The sunlight pouring in through the blinds made Byul scrunch up her nose and shut her eyes tighter in annoyance. 

Yong knew it was only another minute or two before the girl pillowed against her chest woke up properly, and she let her have it. She ran her fingers through Byul’s hair, watching as the furrow between her brows smoothed out. There were so many things racing across her mind, so many What Ifs and What Abouts and all the images of Byulyi at her happiest flooding her memory. 

Her eyes fluttered open, and through the blurriness she noted Yongsun’s fingers intertwined with hers, before her gaze cleared up and the tears in Yongsun’s eyes came into focus. Was she crying? She had the softest, gentlest smile, the one Byul loved to see the most the first thing when she woke up every morning. 

“Eonni…” Her thumb came up to wipe away the tear. “Nightmare?”

She almost took back her hand when Yongsun flinched at that. 

Yongsun brought their other- joined- hands up between them instead. 

The absence was glaring. Byulie’s wrist was milky white, untainted by anything. Next to Yongsun’s decorated wrist, the empty blankness of her skin felt like a slap in the face.

No soulmark. Her soulmate was someone she doesn’t know, not yet. And it wasn’t Yongsun. Yongsun isn’t her soulmate. They weren’t fated. All this time they were together, they weren’t meant to be together. 

“....breathe for me, please.” 

The deafening ringing in her ear faded away. Her lungs filled itself again, but she still could not bring her tears to a stop. 

“You’re supposed to be smiling on your birthday, no more crying.” Yongsun scolds her playfully, yet she saw right through the forced smiles and genuine worry in her eyes and caress. 

“How can I?” Not for the first time in her life, Byulyi just wanted to be a wilful, selfish child. She wanted to cry and let out every ounce of sadness she’d suppressed, wanted to scream at the universe until she got what she wanted. She wanted to take Fate by its reigns and will it into changing its course. 

All she wanted was Yongsun. Yongsun, who was lying across from her, in their shared bed of five years, smiling with teary eyes as if they haven’t just learnt of the most devastating news they’ve received. 

“Please… please don’t tell me you’re even thinking about it.” Byulyi sat up immediately when Yongsun’s eyes fell shut at that.

“Soulmarks are never wrong, love.” Yongsun said, her eyes squeezing shut even tighter in a weak attempt to control herself. 

“Why can’t we be the exception? How would you know Fate makes no mistakes? Are we a mistake then, eonni?” Every word stung herself to say, and even more so when she saw that hurt reflected on her girlfriend’s face. 

Yongsun sat up slowly. There was hesitance written on every shift of her gaze, her mind clearly reeling with a way to put across her thoughts.

“Byul, you know I love you-”

“Do you?” Byulyi regretted it almost as soon as it stumbled out of .

Yongsun looked like she was in physical pain, holding herself up on her arms that were threatening to fold. 

“Don’t you ever doubt that, ever again.”

“Then why do you doubt us? Ever since you kissed me for the first time there has never been a doubt in my heart that you’re the only one I will ever love. Isn’t that what soulmates are?” Byulyi clenched her fists on the sheets, pulling at it in a desperate need to collect herself and not lose it entirely.

“How would you know that, Byul-ah? Look, I don’t want you to be so sure about me… us. Because there’s still so many you probably haven’t met in life and maybe, just maybe, you would find someone who truly deserves you.”

“Take that back. You ing deserve me. As I deserve you.” Byul had to take a breath to dissipate the anger with that implication. “You have met your soulmate already, since you have a mark. Then tell me, do you feel for anyone else in your life the same way you feel about me?” 

There was a beat of silence, both their turmoil hanging in the air as Byul nervously waited for Yongsun’s answer. 

“No.” Yongsun finally replied, lifting her head from where it hung between her knees. “Nobody even comes close to this. To us.”

“Eonni, listen