On a chilly night,  an adult female wrapped in warm and thick clothes and a scarf around her neck was seen walking downtown. Her face was flat, completely void of emotions. Her feline gaze wander aimlessly while making her way among pedestrians.

 She crossed the intersection and speed up her pace when she saw her apartement block from afar. Not even take a glance anymore on her surrounding. Cause deep down she knew, that person won’t be there. She won't find that familiar face there.

She quickly unlocked her apartement door by by input her password on the digital door. The door opened and she walked in. Finally, she arrived at her place.

The dim atmosphere inside her apartement greeted her  figure. That apartement of her felt too big for her alone. An emotional feeling creeping inside her chest, but she tried to brush them aside. She made a cup of black coffee and brought that to her balcony. Her fox-like eyes staring into distance of the city. The dark,  pitch-black sky looked so beautiful with so many stars all over it. The various colour of lights from different things such as bar, vehicles, restaurants and etc added to its prettiness.

Suddenly, she saw a star fall from the sky. With her eyes closed, she quickly made a wish . Wished whole-heartedly for that things to come true.

I wish you will be here again, Yaeb.

She opened her eyes only to be greeted by darkness once again. She let out a puff of breath  and then sipping on her luke-warm coffee. A beep from her phone broke her peaceful silence. She swipe up her phone, there are several chats from her close friends. Yewon asking about her whereabout, Nayoung and Jieqiong invite her to go bowling with them, Eunwoo and Kyungwon wants her to go  to the fishing-cafe with them and lastly some spams from her organization group chats.

She rolled her eyes. Those couples probably would  make her as the thirdwheel again. She was happy that they were invited her, but she couldn’t stand being the thirdwheel. That was unpleasant. She and her singleness  couldn’t stand those lovey-dovey act. Not when her beloved one is faraway from her.

Her chest aching with the thought about that person. Her  gaze became more dimmer and melancholic.

“Yaebin-ie..”

A single name, yet powerful enough to made a lone tear dropping down her eyes.  Her mood changed drastically whenever she  remember about that one person who own that name.

Three years ago, they were best buddies. Three years ago, they were so close, young and carefree. They were almost like sisters, stuck with each other as if no one can separate them.

They often hangout together, spent their free time by having some conversations. Still fresh in her brain the conversations they had those days. They would talk about the future they were looking forward to. They  also talked about those random things, such as homework who often give them headache.

She  always told her everything who catch her  attention lately such as her favorite idol’s new single,her favorite comic book, even her toxic and messed-up love story with the one and only Kang Kyungwon. She didn’t  know why,but talking  to her precious small bean always make her free and her burden felt more lighter.

It was a long time ago since the talked with each other. Now everything feels so wrong and she longing for those good-old times. She doesn’t know how long she could keep holding on, waiting for her Yaebni to come home and talk to her again. She felt very vulnerable and fragile. A prickling pain came inside her heart and breaking her  inside.

‘Cause everything’s so wrong
And I don’t belong
Living in
Your precious memory

She closed her tear-filled eyelids once again. She wished that she could go back to those days. She wished that stupid accident never occured in the first place. She wished she could take all her words back.

"I did not expect this from you, Yaebin. It turns out you're just the same as the others. I can not believe this. "

She was so shocked to heard that fact from Kyungwon, about Yaebin love for her. She couldn’t believe that her most-trusted friend had romantic  feelings for her. She felt betrayed. It was  like Yaebin would take an advantage from her chaotic relationship with Kyungwon. Her beautiful face clearly showing disgust. She looked down at Yaebin small frame abhorently.

"Yeah, you're right, and Kyungwon is right ..."

She could see how hard that small girl tried to kept her calm facade  although she was breaking inside. A annoying feelings gnawed hers. She doesn’t know why, but seeing Yaebin sad like that made her felt unhappy too.

Those contradited emotions, along with her hatred for Yaebin’s revelation made her head dizzy. She couldn’t think clearly. She was torn between her belief about her undying love for Kyungwon and her foreign--unknown feeling that she felt for her small-framed friend.

"I really like you, Minkyung.  Even before you dated her. But I know you don't have romantic feelings for me, so I decided to just be friends with you. I care about you not only because I am in love with you, but I think of you as a close friend of mine that I must take care of all the time. That's why I stayed close to you even though you were dating a bastard  like her. "

"You know, seeing you hurt also makes me feel sad. I can't make you happy like when you were with her, so thats why I  always try to cheer you up every time you get hurt by her.  I thought, you deserve better."

"But now I realize how wrong I was. I fell in love with the wrong person  and its not worth it at all.."

She stared at Yaeb with a mix of confusion and fear. She doesn’t know what her friend would do, especially when she came closer. When Yaeb kissed her out of the blue, a warmth sensation sparked inside her. Their lips just glued for a few seconds,but enough to made her frozen in her feet. When she regained my consciousness,she accidentally pushed Yaebin away from her.

A bitter smile painted in that girl beautiful face. She never regret her action so much that she wished she never did  that before.

"Have fun with her, Minkyung. Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore. "

Yaebin  ran away, left her frozen in her feet.  Her mind went blank. She doesn’t know how to act. Her mixed up feelings seriously  went turbulent, made her felt so sick in her stomach. She wished she could drag her feet,chasing after Yaebin. But no, she just stood there while tried to processed what happened. It was so fast. Yaebin confession was so sudden and totally caught her off guad.

“ I wish I was quick to realize it. I wish i was  know that I actually into you too, Yaebin-ie..”

After that day they were never talk again. Yaebin kept her distance while she was sticking to Kyungwon,  her oh so precious girlfriend. She and Yaeb were in different class so it made it easy for them to not interacted with each other. She though she could erase Yaebin  from her mind as if that girl was never exist. But no,her mind keep wander on that incident . Yaeb bitter smile, her hurtful looks, and even the warm sensation when their lips touched. It was so good and she wanted nothing more than Yaebin to kiss her once again.

She shook her head,tried to erase that stupid thought from her mind. She shouldn’t thinking about Yaebin. That brown-haired pup  was nothing but an ex-best friend of her.  She should be thinking about Kyungwon instead because that girl was her girlfriend at that time.

Days had passed since that incident. Her everyday life slightly different without Yaebin by  her side. It was darker and gloomy. She carried her burden alone,tried to face them by herself. Usually she always  rely on Yaebin to help her. Usually Yaebin would always stay beside her to provide comfort and safe haven for her. She was not happy with the change of her life. Her loneliness sky-rocketed without having Yaebin in her life. She doesn’t know how much that girl meant to her until she no longer there.

She couldn’t stand not talking with Yaeb. She wanted to befriend her again, whatever it takes. So searched for Yaebin, ready to apologize. But sadly she couldn’t find that small friend of her anywhere.

At that time, She also sick and totally fed up of Kyungwon behaviour. Yaebin was right, that girl would never change. Her flirty and womanizer act really annoyed her to the core. Nowadays, Kyungwon seems to be more intimate with Jung Eunwoo, that best friend of her. Well, probably they were hooking up. Especially after she caught them kissing once. Who knows, Kyungwon was a cheater anyway. 

So, without any hesitation, one day, she broke up with Kyungwon. She cold-heartedly  left that flirty woman cried in the middle of rain. She dismissed whatever plea and useless reason Kyungwon told her.  She had enough of Kyungwon. How dumb she was to gave that blond-haired girl too much chance in the past.

And i miss you

And i need you

And now I wonder...

She  couldn’t believe that day when they fought was the last time she saw Yaebin. Bae Sungyeon, another friend from Yaebin class told her that Yaebin moved to Japan and continue her study there.  Apparently Yaebin deciced to followed her parents whom already moved there a few years earlier. Yaebin was lived alone in Korea.

She fell onto her knees. Her feet suddenly became too weak to prop her body properly. Her tears streaming down face like a river. The realization hit her hard. She actually into Yaebin, she love that small woman in the same way Yaebin wanted her to.  Her idea of undying love Kyungwon made her blind about her actual feelings for that small friend of her. Ironically, she started loving Yaebin only after that woman no longer beside her.

“If you love me,why did you leave me? You said you won’t make me hurt but why are you run away and leave me alone with this prickling pain, Yaebin?”

“I know I am selfish but please..comeback.  I don’t know how long I can keep holding on, Yaebin-ie. I miss you so much..”

Suddenly she realized that she had been sobbing and shaking uncontrollaby because that flashback.  She wiped her over-flowing tears with her sleeves.

Her coffee already lost its warm, become cold and black liquor she no longer want to taste. So, she closed her windows and brough back her half-filled coffee cup, throw its content and rinse it in the sink.

She did her nightly routine and throw her self onto her surface of her warm and comfy bed. She tried to sleep the night away with the though about Yaebin still lingering inside her mind.

Minkyaebin, how nice it sound in her ears. Every single day she still wishing that Yaebin will come back there, knock on her  door and stay with her. If there is another chance, she would never let Yaebin go away once again. The thought about that cheeky woman keep running  in her brain.

She always wonder about Yaebin all time. She wonder if Yaebin know that she drown in her memories.  She wonder if she ever exist in that woman mind, even just as a mere passing thought.

 Actually, there were times when she became desperate and wanted to move on. She tried to, but failed to do so.

How can I move on when my heart still longing for you? But what else i can do?

Now she just wishing if someday , their path will be crossed once again.  Until that time come, she refused to move on. She still a heartbroken girl who waiting for her long-lost lover to reappear in her life once more. She would keep waiting, even without any certainty. She would wait for her even if takes forever.

That though drift her  off into deep slumber.

***

 She walking  in the street alone, doing her jogging routine. The morning breeze blowing her face softly, lifting clouds off of her dull mind. All this time she looks like a zombie, alive  out side but actually died inside. Every morning she woke up only to find that her heart desperately longing for that small bean. The only thing that she always do to calm her self is strolling around the town while sipping on her americano. That beverage  was the only thing who makes her heart warm.

Yeah, now she become the cold-looking girl who rarely talk to others, aside to her close friend and people in her organization, and sometimes to her classmate too. She only talk if its necessary. The cheerful and dorky Kim Minkyung has been dead since long time ago.

She kind of grateful that she made up with Kyungwon and befriend  her again. That tall woman apologized to her. She regretted every mistakes she committed when they were together. Kyungwon said that their separation made her realize about her bad deeds and she has been trying to become a better person. She no longer flirt around like she used to do.

She accepted Kyungwon’s apology and they are become friends again, without any left-over of their past flame, mainly because her heart now completely into Yaebin. She also became friend with Jung Eunwoo, Kyungwon’s  bestfriend turned girlfriend. That girl is so hilarious and easy to talk with. Sometimes when her mood down, Eunwoo will tell her some hilarious jokes that always able to crack her laughter.

Now the only thing left is Yaebin return. She still wonder how and when will that girl back. Eventhough she trying to hold on, her hopes getting more thin and thinner as days passed by. At some point she even think that maybe they will never meet again.

Her train of thought halted when she accidentally bumped  onto someone who walking from the opposite direction. She fell down onto the hard surface of asphalt, her bum ached, her mocaccino is spilled from its cup. She really wanted to curse out loud but refrained herself to do that.

That stranger pretty much the same, her small body fell with a loud thud and her belonging scattered. She quickly help that stranger to gather her scattered stuff and ready to apologize.

The faint smell of vanilla invaded  her senses.  She thought  she kind of familiar with this fragrance like she had smell this before. Her eyes grow wide as if it would fell from its socket when realization hits her like a truck. The stranger in front of her is none than Kang Yaebin, the person she had been waiting for almost three years. She looked different but more beautiful than before. Her dark-brown hair now changed to bleached-blonde.

“Kang..Yaebin? ”

She hoped this was real and not some lucid dreams and vivid hallucinations she usually had.

***