Do you even know how hard it feels when the person you love isn’t beside you anymore? Even if you just had a little time to hang out? It hurts when you knew that, one day, that person you treasure most will be gone anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, class, I’ve got important news to tell you.”

Mrs. Jang, our homeroom teacher, started out my day with another one of her sly smiles. No one had ever worn out their faces with bored looks, irritated looks, sleepy looks nor ignore her presence just like what they’re doing for our other subject teachers. Besides, no one would ignore such friendly person like her. And, I could say that Mrs. Jang won’t be the type of person who would be ignored by someone.

“We’ll be having an exchange student from a foreign land and I want you all to be as nice as possible. She’s a precious and valuable student in her country. Suppose that she’s a half-Korean, also. So, boys, no naughty things for now and behave. Okay, so probably, she’d be here later at lunch. And I hope you all would make her as a friend, she’s a special one. Let’s start our lesson!”

 

“Yo, L.Joe! Let’s eat.”

“Okay.”

Ahn Daniel is my childhood friend ever since we were in grade school. He’s the type who’d actually go for the go, even if it’s dangerous. But, he’s the worst when you got him hit his nerve. Lunch break. The two of us were in the cafeteria, bored to death. I didn’t realize how boring this school got after my years of being here. For all I know, no one had ever dared to speak to us, because in this school, we’re called :

“Devils.”

My eyes rounded when I heard our nickname and a familiar voice. I looked over my shoulder and saw my ex-girlfriend glaring at me. I glared back then scoffed.

“What, cheap girl?”

“Mrs. Jang’s calling you both. If you don’t hurry....”

“Yeah, yeah. Just shut your big mouth.”

“Ah..! Why you...!!!!”

“Kim-sshi, don’t bother yourself. You’re just L.joe’s ex, right?”

“Eh?”

Niel and I stood up then walked pass at her. Oh, right, it’s gonna be summer for the next 2 months and that stupid exchange student even bothered to come here at the middle of ending-of-the-school-year. What’s up with that idea? Well, it’s not my concern anyway, it’s that stupid person’s idea. As we walked down the hallway watching every student give out way for us, I felt a bit excited and for some reason, the hairs on my arms were standing up even though it’s not cold. Even my stomach’s tightening with no particular reason.  When we got to the faculty room, we slid the door open and went straight to her desk even if the other teachers were glaring at us.

“Yeah? What’s up, miss?”

“Time for you to have a little tour with our exchange student. I’ll have you be excused for a week or so to tour our guest here at Seoul.”

“Eh? Mrs. Jang, why us?”

“Boys, I heard rumours about you but I never cared for that. You two are my handled students and I believe more on what I’m seeing in the room than of those rumours I heard.”

“Still.... We don’t know if we could do it properly.”

“Oh, come now! Where’s your coolness? I thought you two are the most feared ones?”

“Eh? I thought you...”

“Please? I trust you on this.”

 

Later that hour....

“Uh..... I-is this... the one?”

In front of us was a light brown haired girl with almond-shaped eyes, sharp nose that was perfectly aligned on her V-shaped face and rosy lips that matches her cheeks. She could be called ‘perfect’ if she’s taller enough. She’s like in middle-school, her heights like of those immature girls with childish actions.  My left eye’s twitching from this doll-like girl in front of us. And not only that surprising appearance, she doesn’t even talk to us, all she does was to smile. When she was asked by Niel, she wrote down her answer on her sketch book. She’s cute but weird. I mean, what’s up with that kind of... action?

After school, and after introducing her to everyone in our class which I didn’t expect to happen, we started out our tour. We did our basic tour, walking her around at the famous place then telling her what we know from that place. It only took us two hours of doing so yet I felt so tired as if I got beaten up in a 1000 meter dash. I think my energy was up by the hotness of the weather we’re having now. As our tour ended up, I went home as soon as possible. Not to my home where my parents live but to my apartment far from them. When I got home, my body fall flat on my bed. I’d never felt so tired before.

 

Next day.....

 

“Yah...!!!”

Early in the morning, this exchange student really hit my nerve. My school things were all fixed altogether, which I hate when people do it. She better be thankful that she’s a girl or else I’d punch her from doing this sort of stuff on my belongings.

“Don’t. Touch. My. THINGS!”

I warned her, my teeth gritting at each other. She smiled then looked down as she started scribbling on her sketch book. She held it high, high enough for the two of us to see it. I glared down then read what was written on it. My eyes widened then looked at her with a face.

You should smile. You’re not cute when you’re not smiling.

“Yah, what do you mean about that?”

She scribbled down once again. I read it then glared.

I like you when you smile.

“Stupid.”

I flicked my fingers at her forehead then sat on my seat. How can a mute like her make me blush? Wait, is she really mute or she just can’t speak Korean? Anyway, it‘s not my concern. When free time, she always sticks around with Niel and me, it irritates me. But it kind of makes my day lighter when she’s around. Kind of.

When it was time for our lunch break, I invited her to have lunch with us but she refused. Instead of leaving her behind, I sat with her and gave her my lunch. She stared at it then smiled. For some reason, my heart started racing and my cheeks were burning. Usually, girls would feel this kind of thing when I charmed them. Looks like it all went vice versa. She started nibbling on the bread I gave her and I couldn’t take my eyes from her while she eats it. After that, she started scribbling out from her sketchbook again then held it high.

You’re nice. I don’t believe the others about you saying that you’re a devil or something.

I didn’t react. I only smiled at her weird comment then faced away from her as I stare out from the window. Am I falling for her now?

 

After school, I waited for her to come out for the two of us to go home. I winked at her when she popped out from the corner of the room. She smiled at me then jogged to be near.

“I still don’t know your name.”

She blinked then put out her sketchbook from her bag and scribbled again. She faced it to me and I read it with my eyes.

My name is Ahn ChulIm.

“That’s a weird name. Why aren’t you talking?”

I cannot speak your language. I can only write and I’m forbidden to talk because of some major reason.

“Lame!! That’s just an excuse. You at speaking Korean, right?”

No...but it’s true that I cannot speak Korean.

“C’mon, tell me. I won’t tell anyone, PROMISE.”

I gave out my word, made a cross on my chest while raising my right hand and swore to death.

I’m mute.

My eyes rounded when I saw her answer. I laughed nervously.

“Yah, don’t give out jokes like that. It’s a bad joke.”

I’m not joking.

“Well, whatever you say. Wait, Ahn ChulIm, right?”

Yes.

“Are you relatives with Niel?”

No.

“Oh, okay. Then let’s get going. The night’s falling and I don’t want to take responsibilities on you. Touring you here in Seoul’s already a on me.”

You’re nice AND funny.

“Tch. S-shut u-up!”

You’re blushing, how cute.

I glared at her then hurried walking. When we reached her house, she bowed then smiled as she went inside her house. But before closing the door, she scribbled something then ran outside again then placed the torn paper on my hand. She smiled, her cheeks were slightly red, then bowed once again and hurried in to her house. She slammed the door shut. I don’t know if that’s on purpose or something. I shrugged then started walking away. As I walked down the dim lighted road, I stared down on the paper that I was holding.

“Should I read it now or wait till I got home?”

I started thinking then sighed and hurried myself to go home.  Inside my room, I was already in my boxers and staring blankly at the paper she gave me. I growled behind my throat then opened it.

Please don’t tell anyone about me being mute.  Please?

“That... That’s all?! Tch, I should’ve read it while I was walking back home. Pabo!”

But I noticed something below the paper. I read it, it was a P.S.

P.S- I had fun walking with you back home. Thank you.

I scoffed and a smile stayed on my face. I was sure now that I’d fallen for her. Now we have a secret that only the two of us know. What should I do tomorrow? Should I ask her out or confess first? Ahh, girls usually court me. I’m not used to these damn things.

 

At school....

 

“Morning, ChulIm.”

I greeted her from behind. She smiled when I sat on my seat then scribbled out her greeting. Somehow, I feel nervous today. Is it because I’m about to ask her out? Yeah, probably it. I inhaled then exhaled. I put on my cool character to charm her.

“Say, you wanna hang out later after school? We can tour some other time, right? Besides, it’s boring if all you do is tour, tour ,tour.”

That’s sweet but it’s more important for me to finish my tour here so that I can go back to my country as early as possible.

“Laaame! Shut that mouth of yours and do as I suggest you to do.”

But.... I already have plans for my stay here.

“And I don’t care. We’re going on a date whether you like it or not. Got that?”

I moved to my side, my back facing her then smiled because of her cute face. Guess it’ll turn out good. When lunch break came, everyone was crowding ChulIm up. I frowned then walked over to her seat. I’m not really sitting beside her, I only went near her cause I don’t want some other girls to try and gossip about her. When I looked over at what she’s doing, I think a ton of block crashed above me. My classmates were just asking for her to help them out in our assignments. My left eye was twitching and a nerve was popping out from my temple.

“Yah, what do you think you ers are doing? Huuh????”

Everyone gasped then each of them gathered out their notebooks and went back to their seats. ChulIm looked up at me then made a questioning look. I can’t believe she’s easy to be fooled. I grab-hold of her hand then took her out of the room. We both went to the rooftop and there I felt myself back to normal again.

We shouldn’t skip class, let’s go back.

“Shut up, will ‘ya? Even if you’re mute, I don’t mind telling you to shut up.”

She didn’t give me an answer. She stayed still sitting beside me. I looked at her and saw her crying. I looked from left to right, not knowing on what I should do. I bit my lip then pulled out my handkerchief and gave it to her.

“Sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you cry. It’s just that......”

I’ll be leaving today.

“What? I thought... then, how about our tour...? Our date?”

I was called back. That’s why I told you that touring me around here is more important.

“Yah, that’s unfair.”

It isn’t. Now let’s go back.

“No.”

I leaned closer to her face then kissed her in the lips. Her eyes widened then I pulled back.

“I like you.”

She blinked, didn’t even bother to write down what she felt. She stood up, tears falling down. I don’t get it? Why is she crying? Did I scare her? Was it her first? I stood up but she pushed me and ran away. I only watched how she ran away. Does she hate me?

 

“Morning.”

I greeted everyone in the room. I was shocked at why I did that. Usually, I’d stroll down to my desk and ignore them. When class started, I kept on participating. The usual me would just stare out of the window and ignore the class. Then, I kept scoring high when I didn’t even study my lessons. I even got accused from cheating and told me to go to the guidance but they held no proof on that. What’s happening to me? ChulIm wasn’t around anyway, so why am I bothering myself to be participating on this thing.

Lunch time, Niel kept asking me stuff about what happened earlier. I told him that I also don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t have the appetite to eat. When I boredly looked to my right, I saw our classmates hesitating to go to our place. I looked at Niel and nod my head to the weirdos.

“What’re they doing?”

“How should I know?

When they got near us, one from them held out their notebook and I just looked at it.

“Please teach us.”

They all said in unison. I scoffed then stood up along with Niel and walked away from them. Yuck, teach them, like hell I could. I don’t even remember any learning from the past few months. After school, I waited for Niel by the gates and what surprised me was the relative of ChulIm. She handed me a letter, guessing from the hand writing, it was from ChulIm.

“She told me to give this to you after she left the country. Young boy, read it well.”

Ahjumma walked away then I looked at the white paper with my name on it. I looked around, knowing Niel will take his time over at his practice. I put my bag down then unfolded the paper.

 

Dear Mr. Devil L.Joe,

                I never got the time to ask you your name, only your famous nickname settled in inside my head. You might be reading this without me around. You probably miss me right now, too. About what happened at the rooftop, I’m sorry for pushing you away. I didn’t mean to do that. Actually, I like you, too.... ever since we were in middle-school. You saved me from the bullies that was punching and kicking me on the stomach. You know, the only reason for me to be here at Seoul is that, I wanted to meet you again. I didn’t thank you that time because you left already. My secret, you didn’t tell anyone right? Well, even if you did I wouldn’t mind. At least I had a great time being with you. This’ll be the last time I would write because I’m going, anyway. Do you know that your ex tried to kill me? Hehe, she just tried so don’t do anything to her. She was so in-love to you. Guess it was bad for me to stick too much around you, huh? But worst than that, I’m going to die within the next days. I didn’t tell you because you’ll take it as a joke, anyway. The thing about me being mute, it was a disease. But, you don’t have to worry about anything. Everything will be all right. Someday, probably, we’ll be meeting once again. So, this’ll be my way of saying goodbye. Goodbye, L.joe. Thank you for your tie staying with me, even if it was short. I love you, L.joe.

                                                            Forever will be yours,

Ahn ChulIm

 

 

“Yo, L.Joe! How’s your day goin’?” Kim asked, she was my ex who tried to kill ChulIm.

“Bad.” I said, still holding on to ChulIm’s last letter. I feel like as if I’m so tired.

“Yah, what’s up with you holding that junk?” She asked, leaning closer to me.

“None of your bees wax. Get lost” I said, getting up from my seat.

“Hey!”

.....

....

...

..

.

“... joe... L.Joe.... L.JOE!!!!”

I sat up then looked around. I was leaning against the railings, Niel was beside me. “What.. happened?”

“You fell asleep?”

“Oh, where’s Chul... Oh, right. She already left.”

“Who did?”

“ChulIm. Ahn ChulIm.”

“Who’s that? Your new girlfriend this week?”

“What? Tch, don’t give me craps, Niel.”

“I ain’t giving you one. Tell me, is she hot or is she HOT?”

“She’s the exchange student, moron!”

“We have no exchange student. Geez, what’s with you? C’mon, we’ll be scolded when we’re not in class.”

“..Y.. yeah..”

What happened? What’s with Niel not knowing ChulIm? Nah, probably he’s just making jokes on me. When we both got to the classroom, I was called to the faculty room. Mrs. Jang was smiling at me while handing a folder at me.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Your records. I want you to retake our entire test so that you won’t be held back. Dismiss.”

I was about to say something but she already dismissed me. I walked away but went back to her.

“Uhm, Mrs. Jang? Did our school have an exchange student?”

“Hmm? Uh, now that you asked that..... Nope, not yet.”

“Eh? But....”

“Yes?”

“No, never mind.”

I walked out of the faculty and went back to my room. On the way back, I bumped in to someone. I looked back and saw a girl picking up her things. I rolled my eyes then continued walking away. After school, I hurried to get to ChulIm’s relative’s house. When I got there, I asked about ChulIm and I almost fell when I heard that she was long dead. I felt like as if I was stabbed. I walked away after saying goodbye. What was that all about? Don’t tell me Niel also told Ahjumma to tag along on his prank. No, no, no. Then, was it all a dream? But, why only me?

I was already sleeping when I got woken up by my little brother. He told me to read him bed time story but I refused to. I went back to sleep but I noticed something by the window. I stood up then walked over to the window. My eyes widened when I saw ChulIm’s sketchbook. I took it then opened it.

L.joe, do you know that I’ve been in love with you for so long that I could kill myself by this second? I’ve wanted to tell you what I’m feeling but I can’t. You never once see me. But I didn’t take that as an excuse, I still watch you from afar. That way, I know I’m already happy.

L.joe, why did you tried fighting that kid? Do you even know that it isn’t nice?

L.joe, I saw your test paper today, what’s with that score? Hehe. Still, that’s your charm.

L.joe, I was sent to the hospital and you know, I have a cancer. Don’t worry, I’ll live. Seeing you smiling is enough

L.joe, today is my final day. I’m so happy that I, for the last time, saw your smile again. I never got the chance to say thanks to you when you helped me from the bullies. This is my last for you, I love you, L.joe.

 

“What’s up with this?”

“Hyuuuuuung!!!! Read me bed time storyyy!!!”

I jolted and almost threw the sketchbook out. I looked behind me and glared at my little brother. The next morning, I went to ChulIm’s ajhumma and gave her the sketchbook. She was shocked when she saw it then asked me where I found it.

“It was near my window. I was really curious on why it was there, though...”

“You know, boy, she kept on writing in this sketchbook that she bought. She never once let me read it, too. But I once caught her smiling when you passed by in front of our house. She was like a crazy fan. I never knew that she was in love with you ever since you saved her from those bullies. That I heard from the school. Thank you for that. And as a gift of gratitude, please keep that momentum of ChulImto you.”

Never knew it, that from the very start, she was already admiring me from afar. Now, how can I let my feelings for her out? She’s already gone. How can I see her smile again, now that she’s gone? How can I live my life without seeing her once again? Then, something from the corner of my eye slipped out and dropped on the sketchbook that was open on ChulIm’s farewell words. At the same time on that, something came out from my mouth.

“I love you, ChulIm.”

When I stared down on the sketchbook, my eyes widened. Something was written below the page. Now, I know that she’s still with me, even if she’s long gone. My tears kept on overflowing even if I’d already read her farewells to me. Yet, I’ve finally told the words that I’d wanted her to hear and she replied hers as well. With every teardrop that drops on that momentum of ChulIm, there’s always her reply. But my most favourite was....

 

I love you, too, L.Joe.

 

~End~