It’s a new day, again, with the same routine. Wake up, get ready, hospital, work, go home, sleep, repeat. She’s getting tired of her routine, but her routine is the only way for her to stop thinking about her. Living 10 years of her life without her first love is way too much for Yeji.

“Yah, Hwang Yeji! Don’t you need to go to the hospital today?” Hyunjin, her brother shouted.

“Just a minute!” Yeji shouts back. Sigh, here’s another day, another routine.

Yeji takes her bag and phone, then she rushes downstairs before her annoying brother shouts again. Downstairs, she sees her friend, which is now her brother’s wife, Yuna, is grilling some chicken. Why is Yuna grilling a chicken at 8 am in the morning? Well, Yeji doesn’t want to know the reason, Yuna is just too random.

“Morning guys. What are we having this morning?” Yeji asks.

“Grilled chicken with my new sauce recipe! Ginger mushroom cheese grilled chicken!” Yuna shouted excitedly while serving her new menu.

Yeji smiles. Her friend sure has some weird taste. She wonders why her brother is love struck with her weird friend. Well, she forgets that her brother is also weird.

“Let’s eat! And tell how does this chicken tastes!” Yuna said.

“Well anything you cook must be delicious.” Hyunjin answers while smiling at Yuna, whom smiles back at him with that love struck expression.

“Gross, you guys get a room” Yeji mumbled. But it’s heard by both Hyunjin and Yuna.

“Just get a boyfriend unnie. And then you’ll be like us.” Yuna said.

“She’s right, Yeji. Do you want me to introduce you to some handsome guys as your companion? Like maybe Seungmin or Bang Chan.” Hyunjin adds.

‘Damn, they’re talking about this again.’ Yeji thinks

“Nope, I’m okay with being single. I don’t need any companion. And please don’t even mention Seungmin or Chan. They’re like, gays? They won’t even interested in me.” Yeji said.

“Well true tho, I’ll find you another guy, just wait.” Hyunjin said.

“Or maybe Yeji-unnie wants some girl, not a guy.” Yuna smirks.

“What? NO!” Yeji shouts. Her fox eyes become a bull’s eyes for a second.

“Come on, unnie. I know you’re still not over her, your first love and only love.” Yuna said.

“What? You’re not over her? It’s been like, 10 years, Yeji!” Hyunjin said.

Silent.

Yeji really doesn’t like talking about her. Yes, her. Her first love, and only love. Everytime Yeji thinks about her, she’ll cry and blame herself for what happened. That’s why she decided to become a doctor. Because she’ll be busy and won’t think about her. Besides, she could save lives and make other people happy again gaining back their life. Because, she can’t save ‘her’ life.

“Please, don’t talk about her. I’ll get going.” Yeji stands up and takes her bag. “By the way, your new menu is great, Yuna. But next time don’t use cheese, especially mozzarella, the chicken becomes sticky. Like me, sticking in the past.” Yeji said, but keep the last sentence silent.

“Okay unnie! Thanks for feedback! Drive safe!”

Just like that, Yeji walks out the house. She lives with her brother and his wife, Yuna. Yuna is her bestfriend from highschool, but end up with her brother. Well, she’s happy for both of them, because her closest people are living with her. She gets into her car, you could say she has succeed with her life this young. After highschool, Yeji went to medical school, graduate as a doctor, continue her studies as a resident of cardiology, and end up here, a famous cardiologist. After she graduate as a cardiologist, many hospitals want her, but she took the offer of Taekyung Hospital. Not the best one nor top five hospital in Korea. But, it’s the hospital that has memories she couldn’t even let go.

“I wish I could turn back time and save her.” Yeji said while driving. Unconciously, she started to cry again. She stops her car in the road side and close her eyes. Thinking about all her regrets and she really wishes to go back to that time, 10 years ago. Yeah, tomorrow is the tenth year. 20 April 2018. How could she forget that? Maybe she won’t.

Yeji arrives at the hospital at 9 am. She’s walking to her office when she heard some nurses are pushing some highschool girl in uniform.

“Why are you guys saving me? I wanna die! I don’t want to live anymore! Please, just let me die!” The girl shouts.

“What is it?” Yeji asks the nurse, while walking with them.

“Her brother found her trying to kill herself with cutting her wrist. She’s not losing much blood, but she’s cutting her body everywhere to add the pain.”

Stupid. Stupid girl. Why is she doing it to herself? Yeji couldn’t understand it.

“Hey, if you want to die, just cut your wrist deeper. Don’t act like you want to die but you don’t even dare to cut your wrist deeper. And the cuts everywhere? You want to show the world that you’re that desperate of getting hurt? Do you love pain?” Yeji asks the girl.

“What? You don’t even know me and understand me! Who are you to judge me?” The girl shouts.

“Someone I know told me that, don’t add the pain to your life. Pain demands to be felt, but don’t add pain that is not worth to be felt.” Yeji smiles. “If you really want to die, don’t add pain. Just inject some lidocaine (anasthesia) to your wrist before cutting it. Remember to cut it deeper. You’ll lose blood, become sleepy, and eventually you’ll feel like falling asleep, and of course, never waking up again.” Yeji said before leaving the girl.