“Hey, Hayi.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s nothing.”

February rolled in not too long after Hanbin’s confession, and Lee Hayi walked into the school ground on the first day of school with her small hand tucked in Kim Hanbin’s blazer pocket. She refused of holding his hand because it was freezing and she wanted to tuck her hands in her own blazer pockets, but then he suggested for them to hold hands in his pocket instead. She wanted to say no, but he insisted with pout and puppy eyes—in which she thought was really unnecessary—and eventually, she agreed. She never let him know the fact that she was shy with the public display of affection, though she really enjoyed the warmth of his hand. That, too, she didn’t let him know.

People stared, of course. She wasn’t famous, neither was he. She was, after all, just Jung Jaewon’s best friend, and he was simply a regular student with average grades. However, in a private school with less than 500 students, people knew each other. Hence, when they both entered the compound that chilly morning, people were gawking at them both. It didn’t make sense to them, because she wasn’t the type of person who seemed to date anyone, and he, well, he didn’t seem to be the person who would go for anyone like her. They liked Lee Hayi, and they had nothing against her because she really minded her own business and she was nice enough to be in everyone’s good books, but they thought he would want someone who was more… radiant and alive.

“Is it just me, or are these people really staring at us?” Hanbin half-whispered as she opened her locker. Thankfully, he didn’t make a fuss when she let his hand go. She looked at him for a good couple of seconds before she put the books for the first few periods in her bag.

“They are staring at us,” she answered lowly, confirming his thought.

“Why?” he really sounded frustrated, and she could detect a hint of embarrassment behind his voice. Perhaps he was somehow bothered by the looks too because never in his whole life he received such spotlight. It irked him very much because it was uncomfortable and he wondered how Hayi was able to stay grounded under all the boring stares.

Now looking at him fully in the eyes, a chuckle escaped her lips. “Is it that uncomfortable?”

“Yes?”

She smiled softly, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “They’re looking at us because, well, because we held hands.”

His jaw dropped. “They’re staring simply because we’re together?!” his voice dramatically increased, which eventually caused him to utter the last syllable in a high pitch. He managed to gather more attention on them due to his voice that boomed through the crowded hallways, though unintentionally, and she wished she could disappear right then and there.

A pinkish blush of embarrassment was tinted on her pale cheeks. She wanted to smack him in the face for the outburst, but she knew all tad too well that the damage was done. All she could do was stare at him in disbelief.

“We’re together?” was what she ended up saying.

At that, his jaw dropped even more and his brows furrowed as he scratched the back of his neck.

“We’re not?”

Like how it is within schools, the news of the unlikely pair died down after two weeks. Exams were nearing, and the students had their heads into their books rather than anything else. For the rest of the week, class periods were replaced with revision sessions, and the school was eerily quiet. Hayi found peace in the quietness, appreciating it even more after being the centre of attention for something that she felt like forever. It was worse than the time when Jaewon was alive and she thought she was used to it, but apparently she was wrong. She was glad it ended, though exams were equally dreadful. It also meant another thing: high school was almost over.

“Say, Hanbin,” Hayi began, tapping the book in her hand with the pen she used to jot down notes. “What do you want to do after school?”

Hanbin looked up from the notes he had been reading for the past hour. He stared at her, and he wondered whether it was possible for someone’s beauty to grow even more day after day.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he truthfully answered.

“Why don’t you know?”

“Because I never thought I’d make it this far.”

Hayi’s heart dropped at the sudden confession. Unconsciously, she reached out and secured his hand in hers. Her mind drifted back to their conversation a few months ago, in which Hanbin made uncertainty—how his life would turn out to be in the next five to ten years—as his reason to keep on going. Was that a lie then? Or was that something he said just for the sake of uplifting her?

“It wasn’t a lie,” he shook his head as she realised that she had spoken her mind again. “It really was my reason to keep on going. However, that was a thought I had many years ago when the disease wasn’t all bad. My health only inclined again months ago, around the time I met you at the hospital. Hence why I didn’t give how I want my future to be that much thought. Honestly, I never noticed I didn’t think about until you brought it up.”  

Hayi looked at the boy before her ever so softly. She felt all sorts of emotions for him. Sorry, mostly. Perhaps at some point in his life, he had become hopeless, too. Perhaps all the consequences at that moment had blinded him from seeing the bright future that he actually had. He had average grades, sure. There were a lot more students who had better grades than he had. But, he was extremely good in arts—paintings, poetries, creative writings—that she was sure that if his talents were showcased, he would definitely leave his mark wherever he went to. She brought his hand to her lips and left a chaste kiss on it.

“Now that you asked, I think I know what I want. It’s not like an ambition or a career, but I think I know what I want,” he continued with a smile she secretly thought was beautiful beyond words.

At that, she couldn’t help smiling too. “Really? What is it?”

“I want to live,” he said. “I want to live. Come to think of it, I have spent most of my time dreading on my disease, that I eventually forgot to live. So, now, I want to live. I want to be alive. I want to live, so that when somebody asked, I would be able to say that I lived, and not just survived. I think, at this point, that matters more than what I’d do after school. But,