It’s probably a regular Thursday for everyone else but not for Choi Youngjae. He is standing outside a recording studio with his heart is his throat, and nerve wrecked about to meet his favourite musician, his idol and his long time crush, Defsoul. He has already knocked at the door and received a go ahead to enter. Youngjae can’t be sure who muttered a soft ‘come in’ from inside, but it’s safe to assume that it’s Defsoul himself.

Youngjae feels his palms once more to make sure they are not sweaty because he doesn’t want to start the meeting with such an embarrassing impression.

Youngjae’s good friend Jinyoung is an actor who is currently filming a wed drama for which Youngjae Defsoul is doing an official soundtrack. It is thanks to Jinyoung and his charm that Youngjae has this opportunity to meet his idol.

“Don’t be nervous. He is a regular guy. Very nice too.”  Jinyoung said to Youngjae on the phone a few minutes ago when Youngjae called him to ask for tips on how to handle the meeting.

It might be true that the guy inside the studio waiting to meet Youngjae is nice and chill, but Youngjae can’t stop the thunderous beating of his heart because he spends most of his free time listening to said regular guy’s music and hanging on every single smooth lyric completed with a soothing melody and a deliciously husky voice.

Youngjae owes Jinyoung big time, but for now he takes one last huge breathe to calm his shaking frame and racing heart. He turns the door knob with his quivering palm, pushes the door open and walks in.

There is one person inside, a guy sitting working at his desk. The guy looks up and turns towards Youngjae.

Its Defsoul himself, right there all handsome smile, nice teeth, eyes hiding under long jet black bangs parted down the middle, broad shoulders clad in a t-shirt about two sizes too big, smooth pale skin and charming eye smile. Youngjae has never seen

Youngjae takes a moment to calm down a bit.

“Hi. You must be Youngjae.” Def. says and promptly stands up from his chair, extending his hand with a neutral smile.

Youngjae hastily takes the offered hand and nearly crumbles right there and there because oh gosh DefSoul’s handshake is so firm and his palm is so wide. “I am. How are you doing?” he wants to smack himself for sounding as flustered as he feels.

Jaebeom’s kind smile puts Youngjae under the impression that he has caught on to how nervous Youngjae is. That only embarrasses Youngjae more.

Jaebeom retracts his hand and gestures for Youngjae to take a seat on the black leather couch in on the other end of the small studio space.

As Jaebeom sits back down, Youngjae lets his eyes wonder to the recording booth, the equipment and chairs in the room. “So this where it all happens?” he mutters absently, not meaning to be heard.

Jaebeom catches it anyway and replies. “If by all you mean the making of my music then yes.”

Youngjae nervously scratches the back of his neck, “may I address you by your real name?” he asks meekly

Jaebeom smiles with his teeth, his eyes forming little crescent moons, and Youngjae stops breathing. “Of course.” Jaebeom replies amusedly. “Calling me Def. would be so weird.”

“Yeah.” Youngjae mumbles for lack of something better to say. First of all he is still mesmerised by Jaebeom’s smile.

Jaebeom gives his guest a once over and takes in his stiff posture. Youngjae has on a royal blue sweater vest over a sky blue long sleeved shirt and soft blue fitting denims. Compared to Jaebeom’s own simple T-shirt and worn jeans, Youngjae looks preppy. Jaebeom likes Youngjae’s look just fine, but when coupled with his almost robotic sitting posture Youngjae is in, the atmosphere feels so awkward and uncomfortable.

“Look, I’m an extremely laid back person, so just relax.” He says, hoping to put Youngjae at ease. He earns a huge, blinding grin that almost entirely transforms Youngjae into one of the cutest people Jaebeom has ever seen.

“Sorry. I’m just flustered about meeting you.”

“Trust me you are doing just fine. First time I met one of my favourite artists, I couldn’t stop sweating.” Jaebeom shakes his head in horror of the embarrassing memory. “It was one torturously sweaty handshake.”

Youngjae laughs out loud, the high pitch of his voice booming in the small room. He can feel some of his tension seeping out with the one laugh.

“How can you live that down?”

“You can’t. My friends still tease me mercilessly about it.”

“I’m afraid I don’t have any consoling words for you.”

“I doubt anyone does.”

“on my way here, I was worried about giving you a sweaty handshake.”

“Well I of all people can’t judge after what happened to me.”

Youngjae laughed again, recalling Jaebeom’s short story.

Jaebeom smiles. “Feel a little better now?”

Youngjae smiles back with gratitude. It is unexpected and surprising that Jaebeom is nice enough to go the extra mile in trying to help Youngjae relax, but Youngjae happily welcomes the care. He already feels better learning that his idol is being so nice to him. “Lots. Thanks.”

After the initial slightly awkward pleasantries, they manage to settle into an interesting back and forth about Jaebeom’s composing and writing, a bit about Youngjae’s work as a freelance vocal trainer, what kind of music each of them favours, their work experience in music and even a little bit about what kind of things each of them draw inspiration from.

Youngjae sits up in his chair and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you mind if I get a little personal with the questions?” he asks because so far he feels like they are just scratching a little on the surface of who Defsoul really is as an artist. Youngjae wants to know everything he possibly can, perhaps about the man Im Jaebeom as well.

“Not at all. Go ahead.” Jaebeom invites

“Your romantic lyrics are so passionate. Do you draw inspiration from past experience in love?”

Jaebeom takes a long, deep breath and momentarily tears his gaze away, considering the question. “Not really.” He shakes his head, looking back at Youngjae

Youngjae’s eyebrows furrow. “Not at all?”

“No.”

“I mean your songs speak greatly of your belief in love-”

“I don’t believe in love.” Jaebeom interjects his voice as calm as though he is merely pointing out something simple, as is he hasn’t just dropped a bomb on Youngjae’s life.

Youngjae stomach drops. “What?”

“I don’t believe in love.” The way Jaebeom repeats it so casually only makes Youngjae feel worse, and deepens his shock. He feels like a rag has been pulled from under his feet. The crushing disappointment he feels right now makes the rest of the meeting hard for him to get through.

*******

Youngjae lifts the 5th shot of soju to his lips, but Jinyoung takes it from him. “Enough already.” His tone is reprimanding.

They are all having burgers and fries with soju and beer at a small restaurant they visit often. Youngjae is sitting next to Yugyeom on one side of the table while Jackson and Jinyoung are sitting on the other side.

Youngjae sighs mournfully but doesn’t argue. He is just a little bit more than tipsy and slurring his words as he mutters, “I thought meeting Defsoul was a dream come true, but now it has ruined everything.”

Across the table, Jinyoung and Jackson look at each other then look back at Youngjae. “It’s my fault. I never should have arranged the meeting.” Jinyoung says, feeing bad for Youngjae who is more of a younger brother t