The night was cold and silent. 

Taeyeon felt warmth instead though. 

Despite snow falling in April. Despite the thin sweater, she's wearing. Despite the outdoor chilly night air around her. 

And safe. Despite standing under a lamp post of an empty street, 5 blocks away from her apartment. 

She doesn't really know why. But this warmth, and this safety feeling… it's so sad. So.. Unexplainably sad… she feels like crying. But it doesn't hurt.

So why would she cry? 

She doesn't know. 

Taeyeon stared off into the distance. The pavement seems endless somewhat. The tall buildings around her, with only fences to separate her from its looming presence, dark and undermined. 

The few trees around the block don't even move an inch. There was no wind either. But the coldness is still creeping in with its frozen winter air. 

Taeyeon opens in the slightest. Letting out a calm breath. The faded fog comes out from the bottom of her lungs. 

Her mind was more or less blank and busy at the same time. But she can't really point out what is it that was running in there. 

There's this heavy feeling. Yet there's also that struggling lightness. A feather that was chained somewhere in her.

.

.

.

Why was she away from home, again?

Ah. Right. Because home is nowhere. 

Taeyeon takes a step forward. Moving her figure away from the light source by an inch. Her shadow remains, taller than her. 

She was looking for Sooyeon. 

Taeyeon blinked. Suddenly she feels like hitting the ground, all the way from space. Burning and charred. 

She was looking for someone who no longer exists. 

Taeyeon realized; she must have sleepwalked again. 

It is the first time in 6 months. And the farthest she's gone yet. Last time she only managed to pass the lift door until it closed and she woke up, the lift shows she was moving down all the way from the 14th floor. 

It seems like sleepwalking is an extraordinary talent if hers. Funny how she hasn't been involved in a car accident yet.

This road is exactly the road that would bring her to Sooyeon.

Right where she at, Taeyeon would only be having a silent meeting with a tombstone. 

Inevitable. Fate is. And cruel.

Taeyeon sighed. Feeling fed up with herself.

She thought it must have been because of the day that falls 2 days ago. One she would usually look forward to, in the last 14 years since they first met. Or should it be thirteen now?

After all, 2 days ago, it was also the very day she left. 

Taeyeon turned around. She walked. She's going back home. Or no, she's going back to her apartment. Where she'll bury everything down to the ground. To the very back of her mind. Never to bring it up again. Like she's been doing this past 6 months. 

Forget it. Forget her. 

Taeyeon suddenly feels the need to in the oxygen, rather urgently.

And she did. 

She has been holding in her breath all this while since 'waking up'. 

Her chest felt painful.

She gritted her teeth. She fisted her palms. She screams.. From the inside.

"What am I even doing… "

A look of frustration flashed through her solemn face.

In an attempt to calm herself down, she breathes in and out. In and out.

In and-

'I only want you happy ' 

Dark eyes stare ahead. As if it's the first time, a now, foreign feeling of what she recognized, joy? Probably. It skips a beat. Here, in her heart. One she has not been familiar with since the 18th of April, last year. 

And then, she reminisces back, willingly.

A smiling face, one that she absolutely loves to stare at for hours. One that she used to.

A gentle, melodious voice. She used to listen to pretty lullabies, from that voice.

Beautiful memories.

She realized, she's been a fool. 

"I should have… remember you, always, Sooyeon. From the start… " 

And then she kept going. Towards home. It used to be occupied by her too after all. It was their home. 

And now that she knows. She won't let it be dull and dark again.

She'll keep their home warm. 

Until she finds someone else. The way Sooyeon would have wanted for her. 

Clear conviction right there. Taeyeon thought, 

'Maybe it's time to move on, from this toxicity I've indulged myself in… '

Sooyeon must be really proud of her, for being so brave. 

Honestly… she is. 

"You know, life always has that bitter taste to it, that a lot of us resent, and most time, refused to acknowledge "

Taeyeon chuckled, putting her book aside;

"What are you getting at, baby? "

Sooyeon, in all her gentleness, looks up from her place on Taeyeon's lap, laying down.

"I just thought, once we embrace that bitterness, we might find something new about it, about life, about ourselves. And maybe then, we won't resent the bitter taste so much as we do now "

Taeyeon smiled softly, she kisses the younger girl's forehead lovingly.

"I guess so "

Sooyeon only grins very widely at her, before going back to playing with her phone, letting Taeyeon continue reading with her own book.

Sooyeon was special, and Taeyeon can see that. 

This bitter taste… Taeyeon will embrace it.

And proves it, that Sooyeon was right. As she will live happily from now on. As she should.