"This is must be my only choice. In order to end all pain, this is the only choice."

I was alone in the room, locking myself for full day crying. Today after I got result of my Japanese proficiency exam lever 2, I was like dying because I failed again. It's my second times taking it and I still failed. I only needed one score to pass but I couldn't make it. I felt so down and heartbreaking because without passing this level, I can't apply for Tokyo University where I want to enter the most. This is really important exam for foreign student like me and when I couldn't make it, I felt hopeless and didn't want to live anymore. I made my parents hopeless again. I've spent one year in Japan for this exam and when I couldn't make it, I'll need another half year or one whole year for it. But this is crazy and stressful.

"Awwww hik hik I can't stand with it anymore. Why am I this useless? Wasting time, wasting money... I'm a bad child, I'm a bad child." I kept crying and yelling alone since my housemate was still at work. I finally reached the idea of committing suicide. I decided without hesitation and quickly wrote a committed suicide letter for my family. "After tomorrow I won't see this cruel world." I said to myself soullessly, laid myself on bed then sobbed alone till fell asleep.

-----

Next day, I woke up early in the morning. My housemate, Viriya hadn't woke up yet. I cooked something for her and left on the table. I opened her room's door and whispered "Viriya ah, I'm thankful for everything you have done for me so far but I have to go. Good bye, my good friend!" I sobbed then quietly close the door back. I put my committing suicide letter on the dining table with sticker *Please send it to my parents after my death*. I left the house.

I decided to go and do what I want before committing suicide. I headed to Yoyogi Park. I like here so much. I often come here to read book and when I'm stressed. "Today it's my last time to be here for sure. I'll miss you, Yoyogi Park." I whispered alone and kept sobbing. After that I went to a Tempura restaurant near Yoyogi Park where is also my favorite place. I love Tempura so much and often come here so the owner recognizes me well. "You come again, little girl!" she came to welcome me and guided me to the seat. "It's my last time here, Grandma." I said with sad smile. "Are you going back to your country?" she asked with sad face. "Emm kind of! I'm leaving..." I replied soullessly which made old grandma worried about me. After eating, I headed to leave but suddenly old grandma ran after me and handed me a "OMAMORI"(Amulet). "Here you go! It'll protect you from bad luck and bring you good luck. Be happy, my little girl and take care! Don't forget come to see me if you come to Japan again." she handed me that amulet and dropped her tears a few. "Thank you, Grandma!" I cried and hugged her for a while.

However, nothing would change my mind. I still wanted to die. I left there and headed to Harajuku where I love to go and eat my favorite crape. The crape was always sweet and delicious but why today it was so bitter. I thought alone and realized I was dropping my tears on it. "Stupid, Jina! You're crying again." I blamed myself. Lastly, I decided to ride on train without having destination. I spent the rest of the day on train and fell asleep on it. "Guest, dear Guest, it's the last stop now." a train station staff tried to wake me up. "Oh sorry!" I quickly got up and apologized. "Hmm how long have I been sleeping and where am I now?" I hit my head slightly and looked around. "Oh, JR Ueno Station... So I've come quite far. It's Ueno now." I sighed and went to sit at a bench. I started crying again. It was so dark and not many passengers at this station.  Everybody was in hurry to catch the train that nobody would pay attention to me crying.

"Who would care about me?" I kept crying alone. Viriya gave me many phone calls and messages but I turned phone off. "I decided. I should just die here. I have to die." I wiped my tears and stood up bravely.

*Train is coming. Please stand behind the waiting line.*

The announcement alerted. I stepped forward slowly with eyes closed, planning to jump once train came. Suddenly, "Stop!!!" there was a voice and I got caught by someone. I fell down backward. "What are you trying to do? Committing suicide?" a good-looking guy with dark red hair was on the top of me and asked me with worried face. Our faces were close and we stared at each other for a while before I could say something out. "Why did you help me? Why did you care? Nobody cares about me. Let go of me! I wanna die." I said as I tried to push him from laying on me. "Ya, did your parents give birth to you just to see you killing yourself like this? You look so young and already thinking of dying? What a pity! Give it up!" he said to me with caring face. "You don't know about my pain. You're not me and you're not even my friend. Why the hell you would interfere in my business? Let go of me!" I shouted at him. "Then what is your problem? Did your boyfriend make you pregnant and abandoned you?" he asked in mocking way. "YOU!!! It's not like that. But just get off from me for now. How long are you gonna lay on me like this?" I complained again and he seemed to realize that he was laying on me quite long so he moved. We stood up at the same time and our eyes connected. "Weirdo!" I said and started walking. "Ya, did you give up the idea of killing yourself already? Ya! Ya!" he shouted behind. I stopped walking and started crying again. "hik hik" he heard I cried. He patted my shoulder from behind. "Are you OK? I didn't mean to shout at you. I just want you to think again about your decision. Killing yourself doesn't solve the problem." He changed his voice to soft tone. "You, can I... " I quickly turned round to face him and stuttering to ask him for a hug. "Hug me?" I didn't finish my word yet but he seemed to understand what I meant and wider his arms. "Come on!" he welcomed my hug and I hugged without hesitation. He patted my back then head. I felt so warm and felt so comfortable inside his arms. "Please stop thinking of committing suicide! You're still young. You still have bright future to go. I know life is hard but we must have a way to go. Believe me, you're not blocked. You still have ways." he kept consoling me with warm words and I felt so calm. "Can I share my story with you?" I released myself from hugging him and asked. He nodded with a smile then we went to sit on a bench inside the station.

"First I don't think you're Japanese." I started the conversation. He burst out laughing. "I don't think you're Japanese either." he smirked and it made me laugh a little bit too. "of course, I'm not. I'm just a foreign student. Are you a student too?" I asked him. "Emm… Not really but it's not important just tell me what your problem is and let's see if I can help you." he gave me a warm smile with caring face. He looked like an Anime character. He's so good looking especially with that caring smile. "How long are you going to keep looking at me, huh?" he woke me up from my imagination. "Oh sorry! Well, I'll tell you then. It's like this. I came here to enter Tokyo University but I haven't passed Japanese Proficiency Exam level 2 yet, so I have to have it first but I have taken it for twice and spent one year here for it already but I still failed. I feel I'm so useless and feel so sorry for my parents. I have to spend other half or one whole year more for it and I think it's a waste so I want..." I couldn't finish my word then sobbed again. "Then you want to finish your life, right? Hmm I see. It's unfortunate and I feel sorry for you. But you know I've failed at my career for more than 5 years. Sometimes I wanna give up everything but I never think of committing suicide. I manage to struggle and I made it now." he kept telling his unfortunate experience too but I didn't know what it was exactly. He looked a bit sad to recall his past but he still continued to share it. "More than 5 years and many people kept saying I failed but I never gave up and finally I've made it. It took so long time but I keep telling myself it's ok to be late. You should remember a word this word too that it's ok to be late as long as you can reach it. I believe you will pass your exam one day. It's just not time yet. Nah, it's ok to be late." he gave me another warm smile with cheering word. "It's ok to be late... It's ok to be late... " I whispered with small voice. "Yes, it's ok to be late. Everything will come to you at the right time and right place." he added. "hik hik why can't I think of these words before? It's ok to be late... Thank you! Thank you... " I stood up and kept bowing. "Wow now you seem to understand. Thanks God, I've saved a life." he said with a victory smile. "Thank you! I understand now. I feel better now. I won't commit suicide anymore. Thank you!" I kept bowing then he caught my both shoulders with his both arms softly and made me faced his face.  "Always be positive and don't give up!" he showed me a warm, friendly smile again. I nodded with a smile. "What is your name? And where are you from?" he asked. "I'm Jina from Cambodia. How about you?" I asked him back. Suddenly a train arrived and it was so noisy that I couldn't hear his voice.

"@$?!##$%&*#:!@... I'm from Korea." he tried to speak louder but I still couldn't catch his name only where he is from. "Ah I need to go now, Jina. I need to get on this train. It's so late now. You should go home too. I hope we will meet again. Bye bye take care, Jina ah!" he quickly ran into the train after finished his word. "Wait, I couldn't hear your name earlier. What is your name again?" I shouted outside the train but unfortunately the door of train was closed and I still couldn't hear his name but before train leave he pointed himself then pointed the train. It was like "my name is Train." then the train left. I couldn't understand what he meant. I then caught a train to my house too and kept thinking about his gesture.

"Did he mean his name is Train?" I kept questioning myself. "JR Train? Is his name JR? Yeah his name must be JR according to his gesture and the mouth he moved when he was saying his name. But JR doesn't sound like Korean name. Well let's just think his name is JR for now because I don't have any other clue to know his name." I kept repeating his name and smiled looking through the window train thinking about him. "From now on when I get on JR train, I'll think of you, JR! Thanks for saving my life!" I felt so calm and completely gave up the idea of committing suicide. I closed my eyes and thought of him and his smile then fell asleep soundly till I reached home.

-----

Viriya felt so relieved to see me alive and I told everything to her. I also promised her that I will never thinking of committing suicide again and it's thanks to that anime guy, JR. Viriya also wants to see him once since I admire how good-looking he is and how kind he is but since that day I never meet him again. I always wish I could see him but it never happens. However, I never forget about him. I never forget his kindness and his appearance. I remember him clearly and keep him as my life saver. From that day whenever I ride on JR train, it never feels the same. I become excited and happy to ride on it and always look around to find if I could meet JR again. "JR ah, if there is a chance, I want to meet you again and thanks you properly, JR ah. I hope we'll meet again and it's ok to be late. I'm waiting patiently. I'm waiting through spring, summer, autumn and winter... I'm waiting for you, my life saver, JR ah!" ......

~ The End ~

"JR, the Anime guy with dark red hair <3 "