It’s your first day of high school, it’s time to forget the old embarrassing days and redefine yourself as a person. No more old you, today is a new day, and this year things are going to be different. - Notebook.

9/13/2020

                                   

 

“Write it on the cloud so it won’t disappear~” the song rings through my ears as my chest begins to throb. “How can such a perfect group exist?”, I wonder while storing my phone back in my pocket.  

Continuing to make my way up this seemingly never-ending hill, the sun begins to peak over the horizon. When I had set out this morning I had barely felt the cold at all, most likely due to how anxious I was, but now it was really starting to hit me.

I took a pause and removed my hands from my pockets in an attempt to warm them up. As I put them up to my mouth I peeked around at the sea of uniforms in front of me. It looks like most of them are freshmen too...

Looking up at our destination, the giant structure on top of this damned hill, I once again started to question how I managed to get accepted here.

When I found at the end of last year I was beyond excited and bragging to everyone I knew, now here I am just moments from my first day and I’m wondering if I’m even meant to be here.

Phuh...enough of this...I have to stop crying and continue to the top..

“Hey, did you see the class list!?” A voice calls out to me as I feel my headphone being ripped out.  

I turn and see Taki, a friend I met last year when I moved to the area. 

His family had apparently moved from Nagoya to Seoul a few years ago and since the first day we met in Junior high we hit it off. He may come off a bit quiet at first but once you get close with him he’s quite over the top, see ripping my headphones out and screaming like he saw a ghost at 7 A.M. as a prime example.

“Ah, no I didn’t... And dude it’s our first day, play it cool you’ve already got everyone staring at us” I say to him, trying to hide my embarrassment from the peering eyes of the girls up ahead.

As I go to put my headphone back in he quickly grabs at my arm and nearly falls off his bike in the process. I have to catch him and set him back upright...

This is great, we’re already going to be known as idiots and we haven’t even started the first day of class yet.

“No, no man, it’s serious!! Did you see??” He says readjusting his glasses.

"See what?" I sigh, dropping a hand to my waist. If he’s like this he’s not gonna stop all day, I might as well find out what’s got him going.

“Alright dude, hit me”

He must have come up the hill as fast as he could once he saw me as he’s now desperately trying to catch his breath. Getting off his bike and grabbing at his side giving me a single finger indicating “one moment”. 

At this point I’m getting a bit impatient and truthfully a bit interested into what could have sent him into such a stir. I swear if I hear “chotto matte” one more time though I’ll roll his back down to the bottom of the hill myself.

I reach down and pat his shoulder saying “Man, why’d you push yourself this hard if you weren’t even gonna be able to tell me when you got here anyway” before taking my phone out and glancing down at the time, 7:45. . We need to get to class.

I grab his bike to try and help get him moving “You can tell me later, let’s just g-“

“Ah- Ahn...Yujin...” He says with ragged breath, desperately holding his phone up to my face.

I attempt to look at the screen but his hands endless shaking makes it impossible to read, so I grab it holding it steady.  

It’s a group chat...

“Did you guys hear? There’s a celebrity in class!”

“It’s IZ*ONE?! Holy sh*t”

“I can’t believe there’s an idol in our class! :o ”

. . .

Huh....WAIT WHAT?? Yujin? THAT Yujin is in our class? No way. Is that even possible?

These people are losing their minds over it too...

How can they even react like that...

Shouldn’t they show some decency?

I can’t believe it, don’t they know I’M the one who’s their biggest fan?!?

I have to talk to her...She can get me there, she can get me my dream. These people can screw off, they got nothing on my fandom.

Just reimagining the Produce48 finale in my head, I was so proud of HER. Through so much hardship she was able to make it and I am so in love with her and she’s so pretty and...I am freaking out, I need to chill.

But this is it, this is my chance to meet HER I think to myself while looking back at her on my phone's home screen with a smile. If I play this right I might get to meet the love of my life....Kang Hyewon!!!

After a few moments of just smiling like an idiot at my phone I come to my senses and grab Taki by the sleeve “Come on bro, we gotta get there fast so we can sit next to her” I say dragging him along.

The school is huge in comparison to our previous one, it’s practically a maze, but luckily were able to make it to our class within a few minutes. It wasn’t the prettiest, but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t the quickest scramble to a homeroom you’ve ever seen.

As I open the classroom I notice that there are already dozens of other kids inside and talking amongst each other. Damn, we’re too late, everyone else has probably gotten to her already.

I resign myself to that cruel fate and find a few seats in the back that are empty and me and Taki set our bags down. No paired seats were left so we make the best of it and I manage to find an open seat right behind him. There’s a bag lying beneath the desk next to mine but with no obvious owner nearby. It must belong to one of the kids up front though as there’s quite a few up there talking. Both me and Taki scour the entire room looking for her but can’t see much of anything, there’s just too many people standing in the way.

“Wasn’t that idol girl supposed to be in our class?” I hear a few girls whispering “Yeah I guess it was just a rumor though, she never showed” the other replies, eyes never breaking away from her phone.

Huh? Don’t say that! I need this! But as I keep looking around the reality hits me that she really isn’t here. You’d notice her easily but yet there’s no one like that in here...

Wow...really...I got my hopes up for nothing... If this is really true we’ll be separated for this entire lifetime my beautiful Kwangbae...The photo I have of her eating and happily smiling back at me drives me to tears...on the inside at least. How can someone be so angel-

BANG

A loud crash immediately shatters the quiet hush that had overtaken the room.

Holy , I immediately turn, my eyes glued to the source of the uproar, alongside the other few dozen gazes in the room.

As the door slowly swings open, a hand is the first thing that comes into sight. A waving hand to be more exact.

“Haha, ugh, sorry teach, I got distracted at the vending machine and realized I was gonna be late hahahah” The girl says waving one hand as if to say “it’s okay” while the other one is pressed against her nose.

What a spaz...

But this wasn’t just any spaz, this was an idol spaz!!! THAT’S YUJIN!

My brain finally starts to connect the dots as she walks closer...to me..?!?

The once hush whispers of the class have turned into a loud chatter in every corner as Yujin walks up to the seat next to me and sits down.

The teacher quickly tells everyone to quiet down and tries his best to regain the control of the room.

The whispers slowly fade away and is replaced by the sound of students getting seated. 

For what feels like an eternity, I sit there, unsure of what to do.

With what you ask? I’m not even sure, with everything. With my hands, with my legs, when to breathe, have you ever wondered when to breathe? Me either, but it’s happening, its happening god damnit!!

.

. .

Will this end? This is unbearable, I don’t know what to do...you know what...maybe I have to accept it, this is my life now, we will push on, we will survive, we will make this work. We just have to survive off the environment, forage off the land, were a desk people now.

Luckily before my last braincell submits its resignation, the mirage breaks.

“Uh...can I um....copy your homework maybe?” The beautiful girl beside me asks, tilting her head and flashing a smile as if she’s a dog trying to earn a treat. 

I freeze up for a moment unsure of what to say, is an idol really talking to me?

“It’s...it’s the first day of class...there’s no homework..” I shyly answer back, wondering if she’s making fun of me somehow.

She looks back at me quizzically and then to the front of the class where the professor is still discussing the syllabus as she starts to nod. “Yeah...yeah it’s the first day...no homework... nice job man!” She says to me with a reassuring smile and a thumbs up.

. . .

This girl...

Is she...stupid?

I mean, not to be rude but she seems like quite an airhead, I wonder if it’s just an act.

The teacher seems to be keeping a pretty good command of the room, considering the commotion that began the day. Everyone is facing forward for the most part and listening. I, however, can barely bring myself to hold the paper in front of me still without shaking.

Taki in front of us keeps looking like he wants to turn around but is too afraid of getting noticed. Instead I can feel my phone blowing up inside my pants pocket from messages and I reluctantly open it under the cover of my desk.

“BRO, SHE’S SITTING NEXT TO YOU, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!” Is the last text he sent, which was preceded by another dozen messages above it, ranging from panicked, to what would just barely qualify for intelligible thought.  

Before I can finish reading them all I feel another buzzing in my hands and a new one appears. “I stole a glance back! She’s so pretty! You’re so lucky man!!”

I also take the opportunity to quickly steal a glance to my side and spot her with her head in her hand staring directly at the eraser on the end of her pencil, as if entranced by its design. She has light brown hair in a bun and her skin is seemingly perfect, she’s undoubtably beautiful, idols really are no joke...but....I start to text back “Yeah she is...but somethings wrong...”

“Huh? What do you mean wrong? Did you wet yourself or something? There’s no shame in that, I almost did too and I’m like three times the distance from her”

“No, you idiot...like...I think she’s messing with me or something...”

“What? Messing with you how?”

How do I explain this?

“I don’t know, she just seems a bit off, I guess”

“Well who cares, you’re sitting next to a damn idol!! Don’t mess it up”

“Yeah...”

He’s right, I gotta talk to her.

Class slowly ticks by as I try to find the right words to start a conversation, but I just can’t manage to.

Before I know it, the class had ended. Most of it filled with boring nonsense that a typical first day entails, going through the motions and learning what the class is about. Throughout, I couldn’t help but steal glances at her, and many of the other students also shot curious looks back, before quickly shifting their glances away.

I was a bit on the nervous side prepping for the first day, but this has been crazier than I ever could have ever dreamed of.  

Once the bell rang, a few girls came over and a small crowd started to amass.

Ah that was it...I guess I missed my chance...all the popular kids are going to get to her now. I’ll only ever see her from afar.

Crossing paths with Taki and a few others on the way out, I too get bombarded with questons. 

"Did you talk to her?!?!"
"What did you guys talk about?"
"What did she smell lke?"

I'm not even sure which are worth answering as we walk through the crowded halls. 

"We barely even talked" I say as we find an empty bench to stop at. 

"How could you not talk to her? You just got to sit next to an IDOL" One of the guys says, hitting my shoulder. 

"I totally saw her talking to you" The other chimes in. 

"Well I mean at least we have a class with her, all the other guys are gonna be super jealous when we tell'em" Taki says, rummaging through his backpack.

As I sigh to myself I also start to question how I wasn't even able to say anything to her. It was all right in front of me, what a of luck. If I had played my cards right who knows what could have happened. I can already see it, Me, Hyewon, on our yacht, happily married and travelling the world. Or at least that's what I tell myself. But back in this dimension, all I did was fall all over myself. 

Damnit.. 

"I'm just going to head to gym" I say picking my bag up. "You coming?" I gesture towards Taki. 

"Woah, dude you didn't even telll us what she said to you" I hear one of the voices behind me call out, as I continue walking down the hall. 

. . .

. .

.