When he woke up, he had no idea where he was. Heechul had never seen this room before. What bothered him even more was that he was laying here with a upper body and his sweatpants halfway down his thighs. He tried to remember what he had done yesterday.
He went to Han Geng’s? So, this had to be Han Geng’s bedroom.
But what happened for him to be half ?
He pulled up his pants and got up from the bed. He could hear the shower, so he guessed his host was in the bathroom.
Looking around in the room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the bedroom mirror. His eyes were red rimmed, his hair a mess and his lips looked slightly swollen. But what made him halt was the angry red hickey just above his collarbone.
He groaned and facepalmed. What had he done?
He remembered it. And what he remembered were things that should’ve never had happen. How could he get that drunk?
With a sigh, Heechul left the room and searched for his hoodie. He found it carelessly thrown beside the couch.
He had almost slept with Han Geng. Who had a girlfriend. And left their group years ago. Whom he hadn’t seen in ages.
Heechul was just considering leaving when the bathroom door opened. There was the man he kissed last night.
Han Geng stared at him with wide eyes. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “Oh…good morning…”
“Morning…” He put on his hoodie and debated with himself what his next action should be.
“About what happened yesterday…” Han Geng wanted to talk.
The older interrupted him, “Look, what happened yesterday is that we were both too drunk. You have a girlfriend and I might be a little bit lonely because I’m in a foreign country right now. None of this should’ve happened.”
The Chinese blinked a few times and then took long strides towards him. He grabbed his Heechul’s elbow. “Heechul, we should…”
“Yes, I should leave now.” He shook off the now bothersome hands. He didn’t want to talk with Han Geng about what happened. “I’m sure they’re already waiting for me. I have to catch a plane. We’ll see each other on set.” With one last glance into Han Geng’s brown confused eyes, he left.

Heechul was glad that they hadn’t exchanged their new numbers. He couldn’t have dealt with Han Geng calling him during his break. Right now, Hyukjae was sitting beside him, drinking soju and complaining about how stressed he was with touring as D&E and preparing for their Super Junior comeback in between. And Heechul really could understand him but in this moment, he had problems that made him really annoyed about the things Hyukjae was annoyed by and was now annoying him with. How annoying. Oh, the irony.
“…and how the hell am I supposed to help choreograph the dance to the song if I’m not in the country half of the time!” Hyukjae seemed to sense that he wasn’t really listening, “What’s with you today? I know you just came back from China, but it was your idea to go out drinking, so don’t ignore me!”
“I know…I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now.”
Hyukjae rolled his eyes and made a move to hit Heechul. “Then just tell me about it, hyung. Isn’t that why we go drinking together?”
With a sigh Heechul buried his face in his hands. “I just did something stupid and now I have to live with the consequences for the next few months.”
“What did you do? Oh my god, did you knock up a girl in China?!”
Heechul glared at him. “Really now?”
The younger shrugged and sipped on his glass again. “You don’t look like you want anyone to know what happened, so I have to guess.”
He let out an angry snort and picked at his food.

When Heechul got home he was pleasantly buzzed. He knew he needed to pack new clothes for the next week in China, but his brain decided now was the right time to search for every memory of Han Geng on their long journey as Super Junior in his flat.
It took at least two hours to gather all the things that he had left from Han Geng. Things like pictures, little presents and letters. He looked at every picture again, read every letter again and sighed at every gift. Bok lay beside him and was whimpering.
When the idol came to a little plush toy the other had brought him from China, he hugged it and tried to chase away the little memory fragments from last night that appeared in his mind.
With Han Geng’s face burned inside his mind and Bok’s rough tongue against his face he fell asleep.

The next morning Heechul woke up inside a circle of things from his former friend. He was shocked and stood up with a panicked look at the piled things in the middle of his living room.
He grabbed everything, while almost tripping over his own two feet, and put it inside one of his cupboards.
As he looked in the mirror, he looked no more rested than the day before. Like years ago, Han Geng was haunting him again.
Fortunately, he only had a meeting with the other members today. They had to prepare for their comeback.
Suddenly his phone signaled a new message. From Jungsoo.
Changjoo-ssi is going to pick us up.
Heechul was a little bit surprised that Jungsoo told him that but he sent an ok anyway.
Even though the things from Han Geng had been put away, the room, his own room, seemed still too uncomfortable for him to stay in right now.
Heebum mewled at him and demanded food. After the food was provided the cat ignored his owner again. Bok got the same treatment and both of them received their share of affection through minutes of dedicated petting.
The next hour was used for a shower and self-care time with skin care and singing rock songs in front of his full-body mirror.
Before leaving he barely had time for some ramyeon and just put up his hair before rushing out of the door.
The car was already parked in front of the building’s entrance. Heechul opened the door and saw Jungsoo already sitting there, looking at his phone. He looked up to greet him with his dimples on display. “Hey.” The other’s soft voice almost didn’t reach Heechul’s ears.
“Hi!” He faced their manager, “Sorry for being late.” He got in the car and fastened his seatbelt.
Changjoo only nodded and started their car.
He also wanted to check his phone when he saw Jungsoo staring at him. “Huh?”
“Hyukjae called me.”
Oh god.
“What did that telltale tell you?”
“That you probably did something but you didn’t get anybody pregnant.”
The long haired man muffled a laugh. “Was he still drunk when he called you?”
“Most definitely.”
Heechul patted Jungsoo’s arm. “Dear leader, don’t worry. I didn’t anything up for the group. I just made life a little more difficult for me.”
“You know it’s not always about the group. I also care for you as a person, not only as Heechul from Super Junior.”
Heechul smiled at his friend.

Only Yesung had arrived before them. He looked up from his phone and smiled. “Hi hyung!” For a short moment, Heechul wondered if they all were too focused on their phones.
“Hey Ye!” He grinned while Yesung made attempts to throw something at him. He sat beside the younger and ruffled his newly dyed hair. “Looks good. What did the fans say?”
“I'm y.”
Siwon entered the room. “Who's y? Are you talking about me?” Hyukjae, who walked in behind him, almost spit out his coffee to go while laughing.
Their managers sat down opposite from them and began putting important notes on the table.
Hyukjae ruined Yesung hair and sat down on his other side. “Too many accessoires again, hyung.” Yesung grabbed Hyukjae's coffee as answer and took big gulps. “Hyung! I need that!”
Siwon, who had taken the place beside Leeteuk, took a selca.
Shindong strolled into the room with sunglasses and seemingly no intention to take them off.
“Donghee, did you go drinking until dawn again?”
“Have you looked in the mirror recently…hyung?”
Heechul knew he didn’t look any better. Especially with his worrying thoughts late at night.
The last ones to arrive were Donghae, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun after the manager had already tried to start the meeting. “Sungmin called on our way. He wishes us the best of luck for the comeback.” Yesung almost spilled Hyukjae's coffee in excitement. “Oh yeah! Kangin too! He's also working on something, but he doesn’t want to tell what it is!”
“Everyone, can we finally start the meeting?” The managers seemed to get impatient.
They had to decide over important matters. What their new theme was going to be, who would play what role in the music video, how the choreographers had managed to integrate Heechul into the dance and how their future schedule looked like with the D&E tour as well as Heechul's movie shooting.
It was like everyone had forgotten about his movie shooting because suddenly they were all over him, demanding information about that mysterious movie he was involved in.
Heechul seldom felt uncomfortable with the other Super Junior members. Almost never. Sometimes maybe when Yesung’s and Hyukjae’s teasing got a little bit too ual for his tastes. Or that one time when Leeteuk asked him if he didn’t like the older’s s anymore after he hadn’t played with them on stage for a while. Or when he walked in on Donghae shaving his private parts after the younger one forgot to lock the bathroom door. He never wanted to relive this moment in his life. But these were the only times.
But right now, he felt very uncomfortable. He palmed them off with stories from the set and of how much he loves shooting a movie again.
They stilled nagged after that because they wanted to know every little thing but the managers reminded them of the time and how they still had to prepare their schedules.

Han Geng had dreaded this day.
Over the weekend, Heechul had gone home to Korea after giving him the cold shoulder that morning.
He knew as well as the older that they had made a mistake. But he also knew that they hadn’t been exactly sober that evening.
Xiaoxi had visited him on Saturday to ask him how his evening with Heechul had been. He had told her a few lies and had kissed her then. The kiss had surprised her but she had been all too happy to enjoy his affections.
His weekend with her had distracted him of his thoughts but now was the day he had to go back on set and see Heechul again.
He didn’t really want them to lose contact again. All this had made him realise how much he missed the other man. Even if he had expressed that in the wrong way last week. And really, objectively, it had been Heechul’s fault.
Why had the other kissed him? And a little voice inside him asked, why the pretty man had tempted him. It was not his fault.
Han Geng was a little bit late because he had been stuck in traffic.
Today they would shoot the scene where the female protagonist and him, the dancer, her lover, get into a fight in front of the little sister and the pen pal.
Anger was already flowing in his veins and made every muscle in his body tense. At the same time as sadness and disappointment soothed the anger. He didn’t really know what he should feel. But the disappointment probably outweighed the anger.
When he entered his and Heechul’s changing room, nothing indicated that the other had been here already. Only his clothes were left on one of the chairs.
Han Geng got ready, had his hair done and dawdled on the way to the set.
Trying to get in the right mindset, he searched around for Heechul until he was suddenly engaged in conversation with his co-star Leixin. She was very sweet and had a lot more acting experience than him. She asked him about his weekend and how he felt about the shoot up until now.
Spotlights and props were carried past them and everyone was in a hurry. Someone dropped something and someone shouted at them.
It was only seconds before the cameras started rolling, when Heechul appeared on set. He had his hair pinned up and was wearing some weird kind of baby blue onesie. Half of the staff snorted when they saw him.
The older idol didn’t even spare him a glance as he took his position. Han Geng’s disappointment grew in the pit of his stomach, making him almost nauseous.
Just a few more minutes and they were shooting the scene.
When Leixin screamed at him, he stayed calm, following the instructions of his character in the script. He accused her of being too focused on their than seeing his love for her. Slowly, he got louder and louder and he didn’t realise how he kept glimpsing at Heechul.
“Cut!”
He blinked a few times and saw how his co-star tried to hide her smirk.
“Han Geng, I know you and Heechul haven’t seen each other for a while and it’s probably still very exciting to act with each other but, Geng, you can’t keep watching Heechul while you’re fighting with Leixin.”
A lot of people chuckled while Heechul looked around with a very confused facial expression.
Han Geng felt his ears getting hot. “I’m sorry…I was just thinking.”
The director gave them a few minutes to calm down and the Chinese hoped his ears would’ve stopped burning by then. Heechul came over to him.
“What was that about? What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Stop bullting me! He was scolding you! What did you do?”
“It was really nothing!”
“He was saying my name! It was about me, so tell me what he said!” Heechul looked very angry by now, clenching his fists and staring directly into the Chinese man's eyes.
He rolled his eyes and turned away from the burning glare. “He told me to stop looking at you when I'm fighting with Leixin. Happy now?!”
Heechul blinked a few times and then looked around sheepishly. “Oh…”
Han Geng decided to be honest, “I kept looking at you because I'm sad we're awkward again, when what happened is no one's fault.”
The other sighed. “Okay, I’m sorry. This whole situation…let’s just pretend it never happened and we won’t be awkward with each other again.”
The shoot continued before he could answer.
This time he didn’t look at Heechul.

Heechul treated him the same way as before. Nothing should remind him of them almost having slept with each other.
But he knew Heechul. He had been his best friend for years. Heechul loved skin ship and looked really lovingly at people he liked. Even the first day after they had met again, Heechul had touched him on various occasions. He had his arm, leaned his head on his shoulder, let their thighs touch.
He hadn’t done that today. And Han Geng felt devastated.
Even if, at the end of the day, Heechul had talked to him again, everything felt different and it probably would stay that way.
He went home that day feeling as disappointed as he had started it.
On his way home, Xiaoxi called and asked him if he’d like to spend his evening with her. Actually, he didn’t want to meet anyone right now. But he hoped meeting her would help him forget about what happened today and get his thoughts away from Heechul.
Shortly after he arrived home, his doorbell rang, announcing his girlfriend’s arrival.
Xiaoxi greeted him with a kiss and a, “Missed me?” She wore a lovely light blue dress, heels and had her hair pinned up in a bun.
“Of course.”
He wanted to cook dinner for them, but it was actually her suggesting that they just order takeout after his long day. That was one of the reasons why he liked her. She was easy to be around, she didn’t demand things of him, and she respected how exhausting his work was sometimes.
The cuddled on his couch, ate pizza and watched some romance film in return for ordering takeout.
They were circa 30 minutes into the movie when Han Geng realised that holding Xiaoxi didn’t feel as nice as holding Heechul. He had been seeing her for months now and never thought anything like that before.
He hastily moved away from Xiaoxi. She looked at him questioningly. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just going to get something else to drink.”
He couldn’t do anything about the nervousness settling in his bones. Almost sleeping with Heechul had affected him more than he had thought.
Of course it had.
He had been so excited to a man!
He had never questioned his uality before. Did that incident with Heechul make him question his uality? Why didn’t he know before? Why didn’t he know why his body and mind reacted like that?!
Han Geng filled a glass with cold water and brought it back with him to the living room.
This time he held Xiaoxi desperately…just trying to convince himself.