The deafening sound of the rain as it fell torrentially over your still form as you sat on the sidewalk in front of the community park drowned out everything else. You felt nothing, not the curtains of water soaking your clothes and matting your long hair over your face. The sound of the howling wind was nonexistent, and you were not aware of the sun slowly setting in the horizon, giving way to yet another dark evening. You pretty much looked like a drowned cat, but you couldn’t care less, not even the repercussion of being exposed to the cold for too long.

All you felt was the pain originating from your chest, the same one which was brought about by your worst heartbreak to date. You were so immersed in it that your eyes and ears did not even perceive the coming vehicle which would have drenched you further, water puddles colliding with rubber tires running at high velocity in a splash, if it weren’t for the black umbrella that suddenly flashed before your vision, blocking the onslaught of mud and water. It was followed by the sight of damp, copper brown hair which framed a pale face awash with relief.

“Are you okay?” your supposed savior asked, but instead of a proper response, you chuckled, finding the situation rather comedic. He looked confused as he eyed you, trying his very best to rearrange his expressions so it wouldn’t appear that he thought you were crazy, which you probably were given the circumstances.

Your body rocked from the wild gesture, intensified by the atypical tears which fell from your eyes as your face continued to express unbridled mirth, but you suddenly started to feel everything around you, particularly the warmth that emanated from the boy before you before everything went black only for you to wake up to an empty house, hair dried, clothes changed, and very much aware that it wasn’t your mother who did it for you because she was gone.

Everything else that day was a blur after you saw that boy, and all else faded as time went by except for that face.

You chuckled at the memory of your first meeting.

**

Your eyes were trained across the noisy cafeteria, zeroing in on that particular table where that boy from a year ago sat with two of his closest friends, you’ve come to know since coming to know of his existence. He’s a senior just like you, and you haven’t really noticed him despite having gone to the same school for more than a year since that time you first met him. You shared a class with Chenle, the noisy foreign student and one of the kids he sat down with currently, the boy’s best friend, if you weren’t mistaken. It was from Chenle that you learned about the boy’s name: Park Jisung.

It took a while before you actually spoke to Jisung despite having met over a year ago. Well, if you would be honest, it wasn’t really much of a meeting since you passed out after laughing like a madman in the rain. You didn’t really know what he thought of that either since neither of you ever mentioned the incident. Since you started talking after a joint project in your grade halfway through junior year, it was as if there was this unspoken agreement between the two of you never to say anything about it. Besides, neither of you talked much to actually hold a conversation long enough to broach topics, much less that rainy summer day. Above that, you never really hung out much after the project. It’s like the two of you were mutual acquaintances, not really friends but bonded just enough to smile or wave at one another whenever you meet in and out of school.

It was like that at first, but then the two of you just started hanging out with one another out of the blue at the beginning of the year when you both happen to be in the same Chemistry class where you ended up partners for a certain homework. It had been going rather smoothly. You would meet each other for lunch or during afternoons after class whenever you both had the time, and you’d both pause at the corridors to have a little chat.

It was always easy being with Jisung. He was a little too shy and he would have these mini panic attacks when he thought he said something really stupid, but you found that quality of his very endearing and refreshing in a school where you’re surrounded with boys who were rowdy and sometimes overly confident about themselves.  Even your cousin, Jeno, puts you off sometimes with the way he acts all crazy and loud; you loved him to bits nonetheless, but Jisung was just a bit different with his quiet ways, not having to fill every bit of dead air with senseless conversations. There was no denying that you were almost close to best friends with the way you could easily open up to him and how he seemed to talk a bit too much whenever he’s with you which was atypical of him.

However, just as you were starting to gravitate more towards him, probably in a manner which went beyond just friends, things started to change again, and it seemed as if you both went back to square one, just that he seemed even more awkward than he already was. These days, you did most of the greeting since he seemed to be avoiding you, and whenever you were in close proximity with one another, it’s as if he had trouble breathing.

One time, he deliberately lied to you to get away, his cheeks burning red and he was close to hyperventilation.  “You okay?” you asked, placing a firm grasp over his shoulder to steady him, but then he bolted, almost stumbling as he reached the stairs to the library.

That incident confused you, and it got you thinking. It’s probable that he was avoiding you because, one, he had feelings for you, two, he knew you felt something for him, or, three, he simply didn’t want to be associated with you. For the third possibility, you only thought about that cause, if you would be really honest, you weren’t really a bad person, but not the best either. You didn’t really have that many friends apart from those who were originally Jeno’s friends, and since you’re his cousin, they naturally fell into step with your rather erratic personality since you were almost always where Jeno was, and Jeno liked it that way. You didn’t really have any grounds to think about the second probability since you were never really showy around Jisung.

On the other hand, you only considered the former because Renjun, one of the people in your group of friends, pointed it out, saying, “Come on. You can’t be that blind or numb. Have you seen the way he looks at you?” to which the Jaemin and Jeno agreed by nodding like bobble head dogs on a car’s dashboard.

You arched a brow at them, confused. “Hmm. How exactly does he look at me?”

“Like he’s seeing an angel,” Jaemin, the one who is the most in-touch with his emotions among all of you by a mile, said, fluttering his bright eyes which made you almost gag. “I mean, you dolook like one, and if it weren’t for my friendship with Jeno, I would have –”

“TMI!” you all snapped at him, making him pout. Jaemin was cute and he is nice, but you had to make a mental note never to give him any ideas in the future.

“You’re confusing me,” you told them all, but that confusion didn’t last for long as you accidentally stumbled on Jisung’s conversation with Chenle and Haechan at the back of the bleachers at the football field where you frequently hung out with him, and you couldn’t have had better timing as he answered a seeming query, saying, “It’s about Y/N.”

“What of her? You’ve been acting crazy around her,” Haechan pointed out rather baldly. “Chenle here and I have been wanting to assume things as of late especially when you literally freaked when Y/N spoke to you the other day, but since you’re not confirming anything, we’re not going to consider it.”

You could see Jisung fidgeting with his fingers from where you were hiding by the post. “A-and…what were those assumptions?” he asked cautiously.

Chenle, being the tactless one, said, “You’re in love with Y/N.”

That’s five people assuming the same thing now, you thought just as Jisung said, “Your assumptions are notincorrect.”

“What?” the two boys chorused, and you almost said it out loud yourself, but you covered your mouth just in time.

“For a while now. I don’t know how to face her…”

“You should just tell her!”

“That I like her? Are you crazy? She’s out of my league. I bet she only sees me as a friend or a brother, and I don’t wanna ruin what we have by letting my feelings get in the way. Besides, she has better choices in this school and the whole human populace.” He snorted. “She will never settle for anybody like me. Who the hell am I? I’m a nobody!” and his list goes on.

If you had one problem about Jisung, it was the fact that he had too much negative things to say about himself, but he never really saw what a good, intelligent person he was. You wanted to beat him to make him realize how wrong he was, but at the same time, you simply wanted to tell him what a precious person he is.

“So, you do like her?” Chenle confirmed again, a teasing note in his tone.

Being the innocent person that he was, Jisung did not see through that and said, “Yes, I do.”

You couldn’t be sure what happened, but Chenle screamed like a banshee, Haechan let out a loud, “Yes!” and you ended up with burning lungs after running the length of the football field after hearing what Jisung had to say.

And that was how you ended up sitting in the cafeteria, watching him from a distance, conflicted as to what you’re supposed to do. You looked away just in time as Jaemin and Jeno sat down on either side of you.

“Why don’t you sit with them for a change?” Jeno asked, his eyes trained to the table where Jisung, Chenle and Haechan were. He shifted his gaze to you then. “You look upset.”

“I’m not,” you answered, squeezing Jaemin’s arm when you noticed how he was already engaged in a staring competition with Jisung who obviously lost. “Stop looking at them.”

“He’s really good-looking, but he’s hella awkward,” he said, unfazed.

Your eyes briefly met with Jisung who smiled awkwardly at you as if to confirm Jaemin’s words. “You idiot, he’s shy, and you look weird staring at him with that wide smile.”

“He really likes you. I only remember ever acting that way one time,” Jeno said, sounding certain. Everyone knew what he was talking about, and he pretty much messed things up by confessing to a senior who was dating Lee Taeyong, the most popular senior the previous year and your older brother’s best friend. Mark, said brother, was pretty much torn between Jeno and his friend.

“He does,” you blurted out without thinking.

At that, their eyes shifted to you, the looks on their faces pregnant with meaning. It didn’t help that Renjun suddenly popped out of nowhere to hear what you had to say. Jeno made that sound he makes whenever he’s confused, Jaemin’s grin grew wider and Renjun, the loud bastard, said, “He does?” and as if on cue, all of them shifted their lines of vision to Jisung’s table. Your only saving grace was the fact that none of them were looking.

Fed up with their antics, you flashed them a sweeping glare. “Can you stop acting like idiots and keep it down? He doesn’t know that I know,” you hissed, your face burning as you said the words.

“Sorry,” Renjun muttered but he didn’t really look remorseful, the devil that he is. “But how did you know?”

“I went to our usual hangout, but they were there first, and I overheard everything.”

“So, what do you plan to do?”

At that, you smirked, already set on what you wanted to do. Jeno patted you on the head, already knowing what that look on your face meant.

You stood up, mustering all the confidence you had in you, and for Jaemin and Renjun’s benefits you said, “He’s gonna have to say it to my face.”

**

Taking your tray with you, you deliberately sat beside Jisung, noticing how he and his friends suddenly went silent. You were kinda hurt that they were behaving that way around you, but you already knew why so you did not dare say anything and instead fixed the warmest smile you could manage.

“This seat taken?” you asked Jisung in a light manner.

“N-no,” he answered, bowing his head down as he said, “You can sit with us…if you want.”

“If I want? What’s that supposed to mean?” You pouted, feigning offense, but seeing his tense reaction to your words, you cracked a smile.

“I-I m-mean…You have your friends over there –”

“Shut up, Mochi. I was kidding.” You chuckled much to his relief and said hi to Haechan and Chenle. “Wanna walk to English together?” you asked the latter, watching Jisung’s reaction from your peripheries. Much to your delight, his head snapped up to your direction before exchanging glances with Chenle who was torn between nodding and shaking his head. “What is it really?” you asked.

“Sure, Y/N.” He laughed nervously. “Of course.” He smirked then. “I was just thinking you wanted to catch up with Jisung here.”

The person in question clenched his teeth and laughed sardonically at Chenle, tossing a rolled-up napkin at him. To you, he said, “Don’t mind him,” but you weren’t about to give him the time of the day.

Narrowing your eyes at him. “We need to talk, Park.”

His nerves immediately acted, making him jerk away from you as if he was burned. “What? Why?”

You were fighting a smile as you baited him, popping some cheese fries into your mouth and chewing leisurely as you watched his face turn bone white to red then purple as he seemed to be holding his breath. Finally, you wiped the sides of your lips with a napkin and snickered. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. You okay?”

You saw Haechan jerk slightly and you could only guess that he kicked Jisung from under the table because the latter suddenly answered. “Yeah?”

“Really?”

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked in a jumble of words said so rapidly it sounded like one word.

So, this is how you are when you like someone?You simply smiled and continued eating. Just then, the bell rang. “Let’s go,” you said to Chenle as you were motioning to stand up. To Jisung, you said, “Meet me after school, and don’t you dare bail on me.”

**

There by the gates of the school stood Jisung, alone and looking down on his phone as he usually would whenever he was alone. The sight of him there made you somewhat happy, but seeing how he acted at lunch, you were quite sure he was not going to tell you anything soon unless you pry it from him. At the same time, you didn’t want to pry because, if there was one thing about Jisung, he’s a very secretive person, and there were probably things he didn’t want to tell even you, and you accepted that, but if he liked you, that was something you wanted him to say to you instead of simply running away cause he gets confronted by his feelings whenever he sees you, or at least that was what Chenle said.

It wasn’t hard to crack that one into saying things. You sat with him during English as usual. You didn’t even have to do anything since he himself broached the subject on Jisung. “What was that about?”

“What was whatabout?” you prompted.

“Jisung? Are you fighting?”

You shook you head. “Are we supposed to?” When he shook his head unsurely, you knew he was about to give in. “But you know, he’s kind of pissing me off by avoiding me. If he has a problem with me, he can just say it. That’s what friends do, right?”

Chenle was immediately looking worried. “I’m not supposed to say anything…”

“Then don’t.” You let out a slight laugh.

“But I have to. For his sake, I have to.” He started telling you about how Jisung was conflicted about being around you because he likes you, and he thinks it’s impossible for you to feel the same way. That, before begging you not to say anything, and you knew you found an ally.

“Please, Y/N. He isn’t ready. I don’t want to be the cause of your friendship being ruined. I just thought that you had to know before you think that he is avoiding you for some other reason.”

At that, you chuckled. “Damn, this is easier than I thought. I was planning to corner Haechan if you didn’t budge.”

He was mortified. “Oh my god, this can’t be good.”

You shoo