confessions
PARADOX"what did you say?"
it seems to have worked, because irene stopped walking, turning to you immediately with a concerned look.
you approached her. "that... that necklace is mine."
irene looked sceptic. "and where did you get that?"
"i bought it last year with a pair," you said, not wanting to hide it any longer. "and you have the other half of that."
she steps back, bringing a hand to her chest. "s-so you're the one...?"
you nodded, looking down. "i slipped it into your locker as a birthday gift."
"why?"
"because i..." you paused, eyeing her first and looking down again. "i like you..."
there was a short silence on her end before she said, "w-what...?"
"i said it's because i like you."
she inhales and looks away. "don't ing lie to me now, seulgi."
her reaction surprised you. "i'm not lying. why would i lie about something like this?"
"are you serious?"
"i am, okay? i am. i like you."
irene sighs and looks around. then she grabs your hand to drag you into the nearest empty classroom in the area.
"let's talk here," she said, closing and locking the door. "i don't want another trouble if simon or one of his friends sees us."
you felt awkward the moment you realise you are alone with irene inside the empty classroom. it was easier to tell her your feelings earlier because you were outside, and there were white noises in the background. unlike here in the classroom that's so empty and silent, irene's voice even echoes through the walls.
you can sense she's feeling awkward to because she lets go of you and settles to sit on the teacher's table.
"so, you were saying...?" she said, folding her arms over her chest.
you cleared your throat, feeling embarrassed of confessing repeatedly, not sure if she'll dump you or not.
"well, like i said, i like you..." you said.
"i said don't lie to me, seulgi," she said, still looking upset. "how am i supposed to believe that when you're caring so much for hyojung?"
"hyojung is my friend, okay? she saved me and byulyi. i was feeling guilty putting her up for that."
"do you like her?"
"no."
"i don't need another bull now, seulgi. so, just tell me the truth."
"c'mon..." you flail your arms. "how many times should i tell you it's you i like? and it's not just like. it's more than that." you shook your head slowly while gathering up your courage. "i... i'm in love with you..."
you can tell she held her breath after hearing your words. she stares at you, mouth partly opened.
"since when?" she asked softly.
"for two years now."
"what? two years!?"
"y-yeah..."
"then why didn't you tell me?"
"huh? why would i tell you?"
"because i needed to know!"
"huh? why do you need to know?" you asked. "i couldn't tell you. i was afraid you'd reject me. you barely notice me before. we never talk, remember?"
"ugh. you're such a coward..." irene brushed her hands through her hair. "you still should've told me before..."
of course, you had to ask why.
"because..." she swallows a lump in and looks away. "because i wouldn't be with simon if you had told me so."
she wouldn't be with him? "what do you mean?"
"i thought being with him will keep you out of trouble," she said, sighing. "but i was wrong. after what happened earlier, i guess i really can't control him after all."
you suddenly remember the words that jerk has been telling you each time you collide:
'too bad, irene's not here to save you, huh...?'
'you're lucky that i'm not laying a finger on you now because i promised my girlfriend I'll try to stay out of trouble.'
you also recall that morning at the parking lot when simon almost ran over you with his car. irene went out of the car to stop him.
and that talk you had in the chem lab when she warned you about him.
everything is connected. everything is making sense.
"i was trying to keep you from him," said irene. "that's the only thing i could do to make sure you're safe."
"i don't get it," you said, confused. "why do you need to be with him to keep me safe?"
"getting me for his girlfriend gives him this sense of victory that he has won over you."
"so it's still him being jealous of me?" you scoffed. "he has you for his girlfriend already. why is he still acting like that?"
"that's the point, seulgi. because he can tell that you like me too."
you squinted your eyes because you surely didn't miss that one word in her sentence.
"'too'...?" you said.
she lets out a deep exhale. "this whole time, he knows, even when we're together, that i am in love with you."
---
"what? for two years now?" asked byulyi, surprised.
"yes, since we were freshmen. i'm not surprised though the first time she told me," said yongsun. "i thought it was just a simple crush but it's more than that. seulgi changed her."
byulyi and hyojung listened as yongsun continued to speak, "irene grew up rebellious and is known for being delinquent when we were in high school. growing up fatherless--her dad was never in the picture since she was born--and having a mom who's too busy with their family business isn't really a nice setup for a growing kid like her. she and her mom were always fighting."
"but her mom picks her up daily here in school now, isn't she?" asked hyojung.
yongsun nodded. "everything changed for them when she met seulgi. the more she gets to know seulgi, the more she admires her: a scholar in school, on top of her class, the captain of the aikido club, being nice and all. seulgi opened her eyes in life. she started appreciating everything she has and made a move to patch things up with her mom. although it's not perfect yet, i witnessed how she improved a lot compared to how she was when we were in high school."
"wow. all this time, seulgi thought she's too boring for irene to notice," said byulyi.
"the funny thing about it is even though she may seem like a tyrant, irene is shy around seulgi," yongsun continued, smiling a little. "she feels inferior to herself. she has this notion that seulgi will never notice her because of her name here in school. maybe that's the reason they both never talked to each other."
byulyi chuckled. "those two are stupid."
"just i always thought, she's jealous of me," said hyojung.
"she's jealous of every woman who flirts with seulgi," said yongsun. "but yes, you're on top of the list, since seulgi is close to you."
hyojung smiled. "i've always known that. woman's instincts. i know it's the reason you are ing with me before, right?"
"it's not irene's fault," said yongsun apologetically. "it's just me. irene is like my sister and i know she's in pain when she sees you two close. ing you is my way of protecting her somehow. i know it's wrong. again, i'm so sorry about that."
"it's all right. i guess that's my karma for trying to separate them," hyojung admitted. "i've always known that they both liked each other but i never told seulgi about that. i even conspired with simon to stop them from being close."
"what did you just say!?" byulyi asked in shock.
"yes, i did that horrible thing," hyojung confessed. "after i noticed that they were getting closer, i didn't know what to do. it's a mismatch to compete with irene so i asked for simon's help to make sure he stays by irene's side always." she bowed her head in complete regret. "i hate myself now for doing that."
yongsun rubbed hyojung's back. "it's all right. no harm done."
"but i did that even though i know seulgi is hurting. and irene, i know she's hurting too. i was too mean and selfish to consider their feelings." hyojung covered her face with her hands, already on the verge of crying. "i'm so sorry..."
"hey. it's all right." byulyi patted hyojung's head. "i admire your braveness for admitting that to us. i'm sure they'll forgive you." she turned to yongsun this time. "what is irene doing with that jerk?"
yongsun folded her arms on her chest and sighs. "well, it's complicated. she initially rejected simon because of seulgi. because of that, simon plotted something against seulgi. knowing simon will listen to her and that there's no hope for seulgi to notice her, irene agreed to be his girlfriend to make sure she can control his moves."
"that !" byulyi hissed. "i swear, once i get the chance, i'm gonna smack his face hard that he'll swallow his teeth!"
"i think he's envious of seulgi's popularity here in school," said hyojung. "i always notice him glaring at seulgi on major events even when we were freshmen."
"and seulgi getting the girl of his dreams just pulled the trigger." byulyi shook her head. "what a poor dude."
"i didn't know it at first. i thought irene was just taking another shot at love," said yongsun. "the good thing, however, is irene having control of the situation. i don't know how she does it, but simon is tame when it comes to her. he obeys her. he even kept his promise of not touching seulgi."
"not until what happened earlier," said byulyi.
"but i can see that he's crazy about her," said hyojung. "maybe that's how he loves her."
"i agree with you on that, hyojung," said yongsun. "irene can reach out to simon in a way that none of us can. i saw how he improved because of her. feeling hopeless on seulgi, she told me she was ready to open herself to him and forget seulgi that time. but i guess everything changed after that night."
"which night?" asked byulyi.
"the night during our last school party, when we spiked irene's drink."
---
"this whole time, he knows, even when we're together, that i am in love with you."
you couldn't believe what you heard. you opened your mouth to speak but could only articulate three words from the hundreds of questions flooding your brain.
"this... whole... time...?"
"since we were freshmen," came irene's response. "it's hard not to notice you, you know. i'm sure every man and woman in this school can agree to that."
you brought your hands to your head. "and i thought you hated me all those times..."
"you gave me the same impression, remember?" she asked shyly. "that's the reason i love wearing this necklace." she held the yang necklace hanging around her neck. "although i don't know who sent it before, but i felt it is special. this necklace reminds me of you, of us, of how different we are. because despite us being opposite, i still think we complement each other."
that made you smile. "that's the exact thought i had when i bought that. but i still didn't keep my hopes up, especially when the news about you and simon dating break out."
"i won't deny that i've once thought of taking my relationship with simon seriously," she admitted. "it's because i thought you would never notice me. but after that night in your room, i realised it's difficult since i can't get over it."
"wait. you mean... you remember...?"
irene nodded. "i was pretending to panic that morning because, like i've said before, i was afraid you'd think low of me. but yes, i remember everything: from the rooftop to the fire exit, and in your room. i remember it all vividly."
"but you were drugged, right?" you asked.
"i was, yes. but i know i did what i did that night because that's what i felt like doing," she said. "i've always wanted to be close to you, to touch you and hold you, but i couldn't bring myself to do that. and with the drug they put in my drink, all my inhibitions that night faded."
you stood there with your mouth opened as you connect the dots of events in your mind.
"if that's the case, then why were you avoiding me in school after that?" you asked. "you were skipping all your classes with me."
"i was too embarrassed of myself for being so vulnerable around you," she admitted. "but i couldn't bear missing you anymore after your encounter with simon in the parking lot. i went to class the next day just to find out you were injured. i got mad at him for that because i thought he got back on you and injured you. i only found out it was because of your training the day after. but it's too late for me because he hated you more. that's when i felt the need to step in, to pacify his emotions again, and to make sure you're untouched."
"what did you do?"
"well, he needed to feel i am his ally so i agreed to attend one of their sessions," said irene. "i'm sure you've heard about that. everyone in school knows that. but nobody knows that i'm the one who gave tip to the principal to make sure we get caught."
ooh. now it's making more sense to you.
"but because of that, everyone in school thinks badly of you," you said.
"i don't care. what matters to me is you believe me when i said i didn't join them. that's enough for me."
"what about yongsun? she's with jimin when they spiked your drink, right?"
"they drugged her that night too," said irene, hugging herself. "they had her try something that made her just... i don't know... high? it was laughing trip for her the whole night. also, jimin sort of tricked her by saying my first night with simon will be wonderful if i'm gonna be high. yongsun cried to me that morning when i came to her. she was sorry for what happened. after that day, she became like my bodyguard who always tries to protect me."
"i see. yeah, i've kind of noticed how she's protective of you," you said, nodding. "so, that was the reason she's so eager for us to talk it out after what happened during the card game."
irene smiles. "yeah..."
you two were silent after that. suddenly, it was awkward.
irene is still sitting on the table while you were standing near the door. she glances at you and looks away. that's when you decided to do something.
you slowly approached, walking in front of her until your bodies are touching.
she lifted her head when she felt you.
"i've been wanting to do this," you said, gently and hesitantly pulling her into your arms.
the way her body stiffened at first tells you she wasn't expecting it. but she eventually softened, immersing herself totally in your embrace.
"gosh. i missed you, irene..."
"you're so stupid," she said, sobbing softly, lightly pounding a fist on your back. "how dare you make me wait this long?"
"i'm sorry..." you said, tightening your hug.
she wrapped her arms around your waist and buried her face in your neck. "please tell me i'm not dreaming..."
"no, you're not dreaming." you pulled away and planted a kiss on her forehead. "see? this is real."
irene rubbed the remaining tears in her eyes with the back of her hands. as you watch her, you keep thinking of what else you can do to take all the pain away from her, to make her feel this is happening.
you lifted her face and helped her wipe her tears aside with your thumbs. then you cradled her face between your hands, kissed the tip of her nose first before tilting your head to the side and diving into her lips.
she smiled as she receives your kiss. she kissed you back in a way that would make you feel like you're the only one that matters to her, in a way that would tell how she felt towards you all these years.
how could you have not figured this out before?
maybe you really are dense after all.
you pulled back after a little while and pressed your foreheads together.
"i surely missed that. big time," she said.
"me too."
irene pulled away to look at you, searching for your eyes. "i need to talk to simon and straighten things up with him."
"you're breaking up with him?"
she shook her head. "i broke up with him after our talk last month in the chem lab. he just asked me to stay by his side because he doesn't want to lose face with his friends. but we're no longer together."
"and you're okay with that, still pretending to be with him just so he won't lose face?"
"he's not forcing me into anything," she said, pinching your cheek. "he just wants the school to think that we are still together. and i don't mind that since i could still control him at some point. but after what happened this morning, that's the end of it."
"oh. does that..." you paused, thinking. "does that mean we are...?"
she smirks. "we are what?"
you felt shy seeing her look at you adorably like that. "are you like... my...?"
"your what?" she was still smiling.
"my... girlfriend...?" you asked, biting your lower lip.
irene wrapped her arms around your neck. "what if i say no?"
you furrowed your eyebrows. "you can't do that. you just confessed to me..."
irene chuckles. "there's no way i'm letting you go now, seulgi. i've waited this long."
"you have no idea how much i've waited for this moment too."
"it's because you're a coward. you found out about the pringles and you still didn't take it as a sign? aish. you're stupid."
you scratched your head. "yeah. i know. will you please forgive me for that?"
irene rubbed your nose together. "forgiven."
a group of students passing by the classroom interrupted your moment. you waited for the noise to fade before turning back to irene.
"should we go back to the infirmary? they asked me to follow you."
irene brought a hand to . "oh. i almost forgot about them. it's because of you. you treating hyojung like that in front of me is an eyesore. the next time you do it she will be dead."
you laughed.
"i'm serious, seulgi."
"i'll behave. i promise," you said, raising your palm. "shall we go?"
the sunlight blinded you for a second after you stepped out of the classroom.
as soon as your eyes adjusted, byulyi and yongsun, who happen to be passing by the area at the right time, looked surprised.
yongsun seemed pleased seeing your intertwined hands. byulyi arched her eyebrow.
"did you two just make out in that classroom?"
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