“You’re a manager now, I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it” Byul wrapped her arm around yong as they waited for their ride home. 

“Byul-ah” 

“Yes?” 

“Promise me you’ll still be happy, with or without me okay? Not that I’m leaving you or anything, I just want you to be happy” 

“Hey Kim Yongsun, why are you saying something like this so suddenly? We’ll always have each other. I’m not going anywhere and so are you” 

“I think maybe I had a little too much to drink just now…” Yong smiled sheepishly 

“But I promise you, I’ll be happy nonetheless” Byul enveloped Yong in a hug right as their cab pulled up to the kerb. 

The two sat in the backseat of the cab, on the way home after a long night of celebrating yong’s recent promotion. The sound of the rain tapping against the windows soon drew both Yong and Byul into a light sleep. The cab drove across the highway, the sounds of the rain only getting louder and louder. The road became more slippery and difficult to drive on as the rain poured down, and Byul pulled Yong closer in her sleep to keep her warm in the cold night. 

There was a loud bang and the sound of glass shattering. Woken up from her sleep, byul could feel the cab stop moving, but she wasn’t sure of what had just happened. She looked over at Yong, who seemed to still be fast asleep. 

She could barely make out the words, “Byul-ah, I love you” 

“I love you too,” she whispered back.

In the dim light from the streetlamp, Byul saw her arm covered in a dark, sticky layer of blood. She was only able to keep her eyes open for another few seconds before everything went black again. 

She woke up to the sound of machines beeping. Looking down, byul realised she was no longer in her leather jacket and jeans. She was dressed in a blue hospital gown, and a row of stitches ran up her left arm and her leg was wrapped in a heavy cast. An IV drip was connected to her other arm. 

“Byul unnie! You’re finally awake” Wheein leaned over the bed railing, with hyejin beside her. 

“How long was I out for?” 

“About five days, we thought you would never wake up” 

Five days. Wait. Five days? I need to go find Yong. 

Byul tried to sit up but a sharp pain shot up her leg. She winced. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I need to go find yong, she was with me in the cab that day. Where is she now? Can I go see her?” 

The colour drained from Wheein and Hyejin’s faces. They turned away for a moment as Hyejin whispered something into Wheein’s ear. 

“Unnie, there’s something we think you should know”

“I don’t know how to tell you this Byulie…” 

“What? just say it” 

Wheein looked over at Hyejin. The younger girl gave her a small nod, telling her to continue. 

“Yongsun unnie… she… didn’t make it,” Wheein tried her best to hold back her tears. 

“You’re kidding, right?” 

“Byulie, I wish I could be joking right now too” 

Silence. 

“The doctors said she’d been cut by the glass shards from the window; by the time they brought her here it was too late, she lost too much blood,” Hyejin finally added, avoiding eye contact with Byul. 

“Get out” 

“Byulie…” 

“Get out!” Byul was fighting to hold back her tears. 

Byul shuddered as she recalled the memory. She’d been discharged from the hospital two days ago, now she just sat on her room floor. Everything looked exactly the way it was before she’d left to pick yong up that day, and byul didn’t like it. She hated it. It was as though things had gone back to normal, as though yong’s death had been erased and life continued. But things will never be the same ever again, not when she knew that yong was never coming back. 

She picked up the soju bottle beside her and drank from it. She drank and drank and drank, trying to drown her thoughts in the soju. She knew it was bad for her health, but at this point she couldn’t care less.

When wheein and hyejin said you’d left us, I really wanted to believe that they were joking with me (as to why they might even play such a prank i’m not sure, I trust them, but in that moment it didn’t feel real. it still doesn’t), and that you would peek out from behind the door frame. But you didn’t. And you never will 

it’s not fair yong, why did you leave me hurting? 

There was a knock on byul’s bedroom door. 

“Come in, the door isn’t locked,” byul shouted through the door, half drunk from all the soju she’d been drinking.

Wheein walked into the room and saw her friend in the corner, her casted leg outstretched. Soju bottles lay all across the floor and the room reeked of alcohol. It seemed that Byul had been drinking non-stop since returning from the hospital. It had only been two days, yet it seemed like she had been there for months. 

“You should really stop drinking, it isn’t going to do you any good. How are you feeling?” Wheein picked up the soju bottles and asked, even though the answer was obvious. 

“Wheein-ah, what do you mean? I've been as good as ever.” Byul raised her voice again, her words slurring from the effect of the alcohol. 

Wheein sighed. She knew that the girl was drunk and that she would sober up eventually, but she also couldn’t bear to leave byul by herself any longer. If she could get so wasted after just two days, what else might happen to her? Wheein didn’t dare to think of an answer to that. 

“It hurts, Wheein-ah.” Byul had started to cry now. Visibly drunk and with her hair falling out of its ponytail, she looked like a total mess.

“I know, Byul-ah. I know your heart aches, I'm hurting too.” Wheein sat down beside byul, letting the older girl rest her head on her shoulder while she cried. 

They sat there in silence, the only sounds in the room being that of their soft breathing. 

“You should go wash up. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” Byul hesitated, but she eventually did get up with Wheein’s help, since she still was not used to balancing on one leg and her drunkenness didn’t help. 

Once byul had freshened up, the two lay side by side on her bed, staring at the ceiling. 

“Byul-ah” 

“Hmm?”

“I know it hurts. It hurts for me too. But I don’t want to say that I know how you’re feeling; you were a lot closer to yongsun than hyejin and I were.” 

“Can you promise me one thing? Promise me you’ll stop drinking so much, I’m sure Yong wouldn’t want you to continue on like this.” Byul didn’t say anything, she just squeezed the younger girl’s hand.

“I’ve got to go now, but I’ll come back again in a few days, okay? Take care, byul, hyejin and I are here for you” 

And with that, wheein was gone.

Byul continued staring at the ceiling, her head throbbing. Maybe she really shouldn’t have drank all that soju; maybe it was good that wheein had confiscated the rest of her stash. 

Yongie, after you left, everyone asks if I’m okay. 

I say that I’m fine, but I know I’m not. 

I broke down in front of wheein today, 

she found me wasted on my bedroom floor. 

She’s right, I can’t go on like this. 

You wouldn’t want me to continue living like this too, right? 

But it’s the only way I know how to deal with the pain. 

Do you think I enjoy it? 

I don’t, yong, I don’t enjoy it at all. 

This is all your fault, yong. 

If only you didn’t leave, 

I wouldn’t be in this state now. 

Maybe I should get some sleep, 

But how can I sleep knowing that I’ll never get to see your smile, hear your laughter, or squish your cheeks ever again? 

I’m trying my best, yong, but it’s really hard. 

I hope you’re doing better up there, but I also want you to hurt like me too. 

I want you to hurt too, it’s unfair, why did you do this to me? 

Maybe it was for the better, I wouldn’t be able to live comfortably either if you survived but had to live in pain for the rest of your life. At least you’re free now. 

Byul thought about all the other horrible outcomes that could have ensued: yong could have survived, but have been in a coma, or paralyzed, or lost her memory. Would she and her heart have been able to handle that? Byul didn’t think so. Death certainly wasn’t the most desirable outcome- they could have both survived the accident, recovered and then life would continue, that was the ideal- but byul knew that it was better than any of the aforementioned; at least she knew that now, yongsun was free from pain up in heaven.

But it’s hurting me too, yong, I think I’m losing the will to live. 

I know you love me, 

and I know that Wheein and hyejin do too, 

But how can I be well without you? 

It’s like without you, I just can’t continue living.

Not when my other half isn’t here anymore. 

Wheein and Hyejin have been really sweet, they take turns to come check on me, 

to make sure I’m not slowly destroying myself.

They want me to get better, 

if not mentally then at least physically,

to at the very least be able to walk again, 

But what’s the point of that if I don’t even have the will to pick myself up? 

I know I made a promise to be happy even without you, but I can’t bring myself to smile. 

It just feels wrong, you were my other half (and you still are) and I can’t imagine normal life without you. 

Did you know that this was going to happen? Is that why you wanted me to make the promise that day? 

This is all just a bad nightmare, right? 

I’ll wake up from it soon, right? 

This is all a lie, you’re still here; 

This is a bad goodbye, yong, i don’t know what to do 

Thank you for reading, and I hope you liked this chapter! Once again I apologise if my writing's not up to standard, I'm quite inexperienced so this was a huge step for me :')
Part two is coming soon!