Nothing happened as Belen wanted them to, of course. A few minutes under the blankets of the bottom bunk, she was sweltering. Perhaps Sung Gyu was right. It really felt like the bottom bunk was closer to hell.

“Are you asleep?” Sung Gyu called out, yet again from above her.

“No” She groaned, moving the covers away to get herself more air. 

“You can’t sleep there, can you?” He asked, his tone coated with amusement, almost as if he’d read her mind.

Belen gave it a few moments, then finally tossed the blanket off herself. “Ah, you’re right. It’s so hot down here”

Sung Gyu snorted in response. “Don’t tell me I didn’t warm you”

Belen sighed and climbed down from her bed. With her hands on her hips, she examined the bed above hers. “How is the temperature up there?”

“Very nice” Sung Gyu commented, sounding satisfied, followed by the rustle of his sheets. Then he poked his head to look down at her, his silvery blond locks cutely messed in every direction. “Why don’t you take the top bunk?”

She had a very embarrassing reason to not to.

“I can’t climb,” She admitted sincerely.

“You can’t climb or you’re scared to climb?”

She contemplated a comeback for a second, knowing fully well that he was going to mock her either way.

“Nevermind, I’ll take the bottom bunk” She said, returning to her bed.

There was a moment of quietness before Sung gyu called out to her again.

“What now?” She groaned.

“Come up here” He said. “I’ll help you up, I won’t let you fall”

Belen, for a moment thought that Sung Gyu was really running insane.

“Don’t get funny thoughts now, I’ll switch to the other one” He added, almost as if he’d seen right into her mind.

“Still, how is it a good idea?”

“It probably isn’t” He replied. “But you never know until you try”

He was right. Besides, Belen was willing to make the best out of tonight. She was probably being very selfish, and this, she knew. But what could she say if Sung gyu himself was offering her the opportunity for her to spend more time with him?

So Belen, without shame, took over the chance. 

“Sometimes your optimism is really overbearing for me” She said as she made her way towards his bed. Her insides were shaking. She knew that there couldn’t be a worse idea than this. But a part of her was also convinced that there probably couldn’t be one any better, that, if she did this now, she would think about this moment forever, and cherish it along with all the little scraps of memories she had with him.

Sung Gyu was all prepared to pull her up in the likes of a mountain climber and was eagerly waiting by the ladder, his hands at a ready.

“You can do it, Manager nim” He cheered from the top. “If you can fight a storm then you can definitely climb a ladder”

“I did not fight a storm” She reminded him.

“You didn't,” He agreed. “But let’s just pretend you did”

Sung gyu could be adorably ridiculous at times. Not that she was complaining. 

“Okay” Belen shook all her limbs, preparing herself for the high climb. She kept her hands on the railings, but still the height kept her retreating. “Hold on, that’s too high”

“It’s not” Sung Gyu said patiently. “You’re just small”

Belen threw him a sharp look.

“Listen” He went on, undeterred. “Just put your hands on the sides, then up you go, one feet at a time, cool?”

“I know how to climb, okay?”

Sung Gyu whined in response. “Then come up already, my feet hurt”

Just so she could prove herself, because Belen was not willing to lose, she put both her hands on the either sides of the ladder, kicked off her slippers which landed right next to Sung Gyu’s puppy slippers, and proceeded to haul her weight off the ground. It wasn’t that Belen couldn’t climb. She just didn’t want to, because even the thought of it terrified her. She’d always end up thinking about the worst case scenario. A mal-fixed ladder, the top bunk toppling over,  her slipping her feet. She had to keep her eyes closed the whole time and stop herself from screaming with every movement that levitated her off the ground.

“Okay, that’s right, one foot at a time” Sung Gyu encouraged her from above, his voice soft and gentle as if he was talking to a child. Belen would probably repeat his voice like a mantra if she ever had to climb to a top bunk again.

In no time, then, she was on the top. The tricky part was to climb onto the bed then. Sung Gyu was just a few inches away from her, waiting as if to catch her if she slipped. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and just as she made the final flight to the top, she felt Sung Gyu’s arms wrapping around her, and she just couldn’t quite breathe again.

He pulled her right up to the top, his arms on her waist, and the impact had them stumbling backwards, him further into the bed and her further into him. The room fell quiet, and Belen remained still, keeping her eyes closed, her heart in . He was so close to her, so unbearably close. She could feel his strong expensive scent in every breath, his warmth engulfing her, his breath colliding hers. And her hands, unconscious to her were upon his chest. His sweater was soft and warm underneath her palm, and for a second, she thought she could feel the beating of his heart. With a deep breath, Belen willed herself to open her eyes, look up at him and be braver and stronger than she’d ever be.

She realised, when she met his eyes, that she hadn’t seen a pair of eyes more beautiful before. They were like almonds, the shade of his irises held the compelling glimmer of a sunset, of autumn leaves. She could see every little imperfection of him; the little blemishes, the odd little marks, the shape of his cheeks, and tracing down to the shape of his lips.

He could have kissed her. She couldn’t fight that thought in her mind. He was just an inch away, and if she moved closer, just a little bit, they could have kissed each other. Belen realised that right at that moment when it became blatantly clear to her exactly how she felt about him, this was the furthest and the closest that they could ever go. She couldn’t kiss him, even if she wanted to. He wouldn’t kiss her, he probably didn’t even want to. And that was where their story ended. That was where it should.

It was Sung Gyu who moved away first, clearing his throat. Their friendly banter had long ended and now they’ve returned to be stranded on two different poles, so far away from each other, becoming strangers again. 

“I uh….I should-,” He stammered, and Belen immediately made way for him.

“Y-yeah….okay” She muttered, not daring to meet his eyes, her heart beating so hard in . She wasn’t sure if this was what she was expecting when she decided to leave the comfort of her bed and come to him. But it was definitely what she needed to cherish for a lifetime.

Sung Gyu soon climbed off the bed, traversed the room and switched the lights off. He was right, it was high time that they went to sleep. Dawn was just  minutes away. She could hear the creak of his bed as he climbed up to his own top bunk. All Belen could do at that moment was bury herself in the quilt and pretend that she did not exist.

It didn’t help at all that the bed still smelled so much like him. Nor his phone that and was still on the bed on her side.

“Um..” He called as if he’d read her mind. It was strange how this kept happening to them. “Do you mind-?”

He didn’t have to word it out for her to understand. She immediately handed the phone over the gap to the other side. She didn’t have hers with her. She didn’t really want it, for right now all she wanted was to drift off and wish this was all just a dream.

Sleep didn't come easy for her, like it did for him. Belen spent hours and hours before dawn, tossing and turning, her mind in a whirlwind. In fact, it felt worse than when she had her last breakup. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint what emotion she felt. Sadness? Remorse? Shame? Perhaps, it was a mixture of them all, prickling through her skin like a sad reminder. While she lived in the moment, she’d felt bold, she’d felt happy, she’d felt important. But now that she thought back to it, all she’d been was so desperate. Desperate to be needed, desperate to be comforted and loved. She’d been so desperate that she’d shamelessly done what she’d done, taken advantage of the situation and perhaps put him in a place that he probably didn’t want to be.

Belen didn’t think she could face him again, or even see him from afar, talk about him with Faye without feeling an indescribable amount of shame and remorse is her heart. She shouldn’t have done that. Belen beat herself up to no end. She just really should not have.

Somehow, she had fallen asleep at some point and also slept through the morning. When she was finally startled awake, it was by the sound of her phone ringing on the bottom bunk, its sound echoing throughout the empty room. She woke up with a heavy head, her hair a complete mess, a little disoriented as thoughts from the previous night took time to return. When they did, she was pulled wide awake. The airport, the manager, Sung Gyu. They all came to her in heavy torrents. She was hardly herself when she descended down the ladder, her thoughts in haywire that it didn’t even occur to her that ladders terrified her.

“Sir” Belen said as soon as she picked up the phone.

“Torres, how is Kim Sung Gyu?”

It took a second for her mind to register what that meant. “Good, sir,” She said.

“Did he have a comfortable sleep?”

The question immediately took her hours back into their recent past, and she felt her heart picking up pace. “Yes, he did”

Frankly she didn’t even know if he did as she hadn’t yet looked at the bed above her.

“Good job” He said. “His manager will be coming down today, so go to the airport as planned and let me know once everything’s done, okay?”

“Okay” She replied as calmly as she could. But once the call was over, she tossed the phone aside, stood up on her tippy toes and looked at the top bunk, hoping to see Sung Gyu comfortably asleep. What she did find, however, was an empty bed and ruffled, discarded sheets.

“SungGyu-Ssi?” She called as if the empty bed would respond to her. She felt cold sweat under her collars as she crept away from the bed. “SungGyu-Ssi?”

The bathroom was empty, so was the entire room. She was the only one in the room, and worse of all, all of his belongings were gone. 

For a moment, Belen stood absolutely still as her entire world collapsed around her. It was all her fault, utterly and completely. If she hadn’t behaved so brazenly around him, if she hadn’t made him feel uncomfortable, this wouldn’t have happened. It was all clear to her now. Sung Gyu must have gotten a taxi from the reception, collected his things and left while she slept. He probably wanted to get away from her. He probably didn’t even want to say goodbye.

Belen felt warmth in her eyes, and regret and anger at herself. She had to find him, still from wherever he had gone to. It was her responsibility to look after him in his manager’s absence and ensure his safety the entire time. What she had done instead was taking advantage of him to satire her own desperation.

And now everything was gone. It was over; her job, her life. She couldn’t possibly face Faye again, or her manager, or anyone. And whenever she’d hear of Infinite again, or when she’d see them on stage tomorrow, all she’d think back to would be how shameless-,

“Oh! You’re up” A voice interrupted her thoughts, all of a sudden, and Belen who was on the verge of tears, sitting on the floor took a minute to gather her thoughts.

And there he was, standing in the way of the door that she hadn’t heard opening, already completely dressed and staring down at her. 

“Wait…” He said cautiously and took a slow step inside, closing the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

It was the last straw for Belen. The very last straw. His words were pushing a button on all her pent up emotions, from the frustrations of the previous night, the anger, the remorse, the realisation that she’d developed a love that she didn’t deserve, they all came back to her in one massive storm, completely overtaking her. And Belen vented it all out in words and tears as they echoed in the quietness of the room.

“Where have you been?!?” She was sitting on the floor, barefeet, her hair disarrayed; a complete mess. On top of it all, she was screaming and she hated herself.

Sung Gyu seemed equally surprised as she was. “Downstairs…” He said quietly, gesturing behind him.

“Why on earth would you be downstairs?”

“Because it's almost check out time” He patiently reminded her. “But you were sleeping and I-,” He put his hand in his jean pocket and produced her car keys. “I’m sorry, I took your keys without asking...you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up”

“You should have!” She yelled back, surprising herself by the sound of her voice. “You should have...do you have any idea how worried I was?”

Sung Gyu seemed to soften up by this that he moved closer to her, and even closer before he crouched down on the floor beside her. “I didn’t” He told her softly, followed by an apologetic smile. “But I do now”

Belen didn’t know what came over her at that point. It was as if she no longer had control over what her heart desired. Before she could stop herself, she moved closer, and without a word she laid her head against his chest.

He was warm, comforting. His scent was so sweet, so captivating. For a moment, Belen wished she could lose herself in him forever.

“I thought you left” Belen muttered under her breath, followed by a big, ugly sob. 

“Wait” He chuckled, his chest reverberated against her before he slowly pulled away to meet her eyes. “Did you really think I would leave without you?”

“You would” Belen told him, turning away.

“No I would not, silly” He laughed, and despite himself, he pulled her back against himself and his fingers caressed the back of her head as would a father comforting a child. “I can’t leave without my manager, my real manager would murder me”

Belen couldn’t help but laugh through her tears.

And then, in a smaller voice, more like an afterthought, he added; “And I would never leave without telling you”

Belen remained completely quiet, unable to find her words.

“Now” So Sung Gyu continued as he gently patted on her back. “We’ve got to leave this place before they kick us out, its almost past check out time and-,” There was a beat of silence and by the corner of her eyes she saw him checking his phone. “You have about fifteen minutes to clean up and get ready...can you do that?”

She nodded.

“Well, get going then” He laughed as he slowly moved her away.

Eventually, Belen cleaned up and washed her tear stained face, covering it with makeup so she could be a lot more professional than she had been before. Sung Gyu waited downstairs with their bags and her keys; she managed to come down just about ten minutes past the check out time. The receptionist was fine with it, especially as she made them bill for two private rooms instead of the dorm which was twice as much as what their cost should be. With the bill ready to be handed over to her manager later in the day, they thanked the receptionist and finally took off into a bright, post storm Saturday afternoon.

Their drive back to the airport was extremely quiet for the longest time. Belen was wrapped around her own thoughts, contemplating how she would recover from this dream. Sung Gyu had returned to being his idol self, busily taking call after call from his management, from his company and even from his fellow members. At some point he was even practicing his singing for the upcoming concert-slash-fan meeting that weekend and for a while, all she could hear was his soft, soothing voice overtaking the low rumble of her car.

They arrived at the airport a lot sooner than she imagined they would. The roads were less congested as the storm had passed by, making way for a new, brighter day. For Belen, however, it was worse than the last. She hadn’t the sheer mental capacity to utter a word to him, lest she let her floodgates open again. She was an inflated balloon of emotions at that point; a single prick on her heart, she would burst.

Her manager called her on their way to inform her that Sung Gyu’s real manager had landed a few minutes ago. Belen parked her car at the arrivals and waited until they got the confirmation that Sung Gyu’s designated vehicle from the company had arrived to take them to their hotel. While they waited, Sung Gyu played games on his phone and Belen pretended to read text messages; she was acutely aware of his presence beside her and more than anything how he too seemed to avoid further conversations. Belen did not know what that meant. What she did know was however, she was glad that things were turning out this way. If they spoke more, if they bonded even further, this goodbye would be even more difficult for her to handle.

About half an hour later, Belen’s manager called her to inform her that the van had arrived. She felt a heavy weight in her heart upon hearing that. Although they haven’t spoken a word to each other since that morning, Belen wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

But she had to. It was the moment that this strange, magical encounter had to end.

“SungGyu-Ssi” Belen called him softly as she put her phone away. “Your van has arrived”

The words felt sore in as she spoke. Sung Gyu nodded and slid his own phone into his pocket. Then he looked over at her. “Do we need to go now?”

“Yeah” Belen sighed. “You can have the bags loaded and prepared by the time your manager arrives”

“True” Sung Gyu agreed.

Then they both fell into a moment of awkward silence. In that moment of silence, Belen contemplated what she could tell him. After all they’ve done together, it wasn’t right to let him go without saying goodbye. But how could she say goodbye when she knew it so well that there will never be a ‘See you again?’

She fidgeted with her hands, not stealing even a slightest glance at him. She wondered what he was thinking, what his silence meant, she wondered, although there stood no chance, but she wondered if Sung Gyu too felt the same. 

Their silence became unbearable when they were quiet for too long. Her phone rang a couple of times, message after message lined up in her inbox and one of them was that Sung Gyu’s van was waiting in the parking lot. Sung Gyu really had to go. And perhaps, he knew this too, that the moment Belen finally spoke, so did he, their words colliding with one another. And they laughed.

“You go ahead,” Belen said.

“No you go ahead first” Sung Gyu replied. 

“No I think you should”

“No you had something to say”

They fell quiet again, and when Belen met his eyes, he playfully snorted which soon morphed into a laughter. Sung Gyu was back to himself again.

“We can do this forever but we don’t really have the time” He said and turned to her. “So I’ll go first”

Belen nodded, feeling a heavy weight in her heart. “Okay”

Sung gyu took a few seconds to compose his thoughts, and when he spoke to her, he sounded more professional, more like an idol than he’d been throughout their time together, which left her a flicker of sadness that she couldn’t explain. 

“I just wanted to tell you...Thank you for being my manager for a day. I wouldn’t have managed myself without you, sadly. And you’ve been a great help for me...the whole time, promptly doing whatever you could to support me and I didn’t even miss my manager while I had you”

Belen swallowed her pain and responded with a laugh. “Your manager wouldn’t be happy if he heard that”

He smiled. “Which is why it’s going to stay with the pile of secrets which we take to our grave”

Belen couldn’t help the smile forming on her lips. He remembered. 

“Speaking of which,” Belen turned to him, now taking over a grave, professional stance herself. “I’ve committed more than one crime for the past few hours so I hope everything we did really would be taken to our graves”

Sung Gyu just snorted, his eyes turning into crescent moons. “Noted” He nodded deteminedly. “Whatever happened in Manila, stays in Manila”

“That’s not even how it goes but-,” She laughed.

“If you keep my secrets, including when my grandma’s dog  bit me, I will swear to keep yours” Sung Gyu said.

“Okay deal” Belen laughed, holding out a hand.

“Deal” Sung Gyu replied.

Their farewell conversation pretty much drifted away at that moment as both Belen and Sung Gyu got calls on their respective phones. Sung Gyu’s manager had arrived and was heading on his way to the exit and Belen’s manager wanted her to immediately take Sung Gyu to his van and ‘just what the hell are you doing with him, Torres?’ Belen knew, at that point, that their encounter really had to end.

Belen wanted to hug him at least, wish him the best of luck and promise him to be there at the fan meeting on sunday. But time was just not allowing her too. She had to drive the car to where his van was parked, which they found easily, and she stood on a side as the driver who was sent from her company loaded Sung Gyu’s bags inside. Afterwards, she had to speak to the driver to clarify the rest of his tasks as she was supposed to admin the logistics throughout their stay. Once all was done, with warm eyes and a heavy heart, Belen stood with her back to her car as the van drove away. Sung Gyu appeared so happy and bright, like sunshine, even as he waved at her with both his hands, allowing her to see him so up close, perhaps for the very last time.

And just like that, Belen Torres’s life, yet again, came to a stand still. It lost its colors, it became dull again. The happy memories from the past few hours remained hidden in a corner of her heart along with all the secrets that she’d promised him to take with her to her grave.