Review: Dandelion 민들레
Author: carlyxoxorenee
Reviewed on: 120420 by Marie

Characters: Mindeulle was an interesting character. Not a lot was revealed about her from the beginning of the story, which I am sure was the point. You did a good job of keeping certain facts about her a mystery. It was hard for me to develop a personality for her, because she obviously didn’t have many speaking lines. I wish that you would have integrated her feelings and thoughts into the story more, so I could better understand how she FELT about the situations. In Chapter 10, Mindeulle says she is tired of being trapped in her head for so long, and being alone in her head. This wasn’t as effective as it could have been, because that being in her head wasn’t stressed throughout the story. You focused a lot more on Minwoo’s character. I feel like this was intentional, and I liked it that way; however, I just wish that you would have exposed Mindeulle’s persona more.
It was interesting to have Minwoo as the main guy. I haven’t seen him in many fics, so it was definitely refreshing! The way his emotions were portrayed was well done. Good job here. The young boy in the past at first seemed completely irrelevant to the story, but I see why you included him now, after reading the entire thing. [7/10]

Plot: This was a fairly unusual and unique plot. The mystery surrounding the whole incident with Mindeulle and her mother made it intriguing. It kept me interested and had a well balanced pace as well. At times, however, it was confusing, and I found myself reading back to make sure I had all the facts right. Also, it was slightly rushed at times. For example, when Mindeulle finds out what Minwoo was keeping from her for so long, the emotions of both of them weren’t elaborated on, so it seemed a little less intense than it could have been. Also, the chapters following that moved so quickly, it was kind of awkward. [11/15]

Conventions: Your grammar is well developed. Using a wide variety of vocabulary is effective, and makes your story more interesting. However, try not to overdo it. Sometimes, the extensive use of metaphors and elaborate description overshadows the story. Also, it can make the story sound slightly cheesy or pretentious. It’s good to use it sometimes, but too much is, well, too much. Since this isn’t a oneshot, I’m not going to go through to look for certain grammar mistakes or awkward sentences. However in Chapter 4, there are many sentences begin with ‘He had’. I realize you were changing tenses, but it was a little redundant. I suggest changing that. [7/10]

Interest: If I had stumbled upon this story, I probably would not have begun to read it. From just looking at it and reading the foreword, it doesn’t seem like a story that will be interesting. However, once I started it, I was immediately fascinated and engrossed in the story’s plot and characters, and I read it from start to finish in one read. I think if you try and make the beginning more interesting and maybe pull the reader in more, it would be more effective. [7/10]

Extras: The title seemed slightly irrelevant to the story. However, I don’t speak Korean so I don’t know what the second part means, and I also don’t know what dandelions represent. You may have some meaning behind it, but it isn’t available to the readers, so it might be confusing. In comparison to the foreword, which lacked much color, the story was surprisingly colorful. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t like it, it was nice, but the foreword was a little boring for me. That’s just a personal preference though, so don’t change it if you don’t want. There isn’t much else I can say; I’m glad you have a poster and chapter posters, but there wasn’t anything special about any of it. [3/5]

Meaning: I really liked how you developed the story so that in the end, the reader feels relieved. You really did well at pulling the reader into the story and making them feel what you want. The ending could have been elaborated on to emphasize this, but other than that, it was great. I’m not sure what made you write this, but you obviously did it with purpose and care, and it shows in your story. You didn’t neglect anything important such as conventions or character development. Good job. [7/10]

Overall: All in all, I really enjoyed your fic. It seems like you put a lot of time and effort into writing it, and it definitely isn’t one of those conventional, cliché fics one often finds on AFF. There isn’t that much that I can say about it besides what I already have. Good job! I’m really sorry if this review isn’t totally sensible, and sounds unintelligent >< I’m not feeling all that well but I wanted to make sure I get this done for you. I hope I was helpful in any way possible. Please request more in the future! And don’t forget to follow rule # 4. Thank you! [42/60]

-Marie