I stared at Jungkook from across the table, a clear expression of annoyance growing on my face that was apparently clear to everyone but him.

"And then Sora and I drove all the way up the hills until we were overlooking the city. You know, along that one route we drove last time we hung out?"

Raising my eyebrows, I nodded my head slightly and hummed in acknowledgement.

"Yes, Jungkook, I remember it all too very well."

He continued on with his story, the details growing increasingly...intimate, as his story progressed. I sighed, remembering all the times we spent driving those same roads, all the times we spent at that same lookout on the other side of the peak — the one less known but with the most awe-inspiring view of the city. I sighed again and could feel a part of my heart shatter at his story, hearing how the memories we made together that were supposedly so special were now so easily being replaced.

By this point I could no longer make eye contact with him, instead choosing to stare into my now lukewarm green tea as if the leaves dancing at the bottom of the cup would tell me my unfortunate fortune.

His genuine laughter brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. Without lifting my head from its tucked down position I raised my eyes to look back up at him, his eyes full of a kind of happiness that he told me only I could give him.

"Yeah, I'll admit I was kinda wary when she first texted me after all that had happened. I mean, she did cheat after all."

He laughed nervously but also shyly, the way you laugh when you're in junior high standing in front of your crush and you feel so smitten and shy and nervous and giddy and anxious as  and you don't know how to act other than laugh. And unfortunately after Jungkook was able to laugh that excitement out of him, he continued on droning.

"But we're actually finally working things out. She explained her side and the truth of everything happened, and she seems so genuinely sorry for everything she did. I always knew she was never that kind of bad or malicious person, and I'm glad that she confirmed my belief. I wasn't gonna reply to any of her messages at first, but I'm so ing happy I did because things are turning out so much better than I expected and I don't think I'd change any of it for the world."

A stabbing pain tore through my heart after Jungkook finished his speech. I could feel the last fragments that once belonged to him shatter into shards that continue to perpetuate the visceral stabbing pain in my chest. I took a shaky breath as I tried to quietly pull myself together. Not that me trying to be quiet really matters, as he's still so wrapped up in his re-found romance to notice me falling apart, much less care.

I thought back over everything we'd been through. The good and the bad. I thought of the memories we made together, of the laughs we shared over way too many bottles of wine, of the loud music we'd blast as he drove while I rode passenger with my head sticking out through the open window like a little kid, and of all of the late, late aimless night drives that he's now going on with his ex. It hurt to know that, after everything she's put him through, after how she treated him, that he's still going back to her. It hurt to know that he's now doing everything with her that he first did with me, that all of the memories we made that he always told me would forever be held in a special place in his heart and could never, ever be replicated or replaced, are now being just that with memories he's making with his ex. And it hurt to know that after how I offered him encouragement and supported through everything, after how I was always there for him after she cheated and their relationship imploded, and after how much I ing cared and even loved him, that he's still going back to her.

Those feelings of anger and disgust that followed the initial feelings of heartbreak took a greater hold as I started to acknowledge to myself what I knew all along but refused to admit — just what kind of a piece of Jungkook is. How I admittedly was blinded by the idea that he really cared for me, and was so in love with the idea of being loved that I overlooked what are now obvious red flags of toxicity. I wanted so desperately to be loved by someone, anyone, so much that I compromised what little self-worth I had for what has turned out to be a fleeting, and possibly meaningless, romance. I feel nothing but disgust towards myself that I'd even allowed myself to be in this situation in the first place, but those feelings of disgust and repulsion and anger are much stronger towards this "man" than they are towards myself. I may have made what some might consider a mistake by trusting him with my past, my insecurities, and my vulnerabilities, but he took it a step firther and showed clear disregard for them.

By now I realised I'd missed the last ten or so minutes of whatever the hell he's been talking about, not that I actually gave whatever remaining s I had left to hear about his galivants with his ex. I looked back up to him with "renewed interest" in whatever the hell he's been rambling about, feigning care, humming and nodding and even offering [empty] smiles where appropriate.

Jungkook looked down at his phone for the who-knows-how-many-times-he's-done-this-I-don't-ing-care-eth time. He made no qualms about hiding the fact that he didn't actually care what time it was but instead cared if he'd gotten a text from a certain, special someone. And judging by the way his eyes lit up to radiate that excitement he said only I could give, I could tell he received the text from the person he was waiting for. His fingers flew across the keyboard as he typed his response while I sigh quietly and started to pack up in anticipation of what he'll say next.

"Hey Y/N, I know we practically just sat down, but I gotta run. Sora and I are going to the museum on the hill, you know, the one we always went to at night right next to the park with the swings that I'd push you on? She brought up possible commute traffic heading that direction, and I also think it's a good idea that she and I start heading that way soon so we don't get caught in that."

I bit my lower lip to keep from saying something I'd possibly regret later, though given how this entire meetup has gone, I'm once again officially out of s to give if he was treated courteously by me or not.

With a plastered smile on my face that could honestly rival that fake smile of the Joker, I nodded understandingly and shuffled out of my chair, bag already backed and slung over my right shoulder. I bet that anyone else in this cafe would've been able to tell how terribly and utterly fake my smile was, but this love(lust)fool of a guy [douche] in front of me wouldn't know fake even if he looked at his own two-faced self in the mirror.

I followed Jungkook to the exit of the cafe, the smile still carved on my face, still listening to him repeat the same damn stories about this amazing ex he's shortly to meet up with. He pushed through the front door and headed into the street, not bothering to hold the door or even give a second glance to me like he used to when we'd pass through any threshold just a few weeks ago.

Once I was standing next to him he turned to face me, his goofy, giddy, bunny-like smile that I fell so hard for still stuck on his face. I felt that pang in my heart once more, knowing that, even though we're still technically together, even if he still claims he loves me, and even if he asserts that he and his ex are "just reconciling their past" and are "just friends," that those are all lies. He doesn't hold or care for my heart the way he once did. I don't mean the same to him that I did just weeks ago. Whether he's aware of it or not, he's moved on — or rather moved back.

Jungkook opened his arms for a parting hug, and as much as my heart wanted to run into his embrace that I so craved, my feet didn't want to move. Instead I just offered a pained smile and shook my head.

"You should probably get going Jungkook. Don't wanna keep Sora waiting now, do we."

He slowly lowered his arms, his smile slightly falling while he sighed, clearly hurt by my refusal to return his gesture.

"I suppose you're right."

I let out my own tired yet secretly relieved sigh as I watched him think hard to find a suitable way to close today's very one-sided conversation. I decided to put him out of his misery and offered my own means of closure.

"Hey Kook, before we part ways, I have a quick question for you."

He smiled hearing his nickname for the first time this afternoon and nodded his head, clearly anticipating something like me asking when I can meet him again. As if.

"Go for it."

I paused for a moment, my thoughts racing and telling me to not open my mouth and ask that question. I bit my lower lip to keep the words from leaving my lips, and even though I gave a valiant effort, they still managed to slip out without me noticing.

"Do you ever think before you say anything? Like, at all?"

Jungkook's smile dropped, eyes following suit. His mouth opened and closed like a fish as he clearly struggled to find the words to respond.

"I...I mean...I always think before I speak." He sounded unsure of himself, as if he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince me.

"But Y/N...why do you ask?"

I shrugged my shoulders, feigning innocence and ignorance despite having clearly gotten my answer.

"Just curious."

I threw him a tight-lipped smile as I spun on my heels and began to walk away. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head as I continued my way to my car.

"Wait Y/N! Let me at least drive you home. I...I can text Sora that I'm running a little late."

I stopped in my tracks and whipped my head around, disgust and annoyance clearly displayed on my face. Even from this distance I could see him swallow hard as he simultaneously ran his tongue to wet his lips before speaking again.

"P-please?"

Readjusting the strap of my bag, I tilted my head to the side and responded with a biting yet genuine comeback.

"And make the mistake of riding in the same car that I now know you two have been ing in?"

Jungkook's jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened. I could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to figure out how to respond.

"How- how did you know?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms as I stare daggers at him.

"You said so yourself earlier in the cafe."

A look of sheer terror spread across his face as reality hits him. My snide, tight-lipped smile made another appearance as I watched his entire self descend into panic while he struggles to find a response. Deciding it was time for us to finally part, I once again spun on my heels and continued my journey home.

"Now you know why I asked that question," I called over my shoulder. "You just lost me for good Jungkook, and you know why? Because you clearly never, ever think before speaking."