too busy explaining to Sana how you aim the best at the Let's go jungle game.
They where in their own little world, accidentally touching hands as they walked beside each other with bags of plushies hanging from their forearms.

Suddenly the phone vibrated in Sana's pocket so she reached for it mindlessly but as she was about to grab it she felt a little piece of paper under her fingertips. Her eyes widen a little at the discovery.

One last ticket...

She stopped in her tracks as her eyes immediately searched for something. 
Momo frown and turn around at the girl's sudden discontinuance.
She let out a questioning hum to the girl as she seemed to look at something. Momo followed the girl's gaze until her eyes landed on a single lonely claw machine right before the exit. One they hadn't stumbled across even though they scavenged the whole arcade. Momo sighed and gave Sana a compassionate smile.

"I'm sorry that we're out of tickets." She said and grabbed Sana's hand, she squeezed it and started to drag her along but the girl didn't move, instead Momo felt her hand getting pulled softly.

"We aren't, I just found one in my pocket." Sana said and chuckled at how fortunate she had been, "Come on!" She said and made sure Momo followed her.
As they reached the machine that contained small animal keychains Sana wasted no time in putting the ticket in to make the machine light up and play stressful music, Momo giggled at the girl's concentration and was impressed at how skillfully her hands worked the levers.
The girl pressed the red bottom firmly and the claw hit the pile of keychains messily.
Holding their breaths they watched the metallic claw pick up a small dog, Sana didn't tear her eyes away from it and seemed to mumble encouraging words to the machine. Finally the claw released the small keychain into the box and it fell to the exit hatch followed by the sound of a programmed applauding crowd. Sana squealed as she bent down to pick it out of the machine, satisfied with her last prize.
She looked at it excitedly and then up to the girl that was looking at her warmly, with the lights from the blinking machine reflecting on her face as formed a smile.
Sana's world stopped at the sight and her heart took a leap. She was used to make eye contact with her fellow member but this time she couldn't take her eyes away from her beautiful face.
Without hesitation Sana stretched out her hands to the girl in front her.

"Here." She stretched them further to encourage the girl to take the puppy, "I want you to have it." Sana said quickly and earned a giggle from Momo as she took the chain in her hands. She studied it with a wide smile and looked back up at Sana that seemed to be in a different world while gazing at her, lips slightly parted.

"Are you sure?" Momo asked and Sana just nodded and took her hand. "Yes, you're worth it." She said and squeezed it softly, Momo chuckled and pushed her side slightly with her body while walking past her and dragging her along, still facing Sana as she reversed backwards slowly.

"You sure know how to treat a woman Minatozaki Sana." She said and winked at the already flustered girl.

It was at that moment Sana knew - that she had fallen in love with her best friend.

-End of flashback-
 

 

Sana was thrown back to reality when she heard a car horn outside, making the girl curse and jump by surprise. It must have happened right outside the girl's window.
A small breeze made its way through the frame and filled the room with a refreshing fragrance.
Sana sighed and took a deep breath to fill her lungs with the fresh air that lingered in the room.

She made her way over to Momo's untouched bed and climbed under the covers without hesitation. She closed her eyes and in that moment every sense in her came to life as she slid her hands over the soft bedsheets. The pressure in her chest was gone and she felt relaxed as she hummed to herself and buried her head deeper into Momo's cushions. She smiled softly as she held a pillow in her arms tightly and before she knew it sleep took over her exhausted body.

———
 

Tuesday 21:04

"Are you staying home tonight?" Sana asked the girl oposite her on the bed who nodded softly as an answer but kept her focus on the phone in her hand, she didn't even bother to look up which made Sana sigh in frustration. The room fell completely silent for a minute before she spoke out again rather stressed while her fingers played messily with the bedsheet they sat on.
"Are you sure? Because the last ti-" She got cut of mid sentence.
"Yes. I'm sure, we'll watch the movie tonight I promise." The girl said assuringly, looking up at her this time. Sana felt her heart skip a beat as Momo chuckled and dropped her phone on the sheets and made her way over to the her on the very end of the bed. As she reached her she put her arms around her in an apologetic manner.
"I'm sorry for last time, I can see it bothered you." She said with a sad smile and looked up at Sana who didn't look so convinced.
"How can I make it up to you?" Momo asked and pouted. Genuinely feeling bad for letting the other girl down.
Sana mimicked the manner of thinking, pretending to think really hard and earning a whining sound from her friend.
Sana couldn't help but giggle as she shielded herself from Momo's hands that where sloppily hitting her.
"We can start by watching that movie." She eventually said and Momo gave her a quick hug before standing up, mentioning for her to follow. "Come on, let's grab a snack!"

While in the kitchen Sana opened the cupboard to the snack shelf that the members had stacked up sweets on, as they always seemed to have a sweet tooth. Sana roamed the shelf as she let out a pleased aha as she found her gummy bears. She gently shut the cupboard closed as she mindlessly looked at the gummy bear package and was surprised to feel a pair of arms sneak around her waist, ever so softly, and a head in her neck.
She felt a shiver go down her spine as the girl's tickled her skin while exhaling deeply and she closed her eyes.

"I really meant it Sana..." the girl spoke into the girls hair, "I'm sorry." She breathed out and tightened her grip as she nestled closer to the girl's back. Sana opened her eyes again and chuckled lightly while gently holding the girl's hands over her stomach.
"Momo..." She started and turned around in her arms with a warm smile on her face, "it's okay." She assured the girl but was responded with her shaking her head, Momo looked down as she was playing with the end of Sana's shirt.
"No, it wasn't fair..." she started, making Sana hold her breath slightly as Momo looked up to meet her eyes with sincere ones.
"We had something planned and I was a real  for just leaving you." She said truthfully, like she had already thought of this conversation.
Sana just pulled the girl into her arms and squeezed her softly. She could never stay mad at her. She smiled when she heard Momo sigh and melt into the hug.
"It's okay, I really appreciate you acknowledging it but really, it's fine." She assured the regretful girl in her arms.
"Yeah..." she said and sniffled her neck a little making Sana giggle at the girl's clinginess.
"You know I love you, right?" She said and looked into Sana's eyes who felt her heart take a jump. She nodded mindlessly and felt a smile creep onto her lips.
"Yeah." She gently pushed her friend for being so soft all of the sudden, but deep down she loved hearing the girl say it, "I love you too."
 

———
 

Wednesday 00:04

Once again Sana found herself in the hall waving Momo off as she snuck out into the night.
She closed her eyes to contain herself from running after the girl. Wanting nothing more than for her to come back.
For how long would it be like this?
She sighed as she felt numb, she didn't even dare to count the times she had been standing in that same exact position, but if she ever would count - it would just confirm that she was an idiot.

She simultaneously made her way to Momo's room, climbing into the sheets and looked up at the familiar ceiling.
She admired how the reflection from the streetlights and city signs created colorful patterns on the even surface.
She exhaled deeply as that reminded her of that one time she and Momo took a late night walk along the Hangang bridge to clear their heads.
They had just finished practicing hard all day for their next comeback and got the rest of the remaining night off for themselves.
That was during the times when Momo always shared her spare time with the other girl.
Oh, how she missed the feeling of being Momo's first choice, every day.
She chuckled low to herself when she remembered how she had admired the slightly older girl's pale skin and how her long hair was picked up by the wind, how she thought that she could see every light surrounding them reflecting in the girl's eyes, like stars or diamonds.
That she didn't realize how in love she was then made her mentally scold herself, it was pretty ironic.
How could she have not known?

What would have happened if she did...?

That was the thoughts lingering in the brunettes head until she fell asleep, again under the sheets owned by the girl she miserably loved.
 

———
 

Saturday 18:10

Today Sana, Momo and Nayeon practiced in their company building. The sweat was making canals down their foreheads and their muscles were aching uncomfortably so when they were finally done for the day they collapsed onto the floor panting.
It was more than often their schedule consisted of them doing dance practice for 5-6 hours in a row, everyday, sometimes longer, especially in for comebacks.
They had been tired already before they had started today due to yesterday's dance session, but they didn't complain, they did what they had to do to for their performances to be as good as possible, to please their fans.
Sometimes thought, it could be very back-breaking so in worst case scenario they had to stay in bed for a day or two to recover - which was very stressful.

Sana rolled over to her side so that she was face to face with a very exhausted Momo, she giggled when the girl's eyelids struggled to keep open. She - on the other hand - felt wide awake in the presence of the pale girl. She could just rise an arm and reach out for her plump cheek and she would be touching her.
She would never really get a chance to do it thought. With out of respect to her and Heechul...

She sighed and struggled to get up and once on two shaky legs she held out a hand to the girl still spread on the floor. Momo shoot her a soft smile and took it gladly. Once their hands met Sana wanted to do nothing more then pull the blonde close to her, she felt the urge grow as she helped the girl off of the floor. So when the girl finally stood - only inches away - Sana let go of her hand and turned around, calming her speeding heart. The girl prayed Momo didn't notice her strange behavior.

Today was harder than most days. Sana usually didn't have a problem of hiding her feelings but, today?
Everything the other girl did effected Sana ever so strongly, from the scent she left behind as she walked past her in the studio - to the sight through the mirror of her running a hand over her messy hair, from the small touches and smiles to the walking away, leaving the void in Sana's heart to ache as it expanded, watching the girl increase in distance.
She seemed to walk on thin ice today and each step was one step closer to falling in - exposing herself.

Momo looked at her fellow member with a frown but shook it off, it wasn't unusual for the girls to be acting weird while being exhausted.
Nayeon was laying on the floor with her limbs spread out like a starfish, groaning and pleading for her younger members to help their unnie up or she would be staying there until next practice, Sana and Momo just looked at each other raising an eyebrow and shaking their heads in disbelief.
They approached the girl on the floor and took each feet to drag the goofy girl in the direction of the door.

"Yah!" She exclaimed kicking her legs as if it would make the two girls loose their grip. Momo laughed and fell to the ground and Sana did the same. Slapping the floor and lost it even more when they saw their unnie stand up and walking out the door. Never had they seen the older so mad.
The two girls shared a look as they tried to calm down but as they saw the other choking on their laughter they cracked up again.

After Sana and Momo had collected themselves enough they grabbed their things and went to find Nayeon. The didn't even need to put an effort in searching as they saw the sulking girl sitting in the lobby with her hands crossed over her chest. At least she waited for them.
They had never expected Nayeon to become that mad - but she was sulking the whole time as they made their way out of the company building together, refusing to listen to the younger girls attempt to apologize.

The two girls felt so bad that they bought Nayeon a big bowl of bingsu from a street food truck and then, and only then, did the older girl accept their apology. Sana and Momo just looked at each other while holding back a laugh as Nayeon took big bites of her freshly shaved ice, looking exceptionally pleased.

"Now - that." Nayeon stated between bites. "Is how - you treat - your unnie."

 

———

 

Saturday 23:39

Sana and Momo sat on the couch in their dormitory eating chocolates and a variation of snacks under a blanket, the best thing about strict workout sessions was that you could eat whatever you wanted, so the two girls enjoyed their treat with pleasure, eating the treats one by one, even jokingly feeding each other ever now and then. Giggling at their silliness when one of them talked in a baby voice while asking for more.

"Hm stop teasing." The girl said with a pout which made Sana smile wide and rise her eyebrow mischievously as the girl bit after the candy in her hand, every time the girl was close she pulled her hand away earning hilarious whines from the girl. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked pretty done as she eyed the candy in front of her, not even trying to reach for it again. Sana threw her head back and laughed as she watched the annoyed girl.
"I'm sorry, here." She said softly and gently touched the girl's yaw to guide the candy to her lips.

Sometimes they looked like a couple, doing everything together - a little less now though when Momo was with Heechul whenever he was off schedule - so Sana never took any time with Momo for granted now a days, for she didn't know when she would be able to spend quality time with her again.
And Sana felt it too, the couple vibes, however she didn't intend to make it look like that, she wouldn't do that to Heechul even though she didn't like him dating the love of her life...
It was just the strong relationship between the two girls that made it seem like they where in their own little bubble every time they where in each other's presence. They where just so comfortable with each other that nothing else mattered as long as they had each other.
Sana knew that the blonde girl didn't feel the same, that it was just her imagination seeing things how she wanted it to be, that she created fragments in her head that wasn't real.
Making small things mean so much more then what they really did.
But they felt so extremely real to her sometimes that she wasn't so sure that she could trust her own head.
Sana couldn't help but feel confused when she and the other girl locked eyes sometimes and she would just feel a spark go through her whole body, as if the girl sent it to the her herself.
As if she could see the reflection of her own feelings looking right back at her in the girl's eyes.
Like her eyes answered Sana's feelings by saying.
"I love you too. Wait for me."

And Sana did, hoping it wasn't just another fragment in her mind.

 

———

Wednesday 00:37

The group just finished their dance session for the day, everyone was empty on energy and felt week in their knees. Once they where on their way back to their apartment Momo her heel and ran back into the building, the movement made Sana stop immediately. She looked between the building and her members as she sighed.
Damn it, she couldn't just leave her.
She signaled Jihyo by shouting out her name and pointing to the direction of the building as she assured her that they would be right back, as the leader nodded to confirm that she got it Sana turned around quickly to run after the girl.

"Momo! Wait up!!" She called out but the girl was too far ahead. Panting hard as she slowed down, figuring the girl would be back soon she went back outside due to the hot air cramped inside the company's building - they namely turned of the air conditioning at night to save energy - so the cool air caressed the brunette's face as soon as the doors opened. She took a seat on a bench outside and started fiddling with her fingers patiently. Everything was so quiet. There was no traffic at this hour on a Wednesday, only a sky full of stars. She admired the dots above her, it was the same sky she had been watching her whole life.
Suddenly a smooth voice appeared beside her.

"Did you wait for me?"

Sana turned to her side to see Momo walking up to her with a few pearls of sweat on her temple.

Sana smiled softly to the girl, if she only knew.

"Of course I did." Sana said while patting the place beside her, mentioning for the girl to take a seat. Knowing the girl would probably be at Heechul's tomorrow made Sana wanting to make this moment last a little longer.
Momo gladly obeyed and sat down next to the girl who was still fiddling with her fingers unconsciously.

"It's beautiful tonight." Momo said as she had finally caught her breath. Making Sana once again look up at the cloud-free sky. It was only stars as long as the eyes could reach. Twinkling, as if they spoke a language no one in this world could understand. She wondered as her eyes was captivated by the lights, did they see her like she saw them?
Sana looked down at the girl who was watching the stars in awe, so she took the chance to admire the girl, looking as beautiful as ever, with the stars in her eyes. She felt her stomach tingle, the girl almost looked like a painting.
A smile creeped onto Sana's face as her eyes wandered over the girl's face.
To be honest, she couldn't really grasp the fact that someone could look as beautiful as the girl beside her. There was no one like her.
The two girls sat there talking for some time, took a few pictures of each other and shared childhood stories from their home country, they didn't even notice that the night went on due to the stillness of the moment, in their own world and in the presence of the talking stars.

Suddenly a shooting star could be seen for a few seconds on the starry canvas.
Both gasped at the unusual sight, looking at each other as if they didn't believe their own eyes and had to acknowledge it by looking to see if the other saw it too.

"Quick make a wish!" Sana said to the girl sitting beside her on the bench.

Momo immediately closed her eyes to think, you never know when you'll see a shooting star again so the wish had to be... special.
The girl wished for her family and members to be forever healthy and happy so they would be in her life for a really long time.
Sana smiled at the girl's thoughtful wish.
She always admired Momo's kindness, it was like the girl was made out of it. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. She had a lot to learn from the humble girl.
She was so caught up in the moment that she saw everything slowing down and Momo smiled big at her as she lifted an eyebrow expectingly.

"What do you wish for Sana?"

Sana just looked at the girl, mesmerized by the curiosity in her eyes as they never left hers. Like she was looking for something, digging deep somewhere inside of her. Sana shivered.
She knew what she wished for, it was as clear as the foreign sky above them.

"I-"

*ring ring*

The two girls jumped by surprise when Sana's phone started ringing and the girl mentally thanked whoever it was calling for she honestly didn't know where she was going with her answer. She wasted no time in answering, breaking the tension between the two of them as she connected with the girl on the other line.
It was Jihyo wondering where they were considering that the clock was a little over 2 am. Momo gasped at the sight of the time, what had felt like half an hour had in reality been one and a half hour.
Hand in hand laughing the two girls ran off in the direction of their apartment, in their own bubble, like always.

 

———

 

Tuesday 1:45

Sana mindlessly bobbed her foot up and down to the beat of the music that where streaming through her headphones. She was used to sleepless nights as loneliness was eating her alive. Earlier that day she had followed Momo out on the street to wait for her Taxi. She didn't even know why she had agreed to do so because her stomach twisted anxiously as she watched the girl drive off. She had been taking her time walking back up to their apartment, shuffling her feet lightly and seating herself down in the stairway to collect herself.

As she was laying in her bed, the song Apocalypse by Cigarettes after , started to play and Sana's heart dropped as the familiar song penetrated her hears. She turned to lay on her side while grabbing Momo's pillow to hug it closely to her chest.
She remembered when she had found the song, it was a few weeks ago and she had cried her eyes out because the lyrics reminded her of Momo.

"Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms. You've been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark."

She clutched onto the pillow to keep the fresh tears from leaving the corner of her eyes. She didn't want to cry, but the song was making it impossible. She had put on her favorite playlist to keep herself from thinking of the girl... well, that backfired.

"Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids. Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist."

She hummed along as the song kept playing, she didn't even realize that the tears had escaped their pockets.

"Oh, when you're all alone, I will reach for you. When you're feeling low, I will be there, too."

———

Saturday 11:13

The weeks felt like they where passing by inhumanly fast under the hours of loneliness, Momo had spent awfully much time with Heechul the past week and Sana - maybe a little too much - in the absent girl's room.

Today Sana felt a little out of it. She was emotionally tired from having seen Momo leave every night for the past few days.
She couldn't even bear to think about what they would be doing together that made her friend want to go back to his house every night.
Sana felt her blood boil as she imagine the boy touching the other girl.
Caressing her... kissing her...
Ugh...
She knew it was wrong to feel this way but she couldn't help it.

Earlier in the morning Dahyun had talked about going out together this Saturday due to their schedule free weekend and that they should make the most of it, so the whole group agreed excitedly as it had been awhile since they where all out together enjoying themselves.

Sana stood in the bathroom looking herself in the mirror, as she just finished fixing her makeup the girl heard knocks on the door. She'd been in there for an unknown amount of minutes and swiftly gathered her brushes and makeup that she had spread around the sink, cursing to herself as she had forgotten about the time and that they where nine girls who wanted to get ready.
As she opened the door she was met by Nayeon who quickly pushed herself inside the bathroom and made Sana stumble aside almost dropping her handful off makeup, in the bathroom her unnie celebrated loudly as Jeongyeon rolled her eyes outside while holding her makeup bag in her arms. They always competed agains each other and teased one another but everyone knew that it was all with love.

Sana was conflicted as she held up two dresses by the hangers in each hand. She studied them closely, one was a sleeveless plain black dress that ended right above her kneecaps with the same fabric hanging from the shoulders creating some sort of open sleeves, the other dress was a slight sparkly rosè tight sleeve dress that ended on the middle of her thighs, she had worn it to a New Year's Eve party one time. She groaned and went to try the dresses, thinking she would get a better view if she saw them on.
After some time of consideration her choice landed on the Rosè dress, the black one would be too fancy for the club, yes, it really would.
Sana felt please with her choice as she went to meet her fellow members in the hallway. She was met by their traveling gazes so she immediately pretended to blush and put a hand over her face to hide.

"Excuse me but who are you and why are you in my house?" Nayeon joked and winked at the girl who pushed the jokester lightly in response.

"Ready?" Jihyo asked and the members sheered loudly as they walked out the door to get in the mood, they where ready.

Since they where a famous group they couldn't just go into any club on the street. That was a problem that a lot of celebrities was facing if they wanted to go out and enjoy themselves.
So many companies had together put money into building small clubs around Seoul to prevent rumors or discomfort for famous people, places they could go and feel like they didn't need to have their guards up all the time, to feel normal.

As the group arrived at Club Local, a club not to far away from the apartment, they realized how crowded it was.
Damn, it seemed as if every other group on contract had gotten their free time at the exact same weekend.
They walked into the smokey hallway to give their jackets and belongings to the person handling the closet and then moved on further to the person checking them in and giving them a stamp on their hand that said Local.

As they stepped inside to the main area they almost gasped. People where dancing on the tables, rubbing against each other on the sweaty dance floor and people where making out in the corners.
Momo felt her stomach twist. This was not what she had imagined, but at the same time, what would you even expect from a club...
The members pushed through the crowds, hand in hand all nine of them like kids in kindergarten, as they found a booth that some people just left. They exhaled as they shared knowing looks. They where lucky to have gotten to the booth in time because every other was packed, like sardines in a can.

"Should we order something?" Jeongyeon shouted over the loud music leaning over the table, the others did the same as they where listening closely. They nodded and waved for a waiter to come over.
The young man took their order and hurried back over to the bar.
Sana was looking around and squealed as she had recognized someone she knew. It was Gfriend's Eunha.
She stood up to make herself visible and the other girl caught her eye and smiled widely as she made her way over to their booth.

"Sana!!!" She exclaimed as she went in for a hug. They swayed back and forth a little as they hugged.
"Omg, you look amazing!" Eunha said and shamelessly checked her out. Sana couldn't help but blush under the girl's gaze.
"So do you." She said back not intending to sound flirty but it was kinda in her nature. Eunha responded by touching her arm lightly.

Suddenly Nayeon pretended to make a gagging sound. "Get a room already." She joked and everyone laughed.
Everyone except Momo.
Sana noticed and stopped laughing to look down, feeling a little ashamed.
"It was nice meeting you, Eunha. We should catch up soon." She said and gave Eunha a small hug before sitting back down, everyone shared teasing looks and pushed her lightly at the interaction with the other group member. They knew Sana used to have a crush on her before so they thought it was very fun to see them share words.
Sana looked over at Momo and they locked eyes for a moment. She just smiled at her as the girls around her laughed and joked about her and Eunha.
Sana felt weird.

Suddenly the waiter came with their drinks and they started to have a fun time. Round after round as the drinks emptied one after one.
They even found themselves on the dance floor, rubbing against each other. It was a little dirty but they where under the influence of alcohol and didn't really have the time to care about that.
Suddenly Sana and Momo got pushed together in the crowd. Their eyes widen at the sudden closeness and Sana instinctively placed her hands onto the girl's hips as she tried to focus as the the room spun.
Or maybe it was just her head.
However she was surprised to see the slightly taller girl lean forward, stopping only inches from her face. The music slowed down and the room moved in slow motion as she watched Momo's eyes travel down to her parted lips. Her breath hitched in as she watched Momo her lips, looking as if she wanted to eat her alive.
Which she wouldn't mind if she did thought.
Sana's eyes widen as the girl before her closed the gap between them and clashed their lips together.
The room stopped spinning and everything around them became nonexistent. The alcohol made it hard to think straight so Sana kissed her back. Gently pressing her lips onto hers as her stomach tingled, she tightened her hold on the girl's hips, desperately tugging onto her to bring her closer.
She was so enchanted by the moment that she didn't realize that Momo had started to trace her bottom lip with her tongue, trying to deepen the kiss. Only then did she found herself being thrown back to reality and suddenly the music was louder then it had ever been and the whole room started to spin again as she pushed the girl's shoulders a little.
Sana frowned when she realized what had just happened. Momo looked just as shocked, almost a little guilty.

"Momo..." Sana said, taken aback in slight panic. "You have a boyfriend..." She said and got an annoyed expression from the girl in front of her. Sana took a step back as Momo rolled her eyes.

"And? I can't even kiss my friend?" She asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She snorted and turned to make her way back to their booth where Mina and Chaeyoung where sitting.
Sana stood frozen on the dance floor, staring at the same spot on the floor as she tried to process what had just happened. Nayeon tried to get her to dance but Sana just pushed through her and wobbly made her way towards the bathrooms where she threw up and spent the rest of the night.

 

———

 

Sunday 11:34

Sana woke up in her bed the next day not really knowing how she got there.
She still had her dress on and she groaned as she felt something hard underneath her, she searched the bed and found one of her shoes under her.
She grabbed it and threw it onto the floor with a loud thud.
She groaned again as she exhaustedly pulled herself up on her arms to get a glimpse of the clock on the nightstand, when she saw the time she threw her head back down harshly into the pillow and sighed.
Suddenly a thought hit her and she opened her eyes wide in the pillow as she almost choked on her own breath.

What the happened last night...

The faint memory played on repeat in Sana's head as she felt like she mastered a role of a living question mark. She touched her lips as her mind was processing what had happened.

Momo kissed her...
Spark...
And then she got annoyed because she pushed her away?
That's what happened... right?

Sana felt stupid thinking about what Momo said... Maybe friends do kiss and she overreacted?
She sighed.
A living question mark indeed...

When Sana had finally managed to get out of bed she found herself roaming the fridge after something to eat, anything. Her eyes landed on a box of cookies, she didn't think twice before grabbing the package and sat down to eat them when Tzuyu entered the kitchen, stopping in her steps to look down at Sana.

"What?" She asked the tall member as she stuffed with the chocolate chip cookies. Tzuyu bit her lip, seeming a little unsure as she shifted on her feet slightly. Sana rose her eyebrows as the younger coughed slightly and referred to the box in front of her on the table.

"That's my cookies." She said quietly and Sana stopped eating, feeling shame wash over her. She hated when the members stole her food or snacks and here she was, caught with her hand in the cookie jar, literally. Sana groaned and slid the package over to the other side of the table for Tzuyu to take them back into her own possession. The older hid her red face in her hands as she heard something slide back to her and nudge the side of her arm softly as it stopped beside her on the table. She peeked through her fingers and frowned when the package was back in front of her. She looked up at Tzuyu who smiled empathically at her unnie.

"I think you need them more than I do, unnie." She said and chuckled lightly. Sana leaped forwards and threw her arms around her band member as she pecked her cheeks gratefully.

"Have I ever told you that you are the best maknae ever?" She exclaimed to the younger who just shrugged with a blush creeping over her cheeks. Sana pecked her cheek again, exaggerating the kissing sound before settling back down to eat the cookies - now with good conscience.

 

———

 

Sunday 20:37

Sana sat by the desk in her room while mindlessly looking out of the window, the pencil between her fingers making clicking sounds as each ends met the table in a stressful motion.
Apparently Momo had went to Heechul's yesterday after the club and was still there.
Sana wanted to speak to the other girl so badly about what happened, she wanted to apologize for how stupid she was for overreacting. She had been thinking all day of what to say...
Quickly she picked up her phone that rested on the desk and started typing a message and sending it.
She wasn't the type to wait longer than necessary to make up after a fight... or whatever.

Sana:
"Momo, I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday, I overreacted. It wasn't a big deal.
Are you coming home tonight?

She waited, her eyes never leaving the phone in front of her, screen facing upwards as she scratched her head impatiently.
After a few minutes her phone vibrated and she immediately threw her hands for the phone, almost falling off the chair in the process.

Momo:
I'm sorry too, we where under the influence of alcohol and I think I just got caught up in the moment. It wasn't fair to you, I guess not all friends kiss, lol, I left you in a weird situation and I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm not coming home tonight. See you tomorrow?

Sana read the text over and over again before putting the phone, screen down, on the desk. Right...
She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. She could've sworn that something happened between them yesterday and that it wasn't just her that felt it.

Here she goes again...

She sighed as she reached for the Doraemon plushie that was sitting on the desk in front of her and hugged it tightly to her chest. She knew that it wasn't healthy imagining things because in her head, of course it would feel real, because she wanted them to be so badly.

She almost forgot to text Momo back.
She would never do that for the record...

Sana:
Yeah, see you tomorrow. Love you

Sana threw herself onto the bed, she was exhausted from yesterday and even thought she had slept in today she still felt like she could fall asleep at any second.
As she was about to fall into slumber her phone vibrated.

Momo:
Love you too

She read it twice and held the phone close to her chest as she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. Her stomach tingled and she almost felt like throwing up by the sensation. She mindlessly got herself up to her feet and walked out of her room to waltz back into the room that she had spent so many nights in already.

 

———

 

Wednesday 21:07

The group had just gotten back behind the stage as they had just finished performing.
Everyone hugging each other and assuring they did great. Nayeon had tears in her eyes.
They had just performed live in for their fans but with a twist, many international fans didn't have opportunity to go to a Twice concert so they had decided to do a live concert instead. It had been emotional and the members had been in tears at least once as they had tribute a few speeches and their songs to their onces. Just the thought of it alone made them emotional.
Sana watched as Momo wiped her eyes with a big smile as she talked to Jeongyeon. She didn't realize how long she had been watching until Momo turned her head and locked eyes with her. Sana gulped as the tears on the girl's cheek looked like diamonds in the backstage spotlight. Is it possible to cry diamonds?
She felt her own eyes starting to water, emotions from different places in her mind coming back at her as she was in a sensitive state after their heartfelt performance.

Back in their changing room Momo walked up to her and put and arm around her supportively.
"Hey." She said and smiled brightly as Sana ran a hand through her own hair to portray as strong. "You okay?" She asked referring to her crying earlier. Sana looked up with a warm smile.

"I'm okay." She assured and rested her head on the other girl's shoulder as she felt the girl squeeze her upper arm softly.
How she wished she could be this close to her everyday. She closed her eyes to enjoy the moment while it lasted as she nestled closer the girl's neck.

 

———

 

Thursday 22:37

"What did he do, Momo?" Sana tried again with a glimpse of anger in her voice as she crouched down in front of the crying girl on the couch while gently caressing her knee to assure her that she was there. The girl let out quiet sobs as her chest shook in between every breath she took. Sana felt helpless, angry really, because she knew Heechul was the reason why Momo was crying like this.
The upset girl had stumbled into the door fifteen minutes ago, crying her eyes out and Sana had been there to catch her as she weakly fell forwards and melted into her arms, clinging onto her with her face buried in the crook of her neck. Sana had felt her own eyes water as she held her securely in her arms. Swaying her softly back and forth as the girl calmed down a little.

"Momo, look at me." She pleaded as she pulled some hair out of the crying girl's face. "Please tell me..." She let out quietly as she caressed her wet cheek with her thumb. Even though her blood was boiling she felt weak in the presence of the crying girl. She looked up at Sana with tears rolling down her eyes as she opened slightly, preparing herself.

"He..." she started but stopped as she took a breath and Sana squeezed her knee to encourage her to keep going, which she did as she relaxed a little under the girl's touch.
"He wanted to have  with m-me." She pushed out as she looked down, feeling a little embarrassed as she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the end of her sleeve that was now soaking wet from tears. Her crying died down as she had finally admitted the issue. Sana took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"And I assume you didn't?" Sana asked carefully as she saw the girl's eyes water again. She shook her head and suddenly something dropped inside of Sana as she imagined the worse, did he...

"He didn't force himself on you did he?!" Sha asked Momo while standing up harshly and tightening her fists to keep herself from losing it, Momo looked up with wide eyes and waved her hands in front of her.

"No, no!" She shook her head harshly, "God no. He would never do that." She said and reached to take Sana's tightly clenched fists into her hands to make her calm down, which helped because Sana exhaled deeply as a tear escaped her eye silently when her body relaxed. She wiped it away quickly so the girl wouldn't notice. She fell back to her knees in front of the girl, holding the sides of her legs as she let the fact settled, he didn't, she's safe.

Momo sighed. "I just... I... I'm not..." She tried but didn't seem to find the right words. She bit her lip as she closed her eyes. " I don't think... that I am ready so share myself like that, with him yet." She said and looked down and started to play with the rubber band around her wrist.
Sana's lips parted slightly as the girl's words set in. Huh.
She couldn't lie, because Momo and Heechul have been together for little over three months now she had just assumed that they had done it... she couldn't help but to feel relieved. She replaced herself next to the girl and pulled her into her embrace.
She let the girl rest her head on her chest as she her hair.
"Hey..." Sana started as her hand moved slower over the girl's hair carefully, in thought. "I... think you're brave for doing what feels best for you." She let out and she felt Momo snort a little onto her chest.

"He surely doesn't think that..." She sniffled as she buried her face deeper into Sana's chest who felt her body tense a little.

"Screw him then." Sana bridled out without thinking and earned a chuckle from Momo who started to trace circles on her back.
There was a moment of silence. Not a weird one, not at all. It was rather... idyllic as they shared their personal space with each other.
Comfortably enjoying each other's warmth, melting into each other.
Sana tightened her arms around the girl and felt her sob lightly against her chest and hands clench the back of her shirt shakily.

"Thank y-you." Momo said into her chest. Sana furrowed her eyebrows.

"For what?" Sana asked softly as she the girl's back. She felt the girl sigh against her.

"For always being here." She said wholeheartedly and nestled her chest softly. Sana felt her heart take a leap and her eyes widened for a second, afraid that the girl in her arms had felt it.
She gulped down and calmed herself by sighing lightly. Hesitant at first, she reached down and kissed the girls temple softly, closing her eyes as she did - to really feel it.
"I'll always be here for you."
She answered truthfully and felt the girl in her arms exhale deeply and they stayed like that until they began to yawn - signaling that it was time for bed, so the two went their separate ways in the hallway...
...After awkwardly gong in the same direction until Sana had realized her room wasn't that way...

 

———

 

Monday 21:56

"Bye..." Sana breathed out almost not audible as the door closed in front of her. She felt tears threaten to fall from the corner of her eyes as she slid down the closest wall and tried the best as she could to muffle her cries when the tears began to fall uncontrollably. Hitting the floor with her palm as if it would make it better, like it would bring her back. She looked at the door and hoped that it would open any second and that Momo would come back to her, but it never happened, unsurprisingly.
She sat against the wall for a moment - channeling her messy thoughts as she stared into the wall absently, her hands had fallen to her sides loosely while her head rested against the secure structure.
For the past few days, Momo had spent a lot of time with girl, distancing herself from Heechul because of the incident that occurred last Thursday. Sana had been her mental support through it all and they had cuddled in front of a movie every night, just like they used too, and as Sana helplessly started to hope that maybe she would choose her... he called. She sighed as she relived the past days in her head...
 

-Flashback-

The two girls where snuggling on Momo's bed while watching finding dory on Netflix. They had had a long day of practice and Sana had seen how it tore on the other girl so she had bought the girl's favorite snacks and prepared for a movie night. Pleased with the outcome. Hehe.
Their legs where tangled together as they watched the end of the movie and the subtitles started rolling.

"Hm." Sana started as she broke the silence. "Finding Nemo is still my number one." She said and smiled as Momo nodded, agreeing with her.
"But baby Dory is so cute." She squealed out and Sana giggled, mentally noting to buy the girl a baby Dory plushie one day. She smiled at her own thought.
Momo started to trace the hearts on Sana's pajamas mindlessly with her finger and the girl knew what she was thinking about...

"I just don't think he had the right to say that to me..." she started and Sana sighed as she looked away, the girl was talking and focusing on the shapes of the other girl's cloths. "I mean, I told him how I felt about it weeks ago, did that mean nothing to him?" She looked up at the absent minded girl for the first time. "Sana?" She pushed and made the girl look at her. She sighed.

"I don't think he meant to push you though." She said, surprised to be defending the boy she usually despited. Momo frowned under her and sat up with her knees pulled to her chest, looking at Sana closely.
"What?" She asked a little offended, making the other girl roll her eyes a little.

"I'm not saying what he said was wrong." Sana exaggerated the last word, "I just don't think that he said it to make you feel bad." Sana looked down and fiddled with her fingers. She almost regretted even opening until she felt a body press against her side again, and only then did she realize how her whole anatomy screamed for the other girl's touch when they weren't close.
"I'm sorry... you're right." Momo said and was back to tracing patterns on her pajama top.

They stayed up all night talking about old memories. The next day was the same, they even went out to watch the stars spontaneously again, just like that day after practice, to talk and look after shooting stars.
Not once did the girl mention the boy's name...

Until Sunday night...

The girls sat on Sana's floor playing a card game, their Doraemon plushies beside them. Sana was letting Momo win but she didn't dare to admit it.
Smiling as Momo happily threw her cards onto the floor and making fun of her as she had once again, lost.
But to see her smile like that?
She couldn't really say that she lost.

Their moment was cut short as Momo's phone started to vibrate on the floor beside them and the screen light up displaying the word Baby with big letters. Sana looked away and Momo quickly picked up the phone and looked at the girl in front of her.

*ring ring*

"Aren't you going to answer?" Sana asked the girl while fiddling with the card in her hands, not daring to look up at the her, afraid that her disappointment would show.

*ring ring*

She looked up to see Momo looking at her. Sana frowned as their eyes met.
She could never read Momo, even if she tried. She had tried, countless of times but it gave her nothing. Damn, she didn't even know how she felt for her own boyfriend and they are supposed to be in love.
She thought a call from him would be what she wanted, what she had been waiting for. She rose her eyebrows and looked at the phone which made Momo's eyes also land on the screen, gulping down as she slowly went to accept the call, guiding the phone to her ear.
There it is.

She listened to them talk for an hour...

- End of flashback-

She steady herself as she pushed herself up from the floor. Her eyes where wet as she followed her trail to the girl's secure room.
The only way she could be near her and the only way her body would stop aching for her...
She could almost here it call out for her by now.

 

———

 

Saturday 15:20

Sana couldn't believe what she just heard as she sat with open as Jihyo read the news out aloud from her recent text to the members that was sitting on the couch.

"So, they want us to meet them at the bowling alley at 18 this evening! It's going to be so fun to finally get to know our girl's boy!" Jihyo squealed and the rest of the members agreed and smiled widely, excited to do some fun quality time together. Sana rolled her eyes to herself, you have to be kidding me.

The members started to get ready and Sana slipped into the shower quickly before someone could occupy it.
She the tap and hot water washed over her body, instantly soothing her as she leaned her hands onto the wall as the water covered every inch of her body.
At this point she didn't even know if there where tears or water falling from her eyes.
Her quiet sobs gave her the answer.

In the taxi to the bowling alley everyone was cheerful, giggling and betting on who was going to win, but Sana sat at the very back with her headphones on and mindlessly looked out of the window, distracting herself by looking at whatever catching her eye. A tree with flowers sticking out from its green crispy tree branches reaching towards the sky, a boy running up to what she supposed was his group of friends and an old woman turning the opening sign to closed before reentering the little bakery. Her eyes roamed the streets that was filled with life, she almost didn't think of the girl, almost.
She saw a pedestrian with her dog walking by, the little puppy looked awfully familiar... the keychain, her mind screamed at her without warning and she mentally scolded herself for not being able to look anywhere without being reminded of Momo...

As they entered the bowling alley the girls where greeted by the couple. Momo ran to hug everyone excitedly as Heechul walked up right behind her to shake hands but was met by hugging girls instead. They smiled big as they looked at the couple in front of them. Sana did her best to hold the slight trembling curve on her lips. The couple showed them the table they had filled with food and snacks for the evening.

"I already love you guys!" Nayeon exclaimed when she saw the bowl of fried chicken and earned a pleased smile from Heechul.

Cute...

Sana sighed as they sat down to eat, taking a seat in between Chaeyeong and Nayeon who started talking to their neighbors immediately, leaving Sana to eye the food on the set table, her eyes landing on the glass bottle in front of her.
She didn't waste any time looking down at the soju bottle as she reached for it and quickly poured herself a shot and swallowing it in one take - cringing from the bitter taste.
What was a dinner without alcohol, right?
It was something with Korean culture that contained a lot of alcohol, soju mostly. It was perfect because it got everyone, even the most shy person, to talk and socialize.
And if you wanted to drink because the person you love is kissing someone else?
She would say even more perfect...
She chugged down one more shot of the substance and felt her body relax a little.
They all started drinking and eating, preparing themselves for the most intense bowling game of the century, as they described it.
Sana on the other hand didn't really enjoy bowling, she always lost when she played it with her friends back in Japan and ever since, she never agreed to play if it wasn't necessary, necessary like she got to play with her favorite girl, she couldn't say no to that.
Sana's eyes met with Heechul's who sat opposite her on the rectangular table. He was full out glaring at her, eyebrows down and his lips narrowed slightly.
He looked, mad?
Sana looked away and shook it off, maybe he just looked like that... she thought - but she felt the eyes linger on her, burning into her scull, like laser beams.

They where walking out of the alley after a long game of bowling, Jeongyeon was pumping her golden cup, that she had just picked up from the reception, in the air with pride. Momo and Heechul where walking hand in hand and Sana's heart dropped as she watched the boy caress the girls hand with his thumb lovingly.
Why did she even agree to this...
Suddenly all of her life choices surrounding the other girl came to her mind and she felt anxious, her stomach turned uncomfortably. Is this how her life is going to look like? Loving the girl from afar?
Sana picked up speed and waited for the members at the taxi pick up. She couldn't bear to stay in the weird tension any longer... and the worst thing was - that she was the only one feeling it. The others seemed to have had a good time and gotten to know their member's significant other, Sana snorted as she remembered how the boy had looked at her, the only thing Heechul had said to Sana was a simple hi.
What did she ever do to that man. She sighed and watched as the cars drove by, one after the other, and she wondered where she would end up if she just jumped inside of one's backseat and disappeared.

 

———

 

Tuesday 1:12

Sana was laying in bed, facing the wall and aimlessly traced patterns on the even wallpaper. She was lost in her thoughts once again. At least Momo was home tonight.
She remembered how Heechul had looked at her last Saturday and she couldn't help but wonder what she did. The thought had occupied her mind for two days straight.
Because of course, if someone looked at you like that, how could you ever let it slip. You would begin to think that there was something wrong with you...
Sana inhaled deeply as her hand fell back onto the mattress with a low thud, creasing the sheet in the process. She had some theories that she had began to conspire around as her brain worked in high speed, but again, she didn't want to make anything that wasn't real into a big issue inside of her head, she already felt anxious with the situation like it was.
As she was just about to fall asleep she heard the door handle to her room being pressed down slowly followed by a creaky sound from the door being gently pushed open. Sana's eyes opened as she saw the room light up a little from the human sized creek and the sound of footsteps shuffling over the cold floor, then her bed shrunk a little and she felt an arm slid over her side softly to place itself around her stomach. Sana relaxed a little as she could recognize the touch, even if she didn't see who it was. Her body immediately knew and she let herself drift off to sleep in the girl's arms.

 

———

 

"I love you, Sana." The girl said while looking deeply into her. "I have always loved you the most." She finished and took the girl's head into her hands, cupping it softly. Sana felt her stomach tingle as the words that she for so long had been wanting to hear from Momo settled in, repeating themselves almost like echoing whispers. She grabbed the girl by her collar and pulled her in for a haste kiss. Sana felt the girl's lips starting to move in sync with hers as she hummed at the pleasing feeling of tingles and leaps, her whole body feeling like a firework. Her heart was beating so fast that it could burst.
She felt the girl's hand roam her back firmly and gasped as she felt the girl nibble on her lower lip. She was just about to deepen the kiss when...

Sana stirred awake with a gasp, breathing heavily as she looked over to the girl sleeping beside as the dream slowly settled inside of her head.
She groaned quietly and buried her face into the pillow to muffle a low scream. She had to kick the cover off of her legs to cool down, it had suddenly become extraordinary hot inside the room. She felt Momo's leg find its way around hers as she shifted beside her messily. Sana let her head fell back as she sighed while closing her eyes to focus on something else, anything else. She did not need to feel the girl's bare leg on her right now. She couldn't. She already felt guilty about Heechul hating her and she certainly didn't want to be disrespectful. Calming down by breathing in through her nose and out of she almost fell back to sleep.
Her eyes opened wide again when she felt a hand slide painfully slow over her stomach and the girl stopped breathing as her stomach turned internally. She inhaled and gently slid the her hand off and placed it beside its owner. The girl stirred beside her and mumbled softly. Sana watched as the girl stretched and felt the corner of lift slightly. How could she be so damn cute... Sana thought to herself as she watched the girl struggle in her sleep.
Suddenly the girl repositioned herself by cuddling into her side and Sana's brain stop working. She felt her muscles tense. What if the girl thought that she was Heechul? The thought made her uncomfortable so she smoothly climbed out of her bed and made it onto the floor. She felt the hard surface pain all of her bones as she tried to lay herself to rest. At least she had a thin carpet, let's exaggerate the word thin. She sighed and closed her eyes.
She didn't get much sleep that night, waking up in the morning by Momo's feet smashing down over her face.

"What are you doing on the floor?" The girl asked with sleep in her voice as she let out a  yawn. Sana caressed her aching temple as she sat up. Well she had had so much time last night but never did the issue occur to her that the girl would ask that question. She snorted quietly at her own brainlessness as she quickly thought of something.

"Um, it was too hot and I couldn't sleep." She lied, well almost. The girl just shrugged and made her was out of the room, leaving Sana to fall to the floor again while releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.

 

———

 

Saturday 1:02

"Heechul... we talked about this..." Momo tried and pushed the boy's hand away from her arm. He sighed in frustration and let his hands slide down his body helplessly.

"We've been together for a long time now and... why-" he started and looked up at Momo with pleading eyes. "Is there something wrong with me?" He asked and Momo shook her head. God, how she hated this conversation.
"No, I've already told you that it's not you, I'm not ready yet." She explained like she had done many times before and earned a groan from the man who laid back back onto his mattress.
As they had been kissing the boy wanted to take it a step further, it had happened before and Momo had gotten just as insecure each time. She didn't really understand it herself, why couldn't she do it. Everything in her body screamed for her to stop when he started touching her. She wasn't ready...
She flinched when she felt his hand reach for hers, making him pull back slightly and scoff.

"I think I need to go..." She said and flung her legs over the bed, Heechul didn't even bother to get up as he sighed in defeat.
"To Sana?" He asked, with an glimpse of annoyance in his tune. Momo turned to his boyfriend who was now sitting up, looking at her. She wasn't sure why he said that but she felt her body tense as he said her best friends name.
"What? No, she's probably sleeping..." she said and walked around the bed to the boy's side. "Why would you even say that?" She asked and sat down in front of him. She did care for him despite it all, she really did.
The boy scoffed and looked away while biting the inside of his cheek impatiently.
"Because you talk about her, all the time." He said and shook his head, he looked tired. Momo was surprised to hear him say something like that.
She did not? Or did she? And was he... jealous?
She took his hand and squeezed it and he looked back up at her.
"She's my friend, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll try and think about it..." she said assuringly but deep inside, she felt conflicted. Did she really talk about her friend that much? So much for her own boyfriend to be tired of it? She felt her heart drop in a familiar feeling, was it anxiety? Was it love? She didn't know.
She leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the lips but he pulled her into the bed with him, making her stay.

 

———

 

Sunday 10:32

"We finally did it!" Momo exclaimed as she threw her bag on the floor in Sana's room. Confused, the girl put down her book she was reading and sat up on the side of her bed. Furrowed her eyebrows as Momo threw her arms around her neck and fell on top of her on the bed.
"Me and Heechul did it." She squealed and looked at her friend that was agape under her. "I don't even know why I was scared, it was easy and so quick." The girl explained head in the clouds.
Sana felt her heart break. Her world stopped spinning and everything felt dull. Even her friend became blurry. She pushed her away slightly to make some room for herself to breath.
"Wow..." she let out, not intending to sound sad but her heart ached in her chest, clenching hard around the pumping organ. She suddenly had a hard time breathing.
The girl beside her shuffled away a little to give her some space and caressed her arm with a concern look on her face.
"Sana are you okay?" She asked and tilted her head to see the tense girl's face better. Sana nodded mindlessly. She felt as if her soul had left her body. There was no way the girl would ever choose her after this...
"Yeah... I'm not feeling very good today that's all..." she lied and felt the girl wrap her arms around her tightly. She relaxed a little in her embrace.

"I'm happy for you..." she let out, it took every last bit of strength in her to push those words out, but to see her look at up at her with that warm smile was worth it.

 

———

 

Wednesday 3:04

She couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore, it was too painful holding back as her heart sent jolts of pain through her body. She should be happy for her friend but she wasn't. She totally hated the idea of the couple sharing moments with each other, special moments... moments Sana would die for to have with the other girl...
She hugged her pillow tightly.
She couldn't allow herself to feel like this anymore, she had no reason to wait because she was waiting for nothing, painful time just passing by miserably. She was scared of herself now a days. She sighed as she clenched Momo's sheets in her hands, she knew that she was torturing herself but god you can't really blame a girl for having hope. She closed her eyes and inhaled the moment as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She promised herself that night to not sleep in Momo's room again.
It was to emotionally draining.

 

———

 

Friday 2:58

Sana was startled by her phone vibrating beside her on the bed. Putting her book aside and frowned as she reached for it, who was messaging her this late?

Momo:
Look out of your window

Sana quickly climbed out of bed, stumbling over to her window and put her hands on the frame to see the traffic under her, on the illuminated street she saw Momo standing, she waved up at the girl and mentioned for her to come down with an excited smile on her face. Sana furrowed but felt her heart race as she ran to put a hoodie over her pajamas, slipped into her shoes messily and almost fell while running down the stair to meet the girl waiting outside the glass door to their building. She chuckled as she opened it to be met by glimmering eyes and a squeal. She was excited alright. Sana smiled back.

"Momo, what are you doing?" She asked the girl who just took her hands and pulled her along on the street.
"Where are we going?" She asked the girl again who was leading her under the streetlights, turning her head to smile at her. "You'll see, trust me." She said and squeezed her hand softly, she did.

"Wow..." Sana exclaimed as they had reached the destination. It was a field, not far away from their apartment, filled with freshly grown white anemones. They had followed a small pathway leading them away from the city and into the darkness of the night.
"Look up." Momo's said and Sana followed the girl's gaze until it landed on a starry canvas. It looked as beautiful as ever. Sana's lips parted slightly at the breathtaking sight. The stars looked even brighter away from all the streetlights. Momo smiled as she studied the girl's profile before pulling out a blanket she had been keeping in her bag and stretched it out on the field.
Together they laid on their backs, pointing and conspired about the foreign yet so familiar dots above. Sana felt her heart beat hard in her chest, she felt happy yet so miserable at the same time. The last days had been rough, trying to change her unhealthy habit of comforting herself in the girl's room and handling her feelings in a different way by doing breathing exercises and work outs.
She felt pathetic doing so but it made her feel better... but moments like this made her forget all about her promises to herself and let herself fall back again.
They watched as the stars twinkled above their faces.

"What do you think they're telling us?" Momo asked the girl beside her in thought. Sana turned to look at her, she was always so beautiful when she was thinking. She knew how deeply Momo viewed things, she was always mesmerized by how her brain worked.

"Maybe they're trying to warn us from something..." Sana said as her eyes travelled back to the lights. "They have been watching since the beginning of our time, they know everything." She said, her mind not longer present on earth.
She felt a hand lock with hers and intertwining their fingers in a swift motion. They stayed like until they saw the sun go up in the distance.

"Hm." Sana heard the girl beside her let out as she sat up to look at her.
"Sit up." She told Sana as she reached out her hand for the girl to take, she did and frowned slightly as the girl messily started to search her pockets for something.

"Because we didn't see a shooting star tonight..." she began as she dug in her last pocket and fished out a jewelry. "I wanted to give you one myself." She said and smiled as she reached around Sana's neck to lock it and letting it fall to her chest.
Sana felt her heart stop. 
She looked down and took the charm in her hand to study it closely. It was a silver star with a small tail of glittering diamonds on one side, making it look like it was falling. Momo smiled when Sana looked up at her with tears in her eyes.

"It's beautiful." Sana exclaimed gratefully and wrapped her tired arms around the girl's neck, sniffling as she hugged her tightly. She felt hands caress her back soothingly in response.

"I love you." She heard the girl say softly.

"I love you too."

 

———

 

Tuesday 13:12

Sana sat in her seat around the table at the restaurant and fiddled with her necklace, in her own thoughts as she watched the couple before her eyes touch subtly and share looks.
This is what she sign up for right? She shouldn't complain, her suffering is her choice, she should just shake it of but with the couple only feet away from her made it hard to focus on anything else. Her heart was clenching tightly in her chest as she picked on her food with her sticks.
Her thoughts was interrupted by a hand waving in front of her face, making her gain back focus on reality. She sighed as she turned her head to see Nayeon look at her suspiciously.

"Are you okay?" She asked and frowned her eyebrows together. Sana nodded while faking a smile.
"I'm fine, I just zoned out for a moment." She lied and turned back to eat her food. As she ate she peered up at the couple in front of her through her eyelashes. Heechul kisses her cheek lovingly and Momo smiled shamelessly up at him, making him peck her lips lightly.
Sana looked down, dropped the sticks in her hand and stood up harshly, making the chair almost fall to the floor behind her. She didn't say anything as she made her way to the restaurant toilet.
She locked the door behind her and felt tears starting to roll down her cheeks.
As she looked herself in the mirror over the sink she was hovering over she saw the shooting star charm hanging loosely around her neck.
She felt her heart ache and she had to clutch onto the porcelain sink to keep herself from crying out loud as she realized what she had to do.

She had to tell her, she couldn't go on like this.

 

———

 

Wednesday 21:46

Sana was stressed out, scratching her hair as she trailed back and forth inside of her small room. Messing up the carpet as she stumbled over it ever now and then. She was about walk into Momo's room and tell her that she was in love with her, just to get it of her chest, she had to do it to be able to move on.
She groaned as she couldn't bring herself to pull down the door handle. Come on... she had the words planned out in her head already, she just needed to take the last step and then everything would go as planned. As smooth as butter, she mentally told herself.
She took a firl grip around the metall and inhaled.

1... 2...

Suddenly her door was pushed open harshly and smacked right in the face, she cursed loudly and hissed as she brought her hands up to her nose. She saw small stars under her eyelids.

"Oh my god, Sana I'm so sorry!" Momo screamed out as she covered in panic as she watched the girl's nose starting to leak of red liquid. Sana felt herself getting pulled out of her room and into the bathroom on the other side of the hallway.

"Does it hurt?" Momo asked through gritted teeth as she gently dabbed the cotton ball onto her nose, Sana cringed in pain as her head was tilted backwards while sitting on the toilet lid, letting the girl take care of her.
"Not at all." She said with a forced smile, not wanting to freak the girl out by saying how painful it actually was. She suddenly gasped as she felt a sharp pain and gripped the toilet seat harshly. The girl stopped dabbing in panic, "It does!" Sana sighed and stood up, the bleeding had stopped but her nose was still covered in it as it had dried slightly.
She took a breath and looked herself in the mirror. This was her chance...

"Momo..." Sana started with a shaky voice, trying to calm her nerves by breathing, like had done so many times before. Momo looked at the girl that was facing the sink. Sensing the girl's sudden nervousness she went to touch her arm lightly.

"I need to tell you something..." she continued quietly, cursing to herself when the words that came out wasn't how she had imagined them to in her head, she sounded so nervous... too nervous as her voice was cracking a little.
Momo watched the girl closely and Sana felt herself getting smaller under the girl's gaze.
"Promise me you won't look at me differently after you hear what I'm about to say..." she said as she looked up at the girl with pleading eyes. Momo frowned.
"How could I ever look at you differently, you are my best friend and I love you." She said and took Sana's hand to encourage her but Sana just scoffed ironically, making her even more confused by the situation.
"Momo... I-" she began and pulled her hand away as she turned around, feeling unable to say the last words. It was easier to not look at the other girl. She gained back the courage and exhaled deeply, letting the words slip out with the breath.
"I'm in love with you." She said and the room became so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. She stood frozen in place, immediately regretting her confession. She cursed quietly. "." There's really no going back now.
Momo's silence was killing her and the fact that her heart was racing didn't make it any easier. She turned around slowly to look at the girl for the first time after her confession.
Momo looked down and Sana gulped as she watched her mindlessly stare at the floor.

"How long have you known..." she asked quietly and met the girl's eyes. A moment of silence occurred.
"Four months..." Sana let out truthfully and looked to her feet, with her big secret out she felt like she could just put everything on the table.
She was preparing herself for more questions, just like she had imagined in her head but she heard the girl exhaled shakily and then looked away again, at everything except the girl in front of her. Sana felt her stomach drop as she watched her friend's unreadable expression.
Momo closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, as if to calm down, and walked past her and out of the bathroom, leaving Sana standing there with her heart in pieces shattered across the floor.
Momentarily she felt numb as she couldn't move an inch. She started to question her choice and felt the anxiety build up in her body, it crawled around her and started to eat her up. She fell to her knees weakly as tears started to flood her eyes.
Why did she tell her... she thought that it would make her feel better about everything but when the girl reacted like this - everything felt a thousand times worse.

 

———

 

Friday 21:34

She was tired of crying. She was tired of Momo ignoring her. She was tired of her damn feelings. She looked at her phone again that she was clutching to her chest. She had hers and Momo's conversation up, just incase the girl would answers her.

Sana:
Momo please, come back, I'm sorry

*read at Wednesday 23:46 pm*

Sana:
I didn't think it through, I'm sorry, I wouldn't have told you if I knew you would react like this

*read at Thursday 7:34 am*

Sana:
Please, Momo... you promised...

*read at Friday 21:25 pm*

Sana knew that Momo was reading her texts. She just wanted the girl to answer, so they could talk about it because she was torturing herself in their momentarily state. She plugged her headphones in and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the music as it played with the loudest volume. Sana felt tears form in her eyes by the pressure entering her ears. She was just about to scream along with the music as the phone started ringing. Her eyes widened as Momo's name and a picture of her appeared onto the screen. Suddenly she didn't want to talk anymore. She threw the phone away from her on the bed to mentally collect herself. She took a deep breath and reached for the phone again and accepted the call.
The line was silent as she put the phone up to her ear. She only heard someone breath against the mic on the other end, it sent shivers down her spine.

Sana:
Hello...?

Momo:
...

Sana:
I know you're there... please talk to me...

Momo:
Sana I'm- I'm so sorry... I-

She could hear the girl sob into the mic before the call disconnected shortly. Sana felt a jolt of pain through her body as she slowly lowered the phone from her ear to look at her connection, it wasn't bad... what could have disconnected the line while the other girl was talking, mid sentence.
She shook it off, it was probably the girl herself that ended the call.

 

———

 

Thursday 2:56

Sana was rolling around in her bed, trying to find a comfortable position to relax her body in but every inch of her bed was being awfully uncomfortable tonight. It had been a few days since the call and Momo hadn't even looked at her since the day in the bathroom. The dance practices had been weird all week as they had to dance close to each other in some parts, even the members had noticed their strange behaviors around each other. They always used to be close so them ignoring each other concerned the members.
They had both struggled to look normal in an interview the other day and the leader had confronted them about it after but they still didn't look at each other, not even in the moment of confrontation.
Sana was killing herself mentally. Wishing that she had never told the girl...
She imagined what she would be doing now if she hadn't told her, maybe she would be in less pain then.

Suddenly her door was pushed open slowly, reveling a crying Momo in the doorway. She sat up at the sight, feeling her heart take a few leap as she really looked at the girl for the first time in days. Her stomach dropped as she watched the tears fall from her eyes and sighed. She set her thoughts aside and patted the empty place between her on the bed and Momo quickly made her way over the room and under the covers beside the girl. She sobbed as she hugged her closely. She was cold as if she had just gotten back from outside, she figured that Heechul was the reason behind the girl crying again. Damn, all he did was making her cry. Sana felt her yaw clench as she caressed the girl's back soothingly.

"What did he do Momo?" She asked as she the back of her head softly and heard the girl sniffle in her chest.

"We-" she sobbed lightly, "broke up..." her voice cracked and she felt her chest becoming wet as she cried into it. Sana felt her world shift and drop at once. She felt angry and relieved at the same time, but mostly confused. She didn't understand, Heechul had her... he freaking had her, she choose him and he just threw it away? He was the luckiest person on this earth and still he let her go? Sana tightened the grip around her as her blood was boiling.
She held the girl until her sobs died down and was replaced by soft breaths, interpreting that she was asleep. Sana messily roamed her bed after her phone and started to angrily type to the stupid man for the first time ever, she didn't even know why she had his number but she was pleased by her past self's decision to save his contact.

Sana:
What the man? How can you be so stupid, Momo is the most incredible, kind and humble person walking this earth and you let her go? You actually had her loving you and you turned it down? Do you even realize how lucky you are??

Sana was typing her heart out with the exhausted girl sleeping in her arms, her emotions took control over her fingers as they pressed the letters on the keyboard. She almost regretted sending it.

Heechul:
Don't you think I know that? I love her with my whole heart.
That's why I broke up with her... didn't she tell you?
...
She doesn't love me, she never has, it's always been you...
I don't think she's even realized it yet but she always talk about you and her face lights up every time she does talk about or see you. She never felt as comfortable around me as she do around you, not even after four months of dating her... Damn our first ever conversation was even about you.
She never looked at me like she looks at you...
I had to let her go.
...
And I'm sorry for how I've acted towards you but to my defense I couldn't help but see you as a competition when she seemed to care about you more than me... sorry about that...
...
Take care of our girl Sana...

Sana felt her heart stop. She reread the text a hundred of times as she couldn't grasp what the boy just told her, everything felt unreal, like she was dreaming. Everything she ever wanted was portrayed in front of her on the screen. Was she really awake? She had to pinch her wrist, pinch anywhere, but she accidentally woke the girl up in her arms by her sudden movements.

"What are you doing?" She mumbled behind closed eyelids. Sana looked down at the girl, her face was illuminated by the light of her phone she was holding. The girl was smiling softly as she felt her eyes on her.
"Are you looking at me?" The sleepy girl teased and Sana chuckled heartily. She took the chance to gently cup the girl's cheek in her hand. Just to see how she would react. Testing the waters.
Momo opened her eyes and hummed as she felt the girl caress her cheek with her thumb slowly.
"Momo..." Sana didn't know where to begin. If it was really true what Heechul had just told her, the girl in front of her wasn't familiar with what she was feeling yet... this could be hard. She sighed. But as her mind traveled back in time, to the times under the starry skies, the club and to the many movie nights with shared I love yous, Sana felt a leap of fate inside of her. Maybe she hadn't been delusional after all...
Sana gulped as she leaned in, ready to take her chances. She carefully decreased the short space between them, elevating her eyes between the girl's eyes and lips. She went in ever so slowly not to startle the girl in front of her. She felt a hand grab onto her waist as their faces almost touched, leaving a painful amount of space left. Sana felt a shiver run down her spine as the girl gently tugged her closer by the waist, making their bodies meet. Sana gasped quietly at the sudden closeness. She could feel Momo breath heavily on her lips. She was waiting, squeezing her waist impatiently. Sana closed her eyes, she couldn't take it any longer. She quickly closed the distance between them, her lips meeting Momo's softly. They immediately hummed against each other as their lips moved smoothly. Her world began to spin as she felt Momo pull her in closer as she kissed her lovingly. Sana's heart felt full and she couldn't stop a smile from forming on her lips as she smiled into the kiss. Momo felt it and chuckled lightly, they pulled away to rested their foreheads together as they caught their breaths with huge smiles on their faces.
The two girls did not get much sleep that night, enjoying the feeling of finally being in each other's arms, and knowing that they would always be.

 

The End.