Bitter Taste

Description

Maybe once you embrace the bitterness, you'll find it in your soul, a better place for you.

Foreword

This story is basically, following my own situation as a SONE. Two days ago, a few hours after Jessica's birthday ended, I decided to close my pretty successful Jessica/SNSD fan page on IG. And vowed to know the bare minimum of the girls activities from then on.

No, I did not lose my interest in them. More or less, I'm a die-hard fan. However, ever since a few months ago, I've been seeing toxic behavior flourishing within me as a fan. To put it short, I want them to do, what I want them to do. Like a sasaeng would. And in my place, I DON'T WANT THAT. For them. And definitely not for myself.

I don't want to give myself a chance to be a bad and hurtful fan. So I decided, I'll have to stop being so attached.

Therefore, I stripped myself of the SONE title or Golden Star. I unfollowed every fanacc related to them. The only reason I'm still writing is that I have a lot of ongoing's to finish. And I want to finish them. Besides, it's not like I said I would never involve myself with OT9 again. I love them a lot. So much that I'm sure the way they've affected my final teenage years will stick with me for as long as I go.

I bet I will still love them in my adult years. And maybe beyond that.

But for their sake, and my own as the traits of toxic fans are also opposed of my belief as a person in general, I decided to take a step back, and free myself from them to a majority of this situation, leaving only a little access for me to know what they're up to these days.

To put it short, it's because I love them that I don't want to turn into a toxic SONE.

That's it for my lengthy and maybe, annoying foreword haha, just thought I'd tell you why I write this in the first place.

Because my efforts to leave SNSD, is the bitter taste in my life right now, and I am learning to embrace it. Because I know, they don't need more toxic fans, and if I let myself have even the slightest chance to be one, they would gain another one. And I just never want to hurt any of them, be it by words, or my actions if I had stuck around as an avid fan.

I will most probably stick around as a Taengsic/Jeti writer for a long time tho. Who knows tbh. I love writing. And shipping is my pastimes, kind of. I use them as my character. But the characteristics are to my own inventions. Therefore I have no serious attachments to them which explain enough why I won't be pulling away from writing off the list.

Anyway, if you read this foreword all the way to the end, thank you, I had to let this out to my readers to I had thought. Kind of, lessen the pain...

Please stick around with me for as long as I go as a writer here :) it's, the only way I'm getting myself motivated day by day...

Next Chapter →

Comments

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emma41sn #1 Oct 21, 2020 03:27:27

What do you think made you a “toxic Sone” though?
There is no such thing as toxic Sone, maybe, their lack of activities esp. now these pandemic days that makes you think like that.
and I guess you did the right thing to leave for a moment.
I guess eventually, you’ll find your way back.
Just give this girls their time.
I actually watch their videos from time to time.
I listen to their songs most of the time, on Spotify and Itunes.

MaoMao_96 #2 Apr 20, 2020 23:23:09

You did the right thing tho
My friends are just like you too
They don't want to be like that so they leave the fandom

MaoMao_96 #3 Apr 20, 2020 23:21:26

I'll stick with you cause you're my favorite author tho XD

Windalava #4 Apr 20, 2020 22:55:35

Second comment: It's not surprising honestly. I've seen many people closing their Jessica fan account ( didn't witness any SNSD fan account doing so), for various reasons since her birthday. Tyler Kwon's pictures (which I couldn't care less about honestly), the lack of content coming from Jessica (music) and also because of the endless war between OT8 disrespectful fans and Golden Stars. Although I don't understand how forbidding yourself from enjoying a lot of Soshi content could make you a better fan, I understand and respect your decision (who I am to judge you, if you're doing this in order to not become a toxic fan ?)
I also find it very sad that you don't call yourself a SONE or a Golden Star anymore, but again: Who am I to judge?
But I must admit I prefer to see you leave the fandom rather than becoming a toxic fan. You did the right thing. :)

deamrose10 #5 Apr 20, 2020 22:48:22

Chapter 1: As a fellow fan, thank you for the love that you gave / will still be giving to the girls despite your decision to remove yourself from the fandom.. it's a pleasure knowing you because of them..

As a fellow writer, thank you for still continuing to write, may it be here or any other platform.. it helps us cope during the times we need to ground ourselves, and gives us a chance to look at things from a wider perspective..

Thank you, author! ♡

Windalava #6 Apr 20, 2020 22:46:16

Chapter 1: Okay, so I'll write two comments. One about your story, the second about your foreword.
Here's the first: It was pretty much unexpected and expected to see you writing something pretty depressing. At first I thought “Well, another beautiful Taengsic angst”, but that's not a typical Taengsic angst. I really like the fact that it ends on a hopeful note. Really. It gives the story a whole new taste, besides bitterness. Taeyeon doesn't forget about Jessica, nor is she doing good. But she tries to move on. And that really made me feel something special, because I didnt expect “Bitter Taste” to be THIS bitter, yet this sweet... kinda. As always, I really like this one-shot. It's great to see someone being active during those times ;)