It was one spring day of 2005, when the temperature was starting to go up as the season changes and wearing thick clothes became a pain, when Joohyun started to see the beauty of the world again. She may not have realized it then, when she first stepped into the threshold of the rooftop, but it was definitely then that she found the first rays of sunlight that brightened up the ocean floor.  

“You…” Joohyun said upon seeing the place already occupied. The girl was seated against the railing with a guitar on her lap.

It’s that girl from before. The one who caught her grumbling and complaining.

She regarded Joohyun with wide eyes, clearly questioning: yes?

In the back of her mind, Joohyun found her exceptionally pretty with light strands of hair wistfully blown by the wind, face kind and patient as she waited for Joohyun to say something.

She cleared . “What are you doing here? This place is off-limits to all students.”

The girl’s lower lip jutted out as she seemed to think about it. “Hmm, is that so? But then you’re also here, aren’t you, student council president?”

Joohyun panicked and in her agitation her silver tongue uncharacteristically stumbled over its words. “I—That’s only because—I’m here with authorization. I’m—I’m roving the school grounds. S-So you should head back to the dorms. I’ll be letting you off just this once. So…”

The girl just continued to stare at her, waiting for more. When it became apparent that Joohyun was finished rambling, she broke into a soft smile.

“Come here, Ms. President.” she patted the space beside her. “Sit.”

Joohyun opened and closed to come up with a retort but still, she’s speechless. That response wasn’t what she expected. She tried again. “No. I’m here to make you go back to the dorms. You can’t make me—”

The girl smiled again, raising her brows.

“Fine! But when the bell rings, you’re going back to the dorms with me.”

Joohyun blinks and the memories ripples, fading back into reality. She stares at the girl—now a full-grown woman—in pure disbelief.

“Hi.” Son Seungwan says in that melodious voice of hers, making one syllable sound better than most love songs.

“Y-You’re real.” Joohyun blurts.

Seungwan blinks, taken aback, before chuckling. “Yeah? I think so, yes. I guess I am.”  

They lapse into silence, drinking in each other with their eyes. Joohyun still can’t quite believe it. She’s supposed to be in Canada! When did she come back? Why didn’t she know?

This Seungwan looks different from the Seungwan in her memories. What used to be her long hair is now cut short, fringe now covering her forehead. She looks more mature yet retaining the air of innocence she always had.

“You grew your bangs.” Seungwan breaks the ice.

“And you cut yours.” Joohyun replies.

Seungwan absently fiddles with her fringe. “I guess we’ve both changed.”

“So it seems.”

Their eyes meets once more and the past unfolds right before her eyes again and picked up where it left off.

She sees how Teenage Joohyun indignantly sat beside the girl with the guitar, trying to keep whatever was left of her pride.

The girl gave her one more smile, understanding etched around its corners as if she knows, and went back to mindlessly plucking her guitar, soft notes carried away by the wind.

When it became apparent that the other girl had no plans of talking to her any further and prying on her situation, Joohyun relaxed. She leaned against the railing and closed her eyes.

A month into being the student council president and Joohyun was already this close to giving up. Responsibilities were suffocating but the expectations weighed even more so. She felt like she’s being scourged while everyone watched, betting amongst each other on when she’d finally expire.

And sometimes, she just wanted to do exactly just that. Die.

It sounded almost comforting, the idea of just ceasing to exist and floating away weightlessly with the wind. And just…fade.

But her head stayed intact on her neck, face plastered with a smile. Because if there’s something she fears more than death, it would be being on the receiving end of disappointment.

‘You should be like this…’, ‘you should be like that…’—she clung on to those words like a lifeline, shifting and adjusting herself according to people’s perception. Like water, she became a person who adapts in the situation, becoming everyone’s ideal version of herself.

But when she’s alone, she’s left with nothing. She grasped desperately inside herself, trying to find something tangible, only to have it trickle out the cracks of her fingers. Without containers, water has no form.

Joohyun opened her eyes and was reminded she’s not alone at that moment. She watched the girl who wore a pensive expression strum her guitar absently. What form should she take on with this person? It confused her to no end yet the girl seemed to be barely paying attention to her piece, much more to her.

This is nice, she thought as she shifted her gaze to the clouds. Finding someone who didn’t care enough to expect something from her was strangely comforting.

The bell rang.

Joohyun blinks, flashbacks melting away, and she’s back to staring into Seungwan’s eyes.

The bell is really ringing.

The past and the present overlapped each other and Joohyun can almost see both realities existing in the same plane.

“Should we head back together?” 

“Should we head back together?”

Joohyun gasps at the tape from the past replaying along with the present’s rendition and she wonders if Seungwan remembers or if it’s purely coincidental.

Either way, she smiles and nods.

“Sure.”

“Sure.”

Things may have changed. But in one way or another, there’s still a part of them that remains the same.

***

“When did you return?”

“Just recently.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to contact you. I don’t know anybody who has your number and you don’t use social media.”

“What are you doing here?”

“You sound like I’m not supposed to be here.”

“No, that’s not—!” Joohyun stops herself, realizing she’s being teased. Pouting, she continues, “You know what I mean.”

They lapse in comfortable silence.

Not.

Joohyun is everything but comfortable. She closes and opens her hands stuffed in her pockets and her palms are starting to get sweaty, the tips of her fingers ice cold. Her heart tumbles around in her chest like a glitching bomb going off now and again.

What should she say? What do you say to someone you stole a kiss from the last time you met? What do you do when that last time was 13 years ago?

Should she pretend it didn’t happen? Should she talk about it? Apologize or confess?

“So how was Seoul?” Seungwan suddenly speaks and Joohyun barely holds back a yelp in surprise.

“Oh, um, it was okay. College was as normal as can be. Nothing out of ordinary, really. What about you? How was Canada?”

“Hectic. I’m afraid I didn’t get to do anything other than study and work.”

“You’ve always wanted to be a doctor.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Mm.” Joohyun recalls how she had always been sure and how she envied her for that. “Was that you? Last week. At the hallway.”

“Oh. Um, yeah.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“Sorry about that. Ms. Kim arrived and I also got a call from the clinic so I had to rush back.”

“Did you have business at the school?”

“Yeah. I’m the school doctor.”

Joohyun stops walking, causing Seungwan to halt as well. “But I didn’t see you at the meeting earlier this morning.”

“There was an accident. I was needed at the clinic. Again.”

“I see.” Joohyun resumes walking, pressing her lips together in a thin line to stop herself from smiling. So they’re co-workers now, huh? So she can see Seungwan five days a week now, huh? She holds back a giggle. Working at the school is amazing.

Seungwan falls into step beside her. Her short hair softly blown by the wind, grazing smooth cheeks. Joohyun tries memorizing every line, every contour of her face—the way her lashes touches her skin every time she blinks, the way her brows are soft and fuzzy, the way her lips naturally curls—trying to commit it to memory. If this is a dream, she might as well get the best out of it.

“What?” Seungwan asks, meeting her gaze. “Do I have something on my face?”

Joohyun averts her gaze. “No, no. It’s just…”

“Hm?”

Relief washed over her just from one simple hum. It’s Seungwan. With Seungwan, there’s nothing to worry about. With Seungwan, she can freely speak her mind.

“You feel paradoxical.” Joohyun says. “Being with you right now…it feels strange yet nostalgic, surreal yet tangible. You’re right here next to me right now but I can’t help but fear that you’d be gone the moment I blink, you know?”

Seungwan suddenly grabs her hand, sending her heart tumbling down the street. Joohyun stops walking to face her, hoping her heart would shut up a little so she can concentrate on what the girl has to say.

“I’m real.” Seungwan says, squeezing her hand to prove her point. “I won’t just suddenly vanish. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to study abroad. It was all too sudden. You know how impulsive mom can be. I didn’t know until I was at the airport too.”

She looks like a sad puppy, with those eyes and that pout. So sincere and genuine. Cute.

Joohyun laughs, “Hey. It’s fine. I never resented you for that.”

“I’m here.” Seungwan solemnly says. “You won’t be alone again.”

“That…would be nice.” Joohyun smiles. “I appreciate it. Thank you.”

She says, believing none of it.

***

The next day, and the day after that, Joohyun found herself at the rooftop every after class, sitting beside the girl with the guitar whose name she still didn’t know.

They crossed paths multiple times at school but the girl didn’t even act like they know each other. Maybe that’s because they don’t. Strangely, Joohyun liked that. There’s comfort in the girl’s indifference, in her soft songs and guitar strums directed to no one—though that’s not something she would willingly admit to herself yet.

The girl never asked her questions, never asked her why she’s there, never even asked for her name. She never demanded answers. She just sat there, plucking the strings of her guitar and humming to a tune, minding her own business while Joohyun minded hers.

The only thing they shared was perhaps the space but Joohyun liked that too; to be alone yet not lonely.

Bottom line is, she appreciated this odd arrangement of theirs. The girl intrigued her too. Why was she there? Were her reasons similar to Joohyun’s? Was she being suffocated by the demands of this world as well?

And maybe that’s the reason why she broke the ice.

“You have a wonderful voice.” she blurted out, one afternoon out of the blue.

The girl stopped playing and looked at her with a perplexed expression, probably surprised that she started a conversation. “Thanks.”

“Why don’t you perform someday? We’re setting up an event. Having you would be great.”

The girl chuckled, bashfully rubbing her nape while shaking her head. “Thanks but no thanks.”

Joohyun’s brows shot up. Most people would at least say they’d think about it if they want to decline. “Why not?”

The girl shrugged, looking troubled. “I’m not very good with crowds.”

Joohyun nodded in understanding. “Me too.”

She got a disbelieving look from the girl who was probably thinking of the number of times Joohyun had to give a public announcement, had to visit classrooms and talk to the student body. “Uh, if you’re not good with crowds then what am I?”

Joohyun busied herself picking lint from her pleated skirt. “I actually get nervous. Talking in front of many people...or just talking to someone in general. It…scares me.”

“Even now?”

Joohyun paused then shook her head. “No. Not now. Now is fine. Which is weird. I’m usually a nervous wreck when it comes to socializing. I hate it.”

The girl looked at her with eyes that were genuinely curious and bewildered, “I don’t get it.”

Joohyun stopped fiddling with her skirt to meet her gaze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you hate it so much then why do you do it?”

“Ouch!”

The sharp sting on her finger pulls Joohyun back into reality. She puts down the textbook she’s been absently flipping through and examines the cut. Damn, how can a mere cut hurt this much?

She starts to rummage her drawers for rubbing alcohol but stops herself. She stares at the thin reddish line on her finger. Hmm…

“Ms. Bae?” Ms. Kang who’s passing by stops to check on her. “Is something wrong?”

“Ms. Kang,” Joohyun says, eyes stuck on her cut. “A paper cut is technically a wound, right?”

“Uh…I think so, yes.”

“And wounds need to be treated, isn’t that so?”

“Yeah.”

“And if you have a wound that needs to be treated, where do you go, Ms. Kang?”

“Um, to the clinic. But if it’s just a paper cut—”

Joohyun shoots up to her feet. “Got it! Thank you, Ms. Kang. I should head to the clinic now.”

She barely stops herself from breaking into a jog in the hallway. Students greet her as she pass and she hardly manages to return the greeting. She maneuvers through the corridors, climbs down a series of stairs, and finally reaches the door with the name plate saying: School Clinic

She catches her breath and fixes her hair before knocking.

“Come in.”

Taking another deep breath, she enters the room.

The school clinic looks different from what she remembers—no, actually, she barely remembers it at all. It wasn’t a place she frequently hung out at after all.

To the right are a row of beds separated by curtains. To the left are file and medicine cabinets. A huge potted plant stood at the corner and at the other end of the room is the desk and behind the desk the doctor is seated, typing something on her laptop and looking absolutely stunning with her half-up ponytail, round glasses, and white coat.

Maybe Joohyun should just go. Seungwan seems busy. She doesn’t want to be a nuisance. Yes, she should just—

BANG!

The wind makes the door shut loudly. Joohyun yelps and Seungwan looks up.

“Joohyun-sunbae. Hi.” the woman greets with a smile, as usual. “Can I help you?”

Joohyun blinks rapidly. Come on, girl, get a grip of yourself. “Oh, um. Hi. Are you busy?”

Seungwan closes her laptop before turning to her again. “No, not really. What’s up?”

“Well…” Joohyun approaches her desk. “I just wanted to ask if you have something for this?” she holds out her injured finger.

Seungwan frowns at it and when she still doesn’t see what’s wrong, she grabs her hand for a closer look.

“Sunbae, this is a paper cut.”

“Yes. It hurts a lot.”

Seungwan stares at her, probably trying to gauge if she’s serious or not. Joohyun stares back, giving her best it-stings-so-bad-please-do-something-about-it face.

Seungwan relents, smiling. “Yeah, I bet it does. Come here.” she doesn’t let go and drags Joohyun to the sink. She watches in flustered silence as Seungwan starts washing her hand with soap and water, face growing warmer and warmer as it went on.

“Um, I can do it myself.” she weakly protests.

“If you don’t clean this properly, it can kill you, you know?”

“…really?”

Seungwan just smiles in reply.  She dries her hand with a clean towel and drags her back to the table, sitting her down on her seat and crouches in front of her as she applies antibacterial cream to the cut. Joohyun can tell from her careful touches and the look of concentration on her face that she’s trying hard to be gentle. She can’t help but smile. This woman is really acting like a paper cut is a serious operation or something.

“I hope you still like purple.” Seungwan says as she covers the cut with a purple band-aid with bunny cartoon prints.

“I still do.”

“Then that’s a relief.”

The band-aid is successfully put and Joohyun is about to retract her hand when Seungwan suddenly pulls on her hand, lightly pressing her injured finger to her lips.

Joohyun’s face is on fire and she can feel it. “W-What are you doing?”

“Kissing the pain away.”

Joohyun abruptly withdraws her hand, covering her awkwardness with an equally awkward laugh. Seungwan chuckles along as she throws the trash away.

“You know, you don’t have to make excuses to see me. You’re free to come visit me anytime, sunbae.”

Joohyun feels her face grow even hotter. So she saw through that, huh? Of course she did. “You still call me ‘sunbae’.” she points out. “We’re not in high school anymore, Seungwan.”

Seungwan frowns for a while, thinking about it. “You’re right. I guess I just got used to it. Should I start calling you ‘Ms. Bae’?”

Joohyun shakes her head. That doesn’t sound right.

“Then…Joohyun-unnie?”

Blood rushes to her cheeks again.

AAAAAAAAAAHGGSKDJSKKSKSKKAJSDKNJSNDKS

Okay, that’s it. She needs to get out of there. At this rate, she’ll be turning into a lobster.

She abruptly stands. “I, uh, forgot I still have to do something.” she scrambles to the door. “I’ll see you around, Seungwan.”

“Wait, is ‘Joohyun-unnie’ okay?”

“Yes! Whatever! Do whatever you want!”

Joohyun slams the door shut behind her and speed walks to the faculty, looking like a human stoplight.

Damn.

***

Today, too, is no fun.

She twirls the lollipop around her tongue as she spaced out, leaning and tilting her chair back. She lifts a hand to block the blinding sunlight. Damn. What’s the sun being so bright for?

“Kim Yerim!” her name is being called in a loud and harsh tone. But it sounds so far away. “Don’t tilt your chair!”

Blah, blah, blah.

“Kim Yerim! Are you even listening?”

She closes her eyes. Leave me alone.

“Kim Yerim!”

Finally, she looks at the balding man whose face is now so red Yerim worried in the back of her mind that he might be on the verge of a heart attack. Slowly, she takes her other hand out of her pocket and taps on her white headphones. Can’t hear you.

The man marches towards her.

She shows him the unplugged headphone jack as soon as he reaches her. “I’m just messing with you, sir. I heard every word loud and clear.” she grins before standing and grabbing her bag. “You have to be cool. Don’t kill my vibe, that’s a no-no.” she says in fluent English because it’s an appropriate language to use in English class, right?

“W-Why, this little—! Hey! Where do you think you’re going?!”

She pauses halfway through opening the door. “Detention. You’re sending me there anyway, aren’t you?”

“Wh-Wha—Hey! Come back in here! Kim Yerim—!”

She cut him off by slamming the door.

Running her fingers through her short hair, she pulls her phone out of her brassiere and types a message. Fany-unnie, I’m coming over.

***

Joohyun’s getting the hang of teaching now, though she is still inwardly nervous and she’s unsure of what she’s saying most of the time. She hopes it doesn’t show. Judging the students’ silence and attentiveness in her class, it’s safe to assume they don’t have a clue.

“I’ll be taking attendance. Say ‘present’ when your name is called.” she starts the roll call. She can match almost all of their faces with their names now and it’s only been day 2. Recognizing the students are important. At least she thinks so. When she was in high school, she did everything to be remembered after all.

“Kim Hyun-soo,”

“Present.”

“Kim Jung-woo,”

“Present.”

“Kim Yerim,”

“…”

“Kim Yerim?” Joohyun looks up, eyes darting around before settling on the empty seat at the very back, right beside the window. “Is she not here?”

Most students avoided eye-contact. Huh.

“Class president. She’s been absent since yesterday. Is she okay?” Joohyun asks.

“She got into detention this morning ma’am.”

She frowns. “Aren’t those done after class?”

“Yes, well…she kind of walked out of class saying she’s going to detention and never came back…”

Joohyun’s brows rises up to her hairline. This kid, whoever she is, got spunk. It’s a miracle she even became a senior, if she’s always been like this. Ah, to be young and energetic and pull stuff like that.

After taking attendance, she showed the students a short film of Alice in Wonderland and then made them read the summary of the story as a class.

“We’re going to have an activity today. I will be dividing you into groups and each group will recreate a scene in Alice in Wonderland.” she explains. “Be as creative as possible. It’s not necessary for it to be exactly like what we just saw and read. Your imagination is your limit. Now, group yourselves into four or five.”

Everything is in plain-sight. She can clearly see who’re in cliques with whom and who the outcasts are. Joohyun zones out for a while, recalling how chaotic these groupings can get back in the day.

“Um, Ms. Bae?”

She blinks out of her daze. “Yes?”

“What about those who are absent?’

“We’ll take Soo-bin!” a girl volunteers, referring to the other girl down with the flu.

“Okay.” Joohyun waited but no one spoke up. The girl must really have a reputation. “Son Chaeyoung.” she calls the class president.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Since you’re the class rep, you should take Kim Yerim in.”

“But—”

“I expect to see her during your presentation, okay?” Joohyun cuts in a tone that offered no room for argument.

She lets them brainstorm for the rest of the hour while she pulls up Kim Yerim’s school record in her laptop. The further she reads through the file, the higher her brows go. The kid really does have quite the reputation. She has quite the list of offenses since her freshman year; hair color, piercing, cutting classes, behavior, dress code, vandalism—the list goes on. No wonder no one wants to group up with her. People tends to steer clear of “trouble”.

The offenses are piled up but not heavy enough to cause expulsion. Which means the girl either cares enough not to take it too far or she just wasn’t pushed hard enough yet. Either way, it’s clear that she got issues.

The bell soon rings. She dismisses the class and goes back to the faculty room.

“Mrs. Kim,” she calls the woman as soon as she arrives shortly after Joohyun cleared her desk, “You’re the homeroom teacher for 3-3, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yes, I am. Why do you ask?”

“Do you know a Kim Yerim?”

“Ah.” Mrs. Kim visibly blanches. She looks constipated. “Yes. Of course, I do. Why? Is she giving you a hard time?”

“She haven’t got the chance yet, since she’s not attending it.”

“I see.” Mrs. Kim pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Oh, well. It’s only the first two days of class anyway. I’ll give her mother a call.”

Joohyun doubts that would work. “That would be nice.” she pockets her flash drive and stands to leave. “I’ll be going ahead first.”

“You don’t like bringing bags, do you?” Mrs. Kim points out, chuckling. “Go home safe.”

Students still lingered around the hallways. Joohyun walks and walks only to stop at the staircase. She glances up, wondering. Will she be there?

She caves in to her curiosity and climbs up.

Unlike yesterday, she doesn’t pause or hesitate and just barges in there with a heart that’s thumping with expectation.

Joohyun releases the breath she’s holding.

The woman is there, sitting against the fence with windblown hair and captivating visuals—an aesthetic scene straight out of a drama.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. Her heart is a low bass thumping in the background but strong enough to shake up her entire being.

Seungwan smiles, “Joohyun-unnie.” she frowns. “You’re okay with me calling you that, right?”

Joohyun ignores the warmth of her cheeks. From Seungwan’s lips, the simple term sounds a lot more intimate than it should. For some reason, it makes her feel shy.

“I told you it’s fine.” she sits beside her. 

“The way you reacted earlier made me worried.”

Joohyun’s cheeks grew even warmer. “Please forget about that.”

Seungwan laughs and Joohyun wonders if she knows. She should, Joohyun haven’t exactly been discreet about it. But if she does, then why isn’t she distancing herself?

Then Seungwan suddenly grabs her hand and all thoughts ceased to exist.

“How’s the paper cut going?” she asks as she examined the injured finger. “Does it still hurt?”

It does. “No, not really.”

“That’s great. It should completely heal within two to three days.”

“Do you have more of these purple bunny Band-Aids? Can I have some?”

“It’s in the clinic. If you want, we can drop by before we go home.”

“No, no. No need for that. I can just come get it tomorrow.”

“I told you, you don’t need excuses to come see me, unnie.”

Joohyun blusters, “Wh-Who says I’m making excuses?”

Seungwan chuckles. “Okay, sure. You can come get your Band-Aids tomorrow.”

They lapse into silence.

Joohyun likes it here. With Seungwan, turbulent thoughts are drowned by the loud beating of her heart and the emptiness she feels is filled with butterflies. With Seungwan, it’s alright to be a puddle of water, amorphous and vague. The girl wouldn’t judge. Not her. Not Seungwan who always sees the good in people.

“Are you okay?” Seungwan broke the ice, question asked so softly it’s almost carried away by the wind.

It’s a common question but Joohyun knows what she means. She plasters on a smile. “I’m fine.”

Seungwan gives her that look, fuzzy brows slightly creased and lower lip jutting out a tad. “How have you been doing?”

Joohyun keeps her smile on. “I’ve been living as best as I can.” she gazes at the sky. “So far, it’s been great.”

The words tastes like dust and her stomach turns unpleasantly. She doesn’t like lying to Seungwan like this either but she’s not ready. She doesn’t want this dream-like moment of weightlessness to end just yet.

So she launches on telling her about college in Seoul, ridiculous anecdotes of what happened during company dinners, overdue complaints on unreasonable professors and overbearing senior actors.

But by the end of the stories, Seungwan still fixes her with that look of concern. And for the first time since they reunited, Joohyun finds herself avoiding her gaze.

***

Magnetic Moon is a subterranean hideout that brags a warm ambience along with a wide selection of drinks to quench diverse palates. With its cozy, quaint interior of worn leather seats, polished mahogany counters, and dim lights, it gives off an unpretentious vibe; a perfect place for a kid who cut classes and has nothing to do with her life.

Yerim watches the singer on the platform, just casually seated on a stool with her microphone, eyes closed as if she’s in a different dimension. She wonders how it’s like to be that passionate about something it oozes out of your pores.

“Please don’t tell me you’re falling for her. I got enough ladies to fend off, I hope you won’t be one of them.”

She barely looks at the woman who had slipped into her booth, bringing her a drink. “Don’t worry. Oldies twice my age aren’t my type.”

Tiffany scoffs. “Twice your age is only 32, you know. We’re not that old.”

“You’re older than 32.”

“35 isn’t that much older!”

Yerim snorts. “Yeah, right.” she looks at the tall glass Tiffany brought. “What’s this?”

“Drink milk and grow up, you under-aged baby. Seriously, you’re not allowed in here. I should be kicking you out by now.”

“I’m not a baby.” she retorts but drinks it anyway. Mm. She likes milk. “And I’m even considerate enough to change out of my uniform before coming here.”

“That’s the bare minimum. You’re bound to do at least that. If you ever show up here in your uniform, I’m going to pretend I don’t know you and call the cops.”

The set is finished and the singer is making her way towards them. Tiffany stands. “Alright, Tae, your turn to babysit. I got a job to do.” she tells her before heading to the bar where customers are already waiting.

Yerim watches the woman sit across her. “You can just leave me alone.”

“No way.” Taeyeon says. “Who knows what might happen if we let you out of our sight? We care for our customers, you know?”

“I’m barely considered a customer.”

“Who says I’m talking about you?”

Yerim rolls her eyes as the woman cackles at her own joke.

She has a knack of befriending older women. They’re more comfortable to be with, she discovered. She met the couple last year when Tiffany had saved her from being kidnapped and potentially be sold for her innards while Taeyeon cheered from the side, holding her bag. Amazing what a raging woman armed with stilettos can do to abductors.

They brought her to Magnetic Moon, a bar they own down the street. Yerim remembers reading the menu in confusion. What sort of drinks were named Feel so Fine, Something New, and es on the Sky?

It sounds shady but they turned out to be decent people so Yerim found herself frequenting the place, despite being threatened to be kicked out multiple times because she’s under-aged.

Taeyeon excuses herself to the restroom and Yerim tells her to bring back some macarons. She watches the woman disappear around the corner and spaces out. It’s a special talent. Not everyone can stare blankly at nothing and lose herself from the world. She’s not thinking of anything in particular. She’s just...being nothing.

Taeyeon soon reappears in her vision, snapping her out of her trance and she realizes she needs to use the restroom too. She stands only to bump into a server that popped out of nowhere.

Drinks are spilled but thankfully, no glasses broke. Yerim curses under her breath as she tries to wipe the stain off her clothes.

“Hey, you should watch where you’re going!” she snaps at the server girl. She’s never seen this one before. Must be new.

The girl just stares at her with wide eyes as though she’s seeing a ghost.

Yerim frowns. “What the ?”

The girl points a shaky finger at her face. “A-Arent you Kim Yerim??”

***

There should be a competition on thoughts racing. Really, someone should make it a thing. Joohyun might just be a gold medalist.

It’s dinnertime but she can’t find the strength or motivation to pick herself up from her bed. Sooyoung had pounded on her door twice now, yelling at her to come down and eat which she replied with a hum, not caring if the younger girl heard it or not.

She can’t get up. Not with her head heavy with thoughts.

“Am I okay?” she marvels aloud, echoing Seungwan’s question from earlier. She heaves a sigh when no answer comes. “I wonder…”

It’s frustrating, being indecisive and unable to fit in, though she wagers everyone, at one point or another, feels the same way as they go trick-or-treating for respect and attention in a common, obvious costume because everybody is tired of answering the question “What are you supposed to be?”

Everyone has their issues. You’re not that special, Bae Joohyun.

There’s a banging on her door and she sits up in surprise.

“I swear to god! If you make me climb up here to get your to the dining table one more time, you’re never having dinner for the rest of your life!” came Sooyoung’s muffled voice.

Joohyun chuckles and lies back down. “Exercise is good for the health, Sooyoung.”

“Ugh!” the door opens and the tall girl marches in. Joohyun wonders why she didn’t do that earlier. “What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with you?” Joohyun shoots back. “You can have dinner without me. I don’t have an appetite.”

“You can still eat despite having no appetite. It’s not like you lost your mouth.” Sooyoung retorts. “And if grandma hears what you just said, you won’t hear the end of it.”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Unless I tell her about it.”

Joohyun rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Sooyoung, you can go and eat first I promise I’ll eat later, okay?”

“Try telling that to granny downstairs. She’s not budging until you’re on the table, it’s killing me. The stew is getting cold.”

“Alright, fine. I’m coming down in a minute.”

Sooyoung narrows her eyes. “You said that 30 minutes ago.”

“I swear, I mean it this time. Now leave me alone.”

“She’s brooding in here as if she’s a teenager…” Sooyoung mutters as she exits the room. “And will you please turn on your lights? It’s so dark in there!” she slams the door shut because she’s annoying like that.

“Yeah, it’s dark,” Joohyun stares at the ceiling. “Like my soul…”

She counts exactly up to 59 seconds before sitting up. She is about to go and join them for dinner when her phone suddenly rings.

Mom

Joohyun stiffens. She hesitates before answering the call.

She releases the breath she was holding. “Hello?”

“Hyun-ah!”

“Hey, mom…”

“You haven’t called since last time so I took the liberty to give you a call. Your dad’s been pestering me for details so I’m going to fill him up.”

“Sorry, things are kind of busy.”

“Of course, of course. Teaching isn’t easy. I should know. How is that going for you, by the way?”

Terribly but I’m hanging in there. Barely. “It’s been wonderful. The kids and teachers are great too.”

Her mother laughs. “Oh, teaching is such a fulfilling job, isn’t it? Your dad and I always wanted you to go down this path. We just didn’t want to impose ourselves on you. But look! You went there on your own.”

Joohyun tries for a chuckle and hopes it doesn’t sound like a whimper over the phone. “I guess it runs in the blood.”

“You were always a humble child. We raised you well.”

“You did.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“I was about to, actually.”

“Oh, alright. I won’t hold you back then. Enjoy your dinner.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

“Bye. Don’t forget to call every once in a while.”

“Okay.”

Joohyun sighs as soon as the call ends. She falls back on her mattress. That short call just consumed about a dozen handfuls of her energy. Her parents had been considerably more amiable since she started living on her own. Distance really does do magic.

She really should get up though. But her phone pings just as she’s about to convince herself.

From: Park Sooyoung 😈
[image attached]
we started eating without u :P
gran’s gonna kill u for making the food wait tho

“Okay.” she mutters. The phone call obliterated any remnants of determination to eat anyway. Talking to parents does that. It’s, like, their special powers or something.

Her parents are amazing people though. Strict, yes, but Joohyun understands it’s for her own good. But they make her feel anxious, even if they don’t mean to. And it’s not their fault. It’s hers.

She absently opened random apps in her phone before eventually getting to her contacts. Scroll, scroll, scroll. She stops and taps at the recent contact she got just a few hours ago, on the way home: Son Seungwan

She stares at the green call button. Should she call? No, she shouldn’t. The girl’s probably busy. But she always wants to talk to Seungwan at times like this. Talking to Seungwan always makes her feel better.

But no, she really shouldn’t. They’re not in high school anymore. They both have lives. Busy lives. Or the girl might be resting. Or eating. Or something. But—

“Ow!” Joohyun drops her phone on her face. “Ugh, for heaven’s sa—oh my god, holy . Holy !”

Son Seungwan
calling…

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. Bae Joohyun, you dumb dumb!” she frantically taps on the red button only to miss a few times because clumsy and then—

“Hello? Unni—” Toot. Toot. Toot.

Only then did she successfully hit the end call button.

She stares at her phone with wide eyes. Did I just…hang up on her?

“Argh!” she rolled around her bed in frustration. She hit her head with her pillow numerous times while saying, “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

She didn’t notice Sooyoung popping her head in, “Uh, I don’t know what’s happening but was it you cursing that I just heard?”

Joohyun replies by throwing a pillow to her face.

Sooyoung shuts the door before she gets hit, cackling.

Her ringtone makes her flinch in surprise. She scrambles to get her phone, only to fail finding it anywhere because damn why did she mess her bed up so much?

Finally, she finds the device drowned in her sheets, takes a moment to clear and tuck her hair behind her ear (really unnecessary but it’s like an instinct) before answering the call.

“H-Hello?”

“Joohyun-unnie? Is everything okay? You suddenly hung up so I got worried.”

“Oh, uh, yes, everything’s fine.”

“That’s good. So why did you call?”

“I…just wanted to talk.” Joohyun sits up and leaned against the wall. Why is she even getting so nervous? It’s just Seungwan. And hearing her voice really does make her feel better. Calmer yet at the same time a mess. It’s quite complicated, feelings.

“About?”

“Nothing in particular.” Joohyun answers. “What are you doing?”

“Now? I just finished dinner. Have you eaten yet?”

“If I say no, will you invite me over to your place again?”

Seungwan’s line is silent for a moment. “I can. Do you want me to?”

“That’s a pity because the answer is yes, I’ve already eaten.” Joohyun lies. “How’s it going being the school doctor? Come to think of it, I’ve never asked you that before.”

“Well, it’s okay, I guess. Except that students are a stubborn bunch of patients. They can barely follow instructions. One time there’s this kid…”

Joohyun quietly listens to Seungwan go on and on about the different kinds of patients she gets at school and eventually digressing to the patients that goes to their family clinic and going even further to her medical life in Canada. The woman had always been chatty, speaking in bursts of speech and vomits of words so fast the syllables almost jumbles together. Joohyun finds it endearing. The lilts of her tone when she gets excited is adorable.

“Unnie? Are you still there?”

“Yes, yes. Keep going.”

“Sorry. Was I talking too much again?”

“I’d never get enough of you talking.” Joohyun says honestly. “Seriously, you can talk about grass growing and make it sound interesting.”

Seungwan laughs and it’s the most beautiful sound. “Uncharacteristic of you to be cheesy.”

“I only state facts.” Joohyun grabs her diary and pen from the nightstand. “Now keep talking and don’t leave me hanging. What did that nurse say to that patient who burnt his ?”

“Oh, right. So he apparently smelled alcohol in his breath so he asked but the patient denied so he was like, ‘liar, liar, pants on fire’ and we just had to get out of there because we can’t hold in our laughter.” she chuckles fondly at the memory, “Then there was also that one time when…”

Joohyun flips through the pages of her diary, laughing along to funny anecdotes and just forgetting how shaky her life is for a moment.

Hey, diary,
What do I do? If this goes on, I’ll be in trouble.