(TEN POV)

 

I hoped for more but he pulled away.

I’d never kissed another boy in my life before.

I never thought too deeply about my ual orientation.

Not that it mattered more than being poor.

But for months I’d felt that his eyes looked at me differently.

 

“Did we make a mistake?” I asked.

“I’ll take a smoke.” he said and got out of the tub and out of the bathroom.

He was changing the topic.

“Shi chen,” I said and followed him out and the bell rang.

 

He opened the door.

It was the police detective.

Lee Min Hyung.

 

“Lee Young Heum ssi?” he said and Shi Chen turned towards me.

“Detective sir…” I said and came near the door and continued, “Please come in…”

“Why are both of you …drenched?” he asked.

“The shower’s broken.” Shi Chen said and went to his room.

 

I felt a wee bit upset.

 

I sat down.

“Sorry to be dropping by again like this…”

“No sir.” I said politely.

“As you told me last time, we checked with the councellor she was seeing, seems like there were signs of Major Depression due to constant exposure to the pain and suffering of others that she expressed using her art. As an artist you must be aware how sentimentality can affect a person. The counsellor told us that she had suggested Kim Seoyoon ssi to see a psychiatrist. We also learnt that she was consuming a very high-powered medication for this very reason but without prescription.”

I knew about the councellor. The University officials had set up that farce to pretend that they cared for her mental health. I knew she took the medicaion like some drug. She was addicted. It made her feel good she had said. But I had not known they were not prescribed.

I’d peeked at her medicine bottle unintentionally once.

She would take those pills right after eating the lunchbox I’d pick up from the canteen for her every day. 

“Yes sir…” I said.

“Honestly telling you, when I first took over this case, I was so sure that is was anything but suicide. I was hoping to get a clue from the paintings but we got nothing…”

Nothing…?

She didn’t paint me?

I clearly remember they were there when I sneaked into her office.

Dong Si Chengasked me about my classes around that time. He never cared about this stuff. He works in the university hospital. Did he know her? Is there any chance that he is involved?

I was distracted when Detective Lee interrupted, “Well, we have decided to close the case as suicide… Thank you for cooperating with us, Mr Lee…” he said and got up. “I’ll take my leave now…”

“Thank you sir…” I said and bowed. He left.

 

 

‘The shower’s broken’ he had said. As I recalled the words, the upsetting feelings returned too.

I went to his room.

He was still smoking.

“It must be easy for you…” I said.

“What?”

“Lying like that…” I said.

“What should I have told him? ‘We were having a passionate moment in the bathroom seconds before you arrived, detective!’”

I sighed.

Why was I upset?

It was obvious he couldn’t have said what had really happened.

Did he know her?

Could he have known her?

I looked at him again and asked sternly, “You knew Kim Seoyoon, didn’t you?”

 

“I don’t know that person.” he said and sipped his cigarette.

 

I felt it.

He was lying again. Lying seemed so easy for him.

“Let’s continue where we left…” I said.

 

“What do you mean? You want to sleep with a boy?” he asked.

“I want to sleep with you…”

“…and I’m a boy…”

“What difference does that make? Didn’t you say you were attracted to me? Or are you not interested anymore?” I said.

“You want to sleep with me because I am attracted to you?”

I’m attracted too but moreover…

“I want to take you into my full confidence for there is something I must tell you….” I said. 

"...and this is the best way?" he chuckled.

 

 

I did not laugh. So he stopped too.

Should I be doing this?

Can I trust him enough?

 

“Can I kiss you then?” I asked almost desperately.

He dropped the cigarette and stomped it with his slipper.

“What you have to tell me better be good,” he said and kissed me.

 

As the kiss intensified, we returned to the world we had been in the bathroom before.

He was sweaty.

 

He did not get the chance to shower because of me earlier but that hardly mattered.

He didn’t smell of anything other than smoke.

 

I slowly traced the shoulder and went down along his spine and to his abs while he ran his hands on my hair and then held my cheeks in his palms.

I went lower.

He briefly pulled away from the kiss.

Our breathing paced and then synched.

I ran my hand on his lower bit and he quivered and then with one quick breath, we kissed again.

 

He pulled my t-shirt upwards and then pausing the kiss… opened it and dropped it on the floor.

He pushed me on the bed and mounted me and kissed my neck and went lower.

His kisses burnt against my bare skin.

I was .

 

After long moments of firework, we stopped.

 

The bed sheet and pillows were all over the place.

We were sweaty, messy but excited.

I never felt this way before.

 

I’m sure it was the same for him.

 

I could tell him now.

I put my head on his chest.

 

I collected myself and said softly, “She used to take one pill every day…Kim Seoyoon…”

He didn’t say anything so I continued, “…I may have happened to spill some extra in her food…”

He put his hand on my head and caressed my hair gently.

“I saw her die and didn’t do anything about it…” he said and I looked at him immediately.

He said then how he went to the university to ask around about me but saw the paintings instead and understood the whole thing. He said he destroyed the paintings. He said he saw her.

 

“Who are you?” she had asked him.

He asked her if she was Kim Seoyoon.

And soon after she confirmed, she looked a funny red as though she was choking.

She asked for help but he did not move.

She coughed bitterly, went pale, and was frothing.

She then died.

 

“What about the paintings?” I asked.

“I burnt them…” he said and I felt a pang of relief. He continued, “Now we have no other choice but to trust each other…”

“I guess so…” I said.