Hongjoong lets his knees give out and his exhausted body collapses onto the practice room floor. He lies there on his back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his breathing to steady and his head to stop spinning after a lengthy dance practice session.

In the background he faintly hears footsteps then the booming music stops and a few seconds later, the figure of his manager appears, looming over Hongjoong.

"Hi." San says with his ever bright smile- that never fails to brighten one’s day- before crouching down and taking Hongjoong by the arm to pull him up into a sitting position.

San then hands Hongjoong a bottle of water. "You've danced enough. Take a break."

"Thanks." Hongjoong gratefully accepts the water and quickly drinks it, gulping down half of it at once.

"Go home and rest."

"It's boring there. I can’t just sit around all day."

San sighs and actually has the decency to look like he hates what he's about to say. "Your album doesn't come out in a while. There is no need for this much practice."

Hongjoong looks at San. "I have nothing else to do. There is nothing outside my career."

"Maybe it's time you talk to your brother about the dating ban. I mean you are getting older now and it's time you get some friends, maybe a nice girlfriend."

Hongjoong lowers his gaze at the 'nice girlfriend' part. Hongjoong trusts San and he's probably the closest thing to a friend Hongjoong has, but not even San knows about Hongjoong's boyfriend or that Hongjoong is gay.

It's just a risk Hongjoong can't take. He has to protect his career and sometimes that means keeping personal things to himself. Yunho has eyes and ears all over the company, watching Hongjoong's every move to make sure he follows all regulations under the contract. That makes it hard for Hongjoong to entirely trust anyone.

“Having some friends would be nice.” I’d also love to go out on public dates with Seonghwa hyung, Hongjoong is thinking to himself.

“It’s not a bad idea to talk to your brother about it. You are older now, so he should trust you more.”

“Hyung can be quite uncompromising. You know that.” Hongjoong meekly mutters to the floor.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” San shrugs one shoulder. “He might surprise you.”

*********

The walk to his brother’s office is always the worst for Hongjoong because he always has to gather some courage first so that his tenacity doesn’t crumble the moment he comes face to face with his brother’s stern, rigid gaze.

Today is no different. Hongjoong looks back fondly on a time when he could comfortably discuss personal matters with his brother. Nowadays every conversation is so nerve wrecking and uncomfortable because no matter what Hongjoong ends up feeling like a querulous bother. The fact makes Hongjoong endlessly miserable because Yunho is the only family he has but they can’t even have one decent conversation.

"That's absolutely out of the question." Yunho says the moment Hongjoong voices out his request for the dating ban on his contract to be lifted. Hongjoong is sitting across his brother, staring right at the cold, calculating, intimidating expression Yunho is wearing. San calls it a thick skin that everyone acquires in the harsh world of business.

Sure this is a business environment and Hongjoong’s contract with tis agency means business, but he doesn’t get why Yunho has to be so hostile towards him every time.

"I'm a grown man now and I can take care of myself." Hongjoong tries to reason.

"Artists older than you have had scandals. We can't take the risk."

"But I'm...I'm a person before I'm an artist."

"You are also an asset, Hongjoong. For god's sake grow up and come to your senses. This is a business. Your career comes first for both of us. Why do you need this ban lifted anyway?"

Because I'm lonely, he wants to say but can't find the courage

He cowers and meekly lowers his gaze because he has no confidence and that's the bitter truth that he has to accept about who he is.

Instead of asserting himself in the situation, Hongjoong goes to a bar to drink his sorrows away. He's not sure how long he's been sitting in a dark corner -to avoid getting recognised by someone- when his phone buzzes. Pulling it out from his coat pocket, he finds a text from Seonghwa.

From: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

Still at the company? I just left the office.

Hongjoong's mind is already a little foggy considering how inebriated he is from the alcohol, so the words on the screen are floating about. It’s worse when he looks at the keyboard, but he does his best to type a reply.

To: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

Lest met at you pleca

A reply comes very quickly

From: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

Your entire text is riddled with misspellings. Are you drunk? Where are you?

Damn it. Sometimes Hongjoong feels like it’s a curse that Seonghwa knows him so well. Hongjoong was hoping that he could find a way to sober up and go meet Seonghwa without any evidence that he’s been drinking. Seonghwa always scolds Hongjoong when he drinks because Hongjoong tends to go a bit overboard.

Hongjoong blinks rapidly and even shakes his head to clear his head so that he can type something more coherent. He squints at the text he just sent and after some time he notices the mistakes he made. The horror.

He starts typing again, a little slower this time

To: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

I’m not drunk. jts tired. Illl go to your lpace now

From: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

Where are you? I’m coming to get you

Before Hongjoong can really react to the text, his phone starts ringing. Seonghwa is calling. He panics, just staring at the screen. If he answers, Seonghwa will know he’s at a bar. The bar he’s in is more the kind people come to socialise and relax at than dance and be rowdy, so the music playing isn’t very loud, but it’s loud enough to be heard over the phone.

So Hongjoong waits for the phone to stop ringing and then he types a quick text.

To: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

Can’t tlak now. go to your place. I’ll be thwre aoon

From: My Seonghwa Hyungie<3

I know you are lying. Tell me where you are already.

Hongjoong can almost literally sense Seonghwa’s impatience and building ang