Vampires didn’t cry.
 

They didn’t feel.
 

They were empty. All they lived for was the thrill of the hunt; the kill.
 

Except… that wasn’t true.
 

If it was, she'd racked up to be a pretty sorry excuse for one.
 

Because Joohyun felt.
 

She felt it all. God only knows how many nights had passed since. Everything that happened, everything she did, she could never keep track of a single thing. If there was one thing she remembered, it was the constant swelling around her red, tired eyes; the weight of her eyelids increasing with every passing moment, and the perpetual urge to just go to sleep.
 

It was an endless battle between the tears and the self-hate and pity.
 

There was a thin crack in the ceiling, something she hadn’t noticed before. But when your days and nights were spent staring up at it from the sofa, it was hard to miss.
 

She stuttered a cold, shaky breath.
 

“Oh Wannie… how was I before you…”
 

It was a spoken thought, addressed to no one but to anyone who was willing to listen. She wondered but she never pondered; she didn’t have to, nor did she care. Life before Seungwan was an atrocity she was only too happy to brush past.
 

She felt it all; and it was pathetic.
 

Every emotion known to man, Joohyun had experienced in a single night; grief, rage, acceptance, and everything under the terribly cold sun. It frightened her immensely. The tangle of feeling she’d gotten herself into wasn’t like anything she’d expect in her lifetime. She had made peace with being alone, happy and fated to leave that vacancy between her ribs.
 

But fate doesn’t always listen, does it?
 

Seungwan was there to fill that void; the hollow space where her heart would’ve been. Just her; her scent, her memories, the love and laughter. These precious moments Joohyun had kept locked away; safe, and only for her to glance upon. Something that night had bled her, though, the way it yanked the rug from beneath her feet, toppling her into a sadness she'd never known. It felt like she’d never recover from it. She’d stay an empty shell.
 

Intrusively angry thoughts tore their way to the forefront of her cluttered mind.
 

How could you have let it come to this?
 

Why didn’t you do more… you could’ve stopped her that night.
 

 You’ve done this to yourself, you don’t deserve her.
 

The proposition of stopping Seungwan that night haunted her every dream. It was so easy. There would’ve been no way the girl could’ve escaped had she just grabbed her and held her there.
 

But what good would that do? Seungwan was beyond terrified.
 

Anything that left Joohyun’s blood-stained lips after that would’ve confused her even more. The action just didn’t fit. Seungwan would’ve looked at her like an actual monster. More of one than she currently felt herself.
 

Persistent knocking on the door tapped gently against her mind’s invasion. Two single trails of sadness rolled down her temples and into her hair as she wiped the remainder of her misery with the back of her hand and got up to answer it.
 

How long has that been going on for?
 

She stopped right when she heard the hauntingly familiar scratching on heavy rosewood. There was one thing and one thing only that made that sound. She’d heard it far too often outside the bathroom door when she was in the shower for just the slightest bit too long, or coming from behind the door when she rustled around with the keys after going to the shops.
 

A nervous hand limply turned the handle.
 

Surely not.
 

But it surely was.
 

The world had flipped the switch into slow-motion and Joohyun felt the biggest wave of relief crash into her. The rays of the evening sun framed the girl in the most delicate angelic light. Joohyun threw herself at her, wrapping worried arms around her so tightly. The way she wanted to embrace her that night.
 

The girl’s eyes widened at the unusual action but hugged her back.
 

Joohyun sobbed bitterly against her shoulder.
 

“Oh Wannie, Wannie… I missed you so much… thank you for coming home.”
 

She wanted to stay like this forever, but a small voice echoed at the back of her mind and eventually tugged her down from heaven.
 

“Unnie… unnie, it’s me.”
 

Joohyun pulled away slowly.
 

The face was lovely; bright and full of genuine concern, but not the one she needed.
 

“Seul.”
 

“Unnie…” Seulgi hesitated, biting her lip as she dreaded her next words, “God, have you been eating? You're so thin! Please take care of yourself, too. You’re going to stay with the girls and I for a while, okay? I came to help you pack.”
 

The other girl knew the task she’d set up for herself, and it wasn’t going to be an easy one. Sooyoung and Yerim had agreed to come down to stay at hers for a couple weeks while they stood by for their unnie.
 

No, Joohyun would stay. This is where Seungwan was last, and wherever she may be now, the vampiress would hold on to the one place she’d left behind.
 

Seulgi sighed as Joohyun shook her head and left. The girl followed, stepping into the living room to figure out how she’d get round this. But she froze mid-thought when the state of Joohyun’s living condition presented itself.
 

Books scattered all over the floor, dirt stains smeared across various surfaces. Cups; too many to count, covering every table top in sight and starting to take up floor space. The place reeked of neglect and misery. And the food. What was all this food doing laying around? She’d never seen Joohyun eat anything of the sort. Most of it had clearly moulded over, and the rest was catching up. Seulgi scanned each dish: slabs of butter, mushy peas… roasted chicken, and… gosh was that chicken porridge? She couldn’t even tell what some of it was.
 

This wasn’t the Joohyun she knew. It was a completely different person, and this person had given up.
 

Eventually her eyes settled on the emaciated figure sprawled out on the sofa.
 

“Unnie…” she nervously fidgeted at her sleeves, “You remind me of me. And I remind me of you.”
 

The vampiress turned to face her, lightly raising an uninterested brow.
 

“Yeah, you know…” Seulgi shifted a few books off the stool, settling down carefully next to Joohyun, “You saved me during finals. I was a mess, honestly. Hadn’t slept or showered in days.”
 

She half-chuckled nervously at the memory. A weak smile lifted the corners of Joohyun’s lips at the sight of her bear’s reminiscing.
 

“And this… it’s… it’s uncanny, really.”
 

Joohyun felt warm fingers laced with her own.
 

“Please, unnie. Please let us help you. Let me, help you.”
 

…
 

“Yerim-ah, Sooyoung-ah! We’re back! Come help me with unnie’s stuff!”
 

Two girls came racing through the foyer to meet the two women at the door. Neither one voiced it but they'd have to ask Seulgi how she'd managed to get Joohyun out of her house. Lively but calculated chatter ensued, the three vampiresses trying their best to elevate the burden weighing down on Joohyun’s mind. Although they knew there was only one thing that could do that, it didn’t mean they wouldn’t try.
 

The rest of the evening was a series of wasted attempts at happiness. Nothing they said or did sparked any sort of reaction deeper than a kind smile or a small acknowledging nod. Joohyun loved these girls like family, but there was nothing in her at this moment that could lift her from the quicksand. It was as much as the dejected vampiress could do not to hurl at the mere thought of blood bags. At dinner that night, everyone else had blood bags to go with their meal, but Joohyun had to excuse herself mid-way. She couldn’t stand the sight of blood.
 

She spent the rest of the night in the living room, staring out into Seulgi’s vast garden. The girls in the dining room exchanged hushed, worried whispers, but continued nonetheless, allowing Joohyun the space she obviously needed.
 

They’d all gathered in the living room after dinner.
 

“Seungwannie was beautiful… but maybe it’s time to let go.”
 

Those words hit Joohyun like a speeding truck. She wanted to jump up at them, wanted to scream at them to shut up, to curse and tell them they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. But she just stared straight out the window, too focused on the deep green of the grass gently blown in the lovely evening breeze.
 

Seulgi and Sooyoung shot apprehensive looks at Yerim, who pursed her lips, wishing she hadn’t just said what she said.
 

Joohyun stood up, making the other three flinch at the sudden movement, running a hand over the exhaustion on her face. All eyes followed her out of the living room, and the next thing they heard was the dull thuds up the stairs.
 

Left in an uncomfortable silence, Yerim shrugged at her unnies, tears already welling up in the corners of her eyes. She really didn’t mean to upset the eldest the way she had. Sooyoung was quick to reassure her, pressing her into her arms and kissing the top of her head as they both looked to Seulgi for answers. They had to do something. What they’d do was still unclear at this point, but it had to be something. The girl was inconsolable and it hurt them more than the vampiress would ever know.
 

Joohyun cried herself to sleep again that night. And it would continue to happen, for as long as it took to come to terms with the fact that the thing she had grown to care about most in this disgusting, desolate world was gone. Yerim’s words replayed themselves over and over in her head. But she didn’t fight them. She knew they were right, after all.
 

Perhaps Seungwan was better off alone, or in the care of someone who didn’t drain the life out of others to live.
 

She closed her eyes.
 

It was like the sky could cave in this very moment and Joohyun wouldn’t give it a second thought; she’d just rock herself to oblivion, curled up only in the comfort of her best memories.
 

She just wanted to wallow in it.
 

Her best memory; her Seungwan.

...

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sorry, i was absent for a while. i started a short lol. it's called don't stand a chance if you feel like checking it out. i felt something writing this. dk what it was but it was something. i was also listening to the soundtrack of After Life as i wrote so maybe that's what that was about. i'm not actually sure how this turned out, but it's my first proper angst so. tbh this would be an ending too. i considered it for a while. kind of sad but okay as the end as well. idk...