Soojung looked down at her ticket again.

Section 109, Row 24, Seat 2.

The very last row. Okay, good, she thought. So far, things were going exactly as planned. 

Even though they’d gotten there with plenty of time to spare -to avoid having to interact with anyone and to stay clear from the crowds- the SAP Center at San Jose, California, was already pretty packed. And they still had two hours to kill before the show started.

Deep breath, Chrystal Jung, Soojung nervously mumbled to herself in English. Her best friend, who was climbing the stairs to her right, caught her words, and softly squeezed her hand in reassurance. Soojung looked to her left, and her other friend was also smiling at her. They were both confident in the fact that everything was going to be okay. Soojung did as she reminded herself to do -took a deep breath- and finished the last flight of stairs before taking her seat with a sigh of relief. 

She was nervous, and with good reason. She had never done anything this risky before. If only one person out of the thousands that were there tonight caught a glimpse of her -or even so much as thought they recognized her-, if any of the thousands of fans in attendance took a picture of her...she’d be doomed.

They’d be doomed.

Soojung took another deep breath and tried to remind herself of all the reasons why this was going to work. She’d planned it all very carefully, with the help of her sister and her two best friends. They’d bought seats on the very last row in the whole venue, so that nobody would look at her when they turned around. One of her friends was sitting to her left, so the people on the same row wouldn’t see her, and the other one was sitting to her right, just next to the aisle, once again to protect her from prying eyes. 

Soojung was dressed the complete opposite of how she usually dressed, this time wearing a pair of dark baggy pants, a hoodie, big round glasses and a beanie, and had her hair in a low bun. Both her and her friends were also wearing the largest masks possible. And just to be completely in disguise, they all held different lightsticks and seemed to be supporting a different member: Soojung had a Taemin sign and the Shinee lightstick, and her friends were both impersonating Baekhyun and Taeyong fans. They could’ve easily been mistaken for a group of regular, next-door Korean-American friends -which in reality they were, of course-, and that was the whole point. Absolutely nobody could know she was there. 

She hadn’t even told her parents or her best friends from the company where she was going. Only her big sister knew, and her involvement was crucial, for she was playing along with her on her Instagram strategy: they were both posting pictures of the snow trip to Vermont they’d taken just a few days ago. This would trick people into thinking they were still there, and nobody would be able to place her in the same city as him. That was the most important step of Soojung’s plan, for he was in her home state, and just under an hour drive away from her hometown of San Francisco. She knew how easily people jumped to conclusions and how quickly a new rumor could spread, and this was the last thing they needed right now.

Browsing through Instagram as she tried to calm her nerves inevitably led her to her phone’s gallery, and her gallery was full of recent pictures of them together, which in turn unequivocally made her start thinking of him. How would he react when he eventually found out Soojung had gone to such extremes just to be able to attend his concert? Would he be happy that she was finally able to see him perform with his new group? Would he feel a bit shy? Worried? Elated? Mad at her for risking so much just to see him, when they could’ve easily met at her place back in Seoul like they did almost every night?

It’s true that Soojung had never been much of a risk taker. In her own words -and she’d only admitted to this after he had pressed the question, one soft spring night in between kisses, giggling and chicken- there had only been three times in her life where she’d felt truly brave. The first was when she moved to Korea to start training. The second was when she’d told him she loved him for the first time. And the third was the day she decided to forget her pride, leave the past behind, follow her heart and give the possibility of them being together another chance. 

He made her want to be braver, and she loved him for it. 

Truth is, Soojung hadn’t felt as free as she felt now that they’d both resumed their relationship and were keeping it strictly under wraps. Things had changed, they had changed and they were both determined to do things right this time around. Their company’s management had undergone significant changes since the first time they got together, and the new people in charge could no longer be trusted. This is why they’d opted to only come clean about their relationship to their families, direct managers, group members, and a few -really select- friends. Nobody else in the whole world knew, and she absolutely loved that.

“It’s because I’m a Scorpio”, she’d nonchalantly explained her excitement to him one night, laughing as they were both discussing the new terms of their rekindled romance. “We love mystery”. 

As mysterious and secretive as she was, even being called a ‘ninja’ by her fans -thanks to her amazing skills when it came to not being detected-, Soojung sometimes felt like people could see right through her, and she worried about it a lot. She was pretty active on Instagram and a frequent lurker on Twitter, and she saw and read in real time a lot of the things people were saying. She knew there were plenty of fans who thought they were back together (And they’re right, Soojung thought with a sigh), and that often left her feeling vulnerable and exposed. A part of her wished she could tell their fans, because there were a lot of them who supported them...but, alas, there were also a lot who didn’t. 

She would never be able to erase that fateful day in April 2016 in which her biggest secret -and the one thing dearest to her heart- was outed for the entire world to know. She knew it would happen, and back then, she’d thought she would be able to deal with the aftermath of it. However, it was so much worse than anything she had anticipated: the hate, the witch-hunt, the rumors, the stalking, the prying. They were both so young back then, and it was all extremely hard to handle. However, even though the pressure eventually got to them and they ended up separating for a while, it wasn’t long before they were back in each other’s lives, texting and talking all day, just like old times. And it also wasn’t long before both of them realized they had to be together.   

The time they’d spent apart had only made them stronger, and they both knew what they wanted this time around. Their previous negative experience with the media and the public’s opinion about their relationship was the sole reason why they’d decided everything would be kept strictly under wraps until the right moment came. Still, sometimes Soojung wished they could come out and be a normal couple, and do regular couple stuff like her non-celebrity friends did with their boyfriends. The ‘right time’ never seemed to come by, and she’d shared her concerns with him one afternoon. 

“Oh no, don’t worry. We will tell everyone” he’d said back then. “When we announce our marriage news. Right after I come back from the military”. 

“Mwo?”

“I intend to marry you, Jung Soojung”, he’d replied with a sweet and playful look, cupping her face in his hands. “I’m never letting you go, ever again. So you better get used to the idea”. 

The memory made her smile. 

“Omo!” her friend softly squeaked and pointed at the stage, bringing Soojung back to the present. It had just gone dark and the Intro VCR had just started playing.

It’s starting, Soojung sighed. She felt much more comfortable in the dark, with everyone looking at the stage. She could finally relax and enjoy the show, too. All she needed to do was remember to cheer for Taemin every time he came onstage or on screen, which she was expected to do, since she was pretending to be a Shawol. She kept that in the back of her mind, although she knew she would be looking at somebody else the whole entire time. 

The VCR was over, and the seven members were lifted onto the stage.

And there he was. Jongin. Her Jongin. 

It didn’t matter how many years she’d known him, how many times she’d seen him being lifted onto several different stages all around the world, or how many times she’d watch him perform… the effect was always the same. Jongin’s presence filled the entire venue, b with screaming fans, and Soojung unwillingly found herself cheering to the top of her lungs as well. Not a lot of people knew this, but deep down, she was an extremely passionate person. And, right now, nothing filled her with more adrenaline and emotion than the crazy stunt she was pulling. 

The first notes started playing, all the members took their places and the concert officially began. Jongin’s hair was black and sleek (his favorite look, Soojung thought). He was wearing ripped leather pants and a grey see-through shirt. Even from the farthest row, Soojung could tell he was giggling as he was performing, swiftly shifting back and forth from Jongin to his stage persona Kai, and she knew it was because he was just so happy: he’d always wanted to come to America, to be able to perform in huge international stages and to meet his fans from abroad. Even if he didn’t say it much, he wanted to make his music known to the world, and he hoped for nothing but more opportunities to keep pushing himself as an artist. Performing in America was just the cherry on top.

This is his dream. He’s living his dream.