Trigger Warning: This story contains violence, ual abuse, and various forms of sensitive matter that could trigger harmful emotions.

Please take note of your condition before proceeding with the story. I would personally appreciate it if you proceed to read other stories with a lighter theme especially if you're not yet of age.

I was listening to er for Pain (from the Suicide Squad album) and I was made for loving you (by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran) while writing this story. If you decide to listen to these songs while reading, you would know when to shift the song, trust me.

"and then what happened next?" her therapist asked. 

Byul has been seeking help for what she have, or what she lacked. She isn't sure which one. All she knows is that she want it to stop, no matter how satisfying it is on some days.

"then I shoved him off a vehicle" Byul replied. She has been having these thoughts. Not exactly the healthy ones. She find solace in thinking about different ways to bring pain to people.

"and what did you feel about that thought?" another day for her to hear this question. After every story that she tells, she gets asked this same question and her answer never changes.

"still satisfying." she answered knowingly.
 

She felt her blood rushing through making her more alive at the thought of having her hands on someone's neck as she watch them gasp for air. The satisfying feeling of twisting a knife on someone's gut or the brief sound coming from a gun delivering the shot that creates a perfect hole on someone's skull.

"where do you think these thoughts came from, Byul" they had a few brief sessions before this, but this was the first time that she gets asked this question. A familiar cold feeling stung inside her. 

"I am not sure. I don't remember why and where it started. Maybe when all the people I love decided to turn their backs on me?" she said as memories of her past flashed through her head

"maybe when they left I thought I was a monster that brings pain to people. I don't hate them for doing that to me, maybe we were never meant to be together for a long time anyway. I never thought of hurting them too." she continued.

A lot of people passed through her life like the wind. Some promised to cherish her and told her sweet words only to leave her after a month or two. Some spent the night with her, used her, and she let them. She didn't know why but maybe it is the feeling of being needed by someone that she craved. Something just to have them stay longer