She held his hand tightly in hers and prayed silently for him to wake up.

Taeyeon had no idea how long she had sat there since the physicians left the room, but she knew she had been there the whole night as the dark sky outside started to get a bit lighter.

“Your Highness.”

“Come in,” she replied without looking up.

Eunuch Nam came in with an envelope in his hand. “Your Highness, this letter is for you.”

Taeyeon finally looked up and grabbed the letter from his hand.

“His Royal Highness told me to pass it to you if anything ever happens to him,” Eunuch Nam explained when Taeyeon looked at the letter in confusion.

“He’s still alive,” she mumbled quietly. “Why are you giving me this? He is still breathing. He’s right here!” Her voice trembled as her grip on the letter tightened, crinkling it slightly.

“His Royal Highness wanted you to have this, he only said that you have to read this as soon as anything happens. Dead or alive,” Eunuch Nam whispered in the last sentence.

Taeyeon stared down at the letter and nodded. After Eunuch Nam left, she decided to open the letter to read it. Tears immediately formed in her eyes when she saw her name.

_________________________

Dear Taeyeon,

My mother once told me that fate is an interesting thing that guides our lives in a particular direction. Just as a river flows in a certain direction, carrying everything in its path along with it, fate can be seen as the force that guides us regardless of our choices.

She told me to imagine the many outcomes between two people if their paths were to ever intertwine.

Being born in the Royal family, I will never have a choice in my other half. But she told me that even if my betrothed isn’t the one for me, the force of fate will eventually pull me to the person I am destined to be with.

What she said was something that was strongly engraved into my mind, but after dealing with the many deaths around me, I stopped believing in it.

Then you came into my life when I least expected it. I was dying, and you saved my life.

There was a feeling of inevitability when I first met you. The sense that you weren’t just someone that would come and go in my life. At first, I thought nothing of it. I was just intrigued with your innocence and naiveness to trust an injured stranger so easily. I found that you were different from the other people I have come across before, and found myself curious about how you see things from your perspective.

When you asked me if I was a bad person, some part inside me wanted to lie and say that I have never spilled blood, because saying the truth would break down the trust we have formed with each other.

But at that time, I also wanted to know, if I told you about the darkness inside of me, would you still look at me the same way. The way you looked at me after that still constantly flash in my mind whenever I hold my sword.

Even after we parted, I couldn’t stop thinking about you although our interactions were brief. The smell of herbal medicine would remind me of the scent in your hair. The porridge that was served to me during my recovery would only remind me of the bland porridge you had cooked for me.

You were constantly on my mind that I thought that I might have finally gone mad. I was beginning to think if only I stayed with you longer, would I have found out that you were the one I was fated to be with.

The unpredictable moments of fate brought us together for the third time. And the first thought that crossed my mind was “Could she be the one?”. It was exactly how my mother described it, the days, time and space had all conspired together to make our paths cross again and again until our paths forever changed.

After contemplating it, I decided to do something that will determine both of our fates. I decided to let you join the Crown Princess selection process and let fate run its course. If it was meant to be, it will be. That’s what I had told myself.

But throughout the selection process, I would pace around in my room, my thoughts would wander to the selection process when I was supposed to be discussing country matters in the court. I was worried that I was wrong about fate. That the force that has been pulling you closer and closer to me would suddenly decide to stop working and push you away from me instead.

I knew that there was an attraction there, so I decided to test it out.

It started with stolen glances and quick glimpses at the field whenever I would “coincidentally” walk past the selection hall. I found myself admiring you from afar, appreciating the way your smile lit up the room. Then it became crystal clear, that what I felt for you wasn’t a moment of infatuation, but something much deeper.

I was drawn to you in ways I can’t explain. I was afraid that these new emotions I started experiencing were just temporary, I didn’t want to believe that I had fallen for you so easily. So I kept my distance and only admired you from afar.

When I started having doubts about where your loyalty lies and if you were here because of your brother, the pain from my past started to haunt me again. I immediately hid behind the fortress of solitude that I have carefully built and decided that it was much easier to not trust anyone again.

But your unwavering optimism and mischievousness continued to chip away at the walls I had built around myself. I found myself looking forward to our interactions more than I care to admit.

I was selfish, I wanted to see you, but I didn’t want you to know how I felt about you. I thought it was best to just remain the way we were, so that I won’t get hurt too deeply if suddenly you were not there.

I don’t know what it is like to love someone. But I knew that the feeling of yearning to be close to you meant that I have already fallen deeply in love with you. The way you would look at me as if you knew what I was thinking. The way I can easily pour my heart out to you knowing that you will hold it gently without any judgment. And the way my stress instantly melts away whenever I am in your presence.

What you said was true. I couldn’t believe that someone as amazing as you could ever truly be in love with me too. I was afraid that you had mistaken your pity towards me for love. So when you confessed to me about your feelings, I was both thrilled and scared, for I knew that once I allowed myself to love, there would be no turning back.

I decided to give in and I was glad that I did, because my affection for you only grew with each passing day we spent together.

I sometimes wonder if I deserve you. If you deserve to live your life with me forever locked within the palace walls. If you deserve to live your life constantly in danger as long as you are my wife. I was worried about the man I would become if I were to lose you suddenly. I was worried about our future together.

That night, when I sneaked into your room and crawled into your bed, I wanted to cherish every moment I have with you. So in case anything happens to you or me, we would still have memories to recall the way we felt about each other.

I hope that this letter will bring you comfort and answer everything you ever want to know from me. I want you to know that I do believe in fate now. Fate has brought us together. If it was meant to be, it will bring us together again in the future or in our next life.

I hope after you have cried, you will stay strong and survive even without me by your side.

Always remember, my heart holds you when my arms cannot.

I love you always.

From,
Byun Baekhyun.

_________________________

As the words sank in, a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She never knew that he had felt that way about her even earlier than the time she started to develop feelings for him.

The room seemed to close in around her as the weight of the words pressed against her chest, making it difficult to breathe.

Her fingers trembled as she gently placed the letter down beside her. She shifted her gaze to his face. His lips were so pale, it looked as though he was dead.

Her sobs began quietly. Her shoulders shook with each breath, and she tried to stifle the sounds, afraid that he would hear her cry for him.

“Please. Please wake up,” she whispered, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes to stop herself from crying. “Please wake up. I have so much to tell you.”