{New Year’s Eve 2020}

I have some news. Can we get together before the party tonight?

It was a text from Soojin. It was quite cryptic and it made Ara curious and a bit anxious.

I don’t know if I’ll have time before the party. Can you tell me now?

Ara had so much to do, which included going to her mum and dad’s for lunch, then taking her gramps to the hospital for an appointment with his Cardiologist.

I’d rather it be in person.

Ara sighed. She wasn’t making it easy.

Do you want to come over before the party and help me get ready?

She hoped her solution would work for both of them.

Brilliant! I’ll be there around 7!

Ara's to-do list: Spend the afternoon with Mum and Dad, go to the Cardiologist with Gramps, meet up with Soojin, and then go to Baehyun and Chanyeol's for Baekhyun’s annual New Year’s Eve shindig. She was a bit nervous for the last one, because she didn’t really have the chance to talk to Chanyeol since Christmas morning when he gave her the diamond earrings. She still hadn’t worn them. They just sat atop her dresser taunting her. She still had no idea what they meant. Why would he give her jewelry? Especially diamonds. Diamonds were for a fiancée or wife, not a booty call.

As pressured as Ara felt about her jam-packed day, she still enjoyed herself. She missed her mum and dad now that she didn’t see them every day. And she loved spending time with her Gramps. He was one of her favorite people and to know he was getting older and living with heart disease, every memory made with him was a memory cherished.

Soojin came over just past seven o’clock with bags in tow, prepared to get ready at Ara's house with her.

“What’s your big news?” Ara asked almost immediately. Soojin smile widened exponentially.

“What?” Ara asked, looking at her oddly. She quickly dropped her bags on Ara's bed and held up her left hand. Ara's eyes widened when she saw the massive diamond ring on her finger.

“No way!” Ara hissed, her eyes wide and excited.

“Mark asked me to marry him on Christmas!” Soojin screeched.

“No way!” Ara shouted, staring at the ring on her best friend’s finger.

“He did it in front of my whole family!” Soojin explained excitedly.

“That’s amazing, Su!” Ara told her, throwing her arms around her in a hug.

“Thank you,” Soojin told her.

“Wow. I can’t believe it. That’s so great,” Ara told her.

“I can’t believe it either,” Soojin said, admiring the rock on her finger.

“Wait a minute. He proposed to you a week ago and you’re just telling me now?” Ara protested.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. We’ve just been in this little love bubble. And well, I know you’ve been bummed about Chanyeol lately, so I didn’t really want to rub my good news in your face,” Soojin told her, looking sheepish.

“What? That’s crazy. Of course I’m happy for you, Soojin. You’re my best friend,” Ara told her.

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to give you some time,” she said quietly.

“You’re a good friend, but I’m fine,” Ara told her.

The two of them got ready for their evening. Soojin in a royal blue mini dress and Ara in a glittery black mini skirt and white silk blouse.

“Whoa. Who are these from?” Soojin asked, finding the box with the diamond earrings in it on Ara's dresser.

“Oh, uh, Chanyeol gave those to me for Christmas,” Ara said, feeling her cheeks blush rapidly.

“What!?” Soojin yelped.

“Yeah, uh. It’s a long story, but yeah. He gave them to me,” Ara told her.

“Oh my god. That’s amazing, Ara. You have to wear these tonight!” Soojin said, ing the box out to her.

“What? No,” Ara said, shaking the idea off.

“Are you absolutely mad? Of course you’re wearing these. My God. He made a gesture, Ara. What do you think these are? Diamond earrings scream commitment!” Soojin said, freaking out a bit.

“What!? No they don’t,” Ara countered.

“Diamond freakin’ earrings, Ara! He bought you diamonds!” Soojin pointed out.

“So what?” Ara said passively.

“Put them on,” Soojin told her.

“No,” Ara said, shaking her head.

“Put them on!” Soojin insisted.

“I’m not—” Ara started to say.

“Put the god damn earrings on or so help me god, I will tell Chanyeol that you’ve been in love with him since you met – which was two years ago today, Ara!” Soojin threatened.

“You wouldn’t,” Ara hissed, narrowing her eyes at her best friend.

“Try me,” Soojin said, heightening her eyebrows and smirking devilishly at her.

“Fine. Give me the damn earrings,” Ara hissed, snatching the box out of Soojin's hand.

“Brilliant!” Soojin said, clapping her hands together.

Reluctantly Ara slipped the earrings into her lobes and stared at herself in the mirror. They were gorgeous and they did go well with her outfit.

A little while later, Mark picked up both girls to bring them to the party. There were already loads of people at the South Seoul mansion by the time they got there, which was no different from the other years she spent there celebrating New Year’s Eve.

“I swear these parties just keep getting bigger and bigger every year,” Soojin commented over the loud music.

The three of them – Ara, Soojin and Mark – made their way further into the house as Ara scanned the crowd. She didn’t want to admit to herself she was looking for Chanyeol, but she was. When they made it into the kitchen to deposit the booze they were contributing to the party, her eyes met his Brown ones. He was dressed in his signature black skinny jeans with a white t-shirt and a black blazer over it. He looked almost edible and Ara instantly registered the fact that their outfits complimented each other’s quite nicely – like their minds were connected when they got ready for the party that evening.

Chanyeol smiled at Ara immediately, abandoning listening to the group of people he was chatting with altogether. A moment later, Baekhyun came barreling into the kitchen screaming that he was happy they finally made it to the party. Baekhyun shook Mark's hand before hugging Soojin and making his way over to Ara.

“Ara, baby – darling. How are you?” Baekhyun asked drunkly, hugging her and sloppily leaving a kiss on her cheek so close to that she could taste the alcohol in his breath.

“Good, and you?” Ara asked, smiling at her friend.

“Smashing! I’m drunk and in love,” Baekhyun cooed as his eyes fell on his girlfriend, Young Hee as she walked into the kitchen.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ara laughed.

“Youngieeee Yah! Youngieeeee," Baekhyun shouted so close to Ara's ear that it made her cringe. Young Hee's attention was instantly drawn to her boyfriend and a smile turned up her lips when she saw Ara.

“Hi, Ara How are you?” Young Hee asked as she slipped her arms around her for a hug.

“Brilliant. I was just having a chat with Baekhyun,” Ara told her with a smile.

“He’s in rare form tonight,” Young Hee joked.

“’Ey now,” Beakhyun scoffed, giving Young Hee a look of distaste.

“Oh, shut it, you,” Young Hee laughed, batting at Baekhyun’s chest playfully.

“It’s my party and I’ll drink if I want to. Here, Ara, A special concoction I’ve been drinking,” Baekhyun said, handing her a red solo cup.

“Mm…” Ara grunted, taking the cup, looking down at its contents. It looked dark and ominous and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to brave taking a sip of it.

“Well, c’mon. Have a taste,” Baekhyun pressed. She looked back up at Baekhyun and down at the cup again, hearing Young Hee let out a laugh.

Finally she took a sip and immediately choked on the bitter taste of the alcohol.

“Good, right?” Baekhyun laughed, looking over at her.

“I’m sorry,” Young Hee chuckled, apologizing for her boyfriend.

“Tastes like rubbing alcohol,” Ara hissed, trying to recover from the foul aftertaste.

“Might be. I dunno. Somebody made it for me,” Baekhyun laughed with a shrug. Young Hee let out a scoff, swatting at him again.

“You don’t even know what you’re drinking and you’re offering up your cup?” Young Hee scolded him playfully.

“It’s a party! We’re drinking. We’re having fun. C’mon, Ara. Let’s get you something you actually like to drink,” Baekhyun told her as they moved toward the kitchen counter that was filled with endless amounts of different kinds of alcohol.

Ara took a few shots with Baekhyun and Young Hee before Young Hee was nice enough to mix her an appropriate drink. When she looked around the kitchen, she noticed Chanyeol wasn’t in there anymore and she felt her stomach sink. But a moment later, he turned the corner back into the room and his eyes connected with hers again.

“Hi,” Chanyeol greeted her simply. And it almost felt like the entire world around them fell away and it was just the two of them.

“Hi,” Ara said breathlessly, unable to break her eyes away from his.

“I’m glad you came,” he told her, letting his lips turn up into a smile.

“Yeah, uh. I, uh, Soojin… she… yeah,” Ara stammered, unsure of what she really wanted to say.

Maybe that Soojin forced her to come, but she knew she wasn’t forced. She knew she wanted, almost needed, to see Chanyeol. It was becoming a tradition – them being together on New Year’s Eve. This would be their third year.

Chanyeol sent her an odd look before letting out a small chuckle.

“Sorry. I’m a bit flustered. Baekhyun made me drink this, uh, drink he had and I, um… I think maybe it was spiked with something… I dunno. I feel a bit off,” Ara said with an embarrassed chuckle, swiping her hand through the air.

Chanyeol's brows marred together in concern.

“Oh, I-I… I’m fine. I just feel a bit fuzzy,” Ara told him.

“Well, you look beautiful,” he said, his deep voice sending goosebumps across her skin. She could almost swear his voice would be enough to get her off – it was that attractive.

“Thank you. You look quite handsome,” she said, turning up her lips into a timid smile.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling from ear-to-ear at her. Silence engulfed them for a moment as they smiled at one another.

“Oh! The earrings. You’re wearing them,” Chanyeol pointed out excitedly, reaching out to touch one of them.

The feel of his fingertips against her earlobe sent a spark of energy right down to her . She bit at her lip, trying to stifle the feeling and regain some kind of composure.

“They look amazing. I knew they would,” Chanyeol told her.

“Thank you,” Ara squeaked, biting her lip again. She was slowly beginning to realize that being in his ethereal presence without completely going feral with want was going to drive her absolutely mad. So she made an excuse.

“I should, uh… I should find Soojin,” Ara said, pointing her thumb behind her, even though she was nearly backed up against the kitchen cupboards.

“Uh, okay…” Chanyeol said, looking more than a little disappointed that she was trying to get away from him.

“I’ll, uh… see you,” Ara said as she slipped around him, leaving him in her wake. 

Ara spent the better part of an hour with Soojin and Mark as she showed off her engagement ring and talked about their upcoming nuptials with other guests at the party. It was enough to utterly depress Ara. She was completely happy for her best friend, there was no doubt about it. But she was beginning to realize she wasted the past two years hung up on an emotionally unavailable guy that she had no chance of ever taming.

Two years had passed and she had nothing to show for it. Two years to the day, Chanyeol kissed her at midnight and then they spent countless nights ing each other, but she had absolutely nothing in the end. Chanyeol still wasn’t hers and she couldn’t even tell him how she felt. She was a coward.

When she saw Chanyeol from afar laughing with a group of girls, one of them placing her hand on his forearm as they spoke, Ara's gut turned violently. It was too much. It was way too hard to see him with other girls. And at that moment she knew she didn’t want to be there for midnight this time, because she didn’t want Chanyeol to kiss her and make her fall even more in love with him. So instead, she grabbed her coat from the closet and disappeared out the door, calling for a taxi as she did.

“Ara!” She heard Chanyeol call after her from the doorway, catching her before she made a swift getaway.

“,” Ara grumbled under her breath.

“Ara, where are you going?” Chanyeol asked as he jogged toward her.

“I’ve gotta… I’ve gotta go,” Ara said, her speech slurring just slightly.

“It’s not even midnight yet,” he pointed out and Ara let out a snort. Of course he’d be worried about midnight.

“Ara, what’s going on?” Chanyeol asked as he grabbed onto her arm and spun her around to face him.

“I’m leaving,” Ara told him as she tried to hold back her tears.

From inside the house they could hear the crowd begin the countdown and Ara's chest tightened. She wasn’t sly enough to make a clean getaway. She was certain that Chanyeol would torture her by being her kiss at midnight for the third year in a row.

“Ara…” Chanyeol breathed, looking in her eyes.

“Chanyeol…” She said, shaking her head.

“3, 2, 1…” he breathed quietly and she felt the prickling of tears.

“Happy New Year, Ara,” Chanyeol breathed against her lips before he pressed them firmly together.

He kissed her with a fierceness that she never felt before. His eagerness only fueled her attraction for him and soon she was kissing him back with just as much passion. She knew she would get lost in him if she wasn’t careful, so she pulled away from him just as fast as the kiss started. Her hand came up to her battered lips and she took a much needed breath.

“Ara?” Chanyeol asked, furrowing his brow in question.

Without a word, Ara spun on her heels and continued walking down the front path.

“Ara!” Chanyeol called after her.

“Just leave me alone, Chanyeol,” she told him.

“Ara, what’s going on?” He asked as he followed her.

“I can’t do this anymore, Chanyeol,” Ara said finally.

“Can’t do what?” He asked, grabbing her arm again.

“You. Us. I can’t do it. I-I just can't do this anymore," she told him, tears pooling in her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, looking overtly concerned.

“It’s not healthy. It makes me hate myself and I don’t want to hate myself. I want… I want…” Ara stammered, but couldn’t finish her thought.

“I don’t understand, Ara. What is going on? What do you want?” He asked incredulously.

Ara shook her head and bit her lip. She had no idea how to tell him what she wanted. She was too afraid of how he’d react.

“What do you want?” He asked again, a bit more aggressively. Tears streaked down Ara's cheeks.

“Ara, what do you want!?” He growled, aggravating her even more.

“YOU! I want you!” She shouted back at him. Chanyeol looked taken aback for a moment because of her outburst, which only fueled her insecurity.

“God,” Ara choked out, spinning on her heels to get away from him.

“Ara!” Chanyeol yelped, grabbing her arm again.

“Calm down and talk to me,” Chanyeol told her firmly.

“I just… I want you, Chanyeol,” she said a little more calmly, unable to look him in the eye.

“Ara…” he breathed.

“I’m sorry… I should go,” she told him, her eyes pooling with tears.

“Ara, please don’t,” Chanyeol whispered, holding her in place.

“Chanyeol, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t…” She told him as tears streaked down her cheeks as she looked up at him.

“You can’t do what?” He asked, furrowing his brow.

“I can’t continue sleeping with you and then watch you flirt with other girls. I can’t do it. It hurts too much,” she admitted.

“Ara,” Chanyeol said, looking almost embarrassed.

“I-I can’t…” Ara breathed helplessly.

“So you… you want…” He stammered. Ara let out another sigh. Of course he didn’t get it.

“Chanyeol, I’m in love with you!” She said finally, getting frustrated with him, wishing he just knew everything she felt without her having to say it.

Chanyeol let out a big breath and ran his fingers through his wild hair.

“You don’t have to say anything. I get it, okay. I just… I just wanted you to know you can’t come over at midnight anymore. I won’t open the door,” she told him finally, turning to leave again.

“Ara! Wait,” he said, taking a few more steps toward her. She turned to look at him.

“Okay,” he said, looking in her eyes.

“Okay, what?” She asked, looking at him oddly.

“I can be your boyfriend,” he told her. She felt their air in her lungs completely expel from her body with his words.

“I didn’t ask you,” she said, feeling almost offended. She wasn’t a charity case. She didn’t need his pity.

“You don’t want…” he started to say, furrowing his brows.

“I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do,” she snapped.

“I know I don’t want to stop seeing you. I know I like to spend time with you. I know that much,” he told her.

“I don’t think that’s enough for me,” Ara said, shaking her head.

“Look, Ara. I’ve never been in love. I don’t think I even know what it is. But I know the way you make me feel is different than I’ve felt for any person before. I know I liked falling asleep next to you and waking up with you in my arms. I know I’d be absolutely gutted if this were to end between us,” he explained, which only made Ara cry harder.

“Chanyeol…” she breathed as tears streaked down her cheeks. He took another step toward her, gripping the sides of her face with his hands.

“I know you’re the only girl that’s mattered to me in two years,” he said, looking straight into her eyes. She whimpered as emotion hit her hard.

“I want you. I’ve wanted you for as long as I’ve known you,” Chanyeol told her. She couldn’t speak because of the lump in .

“So if you want, I would like to have the privilege of being your beau,” Chanyeol told her with a sideways smirk. It made her laugh through the tears and she was left nodding her head ‘yes’.

“Yes?” He asked, smiling widely at her.

“Yes,” she said and he leaned in and kissed her hard on the mouth.

As he finally pulled away from their kiss, Ara haphazardly wiped at the tears streaming down her face. She probably looked a fright, making sure to wipe carefully under her eyes to clean up any makeup residue.

“C’mon,” Chanyeol said, grabbing her hand, pulling her toward the awaiting cab.

When he slipped into the cab after helping her inside, Ara couldn’t help but smile. It was a short ride back to her place, but the anticipation was wreaking havoc on her. Chanyeol was next to her, as her boyfriend, going back to her place, as her boyfriend, about to spend the night with her, as her boyfriend. She almost felt like she was in a dream.

As they made it inside of her flat together, Chanyeol immediately wrapped her in his arms and kissed her how a man should kiss a woman whom he fancied. It was an amazing kiss and Ara's stomach tied in knots over the fact that this experience with him was different than all the rest. Chanyeol knew how she felt about him and she knew how he felt too, and it was almost liberating. She no longer had the weight of the unknown, of what could have been, on her shoulders. The future was theirs and the future was now.