The crowd in the cafeteria is insane and it makes me feel suffocated. Students piled up at the cashier to order their own food and different voices got mixed up in this room; noise pollution. The only thing I appreciate in the cafeteria is how cold the aircondition is, the temperature might be freezing but I certainly can tolerate it.

"Seul, are you even with us?" Yeri asked me and that's what brought me back into senses.

"Uh, the second semester is coming?" I said, trying to recall what they've said.

"Yeah, but that topic was about 15 minutes ago. Seriously, though, what's in your mind? Care to share?" Wendy said as they both gave me an interesting look. I just shook my head and tried to eat my half-finished food.

"I just noticed, you're always looking into your phone yet you aren't even active in any social media platform. What's in there, lewd stuff?" Yeri said that caused both of them laughing. I rolled my eyes and looked at them.

"Why's the conversation suddenly shifted into me? Go back to what you are talking about." I casually said.

I never liked to interact with people. It's tiring me. Well, except for Yeri and Wendy, they have accepted me for who I am wholeheartedly and even though I couldn't relate to what they are talking about most of the time, they still stick up with me. And I love them for that.

The only reason why I open my phone is to read Chu's blog updates. Yes, her pen name is B-Chu, she's from our school but she never revealed her identity. Her words always intrigues me, it makes me feel something. It saves me in some way and I can't explain how.

"Oh, right. The newspaper academe will be released tomorrow. You might want to apply Seul, I know you love to write." Yeri suggested. That statement made my eyes widened.

Newspaper academe? Would... would she be there? I checked my phone if there's an update from her blog but I see none.

"I'll think of it." I said that made them cheered, both adding to the noise pollution of the cafeteria.

The reason why they are overreacting like this now is because I never joined anything voluntarily that includes socializing with people. Wendy and Yeri are active member of clubs. Wendy is the president of our school's singing club, while Yeri is the vice president of our school.

I was once a dance club member. A representative, even. But it felt tiring and it requires a lot of energy not just in your body, but also in communicating. Also, it frustrates me whenever my co-members make a mistake.

So, I left. At first, they were all begging for me to come back because they said I was the center of the group and I attract people to join the club, but I shrugged it all.

After that, I never received any news from them anymore. The way I see their performances every school events, it's quite nice without me. Some familiar members left too along with me but it seems like they recruited few good dancers too.

That was... two years ago. It's also the time where I have accidentally found Chu's blog. I saw it logged on in our computer library and to find out that she was from this school interests me.

Her words. There's something in her words.

I have attempted to email her a lot of times yet I back out every time I type. Maybe it's because I found myself boring and I might just waste her time for reading my message.

"So, Seul . . . I'll text you Joy's contact number, she's in charge of the newspaper. I'm looking forward to it." Yeri smilingly said. I smiled back.

When our classes dismissed, I went straight up to my dormitory to check her updates. Fortunately, there was one.

School was stressful and I want to know all of you. Talk to me, please. My message box is open!

My eyes widened. This might be my chance, but the anxiety is blocking me.

Why do I even feel nervous? I mean, we don't even know each other yet she's making me feel this way. Maybe because it's the sense of familiarity, or I'm just afraid to get caught with the fact that we study in the same school.

And I know everything about her because I don't miss a single line every article she publishes. Except for who she is.

I bet she's beautiful. But not with the same level as Joy, Jennie, and Irene; the school campus crushes.

I mean, she's simple but she glows. It is evident with those little things—the way she loves iced tea, or how she finds happiness in cooking. She cries over the move "The Notebook", and having her secret talent: copying Doraemon's voice.

I honestly prefer girls like her. I bet she's the one who's always in the corner of the library, the one who's already contented by just being with her friends.

I want to know her, personally. And it's funny to be that ambitious since I don't even have the guts to talk to her.

As if an angel whispered into me, I immediately made an anonymous account with the username suwibearr. It's kinda cringey but who cares?

With all the confidence I have inside me, I typed what I need to . . .

hi, chu.

Just like that.

It's boring, I know. Well, just want to try it. If she didn't reply then okay. Atleast I tried.

A minute has passed yet I didn't receive any reply. When I was about to close the app, I saw a typing box bellow my message.

"Oh, gosh."

b-chu: hello suwibearr, cute username hahaha

I felt as if I ran out of breathe. Since I have always hated communication, I don't know how to bring up a topic. I have always wanted to end up a conversation as quick as possible. Tonight, it's different.

She's probably the first person that I've wanted to actually communicate with. She should be proud with that.

I looked around to try to find a topic. My room is dull, and there's nothing interesting inside here.

Suddenly, Yeri sent me a message. It was Joy's number.

And I felt a ping inside my mind. This. This is the topic I am looking for.

suwibearr is typing

suwibearr: thanks. i'm glad you replied. anyway, can i ask you for advice?

b-chu: sure, what is it?

I was impressed on how she replies so fast. How about the other readers' messages?

suwibearr: just like you, i'm into writing so when our school announced that they'd be having a writing club i thought of joining. but i'm really bad at communication :// what should i do

b-chu: woah! sounds great! for real, i think you should go for it. if you're concerned about socializing, don't worry. writing is really made for those who don't have the courage to speak their minds. you're going to join to write, not to speak and i'm sure a lot of them feels the same. the similarity y'all have would be the one to help you to get close to them. don't pressure you're self to instantly become friends with them. it takes time. :)

I was left in awe as I read her message. The way she speaks . . . it's really good. Somehow, I felt confidence and somehow, I believe in her.

I typed whatever I could think of, it's more of thanking her for what she said. Although, I also want to thank for everything. For saving me through my darkest days with her articles, it's just that, I cannot do it.

She has a number of readers and I bet most of them already told her that. After I typed in a thank you message, I wasn't expecting for a reply anymore. But she still did.

b-chu: welcome bear x im glad you asked me :) good night!

suwibearr: good night, chu.

That's how our conversation ended for today. An improvement for two years of just lurking into her words.

How I wish it would happen again.

I hate to admit it but she has always been my internet crush.