We've fallen
We've fallen
We fall apart

Maybe it was a dumb idea, going on a whim. A road trip through a major part of country he never was before. It’s not like he’s living in the west of Canada, but if he had to go to East he took a plane, and not a car and not vice-versa. But he had saved enough money over the course of the last couple years to do it. His phone died a week ago and instead of charging it in the car, he just left it in the back seat and started to forget about it; his friends, his appointments, people that demanded so much in return for not helping out. He just needed an escape for some time, to focus on himself and what he wanted in life. He hoped the drive would be able to free his mind and help him organise the whirlwinds in his mind that were tainting his perception of the world around him. But he was slowly breaking from the foggy bubble that threatened to suffocate him.

The past two weeks, he picked up a couple of hitchhikers on the way; some very comfortable, some kind of creepy, but fortunately, it was mainly for short trips, to the next town or village close to the highway. He caught sight of someone dancing or walking at the highway and he felt himself smiling. He envied people that seemed so free, at least on the outside and he slowed down his car. He was almost next to the person, a young man who wore headphones and was jamming away with it, his cardboard sign used as a dancing partner. The stranger jumped when he suddenly sped up and came to a halt a couple of metres away on the hard shoulder, and the sound of the indicator was noticeable over the engine running. The boy jumped again and jogged to the passenger side where he stuck his head through the passenger window, “Where you’re going to?” His skin was chipping from sunburn and there was a stark contrast between the eye area and the rest of the face. Sweat was slowly dripping down from under the bucket hat. The hair was sticking to his forehead. The boy may also haven’t washed in a week, but he didn’t as well. The boy pulled his Walkman out of his pocket and turned it off.

“Anywhere,” he smiled and waved at him. The whole face of the boy lit up and he smiled just as widely. “You can pack your stuff into the back seat, the trunk is already full of my stuff.” The boy, sweaty as he was, slid into the passenger seat, two bottles of water in hand and he wiped his other hand on his pants. He held it out, “I’m Chittaphon, or you can call me just Ten, which is kinda my English name.”

He accepted, “Lucas. So, where are you heading to?”

After buckling himself back up, a look into the rear-view mirror revealed the cardboard sign’s other side that said ‘Anywhere’. “Driftwood, for the moment, and I’ll see from there, I’ve been hiking since Matheson, but I started somewhere else. So, Lucas, where is your anywhere?”

“Vancouver,” Lucas changed gears. “I started in St. John’s actually.” Ten was turning around in his seat, throwing a glance at the trunk.

“How long are you on the road?”

“Two weeks already, but in the long run, my destination is Vancouver. And you don’t look like you live in a small rural town in the midst of Canada, if I may assume? And ain’t your name Thai?” He answered and shot a question back at the hitchhiker.

“Is Thunder Bay a better answer?” The boy started fidgeting in his seat, visibly uncomfortable.

Lucas shook his head and let out a breathy laugh, “You don’t need to tell me about your destination, but for starters, you could tell me about yourself, we might sit in the car for some time and I don’t drive more than two-hundred kilometres a day, I want to see something from the world when I drive the TCH. And I couldn’t after university since money was tight back then.”

“I actually started in Montreal…” He stopped suddenly when Lucas suddenly reached over while looking at the street. Without looking where he was reaching, he opened the glove compartment and grabbed a battered road atlas.

“Can you read a map?” Ten denied and Lucas shook his head, he set the indicator again and halted on the hard shoulder. Pondering over the map, he marked something with a ballpoint pen that was already held together with what seemed to be duct tape. If it was anything to go by, the things looked older than the car and that didn’t look that young anymore as well. From somewhere he suddenly pulled an even older calculator who was running via solar, tapping loudly away, he let out a long sigh. “I can take you to Thunder Bay, I pass by there, but you would spend three days with me, it’s about 780km.” He crossed his arms over his chest after he dropped the things in Ten’s lap so he could take a look himself.

“I have a little money for gas? Ehm, but where do you sleep?” Ten looked suddenly timid, wringing his bucket hat in his hands.

“Either tent or motels, to be honest. I don’t trust you enough that I would say you could sleep in my car, so motel it is.” Lucas had actually planned on sleeping in a tent that night since it was supposed to be warm and a starry night.

“Tent would actually also be fine, I mean I have my hiking and camping stuff on me, I didn't sleep differently the past two days. And you can trust me enough that I won’t steal your keys, I swear.” Ten suddenly rambled.

“That doesn’t make you any more trustworthy, Ten.” Lucas stored the things again in the compartment and started driving again.

It was a nice company, driving with Ten and at times they even switched seats and the hitchhiker drove the car. And Ten was surprisingly knowledgeable about wildlife and nature and taught Lucas one or two things when they made their camp one night. Lucas was surprised when Ten’s sleeping bag laid closer to his on the third night. He didn’t comment on it. Lucas also learned that Ten was only twenty-four years old and studied graphic design, but he didn’t tell where, but Lucas also didn’t dig deeper. While Lucas was stirring their canned food for the night in the pot over the small Bunsen burner, Ten approached him but sat down a considerable distance away from him. He was fidgety and seemingly struggling to find words. It took him a couple of times but was always quickly disheartened, yet Lucas feigned obliviousness and let him take his time.

“Ehm, Lucas, I–I have a question.” Ten was extremely nervous. Lucas nodded his head, signalling that he was listening. He had a hunch what Ten was about to ask, the young boy wasn’t actually good at hiding and lying, even if Lucas caught him lying a couple of times but didn’t confront him about it. “Do, do you have a problem when I smoke?”

“Smoke what? You wouldn’t ask that if it wasn’t any illegal substance.” He knew the boy smoked pot every now and then in the evenings.

“I–I…” he started stuttering in a panic and Lucas intercepted.

“As long as it is only weed, I don’t mind, Ten. Go ahead.” Ten’s face was hidden from the flame that illuminated its immediate surroundings and he let out a sigh of relief.

“I was afraid, you might have a problem with it.” He let out a breathy chuckle and so did Lucas.

He awoke in the middle of the night in shock and he rose, but a grunt next to him stopped him from doing it. It wasn’t especially light that night, but after some adjusting of his eyes, he recognised Ten cuddled into his side. The younger had smoked considerably more that evening and got very quiet while he tended to talk a lot usually. Lucas was conflicted as of what to do. Pulling his own pillow from beneath his head, he slowly and cautiously lifted Ten’s head and exchanged his arm with the pillow before resting Ten’s head on it. The sun would rise in an hour and he stood up, kicking on the burner to cook himself some coffee. He would tackle the rest of the way to Thunder Bay and part ways with Ten there. It might get a little lonely in the car afterwards, but that’s how life is.

“May I take a photo of you?” Ten suddenly asked when he stood with Lucas in the parking lot, wringing his fingers. Lucas had looked at him in amazement when he brought an old analogue camera out of his bag, taking things of various sceneries they drove past.

“Of course, do as you like,” Lucas smiled widely at him and leaned against the hood of his car and smiled widely into the viewfinder. “Ah, wait.” He snatched the cardboard sign, turning the Anywhere side towards Ten. “Now I’m ready.”

Ten was gone quickly, after placing some bills in Lucas’ hand, before saying his goodbyes. Before he was out of sight, he turned back around, holding the sign up with the side reading ‘Anywhere’, he shouted with a big smile on his lips before he ran away as comfortable as his trekking backpack let him. “Let’s go to Anywhere together, Lucas!” Onlookers were looking at Lucas weirdly when he waved the vanishing boy. Jamming his hands into his pockets, he sauntered towards the meeting point where he decided to meet up with his friend after he finally had charged his phone again.

He spent the night at his friend’s place, also to mix business and reunion. The next morning, when he said his goodbye’s and got back to the car park his car was. Yet he made an unpleasant surprise. Curled up with his backpack was a Ten that looked so tiny. Crouching down, he softly shook the boy awake that seemed to be in a battered state and had a black eye. Recognising Lucas, he visibly swallowed his tears and muttered. “Take me to Anywhere with you?” He seemed too weak to stand on his own and Lucas asked himself how he got there in the first place, but his lips remained sealed. Opening the back seat door, he swooped the boy up in his arms, one under the boy’s knees and the other around the shoulder, his head lolling against his chest and he cautiously set him into the backseat, before closing the door and putting the sign and the backpack into the trunk and getting his own blanket out for the boy.

Lucas just drove kilometre after kilometre, sleeping throughout the day in his car in the shade while Ten just awoke at times. He let the boy smoke in his car, while the window was rolled down. Ten was still bundled up in the blanket while his head rested against the window and he let the wind brush the hair out of his face and the smoke from his joint wisping away with it. He didn’t speak and stayed even closer to Lucas when they were outside or under people, ever so often even reaching for his sleeves as not to lose sight of him. Lucas took him with him to clients, he was also keenly aware of building his relationships with some clients. most of them welcomed both warmly, especially after hearing that Lucas was on a road trip. Ten seemed like he wanted to ask but refrained and only spoke the bare minimum in the following week where he stayed in the back seat. Lucas let him sleep in the car while he was staying outside, or they got a room with two beds. Until one night, where Lucas was rudely awoken by Ten, who tugged at his clothes. In the low light of the moon, Lucas saw Ten kneeling beside him, having the blanket bunched under his arm like a child looking for its parents. He barely understood bits and pieces but made out something along the lines of ‘sleep with you’, he didn’t care in his half-asleep state and only lifted one side of the sleeping bag. He would have regrets about it the next morning when it would be too warm with the boy’s back pressed against his chest. He draped his arm over the boy and pulled him closer. He was crying silently, and Lucas feigned ignorance in favour not to upset him anymore, just tightening his hold around him.

Ten started warming up again the second week after Thunder Bay. He jumped out of the car when Lucas was at the gas station and jogged into the store, “Am going to buy snacks, want something?”

“Surprise me,” was Lucas’ only answer. When he went inside, Ten was already back at the car, snacks tightly secured under his arm and asked Lucas if he could drive now.

“I wanted to pay for gas.” The boy, maybe Ten’s age behind the counter pointed outside, “The boy already paid?”

Every once in a while, the duo picked up other hitchhikers for short distances. Nearing the sixth week of his trip, Lucas asked Ten. “Since we’re back in the mountains, let’s take a few hikes and camp in the woods before I go back to Vancouver.”

Ten eyes lit up and he nodded heavily, “Yes, yes, that sounds fantastic.”

The last stage of the trip was at night, after midnight. Lucas tried his hardest keeping his eyes off the sleeping figure of Ten in the rear-view mirror, the orange light of the lamp posts illuminating in a rhythmic pattern the face. He couldn’t place a finger on the sentiment it released in Lucas. But he was grateful for it, it reminded him of the late-night trips with his parents in his early years when they moved to Canada and he felt a tug of nostalgia and longing in his chest. It was hard for Lucas to part ways with Ten in Vancouver, the boy grew on him a lot in the past month. He was glad to have picked up the boy, even if his main goal was to take the road trip alone, yet Ten’s company was greatly appreciated. Holding the boy in a close hug, he didn’t want to let go. He never felt such gratitude except for his longest friends, and it filled his heart with warmth and love. It made him not disappear again.

There were days where Lucas thought he caught a glimpse of Ten, but his friends tended to make fun of him but in a loving way. They knew how he was, and he was still thinking about him once in a while, also because Ten left his cardboard in his car and he somehow wasn’t able to part with the piece of junk.

Huddled up in his coat and his briefcase tugged under his arm, he pulled the scarf higher and cursed the cold autumn weather in Canada. He slowed down when he saw a hooded figure standing at his car, with the back to him. He wasn’t in the place to be ambushed, not in the field he worked at least, but this was weird.

“Sorry, but you’re leaning against my car and this is private property and no place for loitering,” he called out, his brows furrowed.

The person turned around and Lucas had to take a double-take.

“It wasn’t easy to find you, Lucas, or Wong Yukhei, CEO of Tremblay & Wong Enterprises. You never told me anything about it, you could have at least told me that you’re eight years older than me. I might’ve tried to seduce you for your money. How did you manage to hide all the information from me in the span of a month? You said you’re only three years older than I am and I believed you!” Ten smiled widely at him, bobbing up and down on his heels, hands jammed into his pockets.

“Ten! Maybe I can invite you for dinner in return and you tell me who you really are as well.” Lucas engulfed the small boy in his arms, thankful for the heavens that they brought Ten back to him. At least he could show his friends now that he wasn’t hallucinating the time he spent with Ten.