“Miracle three days before Christmas.” she whispered when she look at the marked calender with love.

Yongsun remember today is her girlfriend birthday, so she prepare little surprises for her girlfriend. She cooked some simple favourite moonbyul dishes; seaweed soup, kimchi jiggae and kimchi fried rice also set of side dishes. She bought a cake from their favourite bakery. The most important is she already bought a gift for her, a couple personalized name necklace in Greek letters, Solar for Moonbyul and Moon for herself.

Her smile grow as she remember all the plan she made to celebrate Byul’s birthday; Moonbyul will come, hug her, they will eat the food that Yongsung cooked, then Yongsun will give her the gift, Moonbyul will kiss her and they will end up in bed. She check everything again so her plan wouldn’t fail, “Home dishes check!, Cake check!, Gift..” she placed the little box which wrapped neatly with blue ribbon beside white birthday card at the table. “Gift check!, My self?” she smelled herself, and crunched her nose, “Ugh, i smell like old kimchi!” she laugh at herself and run to her bathroom.

She filled the water to the tub, set it warm so it would relaxes her tensed body. She dropped two bath bombs, one lavender scent and the other is vanilla scent. Vanilla and lavender was Moonbyul’s favorite, she really prepared herself for Byul’s birthday, she really want Moonbyul satisfied and happy on her birthday. Then she ran to her room and light up scented candle first, “She love scent lavender and vanilla.” Few minutes after that her room already filled with Moonbyul favourite scent.

Her smile adorned her face until she read a message from Moonbyul, “Yong, babe, I’m sorry, I couldn’t go to your house. Dahee ask me to stay with her tonight. I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. Love you babe.”

She read her message again, once, twice and trice until she get sick of word ‘Dahee’. How could Moonbyul mention that name again when she already promise never say that name. She didn’t reply her message. She threw her phone to the bed, walk lifelessly to the bathroom. She stripped herself and stand in front of the mirror. She look at her glorious body, she look every inches of her body, and trace it slowly. “Byul like this, byul love me..” she breathed. She look closer to her face, “Byul like this face, Byul love me..” she breathed again. She think she is beautiful, her face, her body, but Moonbyul make her feel more beautiful, feel more loved, because the only thing that make Yongsun wouldn’t dare hurt herself is because she remember Moonbyul said “I love you, I love every inches of you, of your face, of your body. I love you, Yong.” Because of that words Yongsun always restricted herself from hurting herself especially body.

She dipped her body into the water in the bathtub, the warm water didn’t relaxed her, vanilla and lavender scent also failed to make her relax. She was tired, too tired of everything. She tried to take deep breath and close her eyes hope it will ease her trouble mind but it failed. When she close her eyes, picture of Byul and Dahee have romantic dinner together, smile sweetly to each other and have gets clearer. And all of sudden she heard Dahee laugh and say, “You always be number two, you are only her mistress, you always be number two, her number one is me, i’m her wife, she love me, You always be number two Kim Yong Sun, remember, you always be number two.”

Yongsun know that she’s only Moonbyul’s mistress, the number two, she never deny it, and that is bitter truth. But being number two isn’t easy, especially when she always be number one in all entire life. Yongsun remember what her mom said, “You are the only one in this world, so you should always be number one.” She always get number one ranked at school and won first place in many contests; from spelling bee when she was 7, singing contest when she was 12, science olympiad when she was 17. But she threw her ego and become a number two for the first time just for Moonbyul, the person that she love and the person who always love her.

And again become the number two is hard because Yongsun always get harsh treatment from Moonbyul’s close friend, she labeled as a dirty and gold digger, also every weekend she received threatening letter from Dahee.

You , stay away from my wife!,

Gold ing digger!,

She’s Moonbyul mistress? I thought Moonbyul can choose better,

New moonbyul doll huh?

What a .

Those words ringed in Yongsun mind, clearer and getting clearer. Yongsun couldn’t hide anymore, she’s too tired of everything now. The only one who make her strong is Moonbyul, but she’s now where to found.

“I’m tired byul-ah, I’m tired..” she whispered to no one. Her tears falling endlessly, she is physically tired and mentally broken. She never told about this to her girlfriend, she bottled up everything, she always smile even though she got all harsh words and treatment, even though she stress and depressed, even though she labeled as a , even though she always have suicidal thoughts.

“I know you will hate me if i hurt my body I think I couldn’t take it anymore Byul-ah.”

She look at the shelf beside the tub and found the razor. At the first she hesistated becuse she knew Byul hate her if she hurt herself, but her mind was clouded, everything is overwhelming, then she mindlessly reach the razor.

“I promise, it wouldn’t hurt me, it wouldn’t ruin my body, it wouldn’t leave big mark.”

While still sobbed she placed the razor on her left wrist.

“Please babe, don’t hate me from doing this. I just can’t do this anymore.”

She move it slowly, make a deep cut, and the water become red.

“I hope you wouldn’t hate me babe..”

With the the tears still on her face but she smile adorned her face. She feeling relieved and deep pain as the same time, she whispering to the air.

“I love you baby, happy birthday.”

---

In the morning she tried call and text her girlfriend many times but Yongsun didn’t answer. Until she heard a ringtone from her phone. She saw the caller id:  The prettiest yeba. Her smile immediately formed when she saw the caller id. She tap the green icon.

“Yong! I tried to call you many times, why you didn’t answer it?” Moonbyul whined.

But the other line stay quite, until she heard unfamiliar voice.

“Byul Yi?”

Moonbyul recognize the voice, it was Yongsun’s mom Voice. “Aunt Kim?”

There was a long quite again, then she heard Yongsun’s mom start sobbing and Moonbyul start panicked.

“Byul-ah, Yongsun committed suicide.”

To be honest, in past time i never click the M or TW, i don't think this is needed too. I write a Taeny story with this kind of theme (https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/684451/because-you-didn-t-love-me-again) please check it if you interest with Taeny. But lately i read many author give the readers warning first.

And.. I often have suicidal thought lately. I don't know why. Maybe i need help, proper help, professional help. Hah. Hope you like this story, please comment if i need to give the warning first. Happy birthday MB and God bless Ya'all