Everyone thinks that the life of a Korean-pop celebrity or idol is filled with luxury, class and money. Well, that can be the case. For many idols, they enjoy the love and support coming from those that basically idolize them. They’d see these idols on stage and admire the bling and how spectacular the stage is. They’d see the clothes worn, and think that they have it all. Sure, maybe they don’t suffer a boring office life and repetitive arguments with guests in  the service line. But for those idols, it doesn’t make anything they do easier than what others do. In fact, they also face a lot of criticism. They’re constantly under the spotlight and basically have every single thing they do monitor and watched by thousands and millions. Keeping a positive public image can be very exhausting as well. 

You can’t do this. You can’t do that. What are your fans going to think? Are people going to hate you for doing this? 

Just constantly thinking about whether people will accept you or not can be very damaging to your health. Trust me. It’s only been 4 years in the spotlight and I already feel the insane amount of burdening pressure just to be perfect and accepted. It’s a struggle to even get up everyday and look in the mirror, trying to tell myself that I am worth it. I never thought I’d end up this way. But yet even though it is easy to just give up, I’m not going to do that just yet. I believe there is a reason for me to keep pushing in this industry and I just have not found it yet. 

So yet again, here I am at another ‘luxurious’ party that idols often socialize at. Well, it’s only because it happens to be a huge producer’s wedding and so many of us that have worked with him before have been invited to. Other than this wedding, there are numerous gatherings that idols hold every half yearly and it’s not exactly a difficult thing to get invited to. Honestly, I never used to go out to these events, not until I had to promote my own solo debut and not part of my disbanded group, Snxw. 

I have to admit, I’m not the most extroverted or outgoing person. Sure, every personality test I take states that I am on a high extroverted scale and even my fans think that way about me. Yet I feel like I am someone that needs to be approached first before I will feel comfortable speaking to them. Is that normal for an extrovert? Nonetheless, being at this wedding made me feel even more lonely. 

Everyone seemed to know one another and even after 4 years in this industry, I have to say that I am not the most well connected. I don’t know if it is because they had common topics like Korean High School and all that but I’m that foreigner that came back to my home country later. 

“Yah, Jinae-ah.” Of course, it just had to be him that follows me everywhere. I’m kidding. He finally came back after leaving me to feel anxious around these big named people. “Stop hiding in the corner and go make some friends.”

“Oppa, why are you following me everywhere I go?” I joked around, playfully giving him a frown and a look of disapproval. “Are you that obsessed with me?”

“Well, maybe if I didn’t once experience and witnessed the coke squirting out your nose when you laughed so hard, I’d probably be in love with you. But I just can’t unsee that.”

“Yah, Baekhyun-nim,” I scolded, frowning at the fact that he said it so loudly. “Do you have a death wish?”

In case you’re wondering who Baekhyun might be. It is Byun Baekhyun. The Baekhyun. Baekhyun from the huge idol group, EXO. It is him and he happens to be my closest friend considering the fact that both of us are from the same agency. It’s definitely not the best agency in terms of managing their artists and giving them the support, and so I’d say that Baekhyun is pretty much my only source of support nowadays. 

“You’ve literally been hiding here for the past twenty minutes.” Baekhyun laughed but also hitting me on the arm lightly and playfully. “Don’t think I don’t know.”

“And we’re back on the topic of you being my biggest fan.” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him. “Should we register our marriage already or do you think the company will force us apart.”

“Ha ha.” Baekhyun grumbled. “Sensi topic.”

I pressed my lips together trying to hold back my stifled laughter knowing that he wasn’t too affected by it. It’s been years now ever since his relationship and the only relationship he has ever invested so much into went down the drain. As much as he says he is over it, I think part of him still can’t let go. 

“Anyway, there are so many people that want to meet you.” Baekhyun continued with his initial topic, which is probably why he even came back to find me after pretty much speaking to every single person here. 

“You kind of did leave me to fend to myself the minute we entered.” I stated facts.

“And now I’ve come to collect you.”

“What am I? Some kind of parcel?” I raised an eyebrow. “Or am I an adopted dog?”

“I don’t think you’d like the answer to that.” Baekhyun laughed so hard, literally making me roll my eyes at him. Just as I get joy out of teasing him, he gets joy out of insulting me but not in a hurtful manner. “Come on. I’ll introduce you to a good friend of mine.”

“You’re a socialite.” I commented as I finally followed behind him. He practically held onto my wrist and dragged me along with him so it’s not like I have much of a choice. “You have thousands of close friends."

“Thousands a bit much, don’t you think?” He put down my exaggeration. 

If reporters were actually in here, they’d go absolutely bonkers. There’d be news of Baekhyun and Jewel dating all over and circulating like crazy. As it is, there were already so many rumors about the both of us. But let’s be real, he grabbing my wrist. How much more romantic could that possibly get? A whole lot, don’t you think? These girls have watched way to many romantic Korean dramas. Well, I am guilty of that too. 

Just following behind him, I politely greeted and smiled to those along the way. I recognized some producers and writers. Considering how SM Entertainment has never really let me produce my own songs for my albums, I have worked with countless of producers. 

Looking ahead to the direction that Baekhyun was headed, he was practically dragging me to a table by the front corner of the room and right infront of the stage. I could already see who was seated there and pretty much guessed it too. Everyone knows how popular Baekhyun is, but everyone also knows the close friendship he has with that popular male idol - BTS’ Kim Taehyung, or well, V. 

“Taehyung-ah.” Baekhyun called out as we approached the table. Right then, Taehyung stood up from his seat in between s and I was absolutely taken aback by his looks. “This is Jewel, or well, Seo Jinae.”

I looked at the table that was filled with members of Taehyung’s group, BTS. They all looked so dashing and enchanting. Their looks were so out of this world that it didn’t seem real at all. I’ve only ever met them backstage before but it was always a quick greeting and that was it. Well, except for Seokjin, whom I have worked with as a MC on a music show once. Yet standing here infront  of them didn’t feel real. Seeing them up close and for such a long period of time is a little overwhelming. I guess their good llooks could easily make someone feel this intimidated. 

Well, that and the fact that they’re BTS - the idols amongst idols. 

“Hello, I’m Taehyung.” Taehyung stook out a hand, awaiting a polite handshake. Just taking his hands in mind, I worried if mine were too cold or sweaty. Gosh, I probably should have gone to the washroom to wash my hands first if I knew I’d be meeting BTS. I quickly turned to Baekhyun with a frown but his expression said something else. He was trying to set me up. “I’m a huge fan.”

“Ah, komawoyo” I awkwardly exclaimed, feeling shy and reddish already. I quickly turned to the table where the others were either watching this scene like a movie or well, watching other people. “Annyounghasehyo.”

“Oh, Jinae-ssi.” Seokjin happily greeted, a beautiful spreading across his face. “We finally meet again.”

“Ne, sunbaenim.” I chuckled lightly, still not sure what to do or what to say. I turned to Baekhyun, wishing he could just help me out a little. Take me away from here. 

“Taehyung-ah,” Baekhyun spoke and I got a little excited. I was hoping we were done here. However, as he wore this smirk and he leaned to whisper to Taehyung, I knew it was too good to be true. “Do you mind letting Jinae stay with you guys for awhile? She’s shy when it comes to events like these.”