"Excuse me.. but, who are you?"



I don't know it would hurt this much.



"Seulgi! Hey Joo, pasok ka muna sa loob, she's my friend, may pag-uusapan lang kami. Help Mom sa kusina please? Thank youu."

Nakita ko ang lito sa mga mukha niya bago hinayaan si Heechul na hawakan ang pinto at pumasok sa loob.


It's been a couple of months already.

She still.. doesn't remember me.

"Seulgi? Nakikinig ka ba?"

"Huh?"

"I said, wag ka muna pumunta dito sa bahay. I had a hard time making her sleep almost every night, dahil sa mga sakit ng ulo niya. Please, you going here everyday doesn't help."

"B-But Heechul, what if kaya wala pa din siyang maalala dahil hindi niya ako nakikita?"

Ilang beses ko na bang naririnig ang nagtitimping buntong-hininga ni Heechul?

"Ang sabi ng Doktor, iiwas si Joohyun sa stress. And everytime she sees you, she gets stressed. Gaano ba kahirap intindihin 'yun Seulgi?"

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman.


"Hanggang kailan ka mag-lalagi dito Seulgi?"

Hindi ko din alam.





"Hindi ka pa niya naalala. Bigyan mo muna siya ng oras."

Hindi ko kaya.





Marahas na inalog ni Heechul ang mga balikat ko. "Seulgi! Ano ba! Ayusin mo ang buhay mo!"



Malamlam kong tiningnan si Heechul. "Heechul, si Joohyun ang buhay ko."



Nakita ko ang pagtulo ng mga luha niya, bago ako inakap ng mahigpit. "Oras, Seulgi. Bigyan mo siya ng oras."



Ang sakit.



Bakit ganon? Bakit siya pa?



Bakit kami pa?



"Ang sabi ng doktor, hangga't maaari, huwag na muna natin bigyan ng kahit anong iisipin si Joohyun."

"H-Heechul, ako dapat yung kasama niya doon sa loob. Ako dapat ang nag-aalaga sa kanya."



"HINDI KA NGA NIYA NAAALALA! WALA SIYANG NARARAMDAMAN KUNG HINDI PAGKALITO SA TUWING NAKIKITA KA NIYA!"



"H-Heechul, please.."



Kung hindi ba ako umalis, maaaksidente ka?



Hindi, Seulgi. Kung nandito ka ng mga oras na 'yon, hindi siya maiiwang mag-isa.



May kasama siya, kung nandito ka lang sana.



Kasalanan ko.



"H-Heechul.. I'm sorry.."



"Please.. Seulgi. Alam nating dalawa na gugustuhin ni Joohyun na nasa maayos kang kalusugan sa oras na bumalik na lahat ng alaala niya, alagaan mo ang sarili mo, pakiusap."

"Heechul.. kasalanan ko.. kasalanan ko diba? I'm sorry.."



Tuloy-tuloy lang ang pagdaloy ng luha sa mukha ko.



Deserve ko pa ba ang mahalin siya, matapos ko siyang iwan?



"Seulgi.. hindi mo kasalanan.. okay? Nasa malayo ka nung gabing 'yun. Inaayos mo na ang lahat, para sa inyo.. di ba? Hindi mo kasalanan."


Wala akong nagawa kundi umalis ng lumuluha.


Isang araw na naman ang lumipas ng hindi kita kasama, Joohyun.



------


"The Notebook?"

Mabilis 'kong naisara ang librong binabasa, at tinitigan ang babaeng umupo sa upuang kaharap ko.

Anong ginagawa niya dito? Pwede na siyang lumabas?

Ikinaway niya ang kamay sa harap ko, kinukuha ang atensyon ko.

"Hey, okay ka lang ba?"

Hindi.


"Uh, oo. Bakit ka nandito?"

"Sorry, as you can see, puno na yung ibang tables, and you looked like you're finished with your coffee already.. right?"

Wala sa huwisyo akong napatango.

"So.. The Notebook?"

Napatingin ako sa librong binabasa. "What about it?"

"It's a good book, ang lungkot nga lang."

"Yeah.. it is."


Funny how our situations are very much similar.

Swerte nga lang si Noah, may mga pagkakataong naaalala siya ni Allie.

Unlike me.


"Artist ka ba?"

I swear my neck almost snapped because of how fast I looked at her.

"H-How did you know?"

Ngumiti siya. And I just fell in love, all over again.

"You have pretty hands."


Nangingilid na ang mga luha ko, kaunting-kaunti na lang.

Why is everything so unfair to us?


"So, did you like it? That book?"

Napatango na lang ako, I can't really speak without sobs threatening to come out.

She must've noticed, dahil gumuhit ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.

"Hey.. are you okay?"


Hindi ko na kaya.

Nagmamadali akong tumayo, nagpaplanong umalis na.

Pero bago pa man ako makaalis sa puwesto ko, naramdaman ko na ang maliit niyang kamay sa aking palapulsuhan.


"Seulgi?"

Agad akong napatingin sa kanya, at kita rin ang pagkabigla sa kanyang mukha.

H-How?


Pumihit akong papaharap sa kanya, hinahawakan ang mga kamay niyang wala pa ring palya ang pagmamahal at init na dala sa akin.

"Joohyun? C-Can you remember me?"


Makikita ang pagkalito sa mukha niya, unti-unti itong napapalitan ng pag-ngiwi, isang palatandaan ng paparating na namang sakit ng ulo ko.

"I-I'm sorry-"


It was chaos.



------


"I told you to stay away from her!"

Napayuko na lang ako, I can't really tell him that it wasn't my fault.

Was it destiny?


Or it was really coincidental that I was having my coffee in that cafe where she used to work, (and where we first met) and she came in that cafe the same day as well?

"I-I'm sorry."

"Nagsisimula na akong mainis sayo, Seulgi. Naiintindihan kong nasasaktan ka din, pero pakiusap, lahat ng mga ginagawa mo ay hindi nakakatulong sa kanya."

"K-Kuya?"


Agad kaming napatingin ni Heechul sa hospital bed, kung saan kasalukuyang nakaupo si Joohyun.

"Hey, Joo, how are you feeling?"

"L-Let's go home, please? Baka lalong mag-alala si Mama. You didn't tell her, right?"

"No. Alam kong ayaw mo. But are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. Tara na, please?"

Tumango si Heechul at inalalayan ang kapatid.

Joohyun didn't even spared me a glance.


God, why?


------


"Seulgi, please, kinausap ko na si Dad. He's willing to take you back, please, be rational. Come back, please."

Why can't people just leave me alone?

"Matagal ng tapos na ang usapang ito, Joy."

"You're already hurting yourself too much, you should just forget about her."

How can she say that? How?

I tried really hard to stop my tears, but I just can't.

"Why are you telling me what to do? Why do you want me to forget about her?"

"She doesn't feel anything for you anymore! She doesn't even know your name! You've just became a familiar face to her."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! YOU'RE NOT HER!"

Joy looked at me pitifully.

I hate how she looked at me, but, I can't help but hope. The event yesterday tells me something. It was destiny. I know it was.


I promised her I'll stay.

And I'm keeping that promise, no matter what.


-----


As much as I want to wallow in my misery, I still have a job, thus why I am in the studio right now.

The problem is that, wala akong magawa.

One of the disadvantages of being as artist. You can't really make anything kapag wala ka sa hulog.

But I need to create something. I need to. May isang event na mangyayari 1 week from now, and I must present something there. Pero ano?


Ilang oras na akong nakatulala sa blankong canvas ng makarinig ako ng isang katok.

Nagpa-deliver ba ako?

I stood up, at pumunta sa pintuan para silipin kung sino.


"S-Seulgi?"

No matter how small it is, I will always know her voice.

I opened the door, and there she was.

Joohyun. My Joohyun.


"H-Hey, why are you here?"

She held her head down and fiddled with her fingers.

"Y-You're Seulgi.. right?"


Tumango ako, still shocked. Paano niya nalaman kung nasaan ang studio ko? Does she.. remember?


God, please.

"I-I my name is Joohyun, uhm, uh as you can see, I don't really remember my relationship with you, pero I just felt the urge to come here, I was about to go to the mall, and then I saw this apartment complex and I know I just need to come and go here.. I'm sorry for the disturbance."

I want to cry. She remembers me, even though not the relationship, she remember things now, this is a good thing, right?


"O-Okay lang, do you want to come in?"

Tiningnan niya ako sa mga mata. There was confusion in her eyes, but the determination was there as well.

Tumango siya matapos ang iilang segundo. Pinatuloy ko siya, at nakita ko ang pagkamangha sa mukha niya ng makita ang mga tapos ko nang obra.

All of these were inspired by her.

All of these were created while I was still pursuing her, and when we got together.

She became my muse.


"We had something, didn't we?"

I looked her, testing the waters.

The information might be too much too handle. Ayoko siyang mapahamak ulit.


"I-I saw your picture in my phone yesterday. I can't remember where did I see you, but I know you're an important person in my life."


Tumango na lang ako. Unable to speak, again.

Sobrang hina ko talaga pagdating sa kanya.


I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing pattern to calm myself down. I can't break down, not right now. Joohyun is here.

Hindi ko namalayan ang paglapit niya sa akin. Naramdaman ko na lang ang maliliit niyang kamay na maingat na hinahawakan ang mukha ko.

"You know.. when I saw your picture yesterday, it's funny but the thought of us being together, I really liked it."

Napasinghap ako. Why can't we just be together?


Napapikit akong muli, hindi kinakaya ang bigat ng mga tingin niya sa akin. Marahan kong hinawakan ang mga kamay niyang nasa mukha ko, dinadama ang init nito.

Matapos ang iilang segundo, muli ko siyang tiningnan, sinserong ngumingiti.

"Tara, let's get you home."

She nodded, a forlorn smile etched in her face.


------


I thought everything was improving.


Akala ko lang pala.


"Ano na namang ginagawa mo dito Seulgi?"

"Heech, nagkita kami ni Joohyun kahapon, she remembered details about me. Isn't it a good thing?"

An unexplainable expression washed over his face.

"Hindi sumakit ang ulo niya? Paano kayo nagkita? Pinuntahan ka niya?"

"Pumunta siya ng studio ko. By instinct. Alam niya ang pangalan ko, Heechul. At natatandaan niya ang daan papunta sa studio ko. She's getting better, right?"

Malamlam na ngumiti si Heechul, there was something in his smile, like he knows something.

"Heechul.. she's getting better, diba?"

"Let's just see, Seulgi. Let's not get our hopes up."

"What do you mean? She remembers details! Isn't that a good thing?"


Hindi siya nagsalita, bagkus, binuksan niya ang pinto papasok sa bahay nila at iminuwestra ako papasok.

Nalilito man, pumasok ako, at agad na hinanap ng aking mata si Joohyun.


"Joo? Where are you?"

Narinig ko ang mahihinang yabag sa hagdan, na nagmumula sa taas.

"Kuya?"

Tumingin sa akin saglit si Heechul bago hinarap ang kapatid na nasa hagdan.


"Your friend is here."

Nakita ko ang pagkalito sa mukha ni Joohyun.


No.. she knows my name. Tinawag niya akong Seulgi kahapon.


"I-I, I'm sorry.. but, what's your name?"

Gumuho ang lahat ng pag-asa sa loob ko.

"D-Do you really not know who I am?"

Guilty niya akong tiningnan.

"I'm really sorry.. no, I don't really know you."


God, why are you so cruel to me?


Matapos ang usapang iyon, muli akong iginiya ni Heechul palabas.

Tahimik na dumadaloy ang mga luha sa mata ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita.


"There are times she remembers things, but she eventually forgets after that."

"I don't want to hurt you with temporary hopes, kaya ayaw kong makipagkita ka sa kanya."

"I don't want to be the one that brings the bad news, Seulgi. But I think you should stop."

Agad akong napatingin kay Heechul, baliwala ang walang humpay na luha na dumadaloy sa pisngi ko.

"What do you mean, Heechul? Stop? How can I stop? She is my life! I can't stop just because hindi niya ako maalala!"

"How are you fine knowing that she can't remember you at all?! Why are you being so pathetic?!"

"I AM NOT FINE!"

Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, just the thought of leaving her, trying to live without her, I just can't.


Umiiyak akong iniwan si Heechul, at umuwi ng apartment ko.


How can they ask me to leave Joohyun?

Oo, nakalimutan niya ako.

Pero alam ko, ramdam ko, na mahal niya pa din ako.


She promised to stay with me before, now, it is my turn.



No matter how painful it is, I will stay.





Pagkarating ko sa apartment, nilapag ko ang phone sa mesa at dumiretso ng kusina.

Kakatapos ko lang magluto ng nag-ring ang cellphone ko.


'Hyunnie<3'


Agad kong sinagot ang tawag.

"J-Joohyun?"


"Hi, uhm, I was scrolling through my contacts, at ikaw ang nasa speed dial 1 ko."

Kanina lang ay nakita ko siya, but God, I miss her so much.


"I see. Kilala mo ba ako?"

"The name says 'Bear', so.. no."


Mapait ang ngiti sa mukha ko.

"Seulgi. My name is Seulgi."


"Seulgi.. I-I miss saying that."

Pilit kong tinatago ang mga hikbing muling kumakawala sa bibig ko.


"Really?"

"Yeah.. I don't really know why though. D-Do you perhaps know what happened to me?"

"Yes, your brother told me."

"Are we friends before?"

"..yes."

"I-I see.. this is selfish to say, but can- can you stay by my side even if I can't remember you?"


Ngumiti akong muli. This is a sign, right?


"Okay I will, I promise you."

"..promise?"

"I promised, so I better keep it right?"


"Thank you, and goodnight, Seulgi."


"Goodnight, Joohyun."




Today, tomorrow, whatever day, or month it is. I will always be here



by your side.

-----

:D Comment kayo! Salamat sa pagbabasa.