𝐻𝑒'𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑐𝑟𝑎𝑧𝑦! Was Sehun's first thought as Jongin pressed his palms down on the other one's throat; it wasn't in a playful manner at all. In fact, it seemed really serious, like the blonde was trying to harm him intentionally. And Sehun had no idea why.

“Yah!” He could barely utter out a single word from the tight grip on his airway, and both his hands grabbed Jongin's wrists to somehow get him to loosen his hold just enough for the black haired male to ask him what the hell was going on.
“I don't...want...to...hurt you, Jongin,” He said with gritted teeth and limited air supply. As much as he hoped the other one would just stop this madness, it didn't seem like he would. If anything, he would keep going until Sehun passed out. At least, that's what it seemed like from his point of view.

But there was only so much even Sehun could take, and he gave one punch with the last bit of strength he had left, delivering it into Jongin's stomach. He fell backwards and onto the couch, giving Sehun the opportunity to hop up and shove his pants on.
“Yah! Have you lost your mind?! What's wrong with you? Why would you try to kill me?!” He exclaimed once he had turned the light on.
But what he expected to see, and what he really saw, were two very different things.

Jongin wasn't acting like an animal anymore, trying to kill Sehun - instead, he really seemed shaken up. Maybe even in a daze.
“Jongin?” The other one carefully approached his boyfriend who's chest raised and fell in odd intervals, his eyes trained upwards to the ceiling. It was almost as if he had woken up from a bad dream.
“What happened?” He whispered once Sehun was sitting beside him again, his hand brushing through the blonde's hair softly.
“What do you mean? You tried to kill me, that's what,” Even though the black haired male still felt mad and maybe even upset about it, he was concerned about Jongin. He seemed really scared, like he really didn't know what he had done.
“What?! No!” The blonde got up with a frown and put on his pants as well, “I would never do that,”
“Stop kidding around about this, it isn't funny,” That was the only thing he could think was happening. Sehun was just playing with him right now, even though this joke wasn't amusing at all. Maybe it was just something Jongin had done in his sleep that made Sehun start this joke, the blonde didn't know at all. All he remembered was waking up for a few seconds during the night to make himself comfortable on the couch, and then waking up now again. Nothing in between.
“I'm not kidding with you! Do you think I'd really make a joke about you trying to kill me?” Sehun had to work to keep his voice down - was Jongin really so crazy to think he would make such an insensitive joke?
“Well I didn't do anything! You've known me for such a long time, you know I'd never try to hurt you. Why are you saying this? Do you think I've lost my mind?” Jongin questioned as he looked down at his boyfriend who remained seated on the couch. He felt a wave of emotions overcome him; anger, sadness, and maybe even a little bit of betrayal that Sehun would make such accusations.
“You tried to choke me, Jongin! And not in the nice way either,” Under normal circumstances, they both would've laughed at that last part.
“Why would I do that?!” Jongin was the first to start yelling, b over with anger, “I wouldn't just snap in the middle of the night and try to murder you,”
“That's exactly what you did! You just climbed on me and started choking me!” Sehun said as he tried to keep calm - he was always the one who kept the level head between the two of them during their arguments, and that couldn't change now.
“I'm not crazy!” Jongin exclaimed, “you keep saying I try to kill people. First the guy in the club, and now you, but I don't have any memory of either. Do you think I've lost my mind?”
At this, Sehun kept silent. Now that he knew of his boyfriend's past trauma, things were starting to make more sense. There was no way someone could go through all that as a child and not have side effects later, no matter how much they healed themselves. Maybe this was the side effect - Jongin going crazy and trying to murder people.

“You think I'm crazy, don't you?” He asked once the black haired male went silent, “you really think I've gone mad,”
“It's just weird. How can you try to kill people, but not remember it? It just doesn't make sense, Jongin,” Sehun sighed.
“It's because I told you, isn't it?” Jongin asked in a quiet voice, and it didn't take a genius to figure out he was hurt.
“Some side effects have to come out from that, Jongin. You can't walk away without any problems,” His boyfriend said, and looked away so he wouldn't feel bad for making Jongin sad. Even though he had been the one who was attacked, he still had a soft spot for the blonde.
“And you think I'd try to kill you? That's a side effect?” He asked in a sad voice. If he knew this was how things were going to be, he would've never mentioned anything from his past. It made him feel bad that Sehun was accusing him of such a terrible thing when he had no idea of doing it himself. He was starting to wonder if he really did do something like that; why would Sehun lie? He wouldn't. Not about something so serious.
“It just makes sense,” The black haired male sighed again, and Jongin grabbed the blanket from the couch.
“I'd never hurt you, Sehun. You know that. But I don't know what you think you're achieving by saying I tried to kill you,” He said in a hurt tone of voice, then stomped to the bedroom to climb into bed and possibly sulk. Or just heal. He didn't know which one.

Either Jongin was a star actor that deserved an oscar for that performance, or he really didn't know what he was doing. And from all the times he tried to keep a secret from Sehun but failed miserably each time, the black haired male decided the latter made more sense. Just a little bit more. It really confused him as to how someone could attempt to kill people on two occasions, but have no memory of it. Sehun would know if he tried to do that, so how could Jongin not? It was unfathomable, really.

He sighed. He knew he would be sleeping on the couch tonight, just because Jongin wouldn't want to see him in the morning. And if he was honest, he was a little afraid the other one would snap again...and this time, Sehun wasn't sure if the blonde would let him make it out alive.
So he laid down on the couch after grabbing another blanket, closing his eyes but being unable to fall asleep. He tossed and turned as he tried to find the most comfortable position to fall asleep in, but nothing worked. And it didn't help that he could hear Jongin's muffled sobs from the bedroom - he was always such a loud person when he cried.
Sehun had to resist the urge to snuggle up to the other one and comfort him as he always did when Jongin was upset; it was weird trying to ignore how the other one felt. He was so used to it at this point.

It just didn't make any sense. Jongin wasn't a person who could kill someone, but he really seemed adamant on doing that only an hour ago. Sehun wasn't sure what he wanted to believe; his emotions said something, but his logic said something else.
Jongin didn't want to hurt anyone, but he did. He didn't want to kill anyone, but he tried. Twice. So then how was it possible for him not to remember any of it? Like he out or something.
Maybe he had a mental illness that neither of them knew about. But what? What would make Jongin turn into a monster one minute, then dissolve into a sobbing mess the next for hurting a person?
Schizophrenia? Maybe. But the symptoms didn't really fit.
A rage attack? Possibly. But if that was so, Jongin would've shown signs of epilepsy earlier.
Intermittent explosive disorder? Also a possibility, but not likely.
The best person who would know what these outbursts meant would be Sehun's mother, a psychiatrist. That's how he knew about the different mental illnesses - they were interesting to him, and he sometimes wondered if he should've gone into that field instead of dancing.
He'd call her a little later.

For a few minutes more, he listened to the sounds of Jongin's little cries and wondered if sleeping on the couch was the best idea. Maybe the blonde needed him, and maybe he just didn't want to admit it.
He knew Jongin thought that Sehun thought he was crazy now for doing such things only for him to not remember them, and the fact that the blonde had opened up about what he had gone through when he was younger didn't make the situation better.
He laid on the sofa for a little longer before he got up to walk to the bedroom, staying at the door for a while before he moved to the bed to climb onto it. Jongin kept quiet, but he didn't do anything to make Sehun think he should leave.

His arms wrapped around Jongin from behind gently, pulling the blonde closer against his chest when he didn't feel any resistance.
As much as it hurt for Sehun to think of him as someone who probably deserved to be in a mental asylum, he still loved the black haired male as much as he always did. He had to think carefully about it all - he trusted Sehun with his whole heart and soul, and he knew the other one wouldn't say such bad things if they weren't for a reason.
“Sehun?” He asked after such a long time that the mentioned man almost fell asleep, “did I really hurt you?”
“Yes, you did,” Sehun didn't want to confuse Jongin more, so being honest was the best option here.
“I'm sorry,” It was the only thing Jongin could really think to say as he turned to face his boyfriend, snuggling against his chest.
“It's okay. We'll get to the bottom of it. I'll call my mother later and ask her what could be the reason,” Sehun said softly as he started playing with his boyfriend's soft hair.
“No matter what, I'll be with you. We'll fix whatever the problem is...and we'll be okay, I promise you that,”

The next morning, Sehun woke up to the aching feeling on his neck. Jongin was still fast asleep, clinging onto the black haired male like there was no tomorrow; it wasn't uncommon, and if anything, it comforted Sehun. It meant Jongin wasn't mad at him for anything.
He gently peeled the blonde's arms off of him to slide out of bed carefully as to not wake the other one - he would be out for a while considering his pillow was still a little damp from how much he had cried.
Sehun tucked his boyfriend in who now cradled his pillow due to the loss of the black haired male's wonderful body heat, and the mentioned man then walked out of the room after taking his phone from the charger. He had an important call to make; maybe he should've been doing it with Jongin, but there was the possibility that what Sehun's mother would say wouldn't be good news, and Sehun at least wanted to filter that when he eventually told his boyfriend.

Sehun pressed his mother's contact to dial her number, holding his smartphone to his ear as he began making his morning coffee. It made him less grumpy than when he had no help in waking up.
“Son,” His mother greeted with a smile in her voice, “what can I do for you?”
Sehun was sure he had gotten his straightforward nature from her.
“Good morning. I know it's maybe early. I apologize,” He said in advance. He hadn't really thought to check the time before he called her; his mind was really all over the place, but he tried to keep in check for Jongin's sake. If anything would make it worse, it would be both of them stressing and running around like headless chickens.
“I was awake for a while before you called,” She replied, and he smiled a little bit. He missed his mother, if he was honest with himself, and he made a mental note to invite her out for some coffee.
“I have something to ask you. I'm not sure about the condition, but I can tell you symptoms. Would you be able to help me? I realize it's not the easiest way to communicate like this, but Jongin isn't awake yet,” He explained as he added a teaspoon of coffee into his mug, followed by the steaming water which had just finished boil in the kettle.
“I understand,” His mother answered, all pleasantries gone. She knew it was serious if Sehun was asking - he didn't want to know about the mental illnesses his mother had extensive knowledge about just for fun or because he was curious.
“Bursts of violent anger out of nowhere and a loss of memory about it afterwards,” He said, then shook his head. Small things like this wouldn't help much.
“Now, you know that could be a number of things. You'll need to narrow it down for me,” She said as she slid off her glasses from the other side.
“That's the thing - I don't know what triggers these outbursts!” He sighed, took a small sip of his black coffee, and glanced out the window at the city.
“Hm, it could be a verbal trigger. You know, most of these cases have something to do with a certain word that bring back memories or flashbacks in people,” She said with a small nod, “but who is it that you're talking about?”
He didn't know if he should tell.
“Never mind that, just tell me what you think it could be,” Sehun decided after a few heartbeats of silence, and took another gulp of the fiery liquid that burnt his already sore throat.
“Like I said, a number of things. But the fact that they have no memory of it tells me it could be something like a personality disorder, or even schizophrenia in some extreme cases. Can you tell me more about what happens?”
“They completely switch. Like...really. Completely. They become another person entirely,” He didn't know what he could say to her that wouldn't give Jongin's identity away but also get the information he needed.
“Sehun,” His mother said seriously, “you're not talking about yourself by any chance, are you?”
“What? No, it's not me!” He shook his head with a frown, as if she were there to see it.
“It's Jongin. Something happened,” He finally revealed with a heavy sigh. He didn't want to tell her that he was attacked; maybe it was more about his pride than anything else, but he didn't want her to know how vulnerable he had been.
“What did?” When he didn't say anything, she pushed, “if I'll be able to be of any help, I'll need you to tell me as much as you know,”

“It was at a club about two weeks ago. I wasn't in the mood to really go, so I just stayed at one of the tables with a drink or two while Jongin went and partied. He said he was going to the bathroom, but it took him about fifteen minutes, so I got worried. And then I heard the commotion at the other side of the club,” Sehun said in a low voice just in case his boyfriend would wake up soon, “when I got to him...he looked as if he was ready to kill, mother. And I mean that literally. He broke a bottle and had the sharp end in his hand, ready to attack the man that had harassed him,”
She rubbed her chin in thought.
“He didn't say anything?” She questioned, and Sehun sipped his coffee once more.
“No. I don't know what happened that night. He doesn't remember any of it. But the look I saw in his eyes...that wasn't the Jongin you and I know,” He shuddered just at the thought, and touched his neck absentmindedly.
“The next thing happened last night. We fell asleep on the couch, and he was getting restless sometime during the night, so I got annoyed and told him to stop before I went to the bedroom. He just went...psycho on me...or something. He choked me, and he wouldn't have stopped if I didn't stop him first,” He hissed slightly when he touched a rather sensitive spot on his neck, and when he looked at this reflection in the window, he noticed the blue marks on his flesh.
His mother took a breath - the Jongin she had met was a loving, clumsy, and happy man. Not a psychopath ready to murder her son.
“Now that I think of it, I saw that same look in his eyes last night as I did at the club,” Sehun said after a little bit of thinking, and he turned his head this way and that way to observe the bruises on his skin.
“You're not safe, Sehun,” His mother said in a gingerly tone, “he could snap at any moment,”
“I'm not leaving him to deal with this himself. I won't,” He shook his head stubbornly, and drained his mug, even though it felt like steaming water sliding down into his stomach. Which it was, technically.
“But why is he suddenly snapping like this? It's like someone else is taking over him,” She said - she knew Sehun wouldn't just up and leave Jongin. She knew from the moment she got introduced to Jongin that he gave Sehun the butterflies he had never felt before, the twinkle in his eye, and the fluttering in his heart. A mother knew these things.
“He had a bad childhood. Not one where a parent left, but an abusive one,” Her son didn't want to relay too much information about it, so he wouldn't say much else.
“Ah,” It made sense to her now.
“What exactly did you say to him last night when he snapped?” She questioned, “I might have an idea of what could be wrong with him,”
“I don't know...I'll leave if you don't stop, or something like that,” He frowned as he scratched his head. He couldn't remember it too well.
His mother kept silent as she thought of what this all could mean; violent outbursts due to certain words and a loss of memory afterwards, and a complete personality switch. Then it occured to her, and she opened to warn her son.
“The words, Sehun, the words! They trigger him, an-”

“You're the reason Jongin should only have me,” Sehun's phone dropped from his grasp when he heard that eerily deep voice from last night, and the mug he was just about to put in the basin also fell, shattering on the floor.
“You're the reason why I have to be here! Because you want to leave!” Sehun felt so terribly confused - why was Jongin talking in third person, as if he was talking about someone else?
“If you die, he won't feel as bad as he would if you had to leave. That's why I have to kill you now,” The blonde said as he grabbed one of the kitchen knives, giving Sehun only a few seconds to jump over the couch to find a safe hiding place.