From: The man you left behind

To: The lover who left me behind

 

For you, the one I loved so much who left me behind

 

Two years have passed since you left, and I just read your letter.

Do you know why?

Your family is still heavy-hearted to tidy up all your belongings.

So do I.

You have to know, all the historical items between us, I have never kept from my sight. I still put it in the same place.

I want to thank you.

Thanks for your love.

Thank you for allowing me to love you.

Thank you for believing in my love for you until your last breath.

Thank you for letting me achieve new things out there after our relationship.

 

Let me tell you, what my life was like after you left.

 

I was devastated after you left. But I believe, when you cry asking me to leave from your life, there’s still love between us.

Love is still between us. Either when I left you in front of your house or when you finally left forever.

You know, I always think about you every night. I think I almost went crazy if I didn't remember that I still had a family who cared about me.

Loneliness often eats me away every night. In the end, I often ask questions like a crazy person (because I know, you won't listen to my questions and certainly won't answer my questions); why did you beg to separate? Where are you going after our painful breakup?

 

I don't mind if you have an affair with another manYou said you were bored with me, that's why you cheating. Do you know why I'm not angry?

Because boredom is natural, Honey. When you or I feel bored and think about cheating, you know, breaking up is not a good decision.

Don't you know, Honey, I just don't believe you betrayed me?

Because I still see love in your sparkling eyes. That's enough for me to fight for you again and again. Without wanting our relationship to end.

But, Honey, you finally found my weakness.

Your tears is my weakness.

You used it in our last meeting at that time. When you stay away from me for a week after I find you betrayed me for the third time with a different man. You end up crying. Crying and begging me to separate.

What can I do?

It felt like my body had been crushed when you didn't want to fight anymore. When you don't want anymore, what can I do?

If I keep pushing myself to reach you, I guarantee, I will only hurt you in the end.

The break up of a relationship does not mean that the feelings between the two people also disappear.

I still love you. You should know how easy it is for me to love you.

 

After finally I was able to calm down, I returned to your house. But you’re gone. I don’t know where you’re going.

Where are you going, honey?

I spent my nights looking for you. Looking for you at the city every night after my office hours. Tracking our memories. Visiting your relatives' house.

But you are gone. Like the dust of a star blown by the wind.

But the difference is, if star dust can grant requests after being blown by the wind, you can't come back to me after being lost somewhere.

I pretend to be strong in front of people.

Call me crazy, honey. But I don't want to be a hypocrite man who doesn't want to be honest with you about my feelings.

Until finally, I met him.

People congratulate me, because I managed to move on. But they are wrong, in fact my partner is the only outsider who understands how I love you.

He loves me like I love you. You will understand, if you are acquainted with him.

He looks like you. His smile is wide. He is kind. He is funny, like you who often makes me laugh until I hits you unknowingly. And he is not jealous of you, Honey. One thing that is hard to find in another men - who consider me insane because I love my ex-boyfriend who is lost somewhere.

 

He once asked me, who do you love right now?

I answered, he, who left me nowhere now.

He asked again, what made you love him?

I answered, this time with a dreamy look while remembering you, because he loved me selflessly. And he knows that I love him.

 

I was initially hesitant to propose him. The feeling is there for him, but not as big as my feelings for you. I don't want to disappoint him. It's enough that I hurt you with our relationship.

But he assured me, let me be by your side. I will not ask you to forget him, I will not ask you to empty your heart, and give the widest place for me.

I just want you to let me stay by your side, loving you with my way — just like you who love him in your way. I'm sure, sometime, somewhere, someday you will be able to love me in your own way.

 

I want to ask you, what kind of man do you think I married? Angel? Why his heart is that kind?

I finally realized, the kindness of his heart that made me finally fall in love with him. You and him have the same place. Thank you, Honey, you gave him after you left. Even though you don't know him , but the fate between you and me is what brought him to me.

 

Honey, have you ever missed me in your days?

I'm a man, who shouldn't cry, people says.

But often, those tears slide without permission when I look at your photos. I finally enjoyed the pain by myself, hoping that the pain because I really missing you would suffocate me, and sooner we could meet again.

 

 

Honey, now I understand why you don't allow me to know the truth about you.

I understand, you really know my feelings for you.

But, Honey, I'm sad to remember that you've struggled all day. We should be able to fight together. You are sick? No problem! Not a problem for me.

You said there are still many new things and better than you out there to be explore by myself. 

For me, only you are the best. No one else. Never will, Honey.

You don't have any more hair?

No problem. Not a problem for me.

You're a patient and now you're paralyzed?

It's okay, that could be an excuse for me to lie down with you all the time.

 

Unfortunately, love is not just about physical. Love is pure about the heart, about our feelings that are linked.

 

You're being bald is not a problem for me. Being ugly is only a matter of time. Anyway, I will too.

Honey, I think I could be stronger than this if I knew everything from the start. When I found out all about shortly after your gone, the pain really hit me. Makes me want to follow you to the grave.

 

But never mind, there's nothing else we can regret. You are now happy above there, and I will try to return to my normal life with my partner who supports me.

 

You know, honey, I've heard someone tell me; destiny and soulmate doesn't always meet in one person. I could meet my soulmate but destiny will not allow us to be together.

That's us.

You are my soulmate that is not meant to be with me.

Maybe in another life, in that life, you and I can be together. Forever.

 

Believe me, Honey, now I'm happy. You have to be happy above there. I always love you.

 

 

From me,

 

Lee Donghae

The lover you left behind.

 

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