02:

I gulped.

It's been awhile since I've joined a club. And here I am again, infront of Joy, introducing myself.

"Seulgi. . . Kang Seulgi."

"Hmm. . . yes? Reason why you applied? Any experience in writing?" Joy asked consecutively.

This is actually what I'm scared of. Talking, itself. No one could understand the way I sweats inside whenever I am actually required to speak.

I get nervous for no reason. I sometimes stutter and break down. This is why I prefer to remain silent and not speak up any of my thoughts.

I actually write. In my diary. Is it counted as an experience? I don't know what to say really. Because honestly, I applied because I want to try something new. And Chu motivated me to. And I am kind of hoping that she'll be part of this too.

Wendy and Yeri is eavesdropping behind the door, I can feel it. And I'm sure they badly want to hit me now as I made the room covered into silence.

"Uhh. . ." I said, trying to form words into my mouth. Joy smiled sweetly, as she always do. That's her charm and that's why almost everyone in the school is inlove with her.

Before I could say something, Irene, her bestfriend who is also a campus crush, slightly pushed her aside and faced me.

Unlike Joy who always smiles at everyone, she is emotionless. She always seems mad at the world, and she barely speaks to anyone who isn't close to her. She seems. . . arrogant.

"Your name, it's Kang Seulgi, and?" she said with a hint of annoyance in her face, "You know what? Being shy would not help you here. This club obviously requires competence. You lack of it."

That made me speechless. What she said. . . it's too rude, isn't it? But maybe she's right. I lack competence.

As I expected, the door went wide open. Mad Wendy and Yeri barged into the room.

"You can't just talk to Seul like that!" Yeri exclaimed. Irene did not even dare to look at her, maintaining her ice cold expression written in her face.

"You, being the Vice President of the school would not help your quiet friend join this club." Irene stated and walked out. My two friends seem really mad, they are about to explode in no time.

"I apologize for her, Seulgi. She's just not in the mood, but I'll contact you regarding your evaluation, okay?" The friendly Joy said. I nodded.

"She's always not in the mood," Wendy said as she rolled her eyes. They both dragged me outside the room, looking really angry.

"It's fine. . . I'm fine." I said to reassure them.

"No, it isn't, Seul. That Irene talked to you like you were just a nobody."

"But I am."

They both sighed and Wendy held my shoulders with his right hand.

"You can't just let people degrade you. Stop being so nice sometimes", she said with full of concern.

I slightly smiled.

We went to the cafeteria, like the usual. They couldn't stop talking about what happened earlier.

They are talking about how they hate the popular ones in the school. Or where did Irene get the audacity to speak to me like that when she, herself, doesn't even socialize that much too.

Irene.

I have always known her. She's like, a member of every club in the school and she's getting criticized because of it. They said clubs are for the passionate people yet she uses it just to maintain her popularity.

She was also a part of the dance club I was in before. The members would always interact with her; she has always been loved by the people because she is beautiful.

We never talked, though. I also haven't observed what she was way before so I couldn't really tell if she have changed or she was just born like that, to be cold and insensitive.

I wonder what Chu think of her.

"I changed my mind, I don't want to join the Newspaper Academe," I randomly said out of nowhere.

"Just because of what Irene said? You can't just let yourself be defeated by her harsh words." Yeri said.

"No. . . I mean, I don't even know why I thought of joining in the first place. Besides, I don't know how to write formally." I said.

It's true.

I never experienced sharing my works to other people. It's like, exposing myself to the world. Only except if its a school requirement, one time we were asked to make a microfiction and my work received a lot of praise. That's why Wendy and Yeri knew I could write. And also the fact that I have mentioned them that I owned a diary.

After my second class, I was about to head home when someone blocked my way. When I look up to see who it is, it's Krystal. The new representative of Dance Club.

"Hey, Seul," she started. "I heard you joined the Newspaper Academe. . . maybe you could think of joining us again."

"Krystal. . . I told you, I'm not going back to that club."

"Is it because of me?"

"No." Maybe, partly. "I just get tired of socializing with people."

"I also heard. . . what Irene told you, it's all over the campus."

That fast? Wow.

"Oh."

"Seulgi, honestly, you are not shy. You have never been shy." Krystal said as if she knows me too well. Maybe, she really does.

"Yeah, she's wrong in that part. What made me to be introverted like this is because I am afraid. Afraid of developing emotional attachment to different people. That's why." I casually said and half smiled at her. She looks so concerned. She looks like she wants to hug me or so, but I already left before she could even do.

At 8pm, Chu updated her blog. I quickly opened it and read it attentively.

Forgetting, letting go.

Most of the time, love isn't what it was supposed to mean. Sometimes we bury love into the deepest and the darkest sea, so that its presence could be far away from our sight. We have come to the idea that letting ourselves distance from the things we love would make the unfathomable feeling inside could no longer be felt.

But no, when we truly love someone, no matter how you throw it away, how deep you bury it, or even how much you block them out of your sight, your life, or even your mind; love remains. —B-chu.

This is deep.

She always write articles with deep meaning but this one hits really closer to me and I don't know why.

I think it's because I had the worst day today and reading her words calms me.

I was really captivated on what she wrote, the next thing I knew, I was writing a message for her. again

suwibearr: nice.

b-chu: you know it's funny haha not to brag or anything but everyone's like sending me long appreciation messages (and i love them for that) and you're here messaging me a four letter word. thank you, though :)

suwibearr: i'm not really a conversation starter. i'm just a silent reader and what you just published was so nice.

b-chu: it's okay. oh btw hows your writing activity in ur school today?

suwibearr: i refused to join

b-chu: why [sad face]

suwibearr: i just think it's not for me :)

b-chu: if that's your decision, then i respect that.

For the nth time, I don't know what I should write back again. It would be very rude if I just left her message on seen. The fact that she replies to me despite receiving tons of messages means that I should show some little appreciation too.

Speaking of rude.

suwibearr: thank you. anyway, what can you say about the people who invalidate other people's feelings? or like, let say, if a person does not believe on what you can do so they make you feel like you're irrelevant

b-chu is typing

b-chu: it means they're irrelevant too. the way people treat people reflects what they have inside. sometimes they want them for others to also feel what they can't have. so it's either: they want you to feel the same burden they have inside or maybe, they just have a certain thought of you that they cannot get away with.

suwibearr: great words :) but still they are rude

b-chu: i agree lol but rude people are also either spoiled or they lack of love... like needing someone to listen behind their cruel words.

suwibearr: hmm yes i guess you really have a lot to say i am always impressed by you

b-chu: thank you, suwi bear. you're really interesting to talk to. i can be your 911, i'd added your contact into my important list (:

suwibearr: uh 911? i can't cure people

b-chu: hahaha no. like an emergency contact. message me if you need help or anything. i'd always be looking forward to more conversations with you x

Me? Having Chu as my emergency contact? Can't be real. I tried to hit myself to make sure I am not dreaming, and I have confirmed that it really isn't a dream.

Chu went offline. But I am still reading our conversation for tonight. I talked about Irene though and her replies were really meaningful.

According to Chu, rude people are either spoiled or lack of love. For Irene's case, I think it's the spoiled one. Everyone around her loves her. They are really rich and I have heard of her parents who gives anything she asks for because she is the unica hija.

I doubt she needs someone to listen to her because literally everyone does. I remembered her tweeting a sick emoji and everyone replied a get well soon message. I heard someone even delivered bunch of flowers to her home because she had a fever.

Man, I had a fever for like a lot of times already and the only thing I was with were my bed and my pillows.

Not to mention mom who keeps calling me on the phone just to shout at me and blame all of it in me because I am irresponsible and I don't take care of myself.

Why am I even thinking of Irene? I don't know. What she said just left a huge impact in me.

Although somehow I don't care. I don't like her in the first place because she picks her friends to maintain her image.

I'm already contented with Wendy and Yeri despite the fact that they could very loud.

I just hope someday, I could have Chu too.

**
a/n: forgive me for grammatical errors (: english isn't my first language thank you