It is becoming abundantly clear to Lisa that Chaeyoung is hiding something from her. They don’t hang out as much as they used to even on days they were both free of schedules, and the days that they did were unceremoniously cut short when the older girl would claim she had somewhere to be during the remainder of the evening. Lisa's growing increasingly worried about this.

“What are you doing today, babe?” She asks Chaeyoung one morning as they’re eating breakfast. She sees the other girl stiffen slightly at the question.

“Going to the studio, the usual,” Chaeyoung finally says before taking a small bite of her toast.   

“Could I come with you?”

“It’ll be boring, baby, trust me.”

“No, but I love seeing you work.”

“I wouldn’t be able to concentrate with you there,” She replies with a strained smile on her face, but Lisa doesn't seem to notice.

“I promise I’ll be really quiet! Plus, afterwards, we could--”

“I said no, Lisa,” Chaeyoung cuts her off, her tone reminiscent of an adult speaking to a pesky child. “I mean--” She sighs heavily, “Just stay home, baby. I promise we can do something together later. Okay?” She says softly when she catches the hurt expression on the younger’s face. Lisa nods resignedly and watches on as the blue-haired girl stands up from the table and retreats to their shared bedroom, leaving behind her half-eaten toast.

After that incident, Lisa tries not to ask too many questions so as not to set her off again. Chaeyoung seemed to have picked up on Lisa’s hesitancy around her because the following day, she apologized to the younger girl about her behaviour. Lisa instantly forgave her; there wasn’t anything that would keep her from staying upset at the older girl for long, especially when she apologized so sincerely. However, Chaeyoung continued to act secretive and distant even after the apology, thereby keeping the status of their relationship in a suspended state of uncertainty. Lisa feels on edge, like she's being pinned to the ground by the constant pressure of a boot resting atop ; not enough to actually suffocate her but enough to drive her mind slowly insane at the prospect of not knowing when it would finally come bearing down.

Today, Lisa asks Chaeyoung to ride bikes at the Han River, since they haven’t done that in quite some time. It's a classic date for them, and to Lisa’s pleasure, Chaeyoung is ecstatic at the idea. Lisa ends up riding the bike for the majority of the time while Chaeyoung relaxes in the backseat, prompting the older girl to offer up dessert as a thank-you, which is how they end up inside an ice cream shop approximately thirty minutes later. Lisa doesn’t mind being the one to ride them around, in fact, she prefers it, since Chaeyoung had the tendency to leave her behind when she had her own. Nevertheless, Lisa readily agrees to the idea-- fully knowing that the older girl’s seemingly generous offer was simply a front in order to eat something she had been craving-- and finds a seat at an empty table while the older girl goes to order their ice creams.

Lisa is scrolling through her phone to pass the time when she feels Chaeyoung’s own phone vibrate from the other side of the table; She must’ve left it there before leaving to place their orders. Lisa is adamant on ignoring the text at first, but then it vibrates again, sparking her curiosity. Casting a glance to the front, she sees that Chaeyoung is finally at the counter, speaking to the cashier. Now, Lisa doesn’t normally condone snooping through phones, but when your girlfriend is being as secretive as hers, her morals on the matter become considerably less rigid. She eyes the taller girl's back once more before quickly snatching up the phone, fingers moving speedily to unlock it.

Mason [3:51 PM]

Hey cant wait for you to see what i prepared tonight

Mason [3:51 PM]

I know you wanted it to be more romantic so hopefully its what you had in mind

“What the ?” Lisa reads the two messages over and over again, making sure she isn’t misinterpreting anything. She feels the boot slowly pressing down on her neck, and she panics. Hard. Before she can scroll up to look at the previous messages, the older girl appears.

“I am so hungry.” Lisa locks eyes with Chaeyoung who’s returned with two bowls of ice cream. The lighthearted expression on her face soon morphs into one of confusion. “Why do you have my phone?”

“Who’s Mason?” Lisa asks in a low voice. Chaeyoung looks caught off guard at the mention of that name, but her eyes harden shortly afterward as the nature of Lisa's awareness catches up to her. She sets the bowls of ice cream down on the table. 

“You read my messages?” She questions, anger and disappointment evident in her voice.

“Yeah, I read your messages, and good thing I did ‘cause then I wouldn’t have found out you were meeting up with some random guy behind my back. Guess you regret leaving your phone behind now, huh?”

“Lisa, it’s not what you think--” 

 “Then why the is he talking to you about having a romantic night prepared or whatever? You said you were going to the studio,” Lisa accuses. She’s standing now, suddenly unable to stay sitting. 

“I-I know I did, but Lisa, it’s really not what you think.” Her heart throbs painfully in her chest when she looks into Chaeyoung’s brown orbs and sees only guilt. 

“The hell it’s not! Are you ing him?” The boot clamps down harder on her neck. She thrashes violently in response, clawing fruitlessly at the offending item, wanting desperately to breathe again.

“Lisa, please, lower your voice.”

“Answer the ing question!”

“Lisa!” Chaeyoung hisses, and the younger girl finally stops. People nearby are casting them curious looks, and she mentally curses herself for not being able to restrain herself in a public place. Lisa grabs her things and careens out of the ice cream shop. She hears the bell of the door ring a few moments later, and footsteps following closely behind her. 

“Lisa, stop!” A hand grips her wrist tightly, but she quickly yanks her arm away. Out of the two of them, Lisa has always been weaker physically and stronger emotionally, but it seems as though this time the opposite was true. Her anger made her able to resist Chaeyoung’s attempts to stop her from leaving, but she genuinely feels like she'll break down at any moment. All this time, Chaeyoung had lied to her about where she was and who she was with. There was someone else. The signs were all there, she was just too blind to see them. She never felt more stupid in her life. She reaches her bike and gets on. 

“Lisa, please don’t go,” Chaeyoung begs, standing just a few feet away from her. She was afraid to get any closer. Lisa keeps her gaze forward, ready to kick off and escape this whole situation.

“Lisa!” At her broken sob, Lisa finally looks at her, and she feels her heart being splintered in half. The older girl has her arms wrapped around her midsection, tears streaming down her face. Her chest heaves at a harsh, rapid pace and she reaches up with one hand to stifle her sobs. She looked devastated. All of Lisa’s anger washes away only to be replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt. Getting off the bike, she takes two strides towards the taller girl and engulfs her in a tight embrace. 

“Baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” She repeats into her hair, rubbing up and down the expanse of her back. Chaeyoung just holds onto her tighter, unable to speak, opting instead to sob harder into the crook of her neck. Lisa’s hands find the skin underneath her top and repeats her motions. “Shhh, it’s alright, Chaeng, I’m so sorry, believe me,” Lisa whispers. She sways them gently back and forth and after several minutes, Chaeyoung begins to calm down, but the vice-like grip around Lisa’s shoulders never loosens. 

“You were really gonna leave me,” Chaeyoung’s voice crackles like a vinyl record from all the crying, and Lisa tightens her hold on her reflexively. 

“No, baby, I--I really wanted to, yeah, but I couldn’t do it.”  

“Don’t leave me, Lisa.” The younger girl feels constrict hearing her girlfriend sound so haunted. She hated herself for being the reason why the normally bright, angelic girl looked the most broken she’d ever seen her.

“I won’t, I promise,” She plants a kiss to her head then takes both of her smaller hands and brings them to her lips, kissing the back of them tenderly. “Come on, let’s go home now.” They walk over to the bike, Chaeyoung not letting go of her for a second. Lisa gets on and waits patiently for the older girl to get situated before taking off.

Tension hangs in the air as soon as they enter Lisa’s apartment. Since the bike ride there, she was dreading the moment that they would have to acknowledge what had happened and the argument that was momentarily put on hold. She felt ashamed at the way she'd lost control and made a complete out of herself in front of Chaeyoung. Sure, it had felt warranted, but she'd allowed her emotions to take over, and it had hurt Chae in the process. 

“Do you want to wash your first first, go change?” Lisa tentatively breaks the silence. “I’ll have some tea ready for when you get back.” 

“No, um, do you mind if we just talk?” Chaeyoung asks timidly. Lisa stops herself on her way to the kitchen, clearly not expecting the offer to be turned down.

“Oh, okay, yeah, sure--” Lisa starts, awkwardly looking back and forth between her and the stove.

“I don’t want tea.”

“Okay,” Lisa walks back to the older girl, who surveys her carefully as she approaches. They decide to sit down on the couch with an ample amount of space between them. Lisa contemplates on yelling again because anything is better than having this tension-ridden silence between her and the love of her life, but she feels like it would be really inappropriate. Plus, she wasn’t exactly angry anymore, just in need of answers.

“I'm not ing him,” Chaeyoung begins. Lisa exhales heavily. “No, really, I'm not. Lisa, I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to ever do that to you,” She says adamantly. 

“No, I-I know that, Chae. I’m just mad at myself for blowing up at you like that and accusing you of doing things I know you could never do. I wasn’t thinking straight and those text messages weren’t helping me with these thoughts in my head about why you’ve been acting so weird. And for swearing, I know you don’t like it when I swear.”

Chaeyoung smiles ruefully. “No, I don’t. But it’s okay. I don’t blame you for thinking that something was going on. I know I’ve been really distant lately and...and truthfully there are things I haven’t been telling you...” Lisa’s eyebrow twitches at the confirmation and she unconsciously moves closer to the older girl.

“What is it? You can tell me,” She gently urges. 

“I kind of... don’t want to?” 

“What?” Lisa frowns.  

“It’s nothing bad, I swear!” Chaeyoung backtracks, wincing at Lisa’s sharp gaze. “But it’s not the right time… maybe in two weeks--”

“Two weeks?” She bursts out. “The hell do you mean, two weeks?”

“Language.”

Lisa exhales heavily through her nostrils, “You can’t just tell me that you’ve been hiding something from me then not tell me what it is.” 

“Do you believe me when I say that I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship?”

“Yes, but--”

“Then, please, don’t keep asking. I promise you it’s a good surprise.” Lisa opens to protest, but stops short at the sight of Chaeyoung’s imploring eyes looking deeply into her own. She sighs heavily.

“Fine. But you have to tell me who this Mason guy is. You owe me at least that.” Chaeyoung is silent for several moments.

“Well... he’s around our age, likes the color green, and is really skinny. I think you could take him.”

“That’s not what I meant, Chaeyoung, and you know it.” 

“You don’t have to worry about him! He has a girlfriend.” 

“I don’t care.” Chaeyoung’s phone vibrates in her pocket and she goes to check it. “I’m serious. You’re being really flippant about this and I don’t like it.”

“It’s Mason, I need to get ready.” Chaeyoung stands up from the couch. Lisa catches her wrist.

“When you see yourself in twenty years, I’m by your side, right?”

“I don’t think I have a choice, whether I want you by my side or not. You’ll follow me wherever I go,” Chaeyoung looks down at her teasingly.

“Chae.”

“Fine, yes, but you won’t be by my side. You'll be hanging out with our two hundred adopted cats in our basement, which you converted into a playground because you have no self-control.”

“Okay, just making sure.” 

Chaeyoung rolls her eyes, which are red and swollen from all the crying earlier and her face is smudged with makeup yet all of a sudden Lisa has trouble seeing anything in her line of sight that is not her. 

“Two weeks, Lisa. I think you can manage that,” The older girl calls over her shoulder as she walks toward their shared bedroom to get ready. Lisa slumps down on the couch and groans frustratedly into a throw pillow. After today, she wishes like mad for patience that can stretch like taffy and a girlfriend less keen on wanting to surprise her.