I loved every step of writing this story and its so special to me, so i hate saying goodbye already. I can only hope that you guys will find this finale satisfying.
Thank you so much for your support<3

***********

Seonghwa pulls his door open and finds Hongjoong standing there at his doorstep.

"Why are you knocking? I have you a key." Seonghwa says, taking in the exhausted and depleted state Hongjoong is in.

In a very sluggish, very absent manner, Hongjoong takes to searching his coat pockets and when he comes up empty, he turns a pair of tired, sunken eyes forwards Seonghwa. "I think I lost them. Sorry."

"It's okay. Come in." Seonghwa reaches for his boyfriend's arm and gently tugs to invite him inside.

Once they are both inside, Seonghwa locks the door and then helps Hongjoong out of his coat.

After he's slipped into a pair of house slippers, Hongjoong turns his attention to Seonghwa. "Hi." He mutters with as much enthusiasm and energy he can muster, which isn't much.

"Hey." Seonghwa softly replies, putting his palms on either side of Hongjoong's face and looking lovingly at him.

Seonghwa's heart hurts so much every time Hongjoong comes over, looking a mess.

Hongjoong's big eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles around them. Seonghwa gently touches Hongjoong's lips with his thumb, lips that were once expressive, vibrant and a radiant, inviting shade of pink. Now they are a pale greyish colour, chapped and just sad-looking.

Seonghwa's fingers slide away from Hongjoong's mouth and trail up to caress Hongjoong's lean cheeks. Seonghwa thinks of a time when Hongjoong had full, round cheeks that Seonghwa loved to playfully pinch and kiss.

Everything has changed so much. It's not only how much Hongjoong's looks have changed but also how the gentle glow, and genuine optimism he once had is gone.

Seonghwa can still see the love and affection in Hongjoong's eyes when he looks at him but not much else.

It should be enough for Seonghwa that he is still loved but it isn't. He wants Hongjoong to be happy, brave and optimistic again in all areas of his life and not only when he is in Seonghwa's arms.

"You look so exhausted. What happened?" Seonghwa asks quietly, his gaze imploring Hongjoong to speak up.

But Hongjoong is too tired to talk now. His heart and body are all heavy with physical and emotional stress. So he just takes a step forward, slides his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and hugs him.

Seonghwa's heart breaks some more because he knows how burdened Hongjoong is feeling.  He wants to help, to make it all better but he just doesn't know how. Not when Hongjoong insists on keeping his career.

In a way Seonghwa understands Hongjoong. It's not easy saying goodbye to a beloved career and art but Seonghwa also believes that despite the suffering one may go through to live out their dreams, there should always a limit to the struggle and there should be some joy in it.

Hongjoong hasn't looked happy in years now and Seonghwa is beginning to wonder whether Hongjoong is living the right life at all. It's not Seonghwa's place to say or decide but deep down he secretly wishes Hongjoong would walk away from his music career or at least from his brother’s agency for good and try to find joy elsewhere. He wishes there was something he could do to make Hongjoong's struggles easier to shoulder.

For now all he can do is wrap Hongjoong in his arms, support and love him.

Hongjoong sighs contentedly as Seonghwa's warmth seeps into him. This is the comfort he's been craving all day. The only thing that makes all of Hongjoong's struggles bearable is knowing that he has Seonghwa's arms to run back to after each tough day or number of days.

It's been three days too long since they last saw each other and Hongjoong is ready to recline here in Seonghwa's house where he feels the safest. He tips his head back to look up at Seonghwa. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. Are you okay?"

Hongjoong evades this question too and rises onto his toes to kiss Seonghwa because that's what he'd rather do. The truth is that Hongjoong is sick of struggling and complaining. Since this is the only place where he can have some peace and joy, so he no longer wants to waste his time here talking about work.

He tips his head to one side and deepens the kiss, into Seonghwa's mouth and pouring all his passion and love into it.

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go to sleep.” Hongjoong mutters against Seonghwa’s lips, sounding as tired as he feels.

“We haven’t had dinner.”

The thought of putting any food inside his aching stomach almost triggers Hongjoong’s gag reflex. He shakes his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t want you starving yourself. Did you eat anything today?”

Hongjoong can’t remember. While he’s figuring out what to say, Seonghwa speaks up. “Let’s take a shower and then order in. is that okay?”

Maybe Hongjoong will have some appetite after getting cleaned up, so he nods.

*********

Long after they’ve finished actually washing up, Seonghwa and Hongjoong stay there in the bath, just soaking up together because Seonghwa thinks like Hongjoong really needs the relaxation. Seonghwa had to run a fresh bath for them so that they don’t waddle in their own filth.

He’s leaning back against the tub with his arms wrapped around Hongjoong, who is lying on Seonghwa, back pressed against Seonghwa’s chest. 

They’ve been sitting for so long is silence that Seonghwa starts wondering whether Hongjoong has fallen asleep. He cranes his neck to see Hongjoong’s face and he finds Hongjoong staring blankly at the wall, blinking very slowly.

“Are you having a hard time?” Seonghwa asks

Hongjoong nods after what feels like forever.

Seonghwa sighs miserably. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I have to say something. You haven’t looked happy in a very long time. Your rapping career is making you sadder than happier. Are you sure It’s a good idea to continue with your agency?”

“My current agency knows me best. It would be hard to start over with another. Besides Yunho hyung will get upset if I leave after he’s done so much for me. I don’t want that.”

“Maybe he’ll understand that you want to be happy.”

Hongjoong shakes his head. “He’s the only family I have. I don’t want to drive a rift between us.”

Seonghwa’s arms instinctively tighten around Hongjoong if only to offer a bit of comfort. “How much longer can you sacrifice your own happiness for your brother’s?”

“Music makes me happy too.”

“Not under your brother’s agency. It’s time for a fresh start.”

Hongjoong doesn’t reply. He just shuffles around in Seonghwa’s arms until he settles onto his side, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Seonghwa is the only joy Hongjoong has left and he doesn’t to taint even that talking about his ty life all the time.

Seonghwa thinks this conversation is far from over but he can’t force things. “Okay.” He whispers and kisses Hongjoong’s forehead.

***********

The months start ticking away without any hope of Hongjoong getting some work. His fans continue expressing their concern and questions on social media. With nothing else to do with his time, Hongjoong spends more time chatting with his fans these days. It breaks his heart reading about how much they miss him but somehow it’s also comforting.

As they get more vehemently about demanding some more music from him, Hongjoong ends up thoughtlessly promising them that he’ll make a comeback pretty soon as he has already recorded some music over the past few months.

What he doesn’t expect is for that promise to turn into a news headline. Hongjoong is entirely stunned when Yunho calls him early on a Tuesday morning, all angry and demanding answers from Hongjoong.

“When I told you to spend some time chatting with your fans, this isn’t what I meant.”

Hongjoong’s stomach lurches after Yunho explains what’s happened. According to entertainment news today, Hongjoong is making a comeback soon. No doubt his fans took what he told them to mean he’s releasing new music soon.

“I… I had no idea the fans would…. I just sort of said that to comfort them.” Hongjoong tries to explain to Yunho.

“Everything can be turned into a headline, Hongjoong. You don’t make a promise unless you are certain you can keep it. For God’s sake, why are you acting like an amateur?”

“I’m sorry. It was a mistake.” Hongjoong swallows the lump forming in his throat. “I told them I’d release one song. Just one. Certainly I can make good on that promise.”

“What part of you-do-not-call-the-shots don’t you understand?”

“Why can’t I make certain decisions for my own career? It’s my talent and my fans.”

“Because you do not finance your content.” Yunho says heatedly. His tone of voice is levelled but also just a tad bit waspish to show that his anger is just barely