Chanyeol dragged himself up to his apartment. He stopped calling it ‘home’ because it didn’t feel like homeanymore. Not after Kyungsoo was gone.

Chanyeol was so used to returning to his boyfriend curled up like a ball on the couch, sound asleep waiting for him.Chanyeol would just sit beside him not wanting to wake him up. But a sleepy Kyungsoo eventually pulled him down on the couch...they would just lie together enjoying the intimacy until Kyungsoo would suddenly realise that Chanyeol needed to freshen up and eat.

They always ate their dinner while watching something silly on tv that they never paid attention to because they were too busy laughing and talking about each other’s day.

But now Chanyeol comeback everyday to an empty cold apartment, with no one waiting for him. 

After taking a shower he stepped inside his kitchen. Chanyeol still had cabinets full with varied condiments that Kyungsoo used for cooking, fridge full of strawberries, sauces and bunch of Kyungsoo’s favourites which he never ate but bought anyway out of habit. 

Chanyeol never really learnt how to cook since Kyungsoo was always willing to make anything he wanted to eat, having a chef as a boyfriend had its perks. He had almost forgotten how home cooked meals tasted like. He ended up making ramyun just like any other day.

Chanyeol had purposely delayed and done over time in office, not that he had lot of work but because he dreaded to come back to his place. Tomorrow was going to mark their 4th anniversary - if only Kyungsoo was here.

Chanyeol tried to work on a layout. After half an hour staring at the blank screen with no input he closed the programme. This wasn’t like other days where he could distract his mind with something, push the niggling thoughts away. Today he wasn’t been able to get rid of them, he was constantly aware of them like a needle pricking into his skin. 

Chanyeol got up from the couch and removed the soju bottles from the packet he had brought while coming back from work.

Staring blankly at the tv, probably a rerun of some drama that he had never seen Chanyeol poured the bitter liquid in his mouth letting it burn his throat hoping to drown his thoughts along with it.

Drinking his feelings away was a pathetic move, if Junmyeon saw him right now he would scold him, lecture him on ruining his health. But Chanyeol for once wanted to stop pretending that he was okay.

He watched his phone vibrating on the kitchen counter, it was either Junmyeon or Jongdae...they knew he would be miserable tonight. More miserable than usual that is. 

But he didn’t bother picking up he wasn’t in the mood to talk. The screen flashed a few more times before going completely dark.

After finishing three soju bottles, it was somewhat past midnight when Chanyeol fumbled through his things and found his laptop, restarting the device he clicked on a particular video that he already seen way to many times before. 

There was Kyungsoo sitting on the sand facing the sea...the waves rumbling. The sea breeze ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair, his eyes sparkling in the mellow moon light making him look ethereal.

Trying to hold the camera in one hand he brought his face closer to the camera making a goofy expression.

Chanyeol traced his finger on the screen slowly as if he was able to touch the other’s face that his hands ached to touch everyday. 

“Yeol say something” Kyungsoo’s voice was shaky from the rustling of the wind. To which Chanyeol who was sitting beside him waved at the camera with a big grin.

“We need to record this, stop tickling me” Kyungsoo’s laugh filling the background.

“This is our 3rd anniversary, and so many more to come.” Kyungsoo spoke directly to the camera, then turned his face slightly to the other side and whispered a ‘happy anniversary’ pecking on Chanyeol’s cheek. Chanyeol pulled the other closer, holding him tightly, Kyungsoo kept complaining that he needed to finish the recording.

Ignoring him Chanyeol grabbed the recorder from his hand and said “I love you and you love me. Here it’s done now let me kiss you please”

Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo into a kiss and unable to find balance they both fell on the sand laughing. The screen went blank because the camera slipped out of their hands, their mouths too busy to even notice. With that the video ended.

Chanyeol kept staring at the screen. Tears rolling down his cheek. He looked so genuinely happy in the video, they looked so happy together.

Kyungsoo was supposed to be here right now with him, in his arms to celebrate the many anniversaries that he had promised.

Chanyeol kept replaying the video again and again until he passed out on the couch.

                 
           

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Hearing loud banging Chanyeol woke up groggily. He rubbed his sleep filled eyes, the noise made his already pounding headache feel even worse.

Chanyeol tried hard not to trip on his way to the door, his legs were off balance and felt like jelly.

Feeling irritated he opened the door, but the person standing in front of him wasn’t one of his best friends or even his annoying neighbour like he had expected but it was Sehun with a deep frown on his face.

Shoving Chanyeol aside without saying a word Sehun marched inside his apartment, scanning his living room he went near the open kitchen and picked up Chanyeol’s phone from the counter.

“Oh so it isn’t broken? Then I wonder why you didn’t pick up my calls or answer any of my messages?” His voice sounded angry.

Chanyeol didn’t have the energy or mood to argue. He simply stood there.

“You know how many times I called you? I was worried” Sehun explained still holding Chanyeol’s phone in his hand.

“I was busy” Chanyeol replied curtly his voice was all scratchy and hoarse.

“Clearly” Sehun snorted eyeing the empty soju bottles lying on the floor then turned to Chanyeol and continued “Anyway take a shower and get dressed, it’s 6 in the evening a little too late to be still hungover” 

He didn’t need Sehun’s concern....he didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. He hated it. To avoid anymore confrontation Chanyeol simply nodded and left the room walking towards his bathroom.

There was a half eaten bowl of ramyun on the table, which had gone bad by now. Shaking his head Sehun emptied the content of the bowl in the trashbin, along with the soju bottles.

Sehun himself didn’t know why he was doing this, he had never lifted a glass of water in his own house but this felt like something he wanted to do.

Chanyeol came out of the shower after sometime. His dark brown hair wet and his long fringes coming up to his eyes which were slightly red, dressed in a simple jeans and a cardigan, Sehun thought he looked younger and boyish. 
 

“Thats better” Sehun said smiling. 
 

Chanyeol did feel somewhat better after the shower, even though the slight headache was still there and his eyelids still felt heavy. Maybe he could get over with the day crawling back under his duvet and sleep it off. 
 

“Let’s go”

 

Chanyeol cocked his eyebrow at Sehun questioningly.

“I mean 3 bottles of soju and half eaten ramyun can’t be that fulfilling can it ? Now don’t just stand there let’s go” Sehun hurried opening the door as he stood in front of the elevator waiting for Chanyeol.

Well there went his plans of doing nothing for the rest of the day. Sehun seemed one of those stubborn people who wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

Sighing Chanyeol followed him wordlessly. 

After eating a hearty meal, or more like Sehun almost forcing Chanyeol to finish even the last morsel of his food, they drove around aimlessly for sometime and finally Sehun stopped the car infront of a lake.

They barely talked during the whole ride except for Sehun filling in the silence with music and occasionally humming along to the songs. He wasn’t the most skilled singer but he had a soft melodious voice that Chanyeol didn’t fail to notice.

They both got out of the car and settled themselves on the bonnet, staring at the view of the lake in front of them. The moon hung full and hazy beneath the clusters of blazing stars, allowing them to see the surface of the lake which was as smooth as black glass.

They were quiet until Chanyeol broke the silence deciding that Sehun owed some kind of explanation for his behaviour. “Today was supposed to be my 4th anniversary with him” Chanyeol started eyes still on the swarm of fireflies above the lake looking like pixie dust.

This was the first time he had said anything even remotely related to Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol usually avoided talking about him since he always got those pity stares and hollow words of consolation that never made him feel better but definitely worse. Sehun was more or less a stranger. Yes they had been texting on and off, more like Sehun who would fill him in about his day at work, talk about a photoshoot or something. Chanyeol liked reading those messages from the other even though didn’t always reply to each one of them. 

“Him? The one whose cook books are filled in your shelf?” Sehun asked, tone devoid of any sarcasm.

Chanyeol turned towards him abruptly frowning. To which a small smile crept on Sehun’s face “The first day when I asked you about the books, your expression changed to something sad and empty...Its not that hard to guess”

Was he so easy to read? Or was it just Sehun who took notice?

“Won’t your boyfriend mind that you are not at home and hanging out with another guy you barely know”

Sehun let out a chuckle shaking his head, “Well for that Baekhyun has to actually come home to realise that am not there...I doubt he will even notice.”

“You guys stay together of course he will notice”

“We don’t live together we just share an apartment, we barely even see each other” Sehun’s voice was flat and words measured.

“Also” Sehun continued, “I think not always you need to know someone for a long time to know them enough, sometimes all it takes is just a glance”

Chanyeol didn’t know what Sehun exactly meant with that but he didn’t ask anything further. He watched Sehun taking out his lighter and a cigarette from his pack. Chanyeol slowly tore his gaze when he realised that for some reason Sehun had no intention of lighting it up. He just twirled the stick in his fingers absentmindedly. 

“Thank you for taking me out...and thank you for not pushing me to open up” Chanyeol murmured after sometime

Sehun didn’t say anything instead he let his cold finger tips touch Chanyeol’s own which was resting on the flat surface of the bonnet between them. Chanyeol flinched with the sudden contact but he didn’t pull away instead he let their fingers linger on each other’s with the slightest of touch.

They sat there until it felt too cold to stay outside anymore. The night chill sipping through their clothes.

Sehun stopped his car infront of Chanyeol’s apartment to drop him off.

“Don’t ever ignore my calls like that Hyung” Sehun was smiling but there was a serious edge to his voice.

“I won’t and sorry for today”

Sehun nodded then he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, his lips pulled between his teeth

“Chanyeol?”

“Yah”

“Would you mind if I keep your hoodie for myself?”

Chanyeol looked at Sehun in surprise.

“No, but why?” He didn’t think his old, worn hoodie would even match with anything in Sehun’s wardrobe, who wore fitted fashionable clothes.

“I like the hoodie and umm then we won’t have to use it as an excuse to meet” thanks to the light inside the car Chanyeol could see Sehun’s cheeks flushing. This was the first time that he had seen Sehun appearing nervous.

“Well then we won’t have any reason to meet” Chanyeol grinned.

Registering his word Sehun widened his eyes, lips pouting, he shoved on Chanyeol’s arm, “Hyung! you are mean”

 

Going back to his apartment Chanyeol realised that Sehun had gotten rid of the bottles and the uneaten bowl of food. There was an unnamed feeling that bloomed in his chest from the small gesture. A feeling that didn’t feel unwelcome. 
 

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