Joohyun has never thought of herself as particularly interested in games. Sure, she wants to win each and every one of them, but that’s only when she actually played in the first place.

She’s usually busy doing something else, like you know, the entire process behind the construction of resumes before she sends them off to be screened by a merciless corporate HR algorithm.

For years she had hoped to pair a tasselled square cap with the borrowed black robes of her college, smiling as she stands on a stage to receive some dummy certificate before she gets the actual one which she’d probably frame and hang in her bedroom, for formality’s sake, even though it would be prettier if she folded it into a paper crane and left it on her dresser.

Or at least, that was the original plan before the year opened and everyone around her was whispering about a recession, and thus Bae Joohyun also shovelled together enough recommendations and willpower to submit her applications to a bunch of graduate programmes. She thanks her past self for doing that – it was a pretty good idea for whatever the economy looked like to her – any plan to shove her way onto the lowest rungs of SK Telecom or Hyundai have long flown out of the window.

Like many of her peers, she is fresh out of things to do for the while and spring has begun to stretch into an endless emptiness. Joohyun had made her way home to visit her parents after her exams were over.

She had to make semi-apologies to her girlfriend, who had been taking her finals and had a miserable finals-filled birthday. Sorry, baby, I will be back soon anyway! Hopefully I get an interview, so umma and appa won’t have an excuse to keep me.

As with all plans scrapped for the year, they were going to celebrate after she was done, but with Joohyun’s parents frantically summoning her home, worried that things in the ever-busy Seoul were going to go downhill, she had to leave in a hurry.

How ironic, really.

The only time she’s ventured outdoors since all Shincheonji broke loose was to make a few grocery runs – for a mother who wanted their fridge stuffed as full as possible – and to pop by the pharmacy to pick up some meds for her parents.

And so she finds herself doing absolutely nothing.

Nothing is:

• the watching of every drama airing on television;
• the streams of older shows she’s never had time to watch;
• the reading a bunch of books that she has never had time for so now’s a good a time as any to figure out which Masters programme she’ll accept assuming she gets into them so hopefully there is an academically viable topic that catches her attention;
• the yoga routines and workout plans she’s been following quite religiously since she’s found herself stuck in Daegu;
• the raiding of her mother’s pantry so she can spend entire afternoons baking with her sister (until her mother complained that Joohyun was stealing all the flour, please stop); and
• the calls with her favourite person/bear on the face of this earth (which admittedly, make this whole nothing business feel a lot better).

But more recently, the deliveryman arrived with her Nintendo console that Seulgi’s sent her from Seoul. After some toggling with the device and Seulgi’s incessant pleas, Joohyun relents and assures Seulgi that she’d buy a copy of Animal Crossing when it pops up in the e-shop.

*****

Their nightly video chats have been dominated by the presence of Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

“Seulgi, what should I name my island?”

“Seulgi, how did you jump over the river?”

“Seulgi, how do you…oh never mind Tom Nook just told me what to do.”

As with all things, Joohyun quickly gets the hang of it. After all, it’s not like Animal Crossing is a difficult game by any means. The game is made for children! There is no way Joohyun will be worse at this game than a bunch of toddlers on YouTube are.

One night, Seulgi could not make it for their call. Joohyun sulked for twenty minutes, but she’ll never admit to that. Joohyun can’t even begrudge Seulgi for her absence: the girl was off raising funds for an animal shelter, what with donations and the usual volunteer supply drying up in the season of self-isolation and economic woes. And Seulgi had apologised – an adorable video message soothed most of Joohyun’s agitation. (She is very weak for Seulgi’s pouts. Another thing she doesn’t like admitting to.)

Instead, she spends that time toggling with the date/time settings on her console, burning hours upon hours planting flowers. She Kakao-bribes Yerim, Jennie and Sooyoung with a few thousand won each, who reluctantly let themselves indulge her by flying over to water her flowers for every new “day”.

Yerim is the one to make a huge fuss about it, citing that she could be playing one of her FPS games instead. She whines and grumbles about it their entire video call. But she is also the one who groggily grabs her Switch to water Joohyun’s flowers for her first thing in the morning while Jennie and Sooyoung pretend that they’re still asleep.

The next evening:

Seulgi’s mouth drops open when Joohyun points her screen at the camera, showing off row after row of the flowers. Joohyun smirks, satisfied that those hours of replanting her garden in accordance with what she saw online paid off. She had never imagined that arranging a rainbow took this much effort.    

“Joohyun, did you time travel?” As Seulgi says this, she slaps her hand to her heart to proclaim, “I would never!”

Joohyun gives her an unimpressed look. “You’re just jealous that I beat you to a superior garden. Look, I’ve already collected all these cherry blossoms and crafted the whole furniture set. So what? Are you not going to fish with me?”

Seulgi sighs, pulling her Switch up. “You’re going to catch all the mahi-mahi before I do. It’s supposed to be spring, Joohyun. I’m still trying to pay off my first housing loan!”

“Shush. Tom Nook is only trying to get his bells’ worth; he renovated your house overnight, please. Anyway, come over so I can reel in some mahi-mahi when I’m standing right next to you.”

Seulgi snorts, relenting. “Sure, sure, open your gates and I’ll be over in a bit.”

*****

Eventually, Joohyun’s sister steals her Switch.

Despite repeated warnings against doing so, her sister, that dratted second-tier island dweller, decides to mess up Joohyun’s garden. Seeing common red pansies where her painstakingly bred blue roses once grew nearly made her throw the nearest cushion at that brat.

Is strangling your younger sister illegal? All those hours she has spent…

She complains about this to Seulgi, who’s stunned that Joohyun hadn’t spent the past couple of hours pre-call in-game.

“Come on, we can replant your flowers,” Seulgi begins, soothingly, “here, you can take my purple and orange hybrids! Then you don’t have to start all over again. Hey, hey, don’t look so glum. I just got my golden watering can today – I’ll water all of your flowers a hundred different times, okay?”

“No.”

“You can take my only blue rose?”

“No.”

“Hmm…” Seulgi scratches the back of her head, thinking. “Do you want to play another game instead?” Seulgi suggests this time, smiling gently.

The frustration in her ebbs with each second Seulgi sustains that smile. She barks out a short laugh when Seulgi’s face falls after a few seconds, assuming that her suggestion fell flat.

Joohyun quickly recovers. “Sure, I’d love to. What are we playing?”

“Rock paper scissors. Oh, but loser has to tell the winner something new.”

Joohyun shrugs. “That’s lame.”

“Hey! We can play something else. But this is easy…” Seulgi’s frowning ever so slightly at the other end of the camera.

“Kidding.” Joohyun sticks her fist out. “Let’s do it.”

They mirror each other, chanting, “Rock, paper, scissors!”

As usual, Seulgi’s grinning as she holds out a clenched fist to Joohyun’s paper.

“You lost again!” Joohyun giggles. “What are you gonna tell me?”

Seulgi giggles too, shifting her camera as she flings herself backwards onto her bed. “Let’s see… I love you!”

“Eh? You have told me this before.”

But all the same, it makes her ears burn and a smile that she can’t control from spreading across her face.

“Yeah, but hey, it bears repeating every day. It’s new today! And you are smiling, aren’t you? I’ll lose again if it makes you smile like that again.”

She rolls her eyes, coughing so she doesn’t have to smile. “You’re terrible.”

Seulgi’s eyes disappear into another smile. “I know.”

*****

“Rock paper scissors!”

“Love you. Hmm. My parents are thinking of adopting another dog. Maybe an older one so our current dog has a friend? They’re very bored at home… another dog will give them an excuse to go out for walks more.”

Joohyun in a tight breath. “I’m never going to your house.”

Seulgi laughs. “Scaredy-cat unnie will be protected from the big, bad wolves!”

“They’re not wolves. And I’m not a cat.”

“You’re right, ttoki-unnie.”

*****

“Rock paper scissors!”

“I lose! I love you.”

“You have to say something else too, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Hm… I managed to breed a green mum today in that game.”

“What?”

“Yeah! Without time travelling too.”

*****

“Rock paper scissors!”

“Ah… love you unnie! Hmm… The first thing I want to do with you when all this—” Seulgi waves her hand all about her, goofily drawing huge circles to distract Joohyun from that inevitable ache in her heart, “—is to go out and eat something nice with you. Maybe something sweet… or we can go to our favourite restaurant.”

“If it’s open.”

“Yeah, if it’s still open,” Seulgi echoes, looking downcast.

They sit in silence for a moment before Joohyun mutters, “I really ing miss you.”

“Sorry, what? Couldn’t catch that. Could you like, speak louder?”

“It’s nothing.” She bites her lips. Blinks hard. Offers a smile. “I’m sure that our noodle place will still be open. I’m sure of it.”

*****

One morning, she calls Seungwan, willing for her friend to pick up the phone.

When her first call fails, she tries again. Seungwan finally picks up on the fourth ring, trying to sound as cheerily Son Seungwan as possible even though her voice is heavy with sleep. “Hello?”

“Seungwan. Seungwan. I have to ask you something.”

“Morning, Joohyun.” A yawn. “Hang on…” There’s another yawn before the phone is dropped with a thud and Joohyun can hear Seungwan’s bedroom slippers shuffle around her room. When she hears her again, Seungwan’s swallowing something – water? – loudly, before she continues, “Hey, ’sup.”

“Morning to you too.” She checks the clock. “You’re up late.”

“You’re up early,” Seungwan counters, a frown clear in her voice. “Whatever. I’m awake now… So what couldn’t wait until business hours, Joohyun-unnie?”

“I have a question.”

“Yeah, so you’ve said.” Seungwan’s still yawning. “So? What’s it?”

“I. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll start with this first?” For a long while, she’s silent, trying to find her words.

“Eh?” Seungwan’s clearly switching her phone to her other ear – she hears the fumble. “What, speak up, unnie. Not sure if you said something else after you said ‘I’ll start with this first?’”

“I didn’t.”

“You’re oddly talkative today.”

She sighs. “It’s not easy okay? I just want to know if Seulgihaseverbeensad.”

“What?” Seungwan snorts. “Of course she gets sad. What kind of question is that? Like, even teddy bears get frowns drawn on them!”

“Seungwan…”

“Hey, Joohyun. You’re being weird! Come on, what’s the problem?”

“I just. I just. I just want to know if Seulgi’s ever been upset that I never said it back, okay? Like I saw her face the first time she said it and even though she’s told me that it’s okay, it’s fine, I don’t have to say it back now, and if ever, even, I don’t know, is she only just saying it to make me feel better? She really is just saying it to make me feel better. Oh god. But I don’t know if I know how to say it back—”

“Joohyun? Joohyun? Breathe. Slow down!” She sounds a lot more awake now. “This is what got you up at seven in the morning? Oh, Joohyun… She loves you, you know. She’s not going to begrudge you for something that she thinks you aren’t ready for. It’s not like you’ve not poured your entire life story to her yet.”

“But you know, that’s the thing. She’s so kind, she’s so patient… and I really like her. And she said it first, and sometimes I think that she’s so nice and too good for me and I should really say it back, but I don’t even know if I really do love her or like I just really like her because I've not seen her for so long and I'm confusing missing her for love? How do you even know if you love somebody?”

“Slow down,” Seungwan repeats, sighing this time. “That’s a lot to unpack. I’ve not even brushed my teeth yet.”

When Seungwan points that out, Joohyun gasps. “Oh my god, yeah, I woke you up! I’m so sorry!”

Seungwan shushes her. “No, I’m fine. Not like you can see the rat’s nest on my head anyway. Such an honour to get a call from Bae Joohyun in the morning.”

“Yeah, well, you’re my first choice. Can you imagine, asking Yerim? You just know. I’d be too embarrassed to get her to give me a proper answer.”

“Yeah,” Seungwan agrees. “And you want my answer, right? I mean, I’m sure that Seulgi’s told you a million and one different reasons for why she’s in love with you and why she loves you to the moon and back and all that other cheesy , so I won’t belabour that point. I guess when someone tells you something and you think that maybe you want to say it back, then maybe that’s how you know?”

“You’re starting to sound like Yerim.”

“Ugh. Fine. It’s a whole process sort of thing! Like, there’s no singular definition to what we feel, like friendship, girlfriendship, whatever it is. But I really hope you aren’t dating a girl because you feel like it’s an obligation because dude, that’s a really impractical decision – on so many levels!”

“No!” she protests. “Of course not. That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah see, we got past part one, obligation. So maybe now I need to remind you that being sure is a little difficult, and being brave… yeah that’s not really like you. But you know, I’m free all day. We’ll work through this.”

“You’re the best.”

“Nah.”

“The best at not accepting compliments, apparently… Just take it.”

Seungwan laughs. “Sure. If I do, will you let me grab breakfast before we talk? I can call you back in twenty.”  

*****

“Rock paper scissors!”

“You won! Love you.”

She bites her tongue. She doesn’t quite want to say it back, not just yet. She prompts, “What do you want to tell me today?”

“Huh… that’s tough. Oh, today I played Animal Crossing and guess what? Patch came to my island! It’s really, really cute.”

“What’s it?”

“Oops. Right, I forgot. Give me a sec…” Seulgi hops off her bed to grab her console. “It’s still loading. But anyway, it’s this bear, with crosses for eyes and really funky ears! It shares my birthday.”

“Is that so? What a coincidence. And hey, it’s okay, we can go back to playing Animal Crossing if you like, I’ll look at your bear then. I really hope that stupid Bunny Day’s over though…”

Seulgi laughs. “But ttoki-unnie, you’re supposed to love bunny day. There are rabbits!”

“No. If I had to dig up another one of those eggs again I swear…”

“You’ve practically completed your museum collection already, unnie.”

“You might be right, but bunny day is still the worst thing ever!”

*****

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*****

“Rock, paper, scissors!”

“You won, unnie – wait, hang on.” Seulgi’s eyes widen and she blinks rapidly. She turns her phone around. Upside down. Then sets it upright again. “Hang on, unnie! I won?”

“Yeah. You did.” Her voice is small. “This means that I have to tell you something, right?”

“Ah, right, right, you do…” Seulgi continues blinking, completely mystified by this turn of events. She regains enough composure to grin at the camera, “Well, go on then, what do you want to tell me?”

It is now or never.

“I… I love you, Seulgi-ah.” Her voice is so small she isn’t 100 percent sure that the mic captured the sound. To be sure, she tries again, “I love you.”

Seulgi gasps. Then she beams, one of those painfully sun-splitting smiles that makes her want to hang a million stars in the night sky for her.

She replies, equally softly, “I love you too.”

And of course it isn’t like Seulgi has never said it before, but this time it makes her feel like they should pop open some soju, or even something more expensive, and drink to them. Or perhaps she is just being overly dramatic but sometimes, it doesn't quite matter.

The moment continues, a quiet warmth that saturates her wholly.

Or at least, it does before Seulgi breaks eye contact to whine, “Unnie, did you have to tell me this when you’re not here?”

Ah, that’s the Seulgi she knows and loves. “That virus out there is a little inconvenient right? But you know, I’ve had a lot of time to think about when I’ll get to tell you that I love you but none of them seemed like the perfect moment. So…”

“You’re forgiven, but wait, hang on, there is someone at the door…”

Seulgi disappears from the frame for a bit, and the ensuing noise makes Joohyun wince as she imagines her falling over. Seulgi's curses confirm Joohyun’s suspicions that in her scramble to get out, she’s tripped over her bedroom slippers. Again.

Seulgi's returning run is a lot louder and when she appears in front of the screen again, she shoves the whole bouquet at the camera for Joohyun to admire, as if Joohyun did not spend a recent afternoon scrolling through websites and Instagram feeds to figure out which florist assembled the best flowers for the best girl that she knows.

“You got me flowers! They are so, so, so pretty, and I really, really, really love them. You know, you didn’t have to, but thank you.”

Joohyun shrugs, trying to be as casual as she can but her reddening cheeks give her away. “Anything for you.”

Seulgi grins, inhaling the flowers deeply and then sneezing slightly. “No, no, it’s good, I’m not allergic to pollen. Just...” She sneezes again. “Dusty room. Will vacuum.” Another sneeze. “Tomorrow!”

“Not tonight?”

“Err…. I don’t want to wake the neighbours up. Walls are kind of thin, you know. And…” Seulgi’s grin is shy now as she picks out the card nestled in the flowers. “You really planned this, didn’t you? That’s the Bae Joohyun I know! Organised, thoughtful, perfect—”

“Hey, I’m not perfect.”

Seulgi smiles, indulgently. “I know. But when you get florists to send me flowers and write bad lines you know I like ‘my love for you sprouted!!!’ on a fancy card, I have to tell you that you’re perfect.”

“Now you’re just teasing me,” she accuses.

“Maybe I am.” Seulgi’s eyes twinkle, then her gaze softens, holding Joohyun’s own. “But you know that I like to tell you all the nicest things!”

Joohyun sighs. There’s no winning this even if she wanted to. Which she doesn’t.

Smirking, she says instead, “You know, two can play at that. I will and can tell you about how you’re extraordinary and so, so talented, and that I really think you’re the best at what you do. And…”

*****

Joohyun wonders if she should have cut her hair before she hops onto the midnight bus heading back to Seoul.

But she finds herself a bus and subway ride later in front of Seulgi’s flat, combing her hair as best as she can with her fingers. She smells of a six-hour overnight bus ride (a lot of deodorant and perfume and that pungent leather polish that clings to your skin) and she wishes that she smells more like Seulgi’s shampoo instead, but she’s gotten all the way here.

Pressing the doorbell, she waits, tapping her foot on the ground impatiently.

It’s Seulgi’s brother who opens the door. Unsurprising for this morning hour but wholly disappointing nonetheless. She hopes it doesn’t show on her face but given that smirk that crosses the dratted boy’s face, she doesn’t manage to hide her disgruntlement well.

Seulgi’s voice sounds from the toilet, her yell coming out all toothpaste-garbled. “Oppa! If that’s my parcel could you bring it to my room?”

She leaves her luggage by the door and stops herself from actually sprinting into Seulgi’s room to wait for her to be done, her bare feet skidding against the wooden floor anyway.

Ah, they still use that inexplicably slippery polish they used for their apartment; she wanted to secretly toss it too many a time, or hope that it’d disappear. Alas, Mrs Kang had a sixth sense for knowing when the polish was running low and brought a can over when she visited.

Once inside Seulgi’s room, she leans against the dresser, closes her eyes and breathes in everything that made this room smell like Seulgi.

There is less of her lightly musky perfume in the air, but it’s there nonetheless. There is the very faint trace of – she wrinkles her nose a bit – something sour that Seulgi must’ve eaten in here. But everything still smells like Seulgi. It smells like her and told Joohyun about her days, that she spent her days at home and cooped up in her room most of the time. The flowers Joohyun sent have long wilted, but the dried stalks of baby’s breath have been slotted into an old bottle.  

When Joohyun opens her eyes, it’s to Seulgi towelling her hair as she steps in. Seulgi’s eyes widen, before she shrieks, flinging herself right at Joohyun, who might have squeaked before her arms came back to life to hug her back. She wraps her arms tightly around Seulgi, not caring that Seulgi’s hair is dripping onto her shoulders and her damp towel cold against them.

“You are here! Oh my god, unnie, unnie, unnie!” Seulgi pulls back, awe spreading across her face as she reaches up to poke Joohyun’s face. “You’re real.” Her voice comes out a little dazed and her eyes glaze over with tears for a second and it’s Joohyun’s turn to touch Seulgi’s face, dabbing her tears away.

Joohyun can’t quite believe that Seulgi is in front of her either.

In person, Seulgi is so much realer. Her wet hair is heavy against her scalp but even now, she can tell that it’s threatening to whip itself into its frizz again and Joohyun wants to for it. And ahh, the smell of Seulgi’s shampoo suffuses her senses. She’s really going to have to steal a bottle of that someday.

There’s a tiny spot of toothpaste against her chin and she can’t quite bring herself to chide Seulgi for her sloppiness. It’s unfair, that she looks so cute even when she’d think up adjectives like unkempt for most people who walk out of their bathrooms like that.

And when Seulgi smiles, Joohyun swears she has never seen radiance quite this bright before and it makes her mirror her smile; in that moment she can believe that they are both vying to paint the light of the sun on their faces.

She leans back into Seulgi’s arms. She’s missed her.

“I’m here. I’m back.”

(With you).