[ C H A P T E R   T H I R T E E N ]

Their dates haven’t changed much compared to the kind of dates they used to have in the past. Sometimes they’d meet up for food somewhere really casual, sometimes they’d be dining at a really fine restaurant, or perhaps they’d be over at each other’s apartment messing each other’s kitchens while cooking, some other times they’d go out for grocery shopping together because it was usually Eric’s fridge that would be really empty because he was too busy, some other times they’d just be too busy to meet so all they could do was calling each other — in which it always ended up with them being bombarded with either her members or his team.

It was almost amusing to both of them that all of these dates felt completely different from the one they used to had. They felt more genuine, like it was a natural thing to go on dates and see each other’s faces until they got a little lost in time that they’d be returning home at literally 5am in the morning and her sister would be grumbling at her in annoyance — it was better, way much better than all the dates they had back then where meeting each other was almost like an extra effort to just keep their relationship going because they were too caught up in things that broke them apart. Perhaps those few years of break was really necessary in their relationship, somehow they learned now to understood and loved each other better.

If Yongsun had to choose, she’d picked their grocery shopping date as her favorite. Everything else was just as great, and she had just as much fun, but the grocery shopping made her feel a different kind of happiness she couldn’t really elucidate. Byul told her she’s being ridiculous again, and Yongsun might have to agree with her because she honestly couldn’t figure out the reason why either — maybe she likes how it feels like they were married all over again this time without cameras following them, or maybe she likes how attractive he looks when he was pushing the cart, or maybe she just likes how they’d be arguing over which one to get and ended up getting everything in the end.

They had just wrapped up another filming together earlier in his apartment for her youtube channel, and she suggested they went out for some grocery because she wanted to cook for him tonight. They’ve filmed plenty over the past few months — they’ve done the one with couple’s questions and answers, one where he battled with Byul to see who knew her better, one where they’d put makeup on each other’s faces, one where she was practically crying in pain with Eric and Byul laughing at her throughout the whole video because she wanted to try the spicy noodle challenge. Yongsun had a feeling they’d filmed some more later, probably too many that it might even took up half of her channel, but she didn’t really mind. 

But, those videos never really make it out onto her channel anyways because Yongsun felt like she wasn’t confident enough to share it with them just yet. Everyone around her asked why would she filmed them if she had no plan to upload them anytime soon, and Yongsun had no ideas why either — none of her videos were filmed with an intention to be uploaded right away either, and Yongsun just likes to think of these videos she filmed with Eric the same way. There was no specific timing she wanted them to be up in the internet for the whole world to see, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t film them in advance although for now, she decided maybe she’ll just have them safely secured in her computer for until she’s ready to share it with the whole world. 

One day. They will be somewhere on her channel like it was just one of her typical uploads one day, Yongsun is sure of it.

    “Would you mind if someday I finally decided that I’m ready to upload all of these videos we filmed together?” 

Would you mind if someday I finally decided that I’m ready to tell the world that we’re in love? The exact question lingers around , but she rephrased it so it doesn’t sound too raw. 

    “No, but if you feel like you need someone to be with once you finally uploaded them, you know you can always call me or just come straight over to my apartment. I’ll always be here.” 

She smiles, and gives him a small nod because she suddenly feels like she might cry if she speaks again. By chances she finally finds the confidence to upload those videos, Yongsun knows she’d probably be very anxious and panicking all by herself again, and would probably keep herself away from every online platforms just so she didn’t have to see what opinions people had about her life. It was always the people she didn’t personally know that would always had so much to say when it came to everything about her — her career with the girls, her solo debut, her channel, perhaps her entire life, and she was just fed up with them. 

She never really cared about them, and she’d reassured everyone around her that she could handle it, but truth was a little part of her was scared. Not much for herself, but for the people she loves. She could handle going through the hates herself, but Yongsun felt entirely hopeless and wrenched when she had to watch the people she loves reading through the hates that were directed at her. She never wanted anyone to go through those for her, and Eric has became one of the people she has grown to be very protective over now — he’s as important as her family to her, and she never ever wants to see him reading through those negativity for her.

    “Promise me, when one day these are all out into the public, you will not read the comments people posted about it?” 

Her question almost comes like a pleading, and Yongsun hates that even after all these time, even after years of learning how to cope with the negative people in her life, she was still wary of them. 

    He looks at her, her eyes hidden under her cap and it was impossible to see the emotion behind it. Eric removes one of his hands from the cart to hold hers, and in a tone he hopes would reassure her, he says, “I won’t, and I promise I’ll never let any of those negativity come in between us again.” 

She nods, and heaves a big sigh in relieve. Gently swinging his hand back and forth, she excitedly suggested that they have some wine tonight to which Eric almost gauged at her in disapproval, but they bought a bottle anyway because he could never won over her. And, perhaps Eric tried to convince himself that at least this time, she’s drinking with him in the safety of his apartment. 

And, if I ever pass out, you don’t have a flight to catch in 2 hours again this time anyways, Yongsun said and he gave her a look like she’s being ridiculous. 

It was usually Yongsun who would silently admired Eric every time he cooked for her, but when it was the other way around, Yongsun almost couldn’t concentrate on the eggplants she was trying to slice. She stole a glance at him, and almost chopped her own finger instead when she caught his eyes. Blushing, she jokingly snapped at him to stop staring at her. Eric joked that it was unfair she’s allowed to do that every time, but he wasn’t.   

    “Do you need help?” 

    She looked at him and grinned. Standing slightly on her tiptoes so she could give him a light peck on his lips, she said, “No, just go sit down and wait. I told you I’m going to cook today.” 

Yongsun almost yelped in surprise when his arms found themselves around her waist — his chin gently pressed on her shoulder, and she could almost feel the warmth of his breath against her neck every time he breathed. She held in her breath for a short second, he’s really not helping her focus at all. 

    “Wh—”

    “Just continue what you’re doing.” His voice comes in a small whisper in her ear, and Yongsun could almost feels a small smirk on his face. Tease. “I’m just giving you emotional support, I know cooking can be very hard.”

Not helping at all, Yongsun thought.

    “You better enjoy eating these, I didn’t make Byul taste these for two consecutive weeks for nothing.”

    He laughed. “What did you bribe her with again this time?” 

    “Kimchi stew.” Yongsun said, and a small giggle followed like it always did whenever she’s telling him stories about the girls. “She asked for kimchi fried rice, but it was too much of a hassle so we settled on kimchi stew.” 

Dinner was eggplant pasta and salad which Eric was completely in awe for. The lights were dimmed, accompanied by the candlelight she lit between them, a soft music playing in the background, and she was just proud of herself at how it turns out — her first attempt at a romantic dinner, which was almost ruined by Eric awhile ago because he kept on distracting her. 

Their dinner would always ended with them talking about anything, sometimes they’d get really deep into a specific topic, and some other times they’d just laughed over the silly things they encountered. Tonight was rather a little deep as they got around the topic of what had been left in the air between them a few years ago, Yongsun didn’t know if it was the alcohol inside of them initiating the talks, but she stuffed a spoonful of the chocolate cake they bought into just in case it could sobered her up a little before she started slurring on her words again, or perhaps just to calm herself down from being too infuriating over the things his ex had done. 

She used to have a toxic relationship as well, but his was on a whole other level.

    “Out of all the people you could have dated, you had to date someone like that.” 

    “In my defense, I didn’t know she would be like this in the beginning.” Eric shrugged and took a sip of his wine. “There’s something I’ve been curious about..”

She raises her brows, her heart beats slightly faster than usual but Yongsun tried to play it off cooly, and waits for him to continue.

    “What made you changed your mind about us?” He asked, his eyes caught hers amidst the candlelight in between them, yet her eyes still shone brightly that he couldn’t help but to stare into those for comfort. “Three years is really long, Yong. You could have dated someone else better than me, but why did you choose to wait when you couldn’t even find out what happened exactly between me and her?”

This time, she was the one to take a sip of her wine because she felt like being sober won’t actually make it easier for her to talk. 

    “Because I trusted you. I know you were going to make this right all over again.” She smiled, and looked down at the wine glass in her hand. “No one really understood why did I still hold onto what they thought was already a failed relationship, but I guess I held onto every little hope I could find. I knew it was gonna take time, months or years even, but I’ve never really once thought it’d be impossible for us to give it another try again.” 

    There was a really long pause, and when he spoke again, his voice was small and genuine. “Thank you.”

    “Hm?” She looked up at him. “For what?”

    “Everything.” He shrugged, and offered her a little smile. “For trusting me even when I hurt you, for believing in me when you shouldn’t have, for waiting for me when you could have dated someone better, and for giving me another chance when I don’t even deserve it.” 

    “To be very honest, this still all feel very surreal to me even though we’ve been back together for months now. Sometimes I held you really tight because I was scared that I’d lose you all over again if I ever let go. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I really can’t bare to lose you the second time.”

Eric rarely showed how vulnerable he is to anyone, not even to his family sometimes, but every time he opened up to her completely and spoke out his emotions without an attempt to camouflage anything, it gave her a sense of comfort that she was one of the people he trusted the most to be able to be very raw and open with. There wasn’t much she could do during one of those times, but she hopes that even a hug would let him knows that he can always be raw and open with her whenever he needs to.

    “You’ll always have me.” Yongsun said, her voice soft and assuring.

She leaned forward with one hand folded on the table, another twirling the wine glass in her hand. She was starting to feel a little tipsy, but Yongsun grasped ahold of herself so she wouldn’t fall asleep. Eric watched her, and they sat in silence for a good few minutes — taking comfort in the silence around them and mentally thanked everything in the world that they were still allowed another chance to be here together again. It felt surreal to her, she did feel like giving up a few times because waiting was too hard and painful, and she didn’t know how to deal with it. There was no exact answers, there was nothing, and yet she waited and Yongsun couldn’t imagine how much she would have regretted it if she chose to gave up on them. 

    “I love you.” 

Her voice surprised them both, but it came almost in a whisper that he almost missed if he hadn’t been paying attention to her. She looked at him, almost a little breathless and absentmindedly, she said it. She lets those three words out, and she meant all of it. She loves him, more than anyone could have thought, more than herself could have ever thought, and every time she was reminded of how much they had been through, she couldn’t help but to treasure what they have even more. She loves him, and she has finally told him out loud for the first time today — for the first time ever.

And, she feels like flying, but Yongsun regards it as the alcohol inside of her instead. 

Eric knew it was a rare thing she would say, things like i love you or i miss you, those weren’t exactly something Yongsun would say on a daily basis even though they’ve been dating for a while now, but he understood because it took a lot on her parts to open up to someone completely, so when Yongsun said those three words out of the blue, after they’ve talked about what they had been so cautious about in the past, he knew she meant them genuinely — unless she’s really tipsy now, but he hopes not. 

    “I love you too, Yong.” He smiles and leans forward as well. Holding his glass out to her, he says, “One last glass for tonight?” 

    “We still have half a bottle left.” 

    “We have enough for tonight.” 

She pretends she didn’t hear what he had just said, and teasingly took another sip of her wine — she yelps and breaks into a giggle fit when he picks her up in bridal style, his face so close to her that she could finally see how red he also was from the alcohol. Maybe they really had enough for tonight. 

    “It’s late, we need to sleep.” 

    She giggles, and Yongsun wasn’t sure if it was loud because she couldn’t really hear herself anymore. “What are you going to do?” 

    He shrugged, and with a little grin, he said, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” 

Tease, they both thought, but neither was really planning to refuse any idea the other person would suggest anyways.