THE LOVE I MEANT TO SAY

Jennie walk in the LA street aimlessly, as she was window shopping along the street for famous branded items, she stumbled into her old loves. Lalisa Manoban. Jennie’s heart skipped a beat and she can’t believe even after 5 years since Lisa left, she still had feelings for the latter.

Over, I can't believe it's over
I can't believe the love I've left
to show some other day

Jennie still remembered when YG forced her to fake a dating news to cover up for Seungri’s cases. YG knew that Kai from EXO had been courting her ever since EXO and Blackpink coincidentally have a come back at the same time. She agreed to help YG because YG promised her they will give Blackpink a comeback if she went through with the deal. When the news was released, she just got back to their dorm, and she was confronted by an angry Lisa.

“Unnie, what’s the meaning of this?!” Lisa angrily show Jennie the despatch news ‘EXO Kai and Blackpink Jennie confirm to be dating’

“Oh…” Jennie was about to tell Lisa the truth but then she remembered that YG told her to keep the deal a secret even from her members. It is better if they don’t know about the deal.

“Yeah…we’re dating.” Jennie lied, she had to swallow the painful truth and when she saw Lisa’s eyes getting glassy, and she fights to hold in her tears.

“Then I wish the two of you are happy.” Said Lisa before she walked away.

Listen, I hope that you can hear me
As I kneel down and pray
With the love I meant to say

Jennie wanted to catch Lisa and tells her the truth but she knows YG would threatened her if she tells her band member about it. She only watched Lisa storm back to her room. Jisoo and Rosé came out from Jisoo room giggling, when they spotted Jennie they hug her and congratulate her.

“OMG Jendeukie, we just saw your news and wow, why you never tell us about it?” asked Jisoo.

“We’re still new, I thought I wanted to tell you girls when we are more stable.” Jennie lied again.

“Tell us all the details unnie!” Rosé begged.

“Maybe some other time Chaeng ah~ I’m a little tired.” 

“Oh~ anyway, Jisoo unnie and I are going to go get some chicken, do you want to come with us?”

“Nope, you two enjoy yourself, I’m going to bed.”

“Okay~” replied the duo and they left the dorm.

Jennie softly knocked on Lisa’s door “Lili…” there was no response from the latter. Jennie knocks again and till no response from Lisa.

“Lisa…I know you can hear me. It’s okay if you don’t want to open the door…but I want you to know, my feelings for you will remain the same…there’s a reason why I dated Kai…but trust me Lisa, I will explain to you when the time comes.”

Shadows, you took away the shadows
Before you, life was black and white
Though tonight the room's gone gray

Jennie can hear the door being unlocked and Lisa slowly open the door “What’s the point of still harbouring your feelings for me if you’re dating him. You know people always say that if you fall in love with 2 person at the same time, choose the second person because, if you really love the first person, you won’t fall for the second one.” Said Lisa with tears in her eyes. Lisa wipes away her tears and said “Let’s end us unnie…there will be no more Jenlisa.” 

“Lisa wait…” before Jennie could finish her words, Lisa closed the door.

Jennie sat on the floor hugging herself as she cries. She didn’t want to end what she had with Lisa. She and Lisa, they are less than a lover but more than a friend. However their feelings develop deeper as the time passes, but both are still in denial. Often on stage they use Jenlisa fan service to mask their desire to be close to each other. All those kisses and hugs on stage are real but they hide it as a form of fan service in front of their thousand fans.

Golden, all the love you gave was golden
Gold that I would gladly pay,
To show the love I meant to say

Lisa had always shower Jennie with affection, even when she played hard to get or when she was having her mood swing. Lisa never once left her side. Whenever Jennie had an anxiety attack, Lisa always be the one who reach out to her. They started as friends and slowly the feelings grow. Jennie realized her feelings for Lisa when she watched Lisa dance with a male dancer on one of their concerts, jealousy rose in her heart, and she hated that stage so much. There were so many times Jennie wished that she can be brave and bold enough to tell Lisa her feelings, but she didn’t want to jeopardize her group. 

Oh, music you made me hear, such music
Without you here to guide me,
I fear my soul will fly away

It’s been a month since YG and SM announced that she and Kai are dating, and to make the story more believable, Jennie agreed to go out on a date with Kai. Kai expressed his feeling for her, she just smiles and acknowledge his feelings for her, but whenever Kai tried to get close to her, she flinched. She said she is not comfortable with skinship, and Kai respected her for it.

After a month into dating, Jennie can feel that Lisa is getting further and further away from her. The others did not notice because Lisa act normal whenever Jisoo and Rosé are around. She refused to talk to Jennie when they are alone. It was until a few weeks later, YG confirmed the news that Lisa is parting ways with Blackpink. Jennie was angry with her, but Lisa didn’t even say her goodbye to Jennie. She just left. 

YG gave Jennie a solo debut, and she break up with Kai before her debut. Kai didn’t take it nicely but he is willing to let go when he realized he was not the one for her. Rosé and Jisoo continued to stay beside her. Jennie’s fame rises and she won a lot of awards, many of the fans accusing her of snatching Lisa’s spot light and that’s why Lisa left. 

Sorry, that's the word I want to sing to you
The other word is "Stay"
To hear the love I meant to say

Today, she met Lisa again at the street of LA, when she came for vacation. She was laughing and smiling with someone else clinging to her. Jennie watched from afar, she never seen Lisa this happy before. She watches them share a kiss, her heart shattered into a million pieces, if only she could tell Lisa how much she loves her, how much she needed her by her side, maybe she will be the girl that’s Lisa is kissing now. She walked away from the scene after knowing that Lisa is now happy and she doesn’t need her anymore in her life. If only she was brave enough to ask Lisa to stay and listen to what her heart have to say.

The End 

A/N: The song link is here