First Love

 

Sana knew exactly what LOVE is.

 

She watches it on TV with her mom every day!

 

It is all about a prince who’s going to save the princess misery. The knight and shining armor who will protect and fight for the princess’ freedom.

 

Sana knew LOVE is there when – she can’t stop her eyes from looking at that person.

 

When her cheeks hurt just smiling at that person.

 

When she tries to run a marathon just to get that person’s attention.

 

When all she can think about is that person.

 

But – what if LOVE isn’t the prince that the TV shows promised? What if – she’s the princess, a warrior in shining armor?

 

Is that LOVE?

 

Minatozaki Sana shakes her head.

 

She is more than confused about what is happening inside her.

 

Her pupils dilate, her cheeks heated up, and of course, her lips curve into a smile with the presence of love.

 

Yes, Hirai Momo, Sana’s love.

 

It started when exactly?

 

5th grade, when Momo helped her pick up her books that fell on the ground because of her clumsiness.

 

“Are you okay?”  asks Momo in concern.

 

Sana looks up to meet her face.

 

It was unintentional but their faces are inches away from each other, and the way how the TV described love resurfaced inside Sana.

Her cheeks turned red.

 

Her temperature heats up.

 

Her heart skips beats.

 

She even gulps because Momo and she are almost doing an Eskimo kiss.

 

“You’re so red, are you sick?” Momo asks in a more worried tone.

 

It was no one’s fault but Sana. She slips on nothing again.

 

The hot breath of Momo that lingers on her sensitive lips sends electricity through her spine.

 

Momo tries to touch her forehead.

 

Before anything else, Sana pulls herself away from Momo.

 

“I’m okay, I – it happens all the time, I am just c-clumsy as always,” Sana perspires answering love.

 

Momo chuckles how red Sana is.

 

“As long as you’re okay, that’s good,” Momo answers in a friendlier tone. “Hirai Momo,” She introduces herself.

 

“I know you, I mean you always dance in the school programs,” Sana says dusting herself.

 

“Oh, I am not even good at dancing,” Momo humbly smiles.

 

“Of course, you are!” Sana defends.

 

Momo looks at her in surprise.

 

“Everyone cheers for you, so, that explains it,” Sana reasons out before Momo could suspect anything.

 

Momo smiles again, “You’re the girl who writes a column in the school paper, Minatozaki Sana, right?”

 

“Y-you know me?” Sana blushes.

 

“Of course, your columns are funny,” Momo nonchalantly says.

 

Sana blushes even more.

 

With that first-ever interaction.

 

With that first-ever savior.

 

Sana knew love.

 

Because Love arrived.

 

Her first Love.

 

Everything about her and Momo was special.

 

It was a guessing game though.

 

Sana would often think, “Does she like me the way I like her? Or, this is how friendship really is?”

 

It is such a stressor for a teenage Sana. She does not know how to even begin sharing her feelings with others. Like, how can she tell her mother about it, when the TV dictates it is wrong!

 

Her first love is wrong!

 

She does not want to talk to Momo about it too.  They have become the closest friends since that time even though it had been two years.

 

Two years of her bottled emotions about loving Momo. She constantly thought that it’ll pass by.

 

It’ll disappear like Santa the next day of Christmas.

 

But she can never be more wrong. Because every given minute spent with Momo.

 

Hearing Momo calls her name.

 

Hearing Momo laughs.

 

Hearing Momo complains about anything.

 

Makes Sana loves her even more.

 

That she can no longer sleep at night.

 

That she gets jealous of every person around Momo.

 

That she feels her chest exploding every time she is around Momo.

 

Yet, Sana cannot open up about this to Momo. Because if she does… when she does, she believes that everything good between her and Momo will crumble.

 

Why?

 

Why not?

 

Momo would hate her! She’ll despise Sana.

 

Sana is wrong!

 

Because –

 

“Have you ever felt the cliché they say about having butterflies in your stomach?” Momo asks.

 

She is lying on Sana’s bed.

 

It is one of those nights. They are having another sleepover.

 

Sana giggles she mimics Momo’s position by looking at the ceiling.

 

It is one of those questions that Momo would just weirdly ask out of nowhere.

 

“I don’t know, have you?” Sana answers.

 

Sana hears Momo takes a deep breath.

 

There is a long pause.

 

Sana gulps.

 

Touches had become their normalcy but somehow, the way Momo scoops her hand to intertwined with hers feels different.

 

“I felt it many times actually,” Momo interjects.

 

Sana is unmoving.

 

“I felt it every time our skins touch… I feel those things floating inside me when you’re near, I don’t know, is that –“

 

“I love you! I love you since the day you helped me from picking up my books, I am so in love with you,”

 

Sana mutters all the courage she has been bottling up for the last two years.

 

Momo looks at her with the biggest smile on her face.

 

“I love you too, Sana,”

 

Sana does not know what to do.

 

Momo does not know what to do.

 

But like how love instructed it to be, their lips touched.

 

They did not even know they know how to kiss until they are doing it.

 

Until they trade sleep for kissing all night.

 

Years of being with Momo is the best! They were each other’s world.

 

Sana believes in Momo in everything!

 

She encourages Momo.

 

And, Momo does the same to her.

 

They were each other’s firsts in everything!

 

First holding hands, first date, first movie make-out, first months, first anniversary, first – jealousy, first anger, first fights…

 

They were each others.

 

First, break up - too.

 

After years of dating her first love.

 

They went to college and grew apart.

 

It wasn’t an easy decision but not hard as well, they believed that their love could last a lifetime but –

 

Being exposed to different worlds with different people is just – so different.

 

Love grew.

 

And they grew apart.

 

“I’m so sorry, Sana,” Momo heaves over the phone.

 

“I’m sorry too, I mean, if we’re still single maybe after graduation, or when we’re 40 or something, maybe we can try it again,” Sana says in a very sad tone.

 

“I love you,” Momo says sadly.

 

“If you love me, we’re not supposed to break up, right?” Sana reasons out.

 

“We talked about this,”

 

“No, you talked about this!” Sana expresses her anger.

 

“I hope I can, I mean, with studies, and life, and everything, I need to – we need to –“

 

“It’s okay, I understand, goodbye,”

“Don’t be a stranger, you, I love –“

 

Sana hangs up.

 

She did not even let Momo finish what she is about to say.

 

And with that –

 

Her first love, the one that taught her everything about love or at least the concept of love just said goodbye.

 

Goodbye, love.

 

 

Graduation happened and Momo never came back in her life.

 

It was hard to get over Momo, but because of that Sana graduated with flying colors.

 

Why? She puts everything in her studies.

 

Dating here and there but nothing had opened the locked door that Love had closed.

 

Until –

 

 

“Minatozaki Sana,”

 

Sana stands up from the waiting area when her name is called.

 

Interviews here and there is what happens in her life.

 

Nobody told her about the challenge that she needs to face after graduation.

 

The challenge of finding a job.

 

The challenge of becoming an adult.

 

But here she is living, not even concern if love will ever appear in her life.

 

She follows the receptionist who asked for her to the interview room, and luck has it.

 

Or, Sana’s clumsiness has it because she once again trips on nothing.

 

“What the –“

 

A lady with bunny-like teeth protests because of the spilled coffee all over her.

 

And yes, Sana was the one who caused her that.

 

Sana’s luck.

 

“Oh my, I’m really sorry, I did not mean it’s just –“

 

“YOU SHOULD LOOK WHERE YOU’RE GOING!”

 

The girl with the bunny teeth shouts in anger.

 

“I’m really sorry it was an accident,” Sana tries to wipe the girl’s clothes.

 

Without even realizing that she is touching her private parts.

 

“Yah!, do you want to die!?”

 

Sana steps back because the girl threatens her.

 

She feels she hits another person.

 

“Im Nayeon, stop threatening our interviewees,” the woman behind Sana speaks.

 

Sana immediately bows to the boss.

 

“Stop siding on her, Sunmi - nim just because she is pretty,”

 

“I did not say she is pretty, you