Lon fell to his knees right next to your mother on the brown grass.

“Did you know?” he choked out. His gaze on your mother was a mix of too many emotions for one person to feel at once. Fear, anger, disappointment, and heartbreak were only a few of the emotions you could decipher. “Did you know he was guilty?”

Your mother shook her head. “No. Not until Markus showed me the video a few months ago.”

“How could he do that? To the pack? To us?”

“He was a prideful man,” your mother admitted. It was obvious how much it broke her heart to say that out loud. To your mother, your father was the perfect mate. And that was a tall pedestal to fall from. “He wanted to provide for us on his own. That’s the only reason I can come up with. The only one that makes sense.”

Falling back to sit down, Lon let out a frustrated yell. He looked at you, looking more conflicted than ever. “Markus offered me a place in his pack.”

You nodded, scared about his answer. Part of you wanted him to belong to something - to feel at home in a pack like every wolf should - but part of you also didn’t want to have to choose between him and Chanyeol. At this point – as much as you loved your brother – you had to choose Chanyeol. You couldn’t let him die. But you didn’t want to lose your brother in the process.

“What are you going to do?”

With a burdened sigh, Lon replied, “I told him I had to think about it. I was serious when I said that I like where we are now. But I can also get a job here. And we’ll be close to Mom.”

Of course he assumed you’d be coming back with him. He had no reason not to. And your mother said nothing to contradict him either, for which you were thankful for.

He glanced at your mother, hoping for a decision from her instead.

“Choose whatever feels right, Lon.” A typical mother answer. That didn’t ease his worry at all.

It took over a half hour, but finally Lon had calmed down enough to have a normal conversation consisting of just catching up with your mother on what had been missed over the past five years. Apparently not much, according to her.

Unlike you, he never strayed into the territory of your mother seeking help or taking the medicine. He seemed more resigned to her decision. You hated how he just accepted it. You may have shut up about it, but you still had a small sliver of hope that she might change her mind, however pointless that sliver was.

The sun was completely gone under the horizon and the sky full of little stars when the two of you finally said goodbye to your mother and left your childhood home. Markus was also still there, having waited to see if Lon would make up his mind. Your brother reiterated that he needed more time and that he would be in touch. Markus seemed satisfied with that answer, saying that there was no rush and there would always be a place for the both of us among the pack.

Originally, the plan was to stay for the weekend, but the bombshells dropped on you both derailed that idea. Lon told you that he needed distance in order to make up his mind and that’s why he wanted to head back home. You didn’t argue. You needed to see Chanyeol.

Instead, you promised to come see your mother again every weekend until… well, until you couldn’t anymore.

On Sunday, you tried to find Chanyeol everywhere and anywhere you thought he might be. You even passed the music store a few times on the chance he might stop by again, earning a glare from the employee on your third trip. Neither hide nor hair of him was to be found anywhere you looked. So, you had only one choice and that was to ambush him at the college on Monday.

Lon decided to go ahead into work even though he’d told Kris he’d still be out of town, making it much easier for you to leave the apartment without questions. The “I need some air to think” excuse only worked for so long and you could only “go to the store” so many times.

So much energy and nervousness was building up in you that you were practically bouncing with each step as you entered the campus grounds. Most classes must have been in session because only a few handfuls of students were scattered among the courtyard. Going on intuition, you headed for the music hall where you’d found him last time.

As you arrived, you started to formulate something similar to a plan. Or maybe an outline?

Should you wait by the door? Go inside? Or just outside on the sidewalk? Would that be too creep? Too conspicuous?

You opted to wait until a tree a good fifty feet away from the entrance. After almost an hour of waiting, students finally began to pour out of the doors. You straightened up, searching for the familiar giant. As the rush of college students hurrying to their next class began to thin, you wondered if you’d have to wait there all day just to catch Chanyeol. You didn’t even know if he had class today.

In your scanning of the students, he almost got away, walking in the opposite direction. You didn’t recognize him at first. It was the fact that two other wolves were with him that saved you. He… dyed his hair? Gray? What possessed him to do that?

“Chanyeol!”

You ran after him, nearly colliding with him when he stopped mid step to turn and see who’d called for him. Bending over, you huffed and puffed to catch your breath.

“I need – to talk – to you.” Every few words you needed to refill your lungs with fresh air. Man, you were out of shape.

Eyeing you, Chanyeol told his pack mates to go ahead without him. The other wolves hesitated at first before finally heading to class, sending you curious glances over their shoulders.

“What do you want?” he asked gruffly. Where there was normally a shy smile on his lips, now there was only a scowl.

While you hadn’t exactly been expecting the red carpet welcome, this harsh treatment through you off. Wow. He must really hate you.

You scoured your brain for a place to start. It wasn’t an easy task to explain that when you told him off last time that you were naive and stupid. That you had believed a lie and didn’t understand the true consequences of your actions.

“I’m sorry,” was your reply.

“Congratulations.”

You flinched.

Okay, you deserved that. Especially considering that was your reply when he’d first introduced himself.

Something between a groan and a whine vibrated in your throat. Better just get it over with.

“Okay, look. I don’t know how else to say this, so - damn it.” Chanyeol just kept staring at you. The soft adoration that usually occupied his gaze was long gone. Replacing it was anger and announce. This wasn’t as easy as you’d hoped it’d be. “Fine, here it goes: I shouldn’t have said that it would never happen. Us, that is. I want to give this a shot. I do. Because… I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know?” he echoed in a mocking tone. “Know what, exactly?”

“I didn’t know that you would die if I rejected you.” You swallowed as you watched his face contort to one of disgusted.

“You didn’t know?” he shouted. “You were raised by wolves! Your brother is a wolf! How could you not know?”

“My mother never told me!” You yelled back. “When I was kid, she simply said the wolf would be in pain for a little while and then they’d be fine!”

Chanyeol scoffed. “And you believed her?”

“She’s my mother,” you snapped. “Why shouldn’t I have believed her?”

“And so that’s why you’re here now?” He shook his head. “Because you feel sorry for me?”

You gaped at him. “I don’t want you die.”

He marched up to you until the two of you were toe to toe. “Give me a reason. Just one reason that doesn’t involve your conscience as to why you don’t want me to die.”

Looking up at him, you tried to come up with what he wanted. Because of the pull? Not good enough. You couldn’t say that you were in love with him. Even if his smile did warm you up inside, even though you liked the way his skin felt against yours, you couldn’t say that you were in love with him. You didn’t know enough about him.

At your prolonged silence, Chanyeol laughed. It was a short and humorless one that stabbed at your heart. “That’s what I thought.” He took a few steps back.

You wanted to reach out to him and pull him back to you so you could wrap your arms around his waist, but you kept your fists at your sides.

“Just leave me alone, (y/n). We’re both better off that way.”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to voice any sort of response as he walked away, silver hair swaying in the breeze.

**

Chanyeol could feel the sickening presence before he even hit the final step that led into the main level of the house. It wasn’t really everyone else’s fault that he was stuck in this situation, but he wished his brothers wouldn’t hang out with their mates at the house. It made him feel like he had to run away just to get away from all the lovey-dovey PDA that he wanted to experience for himself.

In his current mood, he should have turned left to go to the kitchen and maybe get something eat or just leave the property entirely. But no. Instead, he had to turn right, following the laughter and chatter into the living room. Twelve people were scattered all around the room, split into their perfect pairs.

Shy little Dana was curled up into Kyungsoo’s side. He’d never seen the usually stone faced wolf smile so much before his mate came into his life. Yixing and Ming were being their normal reserved selves. They were the couple that Chanyeol could tolerate the most. They were typically private with their affection and for that, the rest of the unmated wolves were grateful. The others weren’t so accommodating. Even Jongdae and Jiyoung had gotten to the point of gross sweetness consideration their more than bumpy start.

He wondered if he hadn’t yelled at you, if he’d just given in, that maybe the two of you could be joining in with the other mates, taking in each other’s presence and just being… happy. That was an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Chanyeol stood in the doorway for longer than he’d meant to, just staring. Baekhyun finally caught on to the peeping tom and called him out.

“Uh, Chanyeol? You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae chuckled. “You look pissed. Did you see your mate again?”

Chanyeol hadn’t realized that he’d been scowling, but now that he was aware of his facial features, he shook the expression away. “I’m fine.”

It was very obvious by the growl that underlined the response that he most certainly was not fine.

A hand landed gently on his shoulder, making him turn around. Junmyeon gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Come on,” he motioned for Chanyeol to follow him with his head. All too willing for an excuse to leave the area, Chanyeol had no problem obeying that order.

Junmyeon led him to the kitchen, gesturing for him to sit down while he poured two cups of fresh coffee. That was the difference between Kris and Junmyeon. The former had taken Chanyeol out for beer and soju shots whenever he got like this. Junmyeon’s answer was a bit more tame, but it still helped. Besides, it was too early in the day for alcoholic beverages.

“It’ll get better,” Junmyeon promised as he sat down next to Chanyeol, placing a plain white mug filled with steaming brown liquid in front of each of them. “Just give it time.”

“She’s already rejected me,” Chanyeol pouted. He took the mug in his hands, but didn’t drink any of the coffee. The warmth against his palms was nice enough. “My days are numbered.”

He couldn’t bring himself to update the alpha on the fact that you were now trying to accept him. Now the fact that Chanyeol was dying was completely his own fault. Now he was the one rejecting you like giant idiot that he was.

“Not quite that numbered,” Junmyeon countered. Raised by wolf parents well into his twenties, Junmyeon was lucky to get the full facts of their kind. In fact, he was one of the few in the pack that still had parents, even though they moved away a long time ago in order for the pack to learn to stand on their own two feet. “It would still take months, sometimes even years for the pain to actually grow to point of… well, that.”

Chanyeol scoffed. “Great. So I get to live with this for years. At least I might still get to graduate.”

That apparently wasn’t the reaction Junmyeon was hoping for. “She could still come around. Just give it time.”

“She made it very clear that she wants nothing to with me.” Nothing to with him unless it meant not having his death on your hands that is. And Chanyeol didn’t want you to stay with him out of pity. He wanted you to feel the same way he did. But it was obvious that was never going to happen. At this point, Chanyeol was welcoming the end.

“Look,” Junmyeon scooted closer to him, taking on that fatherly look that came about every so often. “I don’t know her story, but it seems to me that something happened to make her not trust wolves beyond her brother. Eventually, the pull will be too much and she’ll give you a chance. I know as soon as she gets to know you - really know you – she’ll accept you. I believe that.”

Chanyeol stared at his alpha. He was in awe of the hope and optimism that Junmyeon radiated. But he didn’t know what this felt like, not personally. He had yet to experience what it was like to meet your mate and then be separated from them, to not be with them.

“Do you ever wish it would happen to you?” Chanyeol asked suddenly.

Junmyeon was taken aback by the question, his eyebrows raising to almost touching his hair line. Then he smoothed out his expression, staring down at the table with that thoughtful look he wore so well. “I wish for it every day.”

“You do?” Chanyeol frowned. He hadn’t expected such a romantic answer from him.

The alpha nodded. “It’s a bit selfish, really, why I want to find my mate. It’s not because everyone else is finding theirs. Although, admittedly, it is hard when your younger brothers are finding their mates one after another, but the alpha is still painfully single.” He let out a short chuckle that died quickly. Inhaling deeply, he shook his head. “No, I want to find mine in order to take away other feelings.”

That sounded more like his hyung. “Soomi?”

Junmyeon nodded. “She keeps asking to meet up, maybe get coffee, but I always say I can’t. Even when I can. But she keeps trying, saying that she’s patient. I don’t want her to be patient.”

“Coffee won’t harm anyone.” Chanyeol felt bad for Junmyeon. He was too noble for his own good.

There’d been a small phase after he’d graduated high school and started college where he dated a lot of girls. Never took any of them out on more than one or two dates, but there so many of them that he didn’t have to worry about boring Friday nights.

It wasn’t until his parents left, effectively putting him in charge of the rest of them, that he started to change. It wasn’t a huge shift. Junmyeon was always more responsible than the rest of him. But he began to take his role as both a wolf and an alpha seriously. That was when he started encouraging them all to not date and to wait for their mates instead. Chanyeol would never say it out loud, but he was pretty sure Junmyeon only became more adamant about it because of Kris and Jiyoon.

“Coffee usually leads to dinner or a movie,” Junmyeon countered. “Which leads to more dates. Which would only lead to heartbreak.”

“You really like her that much, don’t you?” Funny how things worked out. Junmyeon brought Chanyeol in here to encourage him. Now Chanyeol was the one doing the comforting.

Junmyeon slapped the table before standing up. “I’ve liked a lot of people. Who knows? Maybe the next one will be my mate. You never know when they’ll show up.” He patted Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on her. We’ve all got chapters we wish we could erase. Unfortunately, they tend influence the rest of the story.”

Leaving behind those words of wisdom, Junmyeon took his cup of coffee and left the kitchen.

Now Chanyeol was conflicted. It was so easy to be mad at you. So easy to hate how quickly you’d dismissed him. He had every right to be the bad guy now, to walk away from you. But-

You told him how you didn’t know….

Did you really not know that he would die in you didn’t except him? You were raised among wolves. Surely, someone would have told you otherwise. Did you truly believe your mother when she told you that your wolf would be fine in the end?

Leaning back in his chair, Chanyeol exhaled a long breath. He said that he would play that bad boy. He’d act like he didn’t care and that you could go to hell. He looked the part now, with his hair and tattoo. He even got to play it out; perfectly, if you asked him.

The look in your eyes as you pleaded for a second chance almost broke his resolve right then and there. He had to skip class and go for a run just to try and clear his mind.

You really wanted to try. That’s what you said. So why couldn’t he just run to you now, pride and pity be damned?

His wolf inside whined, barking and growling at him to get off his and to go to you, to hold you and tell you that he would never let you go. But he just sat there, staring at the coffee as it let off its last few puffs of steam while it cooled down to room temperature. You were finally going to accept him. So why wasn’t he happier about it?