Where has the time gone, Fu Jing wonders. It would be inaccurate to say that the two years passed like the blink of an eye; certainly there have been nights of filming and rehearsal that felt like they would never end, practices when every overworked muscle strained and twinged with the passage of each 1-2-3-4, interviews that dragged on with the same tedious, repetitive questions. Still, time is a funny, slippery thing, and despite her best efforts it’s slipped past her.

It’s been two years. Perhaps the most exhausting two years of her life. The most rewarding in certain aspects, for sure, the most fulfilling, the most exciting, and also the most challenging, the most gruelling, the most—simply the most in many ways. And so many of those ways have to do with the girl in front of her.

Fu Jing swallows. “So…this is it, huh?”

“And what is ‘it,’ exactly?” Xuanyi says in a slow, measured voice.

“You know. Graduation.” Fu Jing’s mouth twists wryly. “That makes it sound prettier than it is, huh? Disbandment. Farewell. Goodbye.”

“Are you telling me goodbye?” Still that slow, measured voice. Xuanyi looks so calm that if Fu Jing didn’t know her she would think Xuanyi isn’t affected at all. However, the taut set of her jaw and extra brightness of her eyes betray her.

Fu Jing shakes her head. “You know that I never want to say goodbye to you.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you either.” Fu Jing waits for the but to come, but it doesn’t. Instead, Xuanyi holds open her arms, the way she had during the finale, and Fu Jing falls into them the same way she always does. “Jingjing,” she sighs, and she sounds like she’s unloading a heavy weight.

“Xuanyi,” Fu Jing returns, hand tracing over her hair, her shoulder, her spine, fitting into that groove at the small of her back that feels like it’s made for Fu Jing’s fingers.

They don’t say anything beyond that, beyond each other’s names. Fu Jing is taller but, like usual, she feels like Xuanyi is holding her up. There is so much strength in that deceptively frail body, in those svelte limbs and that sweet smile. Fu Jing presses her cheek against Xuanyi’s hair and soaks her in, the scent of her, the warmth of her embrace, the solidness of her in Fu Jing’s arms and Fu Jing in hers like it’s the one haven they have.

They’re still with each other, and it already feels like they’re saying goodbye. That they’re both memorizing the other in preparation for a long time apart.

“Xuanyi,” Fu Jing says again, with no point in it, really, just a need to say her name, to reassure herself that she’s really there. “Xiaoxuan. Xuanyi.”

“Jingjing.” And Xuanyi is pulling away from her, breaking the embrace, and as Fu Jing is about to protest, to tug her back, Xuanyi’s mouth presses down on hers. It’s not a tender kiss, not a gentle one, it’s hard and urgent and possessive. Like Xuanyi’s staking a claim. Fu Jing shivers and the spot on her neck where Xuanyi had last night, just short enough of leaving behind a mark, seems to throb.

I guess I have to make sure it doesn’t show, she had said, eyes dark, with the implication that next time, I won’t hold myself back.

When will the next time be, Fu Jing can’t help but wonder.

“Jingjing.” Xuanyi’s eyes are soft, sad. “You told me that you never want to say goodbye to me, but you’re looking at me like that’s what you’re doing.”

“I don’t – I’m not—” And Fu Jing’s face crumples. She’s always been a crier. And this day, June 23rd, seems to be a day marked for tears especially. First, their debut; then, their anniversary; and now, somehow already, their disbandment. Two years. When most groups would only be shedding the title of rookie around now, they’re already saying goodbye to their group. She knew this from the start, they all did, and back then two years had seemed like plenty of time. It’s not like they wanted to stay idols until they were in their thirties. They all have their own ambitions they wanted to pursue, be it a solo debut or acting or something else, and she has those too. She wants to be more known for being more than just Rocket Girls’ Fu Jing. And yet—

“I’m not ready for it to be over.” Fu Jing sniffs and brings a hand to wipe her eyes. For once, Xuanyi doesn’t beat her to it. “I thought I was ready for it but I’m not.”

“I’m not either,” Xuanyi admits, and somehow hearing it from her makes it easier. Xuanyi, who has never been one to shed tears in public, or even in front of them, always wanting to cry when she’s alone, to process her emotions on her own. Who only wants to leave a trail of smiles on her flower road. Fu Jing has always admired her for that, for her resilience and strength, but she also wishes Xuanyi wouldn’t be so reluctant to show her emotions, to share them. She wants to take some of the burden from Xuanyi’s shoulders and put it on her own, but she knows that Xuanyi would never let her. That she would smile and say everything is okay even as she staggers under the weight of all that she has to carry.

Is it strange that even though it’s something that frustrates Fu Jing, she also loves Xuanyi for it?

“It all happened so fast, didn’t it?” Xuanyi says. “Even though some individual moments felt like they dragged on forever, now that this day is here, it feels like everything happened so fast. Like time got away from us.”

“Yeah,” Fu Jing says. “Exactly like that.”

“We’ve accomplished a lot though. We’ve grown so much. Every single one of us.”

“Really? Because Xiaoqi looks as small as ever to me.”

Xuanyi laughs and elbows her. “Don’t be so mean. And you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, we have. We’ve come a long way. This has been…an incredible two years. Probably the most incredible of my life.”

“Mine too,” Xuanyi says.

“Really?” Fu Jing says again, softer this time.

“Is that surprising?”

“It’s just. I mean, you had those years in Korea—”

“I did, and they were incredible too, of course, but these past two years… I’m not going to say they’re a dream come true, because it’s not that I dreamed of this, exactly. But I’ve done things that I thought I could only do in dreams, and I’ve met people that made me feel like I’m in a dream.” Xuanyi locks eyes with her. “One person in particular.”

Fu Jing feels warmth flood her chest, her neck, her cheeks. She’s always been a blusher too. “And who might that be?” she says in what she hopes it’s a casual voice.

Judging by Xuanyi’s smile, she fails terribly in that regard. “I don’t know. Do you have a mirror with you?”

“A mirror?” Fu Jing pats her pockets reflexively but of course she doesn’t have a compact with her. “No. Do you want to check for blemishes or something? You look great.”

Xuanyi laughs. “I look terrible. We’ve been up for way too long and once the makeup is off it shows.”

“You look amazing,” Fu Jing says sincerely. “You always do.”

“Such a charmer,” Xuanyi teases, but there’s the slightest tinge of pink on her face. “I meant, if you have a mirror you should look in it. To find that one person in particular.”

“Oh.” And Fu Jing’s face probably goes from pink right into red. “Are you sure I’m the charmer here?”

“I learned from the best.” Xuanyi takes her hands and pulls Fu Jing right up against her. “Jingjing,” she says seriously. “Please don’t doubt us. Yes, Rocket Girls may be over, and Rocket Girls’ Wu Xuanyi and Fu Jing have to say goodbye, but you and I, we don’t and we aren’t.” Her expression changes, turns tentative. “Unless you want to?”

“No!” Fu Jing blurts out. “Of course not.”

“Then believe in us. In me.”

“Xuanyi, I always have.” You’re the always I didn’t think I could have but I’ll fight to the end for it. For you. For us. Fu Jing takes a breath. “When I said this is it, I meant that it’s an ending. But that just means that we have a new beginning ahead of us. And I’m ready to face it together.”

“Together,” Xuanyi affirms, her hand locked tightly in Fu Jing’s. It’s a new chapter in their story, and even if they won’t be group members anymore, Fu Jing knows that they’ll go on writing it together.

A/N: I can't believe it's been two years. I still remember crying over them in summer 2018 and here I am still crying over them in summer 2020. It may be goodbye for Rocket Girls, but I trust that it's not a goodbye for our girls. I'm sure we'll see them together again, if not all 11 then in other ways, and of course I dearly hope that we'll see FuXuan again. Let's go on supporting them! 🚀