Soojung felt comfortable enough hiding behind her mask to allow herself to smile like a fool. He drove her crazy, but she never let it show, and she tried her hardest not to let him know just how much of an influence he had on her. Soojung was a grown woman and her own person, after all, and her life experiences had taught her she had to be strong, independent, and rely on absolutely nobody but her closest family members. The truth, however, was that she loved him so much. So much she couldn’t even begin to describe her feelings for him when her close friends or her sister asked. It went beyond just dating… Jongin was her best friend, her lover, and her soulmate all in one. How on Earth had she gotten so lucky?

She shook her head laughing when she realized just how emotional and sensitive she’d gotten. Fortunately for her, the concert was good, and it almost took her mind off of her reality. True escapism, indeed. And not just her: everyone in the crowd seemed to be having the time of their lives, so she decided to seize that moment.

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick” Soojung whispered to her friend before getting up from her seat. The boys were in the middle of an electric group performance and the whole crowd seemed to have their eyes glued to the stage, so it was the perfect time for her to take a break. Soojung swiftly made her way to the furthest toilet, the one she thought would be the least crowded, and she was right: all of the stalls were completely empty, and there was no one there but her. She was washing her hands with her back to the door, just about to leave, and everything was going according to plan, when...

“Jung Soojung-ssi?” Soojung heard a female voice speaking to her in Korean, in a tone so quiet she almost thought she’d imagined it. 

But she hadn’t. She could feel the girl’s presence behind her. There was definitely someone there.

Soojung froze in her spot, her hands still under the running water, wondering what to do next. Should she ignore her and pretend she never heard her? Should she turn around and tell her she got the wrong name, that it wasn’t her? How on Earth had this girl managed to recognize her anyway? She looked the complete opposite of how she usually did.

“Jung Soojung-ssi, is that really you?” The girl talked to her in Korean once more. This time, however, there was something different in her voice. Soojung interpreted it as a form of longing or despair, and something (her gut feeling, maybe?) told her she had to come clean.

“Ne, it’s me” Soojung responded in Korean as well. She tried to turn around as calmly as possible, although it felt like her heart was racing for its life. What to do next?

“Eotteoke?” The girl mumbled and took a deep breath. “Joesong haeyo. I’m Lee Eunhye, nice to meet you”, she bowed. “I’m Korean-American, just like you. But I think it’s better if we speak in Korean, so there’s a smaller chance people will understand what we’re saying. Is it okay?” 

She looked visibly nervous but also excited to be in Soojung’s presence. Soojung, on the other hand, was frozen in the spot. Of all the places and situations she thought she might be recognized in...this scenario wasn’t even listed. She limited herself to nodding to everything the girl was saying and prayed nobody would enter the toilet.

“I’m so sorry to approach you this way”. She continued. “It’s just that...I am a huge f(x) fan.”

Okay, Soojung definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d be able to meet you here. But I had a hunch it was you, and I just had to make sure. f(x) is my favorite group in the whole world. Jeongmal kamsahamnida. For everything”. She humbly bowed again.

“Gwaenchanhayo”. Soojung was moved by her words. Still, one thing baffled her. “How did...How did you manage to recognize me? Is this outfit not working? Do I look like myself?” 

Her fan shook her head and drew a small smile.

“No way. You don’t look like you usually do.” She laughed. “But you were singing. And your voice is really unique. I thought it wasn’t possible, but something told me I should still give it a chance and ask you, and…”

Shoot. Soojung had indeed been so happy about everything turning out right, that she’d inadvertently been humming to f(x)’s ‘All Mine’. She’d thought the toilet was completely empty, and that she was safe. Clearly, she’d thought wrong, but she didn’t have time to beat herself up about it right now.

“Oh. I see”. Soojung tried to smile at her fan. Her knees were shaking. “Well, I’m really glad I got to meet you, Lee Eunhye, who is such a big f(x) fan. Thank you for your support.” It was her time to bow. 

After the short interaction, Soojung wanted to leave, but she wondered if she should ask her fan not to say anything about her sighting. She hadn’t offered any pictures or autographs on purpose, even though she usually did. She couldn’t leave any proof. Soojung was still debating whether or not to speak up, when she noticed the girl was looking at her intently.

“Soojung-ssi, I hope I’m not intruding”. She mumbled. “But I was wondering… are you really here to see Taemin-ssi?” 

Soojung looked down at the Shinee lightstick peeking out of her hoodie’s front pocket. She bit her lip and held her breath.

“You aren’t, are you?” 

Soojung must have had the truth written all over her face, because she just looked at her fan, and she knew. They both knew. 

It was Soojung’s turn to be suspicious when her fan broke out in a huge smile.

“Omo! I knew it.” She lowered her gaze and giddily whispered to herself before looking up at Soojung. “I’m so happy for you, Soojung-ssi. You deserve to be happy. You deserve it.” She said the last phrase in English. “And I’m sure he is a great guy. If you chose him twice, then he must be.” She nodded in content.

Soojung was left speechless. Turns out she was right, and her fans did have a feeling she and Jongin were together. She was also right in thinking there were some who supported them. Tonight, she’d been lucky to run into one of them. That’s when she knew she had to try. 

“Eunhye-ssi...Will you please not tell? Please.” Soojung met her fan’s gaze with a pleading look. “Nobody can know I was here. Please never mention you met me.” 

Soojung wondered if she should state her case more passionately or with better arguments, because the girl was staring at her in disbelief. She opened to speak again, but the girl started talking first.

“I’m your fan”. She stated, matter-of-factly. “I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you.” She paused for a couple of seconds. “Or hurt the people you love.” 

A couple of American girls entered the toilet giggling and screaming in excitement, and it jolted Soojung and her fan back to reality. It was time to go.

“Thank you again for everything. I will never forget this”. Soojung’s fan whispered before bowing and quickly exiting the toilet. Soojung hid behind her mask, left the toilet two seconds later and ushered back to her seat, still in shock. 

“What took you so long?” Her friend asked her, eyes glued to the VCR playing on the screen. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, it’s alright”. Soojung assured her. The funny thing was, even though she had no reason to feel fine, she meant it. Soojung had a strange feeling inside that told her there was nothing to worry about. That she could trust her fan, and that it would be alright. 

But the feeling didn’t last long. The encounter still lingered on her mind and her tendency to overanalyze things made her replay the incident back and forth, trying to figure out ways to get ahead of whatever could happen next. Anxiety was creeping up on her and making her regret all of her life choices that day. What was she thinking? Why would she even try to pull such a crazy stunt? Both of her friends were mesmerized by the concert and weren’t paying attention to her, so they couldn’t see how Soojung was slowly spiraling into a state of emotional distress. She wasn’t paying any attention to the concert, until she felt all the lights change to red and a certain familiar song started playing.

I just wanna know ya... Time for confession.

The lyrics immediately took Soojung back to one specific afternoon.

“Any reason why you chose this song in particular?” Soojung had asked Jongin, raising her eyebrows, the minute after he’d played the demo and she’d heard it for the first time. 

Jongin smirked.

“Because of you”. He confirmed what was already in Soojung’s mind. “You know I got the chance to help write the lyrics, and I took the opportunity. The company wanted this song for me because of the Hip Hop vibes. I wanted it because I was able to write lyrics that reminded me of you”. Jongin paused for a bit. “And of how we got back together.” 

It was Soojung’s time to smirk.

“Well.” Soojung started off. “I love it, and I love that it makes you think of me. But” Jongin was about to hug her and she made him stop in his tracks. “Don’t you think it’s a little, um, obvious?” 

“Mwo? Wae?”

“Well, if it makes you think of me, it will make other people think of me as well”. She was dead serious. “Our fans will know. Your fans are very perceptive, and my fans know me too well. Won’t it be too much?”

Jongin walked up to her and cupped her face in his hands. 

“So what if they know?” He looked into her eyes. “I want them to know. Even if we can’t openly say it right now, I want everyone to know how much I love you. I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore. I love you so much”.

“But we must--”

“I know” Jongin cut her off softly. “But just because we can’t say it doesn’t mean we can’t find other ways to express how we feel. If fans want to talk, let them talk. We won’t be confirming anything anytime soon anyway.” 

Jongin planted a quick kiss on Soojung’s lips and walked over to the window. She stared at him as he walked slowly. 

“Jongin-ah, I think they know already”. Soojung bit her lip, still a bit worried. “Some of them, at least.”

“Yeah, they do”. Jongin laughed as he looked out the window into the city. “Isn’t that great?” 

The memory brought Soojung peace of mind. The sight of Jongin delivering his solo stage with the utmost passion reminded her of the real reason why she’d risked everything tonight.  

This is why I’m doing this. He’s why I’m doing this. 

She tried to focus on the warm feeling inside her chest, put her thoughts to rest and enjoy watching Jongin perform in what was left of the concert. Maybe she’d have to trust her intuition for once, and truly believe everything would be alright. Only time would tell her if she was right in doing so, but she’d have to wait. 

And maybe, just maybe, this time she was okay with that.