CHAPTER THREE

JIYONG WATCHES as Dara downs a cup of vodka before firmly closing her eyes and letting the alcoholic beverage pass through . She smiled and handed him the cup after. He accepted it without removing his gaze from her.

      “Since when did you learn how to drink?” He asked.

      “I know how to drink water, you know,” she said, chuckling.

      He rolled his eyes at this before refilling the cup for himself, and downing it with ease. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand before placing the bottle on the sand, next to him. He laid down, resting his head on his arms, and stared at the night sky. “I didn’t know you came back for this.”

      They were just busy talking and reminiscing about the past earlier, catching up about their past years’ whereabouts, and the changes that they went through. Jiyong told her about what happened to his mother and sibling that he was not able to share to her on his letter. After that accident, he stopped sending her letters, and so was her. He skipped the part on what he went through after; She doesn’t need to know how dark his life has become after. It was probably a secret he would want to keep with him until his last breath.

      He asked her on what brought her there all by herself, and where was her family. She simply responded that she went there without their knowledge before smiling at him. She suddenly left after, and came back with a bottle of vodka, announcing that they should celebrate her visit. He was taken aback. After all, he did not expect her to invite him on a drinking session. The city must have changed her too; It’s just not in the way how his past experiences changed him.

      Dara places her left arm on the sand and props her upper body as faces him and she stares at him. “I came back for everything that used to make me happy.”

      “Why? What’s making you sad, Dara?”

      She smiles at him before looking away and staring at the lights from the other side of the sea; The lights coming from the boats and ships that sail at night. He heard her inhale a good amount of air which was followed by a soft sigh. Not being able to see her face at this angle made him to sit up. He turned his head towards her direction, and found the expression on her face unreadable.

      “Dara?” he called out.

      “Nothing. I just missed the life here. Life as a teen is way different than when we were still kids; When we would just go to school to learn and play; When we used to eat sugarcanes we got from the sugarcane farm at the back of the campus; When we were tasked to plant seedlings and flowers at the school garden, or even just at the back of our classrooms. You know; The simple life as a kid with nothing to worry about. I missed that life.”

      “Was the city harsh on you?”

      “Life is harsh in general, Ji,” she said as she turned her head towards his direction. “We grow up, learn new things, meet new people, and accumulate new life experiences. They make us feel different emotions; Happy; Sad; Mad; Hopeless; Anything that we are bound to feel as humans. And sometimes, when we feel like we have reached our limit, we just need to breath for a while in order to keep going.”

      And it struck him; She’s right. Life is indeed harsh in general. And it only depends on the person on how he will deal with it.

      During his mother’s and sister’s funeral, he remembered not shedding a tear. He was just blankly staring at their coffins during their funeral while everyone around him are either weeping or sniffing on their tears. What was the first thing he did after it finally dawned unto him that he will never see them again for the rest of his life? Drink until he passed out, went out with friends to smoke on cigarettes, and did drugs to temporarily forget. Then, he did the same cycle over and over again. But did he shed tears? No, he didn’t. He chose to forget that particular emotion in the midst of darkness that consumed him. For him, it was weakness. It was painful yet he busied himself on things that he thought will make him forget. And he completely forgot one thing; To breath. Everything that happened, suffocated him. He realized, turning on his own evil was the real weakness.

      Dara poured herself a cup of vodka and took it in one go, before pouring another one until she was able to consecutively down three cups.

      After silently watching, he pulled the bottle and the cup away from her grasp. “That’s enough.”

      “Why? We’re celebrating here, Ji. Are you really going to stop me?”

      “Celebrating shouldn’t be like this, Dara. You are not yourself. Stop this.”

      “Jiyong, this is me now. This is me that no one knows. Can’t I at least be free when I’m with you? Can’t I at least be myself in your company; Away from the scrutinizing eyes of others? Away from the judgments of the people who don’t really know the real me?”

      “You can be whatever you want when you are with me, Dee. And alcohol is not the answer to everything.”

      “Then what is? Cigarettes? Drugs? Suicide? Tell me, Jiyong. What is the answer to everything? Because right now, I am really interested to know.” He was rendered speechless. How can he possible answer when he some of those things she mentioned when he was once pushed to an end?

      “I’m sorry,” she suddenly mumbled after moments of silence. “I shouldn’t have mentioned about those things. Don’t mind me. I’m just—I don’t know. My mind is just messy right now.”

      “Why? Tell me, Dara. What’s bothering you?”

      “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”

      And they were enveloped with silence. He felt the weight of her head on his shoulder as she leaned on him for support. He did not say a word. Instead, he held her hand and intertwined their fingers before giving it a light squeeze. She moved her thumb on his skin and adjusted her head to a more comfortable position. He leaned his head on her head, appreciating the silence between them while holding on each other’s hand. The sound of the small waves of the sea before them dominated their ears and its soft breeze kissed their skins.

      “I guess, you’re right,” Dara finally spoke, breaking the silence between them. “I’m a little dizzy now.”

      He chuckled at this. “You have a really low alcohol tolerance.”

      “I won’t deny that one. But you can’t blame me. I had almost half of the bottle.”

      He moved his head and rested his lips on her hair. “Don’t drink again, little girl. You and vodka are not a perfect match,” he said against her hair, chuckling.

      “Hmm. What do you think is the perfect match for me then?”

       “You want to know?” he asked. She nodded and moved her head as she rested her chin on his shoulder. He is now face to face with her. He can feel her breath, fanning his face as he stared back on her eyes; The small distance between their faces is not helping at all in calming his heart that is now beating wildly inside his chest.

      “Tell me,” she softly mumbled.

      Leaning forward until his lips almost touched hers, he responded. “Me,” Without another word, he claimed her lips with his. It did not take long for Dara to respond, pushing them further to something forbidden.

      Although what we did then was something forbidden, that night was unforgettable. Being with you one upon a summer in 2008 made me realize a lot of things; The things that I almost forgot when I thought I already lost everything. As we sail by the boat in the vast sea, you made me remember of my dream; To become one with the sea, travel to different places, and see the world with my own eyes. Your presence served as the light that dragged me away from my darkness. We may be apart for years but your role in my life did not even change for one bit; You’re still my remedy; My clarity; My happiness.

      That summer was a short-lived happiness, and you bid another goodbye once again. You left me a piece of paper with your address in it: In case I decided to visit you in the city. After that summer, I went back to school. I enrolled in a maritime school and started pursuing my dream. Slowly, I started fixing my life, and my father was more than happy to support me in order to get me back to the right track. We completely lost contact, but I never stopped writing letters for you. They served as my diary; I wrote everything that happened in my life during the three years I am studying at the marine school.

      “Three years, huh,” Jiyong mumbled before chugging the remaining content of his beer. He smiled after and wiped the corner of his lips. “I actually made it.”

      “You did,” said the older guy next to him and tapped his shoulder as he chugged on his bottle as well. “Your old man is proud of you, son.”

      “Thank you, pa.”

      “Why are you thanking me? I just did what a father must do. And that is to support you.”

      “Thank you for not giving up on me,” he turned his head towards his father’s direction. “I was a jerk before, yet you did not give up on me. Instead, you supported me during my rebellious days. I’m sorry that I failed to see your efforts.”

      Junmo Kwon smiled at his son and nodded his head. “You were a total jerk then.” This made him chuckle. “But nonetheless, you are my son. How can I possibly give up on you? I admit, there were times that I questioned myself on where did I go wrong. How did I let that happen to you? But I once neglected you and let your mother took care of you, all by herself. I lacked on the father-department too. I’m sorry.”

      He shook his head at this. “We both lacked in many ways. It’s just sad that we had to experience that accident first in order for us to see that.”

      “I am thankful that you have Dara, too. She helped you, big time.”

      “She did.”

      “I saw your letters for her.”

      Jiyong turned his head towards Junmo’s direction with wide eyes. “Did you read them?”

      “No. They were too long. This old man doesn’t have much time to spare,” he chuckled. “Why do you still have them? Aren’t you going to send them to her?”

      “They were just random and boring stories of my life at the maritime school. I don’t want her to be bored of my already boring life.”

      “I’m sure, she’ll be happy to know. Are you going to meet her before your training?”

      “I am planning to do that, pa. I miss her.”

      “She will be happy to see you.”

      It was year 2011 when I went to the city to apply for my shipboard training. I was completely lost; The city is too big than what I have imagined. The piece of paper you left me was my only lead towards you. It took me days before I finally found the address, but you were not there. The neighbors told me that it has been more than two years since your family left that place; After your father abandoned you. I tried to ask for any possible ways to contact you but got nothing. I started my training without hearing anything from you. The whole year of my shipboard training, you never left my mind; Where are you? What happened to you? Are you doing well? Do you need me? And more questions crossed my mind. Yet, they were left unanswered.

      I finished my shipboard training and immediately went back to the province when another news shook my being; My father was stabbed to death. My only family left was taken away from me; I was completely left with nothing. And at that time, I did not stop my tears from falling. I cried; Wept rather, at the lost. With nothing left as a reason for me to live, my life went back to what it has been, years ago. I once again turned to my vices, and there, I found an unexpected comfort. This time, it was worse. I craved for drugs; I am anxious whenever I won’t have it in my system. I depended on it like it was my only life source. Darkness completely took over me.

      Three years in complete darkness when light finally shone on me; Without a word, you, once again, appeared right before my eyes. There were tears on your eyes as you stare at my miserable state. I lived this long to see you again, and being in your arms pulled me away from the evil that succumbed my being. I wept in your arms, and you joined me in my agony. Our tears were endless, I can’t even utter a word as they blurred my vision and rendered me speechless. You comforted me. You filled the three years-worth voids inside my heart with just one hug; You’re finally back in my arms. But you were not alone; You brought someone with you.

      A six-year old boy stared up at me as if I grew two heads in front of him. He looked exactly like you…and me. And then, you confessed. You told me that that fateful summer night in 2008, we were able to give life to that little boy you named Jinyoung. It was a rollercoaster ride for you after you received that news. You told me that you were emotionally unstable after that, and you almost gave up on him and have him aborted. But remembering that he will remind you of me, you kept him. You struggled to do part time jobs while studying. You did everything to keep him while still keeping your life in track. And I got mad at myself. While there you were, living a life without a father, and a new addition to your burden, you kept giving your best to be able to reach your dream. While me? I let my own darkness take over me. You don’t deserve me, Dara; You don’t deserve a guy as weak as me.

      I was too weak for you, yet you still accepted me. You even tied your lifetime with me, telling me that you can’t imagine your future with anyone but me. That year 2015, you changed your name to mine; You became my wife.

      “Are you sure about this? I am a living mess, Dara. I have no bright future ahead of me and I will be nothing but a burden to you,” Jiyong said as he stood before her in front of the altar.

      It was already late at night and they sneaked inside the church. It has been days since she came back and they shared the stories of their life struggles for that past years to each other. In the middle of their heart-to-heart talk, she proposed to him. She told him how she wanted to tie her life with him; How she wanted them to chase after their dreams together; How she loves him and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

      And he was more than eager to accept her. He said yes and they ended up in that place after. Yet, he’s still questioning himself. Does she really deserve someone as broken as him? Does she really deserve a weak guy who turned to nothing but darkness when life tested him and pushed him to his limits? She deserves someone better; Someone that is not him. But at the same time, he needs her. He doesn’t want to lose her to anything else now.

      She smiled at him and held both his hands. “Aren’t I a mess too, Ji? I went here, years ago, an 18-year old teen who has nothing but a messy mind, and you accepted me with open arms. Besides, how can you possibly say that you don’t have a bright future ahead of you? We have a bright future ahead of us. The three of us; You, Jinyoung, and me. You will still become one with the ocean, travel to different places, and see the world. And at the end of your expedition, you will come back to us and we will welcome you with open arms; Just like what you did to me, years ago.” Dara raised her hand and held his face. She wiped his tears and smiled at him again as she let her own tears, fall down her cheeks. “I love you, Jiyong Kwon.”

      A sob escaped his lips as he pulled her in his arms and embraced her. “I love you more, Sandara Park. I love you so much.”

      I entered the rehabilitation center to completely bring my life back to track. And while I was there, you worked for the behind the scenes of the entertainment industry, chasing after your dream to become an actress. That same year, I left the rehabilitation center with a new found light and a new found life. Everything happened because of you, Dara. Your love brought me back to the right track. You are the reason why I am sailing to an endless opportunities and possibilities. You are everything to me.

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The story is almost done. Thank you to those who shared their thoughts. I really appreciate your comments, guys. See you on the next chapter.