JONG KOOK’s POV

The moment I said the words, I hated myself, I still do. I hate myself for even think about it. I don't blame Ji Hyo for everything that happened to our baby, because it just happened. But somehow my stupid mind betrayed me.

I was going to call Ji Hyo since my plane just landed before I saw a voicemail from her.

“Oppa, change of plan, Ae Jung hasn't been active ever since this morning so I'm going to the hospital right now, just to check if everything is okay. Hopefully, everything is. I want to think positively but my heart doesn't agree with me. Everything is going to be okay, right? Please come soon, I can't do this without you.”

My heart stopped.

She sent the voicemail 24 minutes ago. My hands started to shake, but I ignored it and called her immediately.

“Oppa?”

“Yeoboseyo, yeobo, is everything okay? I'm on my way.” I called a taxi and got in.

“No.” Her voice was caught up in . I could tell she had been crying. “I don't know, please hurry up.”

At that moment, I just knew that Ae Jung was no longer here. “Gwaenchana, yeobo, we'll be fine.”

I gave her soothing words to encourage her because I knew she felt defeated. I whispered sweet words to her for 30 minutes before I reached the hospital. When I saw her, my heart broke. She was a mess and I knew I would be too in a second.

I ran to hug her and she sobbed in my chest. I put my hands on her still rounded stomach. “Gwaenchana. Gwaenchana.” but she shook her head over and over.

It was not even the worst part, Ji Hyo still had to give birth to Ae Jung. A stillborn Ae Jung. The labor part was agonizing, Ji Hyo went through so much pain just to give birth to a sleeping baby, it was horrible. I tried to help her as much as I could, but we both knew, the pain would still be there.

I whispered sweet nothings to her ear when she pushed our baby out. I wiped her tears and sweats. I kissed her forehead and her crown over and over again.

We were able to hold Ae Jung for a while, just to memorize her face, her delicate skin, her pouty lips.

Kim Ae Jung was born sleeping on September 5th, one day before her due date.

It's 10:51 pm and Ji Hyo is not back yet, I've tried to call her three times but she doesn't answer, she never does anymore.

“Ga In-ah?”

“Ne, Doryeonim?” She runs towards me. “Can I help you?”

“Does Ji Hyo always come home late?” I wonder. It's my second day back from work in Manila. I was gone for almost 5 months and I'll be in Seoul for three weeks. I'm kind of hoping to be spending my three weeks with my wife, but that's not the case. She doesn't want to be with me anymore because of the stupid words I said. She can't even stand being in the same room as me.

“No, Doryeonim, she's usually home by 7 the latest.”

I nod my head and mutter a quick thank you before I try calling her phone again. Still the same. No answer.

Does she hate me this much? Did my words really hurt her that bad? I was sorry, I am sorry. I love her so much, I don't know what I'd do without her.

Ji Hyo had to be at the hospital for two more days and she didn't want to be at Ae Jung's funeral, so it was only my family, her friends, my best friend, and me. I bought the best place I could find for her resting place, I wanted her to be special in her own way.

“Ae Jung-ah, just know that I'll always love you. Eomma will too. We'll always love you and cherish you and miss you. Sleep tight, aegi-yah, we'll see you again someday.” That was my last goodbye.

It was hard. It was even harder without Ji Hyo by my side, saying our farewell to our little baby, but I tried to understand her position, I tried to understand her reason not to be at Ae Jung's funeral.

I went back to Ji Hyo later that day to see her sleeping. Even in her sleep, I could tell that she was broken. The bag under her eyes was dark against her pale feature.

“I don't blame you, Ji Hyo-yah, saranghae. Don't ever forget that.” I kissed her forehead and went to the couch in the room and tried to sleep.

I yawn again for probably the tenth time. I will myself not to fall asleep before I see Ji Hyo gets home safely. I won't break this promise. I've broken one and I'm not planning on repeating the same mistake.

I'm trying to focus on the newspaper I'm reading when the front door opens. “Ji Hyo?” I look up at her. Thank god, she's safe.

“Eo. Na ya.” She doesn't even glance, she just walks as fast as she can to her bedroom.

Seeing this, I frown slightly, but I quickly recover. “Where have you been? It's- it's over twelve.”

Before I can finish my sentence, she cuts me. “I was with Jin Young and So Min, don't worry.” And she disappears.

I sigh. How can I not worry about you, Ji Hyo-yah? I'm your husband even though I failed as one. Can't you please forgive this stupid and idiotic husband of yours?

I clean the mess I made from before and walk into the guest room. The room that now I sleep in.

I just stare at the ceiling above, I can't sleep. When I got home yesterday night, I didn't even meet Ji Hyo, she was already in her room. When I saw her this morning, wanting to have a conversation, she cut me short and left.

It had been a week since Ae Jung's passing. A hard week was an understatement. We barely got through it, but we knew, if we were together, we would always be able to get through everything, and this was the principal I held on to.

Ji Hyo was back at work once again even though her boss assured her that it was fine for her to rest for a while, and I was just staying back at home, waiting for her to come home every day. It was a routine, I waited for her until she came home safely and we went to our bedroom together.

I was laying on the bed when Ji Hyo went out of the bathroom.

“Oppa, I have to go to Beijing for work tomorrow morning.” She informed me out of nowhere.

“Already?” I couldn't believe that her boss would already ask her to travel across the country all by herself. Didn't she know about the incident that just happened in our family?

“Eo. I volunteered to go.” She shrugged while drying her hair with a towel.

“Can't you accompany me for a while? I'll only be here for two more weeks.” I pouted. The time I spent with her meant a lot to me and I wanted to spend our time as much as we could.

“I'll be back in 3 days, don't worry.” She half-heartedly smiled at me.

She was quiet most of the time, with short sentences here and there. I was the one who always tried to talk to her, to have a conversation with her, to make her laugh, even though I failed most of the time. She just wasn't herself anymore.

I nodded, sighing internally. She should've talked to me instead of throwing herself back at work. Busying herself but not opening her feeling to her husband was not right. I wanted to know what's on her pretty little mind.

We were quiet for a while, she laid beside me and we both were just staring at the ceiling. “You know, Ji Hyo-yah, I wish you weren't that busy at the time, I'm sure that Ae Jung would still be here.”

When the words left my mouth, my breath got stuck in my throat. I couldn't believe what I just said. I looked at Ji Hyo's facial expression that turned rigid and a tear left her eye.

I didn't mean to say it out loud but I just did and I cursed myself. Why did I even think about that horrible thought in the first place?

“So you think it's my fault that Ae Jung died?” She whispered and turned her head to look at me. “You’re blaming me?” She started to sit up.

“No, no, I'm not blaming you, Ji Hyo-yah.” I tried to reach for her but she pulled her arms away and stood up.

She shook her head frantically. “Can't you see that I'm already blaming myself too? I hate myself for killing my own baby, I hate my body for not being a good place for Ae Jung, I hate me too, Oppa!”

My heart broke listening to her words. Now she felt worse because I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut. “Ji Hyo-yah, aniya, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I know it's not your fault.” I went to hug her but she stepped back and opened the door.

Her tears streamed down her face, and she closed her eyes for a second, before opening her eyes again. “I'll sleep in the guest room tonight.”

She went to Beijing early in the morning, not saying goodbye to me first.

I've prepared an omelet for her, knowing it's her favorite breakfast. I've also made a special cup of coffee for her, knowing she can't get through the day without at least a cup.

She walks into the kitchen, already dressed in her blouse and a pencil skirt, but hasn't done her makeup yet. Our eyes meet immediately, and she averts her eyes away from me and starts walking out of the kitchen.

“Ji Hyo-yah.” I stop myself. It's a habit of me calling her 'Ji Hyo-yah', I know she hates it because she said one time that only her closest ones can call her that, and she no longer feels related to me anymore. But if she does, she doesn't show it. “I've made an omelet for you.” I push the plate towards her.

She gives me a quick smile that doesn't reach her eyes. “I'll just have the coffee.” She points at the cup in front of me.

I gladly give her the cup, thanking god that at least she wants to drink the coffee I've made.

But she just takes the cup and brings it to the bedroom, probably finishing her makeup.

After some time, she gets out of the room with her purse and takes her car key. “I'll be back late, don't wait for me.”

She gets out of the apartment before I can say another word to her. I notice something, she never calls this apartment 'home' anymore, she no longer considers this apartment as her home anymore and it breaks my heart.

But the other thing I notice is, she's still wearing her wedding ring, our wedding band, she still does consider me as her husband, and just that alone makes me want to fight for her harder. I will do anything just to get her back, just to make her trust me again, just to have her gladly accept me as her husband one more time.

“Oppa?”

I was shocked that she was the one who started the conversation. It had been almost two weeks since I said the words and she never once tried to talk to me. She just went to what used to be our bedroom and didn't get out until morning. She also often skipped dinner just to avoid me.

“Hm?” My heart was overjoyed listening to her voice once again. I was going back to work tomorrow and I would've really loved it to talk to her before I departed.

“Can we get a divorce?” Her voice was so small but I could hear it perfectly.

My heart went still. I was frozen. My mind was going 200 miles an hour. Did she really hate me that much that she wanted us to get a divorce?

I let out a breath harshly because my lungs seemed to be closing.

She just stood still in front of me, her arms hugging herself as if she was protecting herself from me.

After some time, I was able to find my own voice. “Andwae, Ji Hyo-yah, please forgive me. Please don't ask me for a divorce, I can't.” Then I lost my voice once again.

She nodded her head silently and went back to her room. I broke down instantly, falling onto my knees. My body shook hysterically, I loved her so much, I didn't want to get a divorce.

“Eo, Ah Rin-ah.” I pick up my phone.

“Oppa, can you watch Jung Soo for a few hours? I have to go to work and his babysitter can't watch him today.”

“Sure. I'll pick him up in 10.”

Of course I will watch my only nephew. I love him so much that sometimes I consider him as my own son. He's done nothing wrong in his four years of life to have a difficult childhood, so I try to make him as happy as I possibly can, including being a missing father figure in his life.

“Gomawo, Oppa!” Ah Rin greets me when I reach her apartment with Jung Soo in her arms.

“Jong Kook Samchon!” Jung Soo squeals and I pretend to be shocked.

“Jung Soo-yah?”

He laughs loudly before kisses and hugs his mother goodbye.

“Be good for Jong Kook Samchon, okay Jung Soo-yah? Bye, saranghae.” Ah Rin blows a kiss to her son, before hugging me. “I'll be back at 6, okay? You can take him to the mall if you'd like. Whatever you want to do with him.”

After a few hours of just playing inside my sister's apartment, Jung Soo asks me. “Samchon, can we get ice cream at the mall?”

“Geureom. Gaja.”

We reach the mall and instead of going to an ice cream shop, Jung Soo gets into a toy shop. “Samchon, can I get a toy, please?”

Since he's the only nephew I have, of course, I spoil him. “Only one, arasseo?” and he nods excitedly.

He takes one of the biggest toys he can find and screams. “I want this, Samchon!”

I just shake my head, chuckling. My nephew surely knows how to take a chance. “Geurae, let's go to the cashier.” I take his hand.

After I pay for the toy, I look down just to see him gone. He's missing. I mutter a quick thank you to the cashier and get out of the store looking for him.

“Oppa.” I recognize that bea