Yeji hasn’t felt this alive for a very, very long time.

She shouldn’t; the past few weeks have been absolutely hectic for her. Every single day running every single hour- fan signs, rehearsals, dance practice, vocal recordings, photoshoots, interviews, radio appearances, variety show filming- it almost felt like someone in her agency was really out to get her or something. Either way, Yeji’s convinced that someone definitely ed up her schedule and somehow managed to pack an insane number of items into a much shorter period of time than usually considered appropriate. She makes a mental note to breach the matter at their next team meeting.

For now, she’s ended yet another eighteen-hour workday (commercial shootings can really, really drag out) and all she really wants is to just go to sleep.

She flicks the lights on in her penthouse and locks the door behind her. It’s quiet, as usual; not that she was really expecting anything different. It’s a lovely penthouse she owns (successful idol money can do that for you when you’re living on your own- she supposes it’s one of the only redeeming qualities of her current line of work) but sometimes it feels just a little too big for just her. Sometimes she misses the chaos of twenty-four seven dorming with Chaeryeong and Lia, but they’ve both got family living around Seoul while Yeji’s folks are all the way out in Jeonju, much too far to stay with them while properly managing her daily activities. She supposes it’s for the best- it’s not like the dorms are unavailable to them either and they still stay there when it’s comeback season. They’ve just naturally started to spend more time exploring on their own, becoming their own individuals outside of their celebrity personas. And Yeji’s long decided that learning to live on her own is a good time.

Although, it does get a little lonely sometimes. Especially in a luxurious home like hers with her as its single inhabitant.

She’s all washed up and just about ready to knock out into the next parallel, but her phone chooses that exact moment to start buzzing. She groans, pulling her tired body out of bed to peer at the caller ID (and to think of how to tell them off for calling her at such an hour)

It’s Ryujin. Her eyes light up.

“Hello?” Yeji knows she probably sounds exhausted, voice hoarse and overused, but she’s in too much of a rush to really care.

“Hi.”

“Ryujin?” Yeji asks, clearing as best as she can. She hates how she can’t seem to help the hopeful timbre that inevitably tints her voice.

“What’s up?” It’s a light question, and Yeji hears some soft scuffling on the other side, but she couldn’t care less because suddenly, she’s feeling much more awake.

“You remembered.” She says with what she knows is a dopey grin on her face. She’s just grateful that Ryujin can’t actually see her right now.

“To call you? Of course.”

Yeji takes her phone and settles back onto her bed, sitting up and playing with the hem of her sheets as she smiles softly down at her hands. “How did it go?”

There’s a pause on the other end. Yeji can practically see the pensive look on Ryujin’s face as she waits for a response. “I think it was alright. My interview was longer than everyone else’s, although I’m honestly not sure what that means.”

Yeji can hear the slight uncertainty in Ryujin’s soft, low voice. She wants nothing more than to chase it all away. “I’m sure you did fine. They definitely loved you.”

She hears Ryujin laugh in the softest way before the younger girl speaks again. “I hope so. Well, you should get to sleep soon, okay?”

Yeji’s eyes widen. “No! I haven't seen you all week- you’re just going to hang up on me like this?!”

She knows she’s thrown all semblance of whatever cool charm she’s had over Ryujin right out the window with that one statement, but she’s so tired and stressed and talking to Ryujin makes it so much better that she can’t find it in herself to care, even a little bit. She hears Ryujin’s laughter filter through the phone, probably at her desperation, but Yeji just doesn’t care anymore.

“Yeji, you sound exhausted." Ryujin replies bluntly when she’s done laughing. Yeji groans, which elicits another small laugh from the other end.

“It’s not that bad. You’ve been busy too, haven’t you?” Her voice grows softer, fonder at the end and there’s this weird part of her that just wishes she could see Ryujin right now.

“I’ll be alright after a good night's sleep. All my classes for tomorrow are canceled because of the weather, so I can sleep in.”

For some reason, this makes Yeji feel a little bit lighter. “That’s good.” She replies. She’s trying her best to sound friendly, like she normally does, but even she’s aware that there’s something else in her voice that has suspiciously to do with the fact that she really, really wants to see Ryujin right now.

She tries to shake the feeling off. “I won’t be busy tomorrow either, seeing as they’ve lined up my agenda nonstop for the past four weeks.”

She breathes a quiet sigh of relief as Ryujin chuckles. It’s an attempt to get back to normal, salty Yeji- she likes to think that it’s worked. Ryujin’s voice is good-humored over the phone. “Want me to come over?”

Yeji glances at the storm raging outside her window. “Now??”

“No way.” Ryujin replies dryly. "Tomorrow, if the weather gets any better,”

The words fall out before Yeji can stop them. “Of course!” She blushes, despite herself. “But only if the roads are safe, okay? I don’t want you getting into any accidents.”

Ryujin just hums. “Yeah, I know. Get some sleep, Yej.”

Yeji laughs and it’s soft, sleepy, but mostly soft. “Sleep tight and don’t worry about the interview- I’m sure you nailed it.” A strange kind of affection presses against the corners of her heart. Ryujin hangs up on her after, but it only makes her heart swell just a little bit larger.

Yeji sighs as she puts her phone down, plugging it back into the wall charger. The wind continues to howl, the snow battering her windows. It shows no signs of letting up soon, so she forgoes her alarm and just goes to get some desperately-needed sleep.

When she next opens her eyes, it's because of the knocking at her door.

It take a bit of time for her to crack her eyes open though. “Ugh.”

The knocking persists. She groans, blindly smacks at her nightstand for her glasses (she really can’t see much without them, or some alternative) and rolls out of her comfortable sheets not bothering with a shirt to cover her sports bra-clad torso.

She yanks the door open, grumpy as one can be. “Hello- oh."

What follows next is one of the most embarrassing moments Yeji thinks she’s ever experienced. Ryujin looks like she’s trying much too hard to hold in her laughter, standing there staring at Yeji with that look on her face but she doesn’t actually say anything and that just makes it worse. It takes a couple of moments, before Yeji finally realizes what is happening. A). Ryujin is here- i’s like some telepathic deity has answered all of Yeji’s unspoken wishes and brought her here without deeming it necessary to warn. B). Yeji is quite underdressed. C). She’s underdressed in Ryujin’s presence and Ryujin looks like she’s going to burst out laughing any second now.

Yeji is mortified.

“Eek!”

Before her conscious judgement can react, she’s slammed the door right in Ryujin’s face. She catches a brief glance of Ryujin’s startled expression before it’s replaced by the polished wood of Yeji’s front door. Yeji’s body moves on autopilot; she flies back to her room to grab a shirt, jumps into her slippers, haphazardly shoves her contacts in her eyes, and smooths out her hair while stumbling back to the door. She yanks it open again.

Ryujin is still standing there, looking quite startled. Yeji can’t meet her eyes.

“Hi.”

She doesn’t dare look up, but Ryujin returns the greeting anyway. “Hi.”

Yeji finally looks up to stare at Ryujin’s amused expression. It takes her a little moment (again) to notice Ryujin’s scarf, large jacket, and fur-lined hood; she must’ve come through the snow to get here. Yeji hastily steps aside. “Co- come in.”

Ryujin steps inside and Yeji closes the door behind her. She can’t help the staring that ensues, as she watches Ryujin bend down to unlace her boots and line them up neatly at the door.

Ryujin looks up, a smile quirking on her lips as she appraises Yeji. “Did you forget our conversation last night?”

Yeji feels like she can’t find the words to properly express herself It’s another bout of her happy loss for words, she knows, but she can’t help it. “I- I didn’t think you would actually come.”

Ryujin starts to take off her jacket so Yeji tries to snap out of her amazed staring by taking it off Ryujin’s hands to hang in the coat closet. Ryujin just looks up at her with a small smile.

“Hey, you.” She settles for the simple greeting. Yeji grins as she reaches out to pull Ryujin’s smaller frame into a hug.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I slept in because I didn’t think the snow would let up anytime soon.”

Ryujin just hums. “It’s fine." Her breath lands lightly on Yeji’s skin, causing goosebumps to erect on the taller girl’s arms. Yeji leads them to the couch, where there are masses of blankets and pillows lying around (because how else is Yeji supposed to comfortably watch TV, duh) . She grabs a luxurious grey throw blanket she’d received recently as a party favor from a Louis Vuitton photoshoot she did the other day and drapes it over Ryujin’s shoulders before straightening back up.

“Have you eaten? It’s still pretty early.” She’s already heading to the kitchen because she’s pretty sure she knows the answer to that question. Ryujin rarely eats breakfast. Why, Yeji doesn’t know- something about “mind over matter”. Ryujin’s always been quirky in that sense.

“Are you making something?” Ryujin asks as she rests her chin on the back of the couch to watch Yeji move about.

“Yeah, what do you want?” Yeji calls over her shoulder as she ties her hair back, facing the interior of her fridge.

Ryujin hums softly. “Anything you've got is fine with me.”

Yeji doesn’t respond, just smiles at her from the open-concept kitchen, and gets to work. She’s only got so many things in her kitchen, but she finds a box of blueberries and enough eggs to make blueberry french toast and coffee (Yeji’s personally a tea person, but she knows how much Ryujin loves her coffee). Twenty minutes proves enough for Yeji to whip up a quick meal. She plates some toast and pours some coffee, then goes to set the plate before Ryujin, careful not to spill anything.

“Here.” Ryujin takes the utensils from her, looking up appreciatively, and they both tuck in without bothering to move to the kitchen table. They eat in silence- Ryujin looks perfectly comfortable with their current arrangement, but Yeji can’t help herself.

“I’m sorry for earlier.”

Ryujin stops eating for a moment to stare at her. “For what?”

Yeji can feel her neck starting to flush. “That you had to see that earlier…”

“Oh.” Ryujin finally seems to remember. Yeji watches her pause, just for the briefest moment, looking anywhere but Yeji before speaking again. “Don’t worry about it.”

Yeji isn’t assured. “I’m really sorry. I’m not usually such a mess.” She says, unable to shake the flustered feeling from the earlier events, and through all of this Ryujin starts to laugh.

Yeji looks up inquisitively at the sound. Ryujin just waves her hand, a small, teasing smile playing at her lips.

“Don’t worry. Not the worst thing to see first thing in the morning.”

Yeji freezes and just kind of stares at her.

Oh.

A few moments go by where Yeji stops working and Ryujin just kind of lets her, before Ryujin decides to settle for a light snicker.

“Don’t think too much about it."

That doesn’t help. Yeji faintly thinks that at this rate, her blush will permanently etch onto her complexion. 

“Um- I-“

“The toast is fantastic. What'd you put on it?” Ryujin cuts her off, smoothly changing the subject into something simpler. Yeji doesn’t know whether she should laugh or cry.

She decides to take the bait. "Ah, just some eggs and the brown powdery stuff Chaeryeong left here the other day. To be honest, I’m not much of a cook but this was surprisingly easy to make once I really got started…”

She’s rambling now and she's aware of it, but she can’t help it. Ryujin doesn’t say anything significant, just nods and hums at the appropriate moments between bites of toast and sips of coffee. Yeji’s pretty sure Ryujin’s stopped listening to her monologue about toast-making a long time ago, but she’s much more nervous than she really should be right now and it’s hard to quit her rambling once she gets started. It’s a bad habit; Yeji knows. She’s working on it.

“…but to be honest, I don’t know much about coffee in the first place- I usually go to Chaeryeong for those kinds of things. She definitely knows her coffee. Have you ever tried one of her pumpkin spice lattes?”

Ryujin doesn’t answer, just stares off into space. It confirms Yeji’s suspicions about her lack of active listening. “Ryujin?”

That snaps the pink-haired girl out of it. She blinks, looking up at Yeji. “Hm?”

Normally, she would never let Ryujin get away with spacing out in the middle of a conversation, but for some reason she thinks she’ll let it slide this time. “I asked if you’ve ever tried Chaeryeong’s pumpkin spice lattes.”

Ryujin ‘ahs’ appropriately, nodding sagely as if she’d totally been paying attention to everything that’s been discussed in the past few minutes. Yeji resists the urge to roll her eyes at the girl’s poor cover-up. “I actually have. She made me one before my midterm last week.”

For some reason, the newfound knowledge doesn’t sit quite the way Yeji would like it to. She tilts her head. “She did?”

“Yeah. I took a picture to commemorate.”

Yeji can’t help her schooled expression. “You’re lucky. Chaeryeong doesn’t cook for just anyone, you know.”

“I wouldn’t really call that cooking.”

Ryujin’s witty sarcasm somehow only serves to aggravate her nerves more. “You and Chaeryeong have gotten pretty close then.” She gets it out through clenched teeth. 

Ryujin just shrugs lightly. "Yeah, I guess so. I think she likes me.”

Yeji feels her blood pressure rise.

“Although, I don’t think it's the same kind of ‘like’ that you’ve got in your head over there.” Ryujin amends hastily, waving a hand in front of her. She looks a little more sheepish now- Yeji knows she’s beginning to act unreasonably but she just can’t help it.

“You’re lucky, you know. Chaeryeong hates almost everyone.”

Ryujin chuckles dryly. “I’m aware." She drawls languidly, leaning back into Yeji’s pile of pillows.

She knows she’s acting unreasonably. Ryuijin can hang out with whoever she wants- so why is this particular conversation grating her so badly in the wrong direction?

When she doesn’t say anything, Ryujin leans forward to appraise her. She looks a little surprised, kind of intrigued, and disbelieving.

“Hwang Yeddong, are you jealous?"

Yeji’s eyes snap back up and lock with hers. “What??”

“Are you jealous?” Ryujin repeats it, a little louder and a little slower (Yeji knows that Ryujin’s doing it on purpose- the nerve of that little devil).

She grits her teeth. “Of what? You and Chaeryeong?”

“Yeah.” Ryujin just stares at her, sitting cross-legged and poker-faced fully facing Yeji.

The words come out (again) before she can stop herself- but she’s tired of waiting. “What if I am?”

Ryujin blinks. She looks taken aback for the briefest second, before her facial features morph back into her signature poker face. “You have no reason to be jealous.”

Yeji can’t help the short bark of laughter that escapes her. Right. She and Ryujin are just friends. She has no reason to dictate who Ryujin chooses to spend her time with. No reason to choose Ryujin’s friends for her.

“Right. We’re just friends, after all. Right?”

Ryujin just shrugs. “For now."

Yeji can’t help the staring that ensues.

Ryujin misses it all though, because she’s leaned back into Yeji’s pillows with a satisfied smile and her hands folded over her stomach, eyes closing shut as she settles into the fluffy mound.

There’s something in Yeji’s heart that keeps reaching. There’s something in her heart that breathes, pulses when Ryujin’s around. It’s almost frightening when she realizes that her heart is starting to force her to finally acknowledge an old truth inside her that she’s known ever since Ryujin crashed into her life four months ago.

She decides that maybe, just maybe, it’s time to face the music.

When Ryujin opens her eyes a few minutes later, Yeji is sitting right in front of her face. She knows Ryujin’s s little startled, but she regains her composure quickly (quicker than Yeji ever could) and just stares back into Yeji’s eyes in front of her.

Yeji forces herself to stay still. "Hi.”

Ryujin blinks back at her. "Hi. Did I fall asleep?”

“Only for a bit.” Yeji confirms. "You must be tired though- getting up early to drive over.

Ryujin stretches her arms out in front of her and yawns. It’s cute. “Ah, sorry. I guess I dozed off.”

Yeji steels herself and shuffles a little closer. “You looked really peaceful.”

“Just peaceful?”

Ryujin’s playing with her again and she knows it, but this time she forces herself to just stay still. “And pretty. You looked really pretty too.”

“Sleeping beauty is my alter ego."

It’s another attempt from Ryujin to play all this off as a joke. Yeji knows it is- knows what the younger girl is defaulting to, but this time she doesn’t give in.

“You’re beautiful, Ryujin. I've always thought so.”

Ryujin blinks, properly taken aback. Yeji doesn’t move.

“Were you flirting with me just now, Hwang Yej?”

Yeji doesn’t fall for the deflects. "Have been for the past three months, but thanks for noticing.”

They’re only inches apart now. Yeji's close enough that she can feel Ryujin’s body heat through their t-shirts, can hear Ryujin’s breathing as she moves in closer. Yeji isn’t backing down this time because she’s tired of running, tired of letting herself default away from the reality of her heart. She lets her fingers trace Ryujin’s cut jawline with a feather-light touch.

“Can I kiss you?”

Ryujin’s nod is almost imperceivable, but a nod is a nod and Yeji leans in.

(Kissing Ryujin is everything she didn’t know she longed for but did. Everything.)

Ryujin looks uncharacteristically nervous once they separate. “Is- is this supposed to be a confession?”

Yeji knows it’s another joke, but she just tilts her head and allows the corners of her lips to curve upwards just a bit. “It can be whatever you want it to be.”

Ryujin doesn’t meet her eyes. "I want it to be whatever you intended it to be.”

Ryujin’s always been the smarter between them (Yeji supposes it has to do with the fact that Ryujin’s a university student and not an idol like herself) but her quick wit is something Yeji’s always found fascinating. She gives kudos to the younger in her head as she settles for a light laugh and finally sits back to allow Ryujin some space.

“In that case, then yes. It was."

For once, Ryujin seems to be speechless. It’s a first, in the time that Yeji’s known her at least. Ryujin looks like her mind is running a thousand miles a minute, but Yeji just wants her to understand.

“I really like you, Ryujin."

She can see Ryujin’s throat bob slightly as she swallows. “You- you know I feel about dating idols.”

Yeji does know- but it doesn't cushion her sinking heart. “I know.”

Ryujin is silent. Yeji just looks at her, wondering if any of this was the right thing to do.

“I just hope you’ll think about it.”

Ryujin stares at the floor. "I will."

Yeji almost doesn’t say her next words because she doesn’t think she wants to know the answer.

“Do I stand any chance with you?"

Ryujin doesn’t answer.