You raise the rim of your glass to your lips and down the liquor in one go. It’s the night of your twenty second birthday. You and your friends are out drinking. You are supposed to have fun, but all you can think of is the fact that Baekhyun doesn’t show any sign that he remembers; not a phone call, not even a text. If it was anyone else who has forgotten, you wouldn’t have cared. But this is Baekhyun, your best friend, someone who means the world to you, someone you have loved for a long long time. He was always the first to wish you every year, except today. You’ve been checking your phone, waiting for something that never seemed to come. It feels like he has forgotten about your existence and you have no idea what the hell happened. Have you done something wrong? 

A few drinks later, you are wasted. Despite your drunken state, you manage to book a ride for yourself. But instead of heading home, you type in Baekhyun’s address as your destination. The driver arrives five minutes later and in less than half an hour you are standing at the door to Baekhyun’s apartment. You key in the passcode clumsily and only succeeded on the second attempt. Pushing the door open, you stagger your way into his apartment. Your wobbly legs take you to the sitting area until you bump your knee on the side of the coffee table and stumble forward. 

Two arms reaches out to hold your waist to prevent you from falling. Knowing who it is, your heart starts to beat rapidly. 

Baekhyun peers down at you. “Sweetheart, how did you get here?” 

You lift your head. A slow grin stretches your lips when you meet his eyes. “Hi, Baekhyun.”

He narrows both eyes at you. “You’re drunk.”

“I miss you.” You smooth your palm over his chest, feeling the sturdiness underneath your fingers. Baekhyun tense up beneath your touch. You stare at him while your fingers toy with the button of his shirt. “Have you been working out lately?” you muse in a slurred speech.

“I’m a boxer. What do you think?” He says in a dry tone.

“Oh...yeah, silly me.” You giggle and push at his chest until he stumbles back to the couch behind him. His eyes shoots up when you climb onto his lap. You rest your knees on each side of his hips and sit your down on the V of his thighs.

“What are you doing?” He asks as you circle your arms around his neck.

You’ve been attracted to your best friend for the longest time. Never once had you acted upon your desire. You are losing your inhibitions thanks to the excessive alcohol in your system. This is so wrong. Baekhyun is your friend. But you are too drunk to be sensical. 

“Why do you have to be so handsome all the time?” You tilt your head to the side, staring at him with hearts in your eyes. 

Baekhyun clears his throat and looks away. “Get off me.” he says. Ignoring his order, you lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek instead. He whips his head towards you and glares. “I said get off me!”

Taken aback by the loudness of his voice, you flinch. You have never felt scared of Baekhyun before. Even when the people around him think he is quick-tempered, to you he is nothing but gentle. Today, for the first time since you knew him, you feel afraid. And it hurts so much because he is one of the little people in your life whom you feel safe to be around. 

Your lips turn down and you hang your head low. In a silent acquiescence, you move to the space next to him. All of a sudden you’re not feeling high anymore.

Baekhyun rises to his feet and turns away as though he can’t stand the sight of you. “You need to leave.” 

You can’t conceal the hurt on your face as you rise up from the couch. Tears glisten in your eyes as you stare at his back. You miss him so much it feels like you can break down and cry at any second. “Baekhyun?” you call out in a soft, shaky voice. “Are we okay? Can we please talk?”

“Leave.”

A tear glides down your cheek. Without looking back, you move to the front door. But your moves are halted by the sound of his voice. 

“Don’t ever show up to my place unannounced again.”

Is that his way of telling you that he wants to stop being friends? It feels like someone has just pierced a knife through your heart and twisted it. 

“I won’t. I’m sorry for today…” your voice cracks at the end and you hurry to open the door. The moment you step outside, tears stream down your cheek like a waterfall. Your heart aches so badly that even the alcohol couldn’t numb the pain away.

Losing a best-friend hurts as much as a break-up, you can attest to that. It’s been months since your last encounter with Baekhyun. You’ve been keeping yourself busy just so you wouldn’t drown yourself into sadness. Today, however, you find it hard to keep him out of your mind because it is his birthday. You have yet to wish him, because you don’t know if you should. Are we still friends?

Your phone vibrate across the office desk and you glance down at it. Chanyeol is calling. You press answer and lift your phone up to your ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, the boys are planning a surprise for Baekhyun at his place tonight. You are joining us right?” 

Don’t ever show up to my place unannounced again...

His words echo in your ears, bringing the same kind of ache it did the first time you hear it. You swallow the lump in your throat. “I…” you pause in hesitation. “I think I’ll pass on this one.”

There is a beat of silence before he asks, “Why? You never missed it before.”

Your mind hurried to think of an excuse. “I’ll be working overtime tonight.” 

“You can join us when you’re done. I’m sure we’ll be there until late.”

“I think I’ll be too tired by then,” you say and quickly add, “It’s alright! You guys have fun. Anyway, I have a meeting soon. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” 

“Okay, you take care.” 

“You too, Chanyeol.”

Once you hang up, you expel a sigh of relief. You recline on your seat and close your eyes, needing a moment to clear your mind. When you’re done, you decided to send a short text to Baekhyun. You don’t know if he will reply or even read your message, but it doesn’t matter. He is still a friend, at least to you, and you want him to know that you still care.

Somehow, you ended up in the building of Baekhyun’s apartment that night. You’d bumped into Sehun on your way out of the office. He is a mutual friend between you and Baekhyun. Since he is working in the office building next to yours, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise for you to bump into each other. It happened many times before. But you were shocked beyond words when he offered you a ride to Baekhyun’s place, since he probably assumed you were going too. You couldn’t say no because then, he would ask why. Everyone knew you and Baekhyun were best friends. You didn’t want to explain what had happened between you two.  

So here you are, filled with so much nervousness as you stand next to Sehun in the lift. When the door slide open, you unwillingly step out. Sehun looks over at you, his eyes holding concern. “Is everything okay? You seem jitterish.”

You force a smile. “Yes, I’m just tired.”

Sehun gives you a long stare, unconvinced, yet he doesn’t prey. One thing you like about Sehun is that he isn’t nosy. And in this particular situation, you are grateful. 

As you walk, he places a hand on your back and give you a pat. You can hear the sound of boisterous laughter coming from Baekhyun’s apartment. Sehun rings the bell and your heart is beating faster as you wait for someone to answer the door. 

At the sight of Chanyeol, your shoulders deflate and you sigh a little. He looks between you and Sehun. “You’re late,” he tells Sehun pointedly, then he stares at you. “Didn’t you tell me you’re working overtime?”

Sehun turns to you to send you a quizzical look. You bite your lower lip. “Uh...the meeting ended earlier than expected.” 

“Great, we missed having you around.” Chanyeol holds the door wide open to let you two in. 

Sehun rests a hand on the small of your back and leads you into the sitting area. You had a mini flashback of what happened here between you and Baekhyun months ago. Your heart sinks. 

You glance around the room. All the boys are there, most of them chatting while holding beers in their hands. You turn to Chanyeol and ask, “Where’s Baekhyun?”

“He’s answering a call.” he says before returning to his seat. 

Sehun walks over to join Junmyeon and Jongdae in their ongoing conversation. You exchange smiles and greetings with the rest, then you glance around to look for a place to sit. Jongin raises a hand and gestures for you to come over. He scoots over on the couch, leaving just a tiny space for you. You tried to squeeze your in it, giggling at him when it doesn’t fit. 

“You can sit here,” Jongin suddenly pulls you down to his lap. You let out a gasp, surprised. He looks at you with a smile. “Why do you keep getting prettier, princess?” He teases, flashing a y smirk. You smile shyly and he groans at that. “You’re too cute.” 

“Is Sehun here?”

The deep sounding voice causes your heart to skip a beat. You shift your gaze to Baekhyun. He meets your eyes for a second before his gaze moves to Jongin. His jaw ticks, and when he sends a frown down your way, the pain in your chest returned. He doesn’t want you here, you can tell.

“Happy birthday, hyung.” Sehun greets from where he stands. Baekhyun gives him a small nod before taking a seat on the arm of a couch across you. His expression remains taut. 

You finally tears your gaze from him to look at Jongin. He grins at you. “Are you seeing someone right now?” You shake your head. His grin grows. “Will you go on a date with me then?”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” You tilt your head in question. 

“We just broke up.”

You purse your lips in concern. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’ll be okay if you let me take you out on a date, princess.” He raises his brows expectantly, waiting. 

You are considering your answer when you feel a hand wrapping around your upper arm. You bring your head around and up, flinching in surprise when you are met with Baekhyun’s hard stare. 

“Come with me.” He pulls you up out of Jongin’s lap. You hear a small groan coming from the younger male when Baekhyun drags you away from him. 

He is taking you to the direction of his bedroom and you are honestly scared. You somehow know he is going to scold you for coming here uninvited again. You brace yourself when he pushes you inside and closes the door behind him. You feel like a bunny being trapped in a cage with a lion. Your shoulders jump when he stalks over to you until he has you pressed against the door with his palms on each side of your head. The emotions in his brown eyes confused you. He looks more lost and torn than angry.

Baekhyun is parting his lips to say something but you beat him to it. “I...I’m sorry, Baekhyun, I know I wasn’t invited here...but I met Sehun when I was leaving work earlier and...and I...” your voice broke and you started sobbing. You dropped your head and brought your hands up to cover your face. “I’m so sorry, I’ll leave if you want me to…just...don’t be angry...don’t hate me, please, it hurts…”

Baekhyun has never hated himself this much until he sees you cry. His heart is ripping apart with each sob that tears from your lips. Shame swirls in his gut, and he wants to murder himself for being the reason behind your tears. He has been annoyed when he sees you sitting on Jongin’s lap, and he knows that feeling stems from his jealousy. He’s an , he admits. But he loves you so much that it pains him to see you with a guy that isn’t him.

“Sweetheart,” Baekhyun cooes. You keep your face buried in your hands as you cry. Tentatively, he moves his hands and bring you into his arms. It startles him when you immediately wrap your arms around him and cry harder. He buries his face in your soft hair, pressing his lips to your head, wishing he could make your crying stop. “Sweetheart, please. You’re breaking my heart.” He rubs your back soothingly but your sobs remains. 

Baekhyun knows he has to say something, and he’s cracking his head to think of where to start. “I’m sorry for what I did…” he finally begins. “I know I’ve been shutting you out lately. I thought I was doing the right thing but I was wrong. I ended up hurting you and us…I’m so sorry.” 

A silence. Then the sniffling continues.

Baekhyun breathes out. “I want to tell you what I should’ve told you long ago if I’d been brave enough. I want to tell you that I love you...so much that it is painful to be around you because I don’t know if you feel the same way for me. That’s why I started distancing myself from you. I thought I’d eventually learn to let go of my feelings but…” He let go a sigh. “Being away from you has only made me realize how important you are to me…”

Your crying gradually abates and you finally lift your head from his chest. He stares down into your glassy eyes. Something tugs at his heart. He must be crazy because he thinks you look beautiful even when you’re crying. 

“You...love me?” You tilt your head, looking like a lost puppy that Baekhyun couldn’t help the love sick smile on his face when he said yes. “In a bestfriendly way you mean?” you ask again. 

He brushes his knuckles over your wet cheek. “I love you in an I want to marry you someday and spend forever with you kind of way.”

Baekhyun watches as several expressions move over your feature; from shocked, confused, to hopeful, and finally back to shocked again. His lips twitched at your adorableness, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss you. He knew after what he did, he should be on his knees begging for your forgiveness. He believed you deserved that much. But after months of keeping you at arm’s length, his yearning for you intensified and he lost control.

Cupping your cheek in both hands, Baekhyun dips his head and lowers his lips to yours. You are startled for a moment, but you don’t push him away so he takes that as a silent consent to continue. He runs his tongue over the seam of your lips, silently begging for you to open. When you part your lips, he groans and let his tongue tangled with yours. You let out a small, feminine gasp and his hardens at the sound. He is so ing he can’t keep his hand to himself anymore. He drops a hand from your cheek to cup your , squeezing it in his palm to draw another moan out of yo