For a moment, time seemed to stop.

 

Xiao Zhan’s body froze, as if it had forgotten how to move, as he gazed up at the woman he had dreamed of and pined after for three years straight, from the moment he had left her side at the festival. Everything seemed so unreal. Here she was, as if she had stepped out of his dreams and into reality, standing right in front of him. Tears ran down her face, her eyes wide in shock at the sight of him. And what was that the Master had said? 

 

His daughter...the young mistress…

 

How was it possible that of all the people he had stumbled into on that fateful day, it had been into the house of the Young Mistress of Flowing Snow Pavilion? Then, the spell seemed to break as a sob broke free from Murong Fei’s lips. She let go of the little girl’s hand, and in seconds was running towards the stairs leading down from the raised pavilion, all sense of decorum being thrown out the window.

 

Towards him.

 

Her long skirts brushed at her ankles as she ran, almost causing her to trip during multiple steps. 

 

“Careful!” The word spilled free from Xiao Zhan’s lips in concern, “You’re going to fall!” As if out of his own control, his own feet began to move as well, and before he knew it he was running straight for Murong Fei, the woman who had captured his heart. In one quick motion, Murong Fei rushed directly into his embrace, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck. Xiao Zhan’s arms closed naturally around her lithe frame, his heart pounding in his chest. Murong Fei’s entire body trembled as she hugged him tightly, her sobs tearing into Xiao Zhan’s heart.

 

“Ah-Zhan, Ah-Zhan.” She whispered fiercely, “At last, I can finally see you again!” Xiao Zhan swallowed hard and buried his face into her shoulder, never wanting to let go of his wife again. 

 

“Fei’er.” He whispered, “Little songbird, is it really you?” Even now, with Murong Fei ensconced in his arms, he could barely believe what was happening. Surely, he had to be dreaming. Murong Fei laughed at the question.

 

“Silly.” She said, “Of course it’s me. Ah-Zhan, do you know how much I’ve missed you?” Xiao Zhan chuckled at the question despite feeling overwhelmed by all that had happened within the past few minutes. 

 

“Surely, I have missed you even more, Wife.” He replied. Murong Fei laughed again, but before she could respond, he heard the Master clear his throat, and suddenly Xiao Zhan remembered all at once exactly where he was and who was watching them. He pulled away from Murong Fei, but she simply turned slightly without letting go. The Master was watching the couple with a mixture of inquisitiveness, concern, and a hint of amusement at the sudden turn of events. 

 

“Daughter.” He said, “Xiao Zhan. Don’t you think you have some explaining to do?” Murong Fei smiled and curtsied politely to the Master.

 

“Yes Father.” She said, “I will tell you everything.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________

Xiao Zhan flinched and bit down on his bottom lip as Murong Fei dabbed a medicine covered swab at the bright red lash marks on his back.

 

“Does it hurt?” Murong Fei asked, her voice sounding pained, “You don’t have to hide it in front of me, Ah-Zhan.” Even without looking, Xiao Zhan could tell that she was flinching at the sight of his wounds. As expected, as soon as the truth had come out, Xiao Zhan had faced punishment for lying about all that had happened. The Master had gone easier on him, however; given that Xiao Zhan hadn’t told Murong Fei anything about the organization before he left, and the fact that Murong Fei was the Master’s daughter, he had only sentenced Xiao Zhan to 100 whip lashes. It had also made a difference that Murong Fei had planted herself firmly in front of Xiao Zhan and refused to move before the Master agreed to lower Xiao Zhan’s punishment. Murong Fei huffed in annoyance.

 

“I can’t believe Father did this to you, even when I asked not to!” She grumbled, “You are my husband! How could he hit you like this?” Xiao Zhan reached behind him and gently clasped Murong Fei’s hand in his.

 

“It’s alright, Fei’er.” He said, “It’s nothing that I can’t take. I’ve gone through worse before.” Murong Fei sighed and went back to dressing his wounds. 

 

“You’re not allowed to get out of bed for a week, understand?” She ordered. Xiao Zhan smiled and pressed a kiss to Murong Fei’s hand.

 

“I’ll listen to whatever my wife says.” He replied, “But I’m sorry you had to see all of that, Fei’er. You must have been frightened.” Murong Fei shook her head.

 

“I’ve seen my fair share of blood.” She replied, “Did you forget what I do for a living?” She finished dressing his wounds and deftly closed the lid to the jar of ointment she had been using.

 

“But because it was you, my heart hurt a thousand times more than it usually does at the sight of injuries.” Murong Fei said, “Because you are my husband.” Xiao Zhan rose to a sitting position and carefully tied his robes back into their proper position. Then, he pulled Murong Fei over to sit next to him.

 

“In the future, I will do my best to avoid getting injured.” He said, “That is my promise to you.” Murong Fei smiled and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

 

“Signed and sealed.” She responded cheekily. Xiao Zhan chuckled and pulled his wife in for a proper kiss. 

 

“Murong Fei, do you know how many times I’ve dreamed of holding you again like this?” He asked. She smiled at the question.

 

“Surely at least as many times as I’ve dreamt of you walking through the doors of our home again.” She replied. Xiao Zhan sighed and pulled her into a warm hug. 

 

“My little songbird, I’m so glad to have you with me again.” He said. Murong Fei sighed softly and wrapped her hands around his.

 

“And I am glad to have you again.” She responded, “And this time, Father is going to give us a proper wedding as well.” Xiao Zhan blinked and stared at Murong Fei in surprise.

 

“He is?” The Master is?” He asked, flabbergasted. Murong Fei grinned and nodded.

 

“I demanded that he give us one while you were unconscious.” She replied proudly, “He couldn’t refuse.” Xiao Zhan stared at his wife for a long moment. He could barely imagine it, the tiny and lithe Murong Fei standing firmly in front of the Master of an entire assassination organization, demanding that he properly marry of his daughter to his top assassin. It was certainly not something he had ever imagined could happen. Xiao Zhan reached out and ruffled Murong Fei’s hair gently.

 

“Fei’er, you never cease to amaze me.” He said with a smile. Murong Fei huffed.

 

“But of course!” She said, “We already have a child, and I’ve already returned to my position as Father’s daughter. It is only natural that we should get a proper wedding. And besides, the man I chose was none other than his top assassin. Perhaps there would be problems if I was just a normal girl, but in these situations, he can’t say no!” Xiao Zhan froze.

 

“Wait, what did you say?” He asked, pulling away from Murong Fei.

 

“That we should get a proper wedding?” Murong Fei repeated in confusion. Xiao Zhan shook his head.

 

“No, the first part.” He said, “About us having a...a…” The word stuck in his throat, unable to leave. Murong Fei thought for a moment before an understanding smile crossed her face.

 

“Ah.” She said, “A child. We have a child already.” Xiao Zhan swallowed hard, his throat growing dry.

 

“How…?” He whispered, “Who?” Murong Fei laughed softly.

 

“Remember the little girl who came up to me before I saw you?” She said, “That’s her. Our daughter, Xiao Ying’er.” She grinned playfully before continuing.

 

“As to how...we did have a wedding night, you know.” She continued. Xiao Zhan continued staring at Murong Fei in shock, startled at the sudden turn of events. In the rush of events, he had nearly forgotten about the little child who had pulled him into the main hall, the little thing clothed in soft pink cloth and who had gazed at him with a brilliant pair of dark eyes. 

 

“Ah-Zhan?” Murong Fei waved a hand in front of his eyes, “Hey, are you listening to me?” Xiao Zhan broke out of his daze and nodded, still not quite able to take it all in.

 

“I’m listening.” He replied, not sure what to make of this new information. Before Murong Fei could speak again, he heard the soft padding sound of footsteps, and a little blur of pink tumbled over to Murong Fei.

 

“Mama!” Ying’er grinned in delight as she clung to Murong Fei’s knee, a bright smile on her little round cheeks. Murong Fei smiled warmly and pulled the child into her lap.

 

“You came just in time, Ying’er.” She said, “Say hello to your papa.” Ying’er looked over at Xiao Zhan, confused for a moment before grinning.

 

“Papa!” She squealed in delight, clapping her hands, “Papa!” The little girl held out her hands towards Xiao Zhan, but he sat unmoving, unsure of what to do. Murong Fei smiled understandingly and patted Xiao Zhan gently on the hand.

 

“Try holding her?” She suggested. Xiao Zhan hesitated for a moment before taking the little child into his arms. The child was warm and easy to hold, and she clung to Xiao Zhan immediately the moment he took her. The warm embrace filled Xiao Zhan with a multitude of emotions he had never felt before, a new rush of love for the tiny being in his arms that was so different from what he felt with Murong Fei. 

 

“Papa!” Ying’er repeated happily, “My papa!” Xiao Zhan’s heart pounded in his chest as he held the child...no, his child. Even now, he was scarcely able to believe it. He knew where children came from, of course. He wasn’t a fool. But never had he imagined that something like this would happen to him one day. Falling in love had already been something beyond his expectations. To have a child on top of that...it was beyond any of his wildest imaginations. He had played his fair share in taking life over the years, but to have created a little life with the woman he loved...it felt so surreal. He blinked as he felt little hands clap on his cheeks.

 

“Ying’er knew it was Papa!” The little girl squealed in delight, “Ying’er knows Papa!” Xiao Zhan looked at Murong Fei in confusion, who ducked her head and laughed softly.

 

“I...often drew paintings of you.” She admitted shyly, “I missed you so much, yet I was afraid your face would disappear from my memories. And so, even before Ying’er was born, I began drawing your likeness and kept them in the house. I often showed it to Ying’er after she grew out of babyhood and told her it was her father.” Murong Fei reached out and tickled the little girl’s cheeks.

 

“She must have remembered because I showed her so often.” Murong Fei said, “It’s as they say, daughters are most attached to their fathers.” Xiao Zhan gazed once more at his daughter, and felt his heart melt at the sight of her bright, unconditional smile. Her tiny hands gripped his fingers, so warm and trusting in the father she had just met. A fierce desire to protect this little trusting child in his arms rose in Xiao Zhan's mind, although he wasn't sure where exactly it came from.

 

So this is what it feels like to have a child of your own blood.

 

“Papa is handsome!” Ying’er exclaimed suddenly, clapping her hands in delight. Xiao Zhan’s eyes widened and he looked over at his wife in confusion. She giggled softly and ducked her head in embarrassment. 

 

“She’s parroting what I used to tell her.” Murong Fei explained shyly. Xiao Zhan let the thought sink in for a moment, then chuckled and held his daughter out carefully to look at her properly for the first time. She had taken after her mother’s smiling eyes and bow shaped lips, but in everything else, she looked just like him. There was no denying that Ying’er was his daughter.

 

“Ying’er.” He repeated, “Xiao Ying’er.” Murong Fei smiled and nodded.

 

“Named for the eagles that fly high in the sky.” She explained, “I didn’t know if I’d ever get the chance to see you again, but I wanted our daughter at least to know who her father was one day. And so I named her after the eagle, in the hopes she would fly away one day and find you again, even if I couldn’t.” Xiao Zhan smiled and squeezed Murong Fei’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry, Fei’er.” He said, “It must have been hard on you.” Murong Fei grinned briefly for a moment before turning away with a huff.

 

“Indeed it was!” She said firmly, “You don’t even know how confused I felt when I realized I was pregnant with Ying’er a few months after you left. I didn’t know if I should tell anyway, if I should go look for you, if…” She bit her lip before continuing.

 

“If I should even keep the child.” She admitted, “After all, I would have to raise her by myself. I was still running around on the mountainside and treating patients in order to make a living. But in the end, I remembered that this child was all I had left of you, and I decided I would do everything in my power to protect her, no matter how hard it would be.” Murong Fei smiled as she turned back to look at Xiao Zhan. 

 

“It was hard.” She admitted, “No one knew we had married, and I had to go to great lengths to hide my pregnancy and her existence to keep the rumors away. I was afraid to think of what people would do to us if they thought I was an unwed mother. I didn’t even dare to call a midwife when my pains began. And even after Ying’er was born, I didn’t dare to openly enter town for another half a year until the child was old enough for people to think she was a child I found abandoned in the woods. But I’m glad I did it.” Xiao Zhan felt his chest squeeze as he balanced Ying’er on one arm, then reached out and took Murong Fei’s hand in his.

 

“I will do all that is in my power to make it up to you.” He promised, “From now until the end of our days.”  Murong Fei smiled warmly at the promise.

 

“I look forward to it.” She replied with a soft laugh.

 

“I’ll be by your side at all times when we have our next child.” Xiao Zhan added, suddenly worried that she wouldn’t believe him. Murong Fei laughed at his statement.

 

“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Husband.” She replied teasingly, “Ying’er is only three!” Xiao Zhan looked at his daughter and patted her on the head.

 

“Ying’er, do you want to be a big sister?” He asked. 

 

“Xiao Zhan!” Murong Fei protested incredulously, “Don’t ask a child that sort of thing!” Before Ying’er could respond, Murong Fei picked the child off her father’s lap and gave her a gentle push towards the door.

 

“Go and play with the maid.” She ordered, “Your papa and I have some things to talk about.” The little girl ran off happily, and Murong Fei huffed as she looked at her husband.

 

“It seems like I have many things to teach you about.” She said with a pout, “For starters, how to talk with a child properly!” 

 

“I think I’ve spoken quite properly with our daughter!” Xiao Zhan protested. Murong Fei raised an eyebrow.

 

“Say anything else about little siblings to her and I shall have to order you punished!” She said firmly. Xiao Zhan thought for a moment before grinning. 

 

“Oh?” He said, leaning closer to her face, “How so, Young Mistress?”

 

“I...I…” Murong Fei’s cheeks turned pink as he leaned close, “I...I would…!” Xiao Zhan claimed her lips in a deep kiss before she could finish deciding.

 

“You’re cheating!” She grumbled as he pulled away, but another kiss effectively hushed her protests, and this time, she returned the kiss.

 

 Then, their soft laughter rang through the air like windchimes as the couple finally enjoyed, for the first time in forever, some time alone together.

____________________________________________________________________________

The day after their second wedding, Murong Fei and Xiao Zhan spent the entire day together, the bride having somehow convinced the Master to keep missions from Xiao Zhan for two weeks. Xiao Zhan took her around the Pavilion premises instead, pointing out which area was which while carefully keeping Murong Fei away from places like their prisons.

 

“Fei’er.” Xiao Zhan said as they sat down to take a break, “Are you really okay with this?” 

 

“Okay with what?” Murong Fei asked, looking at him curiously.

 

“With...being here.”  Xiao Zhan motioned at Flowing Snow Pavilion around them, “With being pulled into the world of jianghu. With living at an assassin organization. With…” He swallowed hard before continuing.

 

“With being married to a man whose hands have been stained with so much blood.” He finished quietly. Murong Fei gazed at him for a long moment before cupping her hands on his face.

 

“What are you saying?” She scolded, “Are you really asking me this after all that has happened?” Xiao Zhan frowned in confusion.

 

“Huh?” He could only say, not sure what his wife was trying to get at. Murong Fei reached down and clasped his hands in her smaller ones.

 

“I had always known that the man I fell in love with was a member of jianghu.” She said, “And which fighter’s hands have never been stained with blood before? That is the cruel nature of jianghu.” Xiao Zhan’s breath caught in his throat as she pressed a kiss to his hands.

 

“The man I fell in love with only used these hands to chop wood, to help me around the house, and to hold me and show me what it feels like to be loved.” Murong Fei continued, “I will not focus simply on what you do on the surface. The man that I love is all that you are on the inside, the warmth and awkward gentleness that was hidden behind the cold exterior of an assassin.” She reached out and poked Xiao Zhan on the nose.

 

“I love you.” She said, “And that means I love and accept all of who you are, including your profession. I am not a weak woman, Xiao Zhan. This much at least, I can take. This place may be the headquarters for an assassination group, but it is where I can be with the man I love and the father whom I have always wondered about.” Murong Fei leaned in and kissed him sweetly.

 

“In this entire lifetime, I will only ever love you, Xiao Zhan.” She stayed firmly, “So don’t even think about pushing me away, do you understand? After you stole my heart, ripped it to pieces, and we finally got back together again, there’s no way I’ll ever leave you, assassin or not.” Xiao Zhan felt his chest swell with warmth as he gazed at his wife, then pulled her into a hug.

 

“I don’t deserve you, Murong Fei.” He murmured, “I promise, I will protect and love you for the rest of our lives.” Murong Fei smiles and leaned into his embrace.

 

“And I will forever be your little songbird.” She replied. Xiao Zhan chuckled.

 

“Little songbird, won’t you sing me a song?” He asked. Murong Fei smiled and rose to her feet.

 

“Gladly.” She replied. The sound of a sweet singing voice filled the air a few moments later, the soft sound soothing the turmoil of emotions that had filled Xiao Zhan’s chest a moment earlier. Xiao Zhan and Murong Fei gazed at each other as she sang, and without saying anything, both could tell exactly what the other was thinking.

 

I love you, now and forever.